The Cowboy Soldier (17 page)

Maybe this morning, as she lingered in the afterglow of satisfaction, she didn’t think his ineptness was a big deal. But, he knew it would surely surface sometime in the future. When he woke to find Alexa had vanished, and had no damned idea where she’d gone, he knew he’d never be on equal footing with Alexa. She must know it, too. Why else had she hesitated to answer when he said he wanted to be a partner in her horse business? All she wanted to talk about was his emotional, rollercoaster day, and how he must feel as if a burden had been lifted from him to have finally seen Mrs. Herrera, Mrs. Verdugo and Joey’s wife. But he hadn’t
seen
them, and that was the issue. Nor had he seen Alexa when they finally made love. No, the burden of his blindness was still there, and it left him feeling like half a man.

Last night had only come about because Alexa felt sorry for him. Sympathy and pity. To Rafe, they were one and the same. Had he even remembered protection? No. Luckily Alexa had. Getting her pregnant would have screwed up her life. His, too, he supposed. Marriage. Fatherhood. Scary steps for even men with twenty-twenty eyesight. The hell of it was, he loved Alexa and wanted to spend his life with her. But it wouldn’t be fair to her.

He heard Dog scratching at the back door. “You need to go out?” He opened the door and realized once again how attached he’d gotten to Alexa’s pet. She’d even accused him of stealing the collie’s affection.

Everything was muddled in his mind. Should he go back to Doug and Sierra’s? The idea of running away again left a bad taste in his mouth. Maybe he and Alexa could strike some kind of a deal where he could still help with the horses but would fix up the tack room in the barn and live there.

Rafe grabbed his slicker and headed for the door. Compadre wasn’t on the porch, which meant he was with Alexa, and Rafe would have to navigate alone. Maybe he should get a white cane. The very notion depressed him. He could also stop being so stubborn and go back to the VA. Like Sierra said, why take one doctor’s word about that hyperbaric study? Another option was to rent an apartment in San Antonio and let the VA teach him how to live with blindness.

Bad plan. He felt claustrophobic just crossing the threshold at the clinic. And he couldn’t imagine living days on end cooped up in an efficiency apartment.

A phone rang, and the ring tone identified it as Alexa’s cell. The tune kept playing, so Rafe turned back into the kitchen and groped for it on the counter. Fumbling it open, he said a breathless “Hello.”

“Who is this?” A snippy woman imperiously demanded to know if she’d reached the number for Alexa Robinson.

The woman sounded so cold, Rafe felt like telling the caller she’d reached a wrong number. But Alexa didn’t receive many calls. This could be important.

“Alexa’s outside. If you’d care to hold, I can get her.”

“Who, pray tell, are you? And why are you answering my daughter’s phone?”

Oh, shit! Alexa’s mother.
The last time the woman called while Rafe was here, Alexa had pointedly neglected to mention her boarder. Obviously she still hadn’t said anything to her mother, but Rafe wasn’t about to explain. “Hold on, Mrs. Robinson, I’ll find Alexa.” Dashing out, he aimed for the barn. He took the phone away from his ear again, but he could still hear Alexa’s mother reeling off questions, and she didn’t sound happy at being ignored.

“Alexa,” Rafe yelled. The scrape of metal on metal indicated she’d exited the chicken pen. “Phone,” he said.

“A call?” She stepped directly into Rafe’s fuzzy vision. “Who is it? I didn’t realize I’d come out without my phone.” She took the cell phone from Rafe and said hello, then expelled a noisy breath.

“Mother, calm down. I did neglect to mention I have someone helping me train horses. Who? An ex-G.I. But he’s very experienced. He worked with rodeo stock prior to being in the army.”

Rafe toyed with getting out of there, but as if Alexa read his mind, she reached out and shackled his wrist.

“It slipped my mind, Mother. Uh, he came in October. Yes, I know I’ve talked to you and Dad several times since. He’s not a rodeo bum. For your information he’s a war hero. No, you don’t need to fly down here.”

Rafe squeezed the bridge of his nose. Boy, the wobble in Alexa’s voice made her sound insecure. And if the squeaks coming from the phone were any indication, her mother was laying the guilt on thick.

“I wasn’t handing you excuses about not coming home for Thanksgiving. I have animals. Rafe wasn’t here, and anyway, his responsibilities don’t extend to caring for my wildlife. Rafe Eaglefeather. Tell Daddy to look up his rodeo stats. He was a grand champion bronc rider. Yes, he lives in the house. You know there isn’t a bunkhouse, Mother. What? Only animals live in barns.” She hauled in a deep breath. “We’ll have to finish this later, after we both calm down. Goodbye.” Alexa shut the phone and shoved it in her jeans pocket, still gripping Rafe’s wrist. “Rafe, what possessed you to answer my mother’s call?”

“I thought it might be important. And how in hell would I know it was your mother? You know I can’t see the call display.”

Alexa sighed. “I swear I can tell by her ring. It bleats guilt, guilt, guilt. Anytime Mother phones…oh, just forget it. She doesn’t trust me to act grown up.”

“I didn’t mean to cause problems for you…” Rafe broke off at the sound of a vehicle pulling in beside the corral. “That engine sounds like a Humvee,” he said.

“It is a Hummer. Jim Buckley. He’s the one who’s considering buying Esperanza for his daughter. He bought a gelding from me two years ago for his son. A great pinto.” Releasing Rafe’s hand, Alexa walked away from him.

Unsure if he should follow or return to the house, Rafe dropped a hand to Dog’s head. It was evident the collie would rather tag along after Alexa. When it started to drizzle, Rafe decided to go on back to the house. He’d barely taken a step in that direction when Alexa called to him.

“Rafe? Do you mind bringing Esperanza out into the corral? Mr. Buckley’s wife asked him to take a second look at two horses before they buy. I’ll roll the barrels out, and you can run her around them.”

Proud of the horse he’d helped train, Rafe headed for the mare’s stall and passed a fast brush over her coat to make her shine. “Strut your stuff, girl. You’re as ready to be a winning barrel racer as any horse out there,” he said, stroking her neck as he clipped a lead rope to her halter.

The corral was tacky with mud. Rafe hoped, for Alexa’s sake, that the horse would perform well in these conditions. After all, selling horses was her business.

He let out the rope and with a whinny Esperanza went straight into tight, running turns in and out around the barrels. On the third pass, Rafe heard the man say, “She’s a beauty, Alexa. She’s the one I want. I’ll give you half her fee now, and the rest on delivery. I would have brought a trailer today, but my wife is bent on keeping it a secret until Devon’s birthday tomorrow. You said delivery poses no problem.”

“Morning or afternoon?”

“Midday’s best. We traditionally fix a birthday lunch, and serve cake and ice cream before either of our kids get to open their gifts.”

“Rafe, would you bring Esperanza over so Jim can take a closer look. I’ll run to my office and bring her health certificates and breeding papers. She’s not pedigreed, Jim, but she comes from a good farm and had a good sire, like I said before.”

“I’m impressed with her smooth gait,” Jim said. “My daughter turns twelve tomorrow. I think they’ll make a good match.”

The man seemed to hesitate, and Rafe realized he must have extended his hand for him to shake.

“Alexa said last time I stopped by that you’d trained the mare. She said you were ex-army, but that you used to rodeo. She didn’t tell me you trained this horse without being able to see. That’s doubly impressive. Devon will be good to her.”

“Is your daughter an experienced rider?” Rafe asked.

“I run cattle. Devon’s ridden since she could climb into a saddle. She’s determined to take up junior barrel racing. My wife’s anxious, so I promised her I’d find the best, smartest, most gentle horse available.”

“Esperanza is all of that.” Rafe hooked an arm over the mare’s neck. “At first she didn’t like the scent of Alexa’s wild animals, but lately, she doesn’t bat an ear.”

Alexa felt she needed to defend Rafe. “I got Compadre’s rope tangled around your gelding’s feet,” she said.

Jim thumbed back his Stetson. “It’s something that you ride, Rafe. So, you have partial vision, then?”

“Nothing to speak of. A few outlines. And that’s thanks to Alexa’s acupuncture. I can find my way around a kitchen well enough now so I shouldn’t starve.”

It made Alexa uneasy to hear Rafe mention her treatments, especially since her mother had just seen fit to remind her of Bobby.

Jim reached out and petted Esperanza’s blazed face. “It’s not getting any better on the war front, is it? My son’s talking about enlisting. Can’t say my wife and I are keen on the idea. But I’d be remiss, Rafe, if I didn’t thank you for your service. I’m sorry you paid such a high price.”

Rafe shrugged offhandedly, but Alexa knew he must feel like a fraud when it was his buddies who had made the greater sacrifice.

Jim Buckley filled Alexa in on a little local gossip then finally said, “I’d best be getting along home. According to my mobile radio, another storm is moving into the area. Call me if you can’t deliver the mare tomorrow.”

Alexa scanned the sky. Clouds were building, the kind that tended to bring afternoon or evening thunderstorms. “I couldn’t disappoint a girl on her twelfth birthday, Jim. I’ll plan on hitting your ranch around noontime tomorrow.”

They shook on it and Alexa walked with Jim to his Hummer.

As she watched he vehicle travel down her lane, she realized Rafe had gone in. It was probably difficult for him to see Esperanza sold. Training the mare had been Rafe’s first step toward self-reliance.

Realistically, the sale would give her funds for the winter. Locating a buyer for Tano would be icing on the cake and ensure she’d have money to purchase other horses to train next spring. Had Rafe been serious about becoming a business partner? He was a complex man and ran hot, then cold on a lot of things. His cutting words this morning had hurt her. Try as she might, she had no idea what had brought them on. The pathetic part was, her feelings for him hadn’t changed. And because of that, she didn’t feel strong enough yet to confront him and demand some answers.

She spent the rest of the day outside doing tedious chores. With each hour that passed, the sky grew more menacing. She hosed out the smaller of her two horse trailers and when she finished that Alexa cruised through the nightly feeding of her menagerie. The first splatter of a cold rain caught her halfway to the house. In seconds a cloud opened and drenched her. Shaking off chilly raindrops, she decided to have a hot shower before fixing supper, and the whole time she thought of Rafe.

It was time he told her what was eating him.

His bedroom door was partially open, reminding her of the first day she’d looked in on him. Now as then, Rafe lay on his bed, although this time he was fully dressed. As had become his habit, Compadre stretched out on the floor near the bed.

“Rafe, can we talk?”

He sat up, looking wary.

She decided to make an indirect approach. “I’m sorry you had to deal with my mother. It’s not that I don’t love her. I do. But she can’t seem to let go of the incident involving Bobby.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell her about me? You’re afraid she might come down here on her broom if she finds out you’ve taken on a mixed-race, half crippled ex-soldier, the son of dirt-poor farmers. She’ll grant Bobby sainthood after she sees me.”

“What a horrid thing to say. Unlike you, Rafe, I don’t use people. I came here with an olive branch. If I inadvertently did something last night to put you in such a foul mood, I’d like to know what. I thought we were pretty darned perfect together.” Her eyes shimmered, but she didn’t need to wipe away her tears in front of Rafe.

“You
were
perfect last night. Let it go at that.”

Alexa planted her hands on her hips. “If that’s not a big fat cop-out I don’t know what is. If you somehow got the idea I want more from you than you’re willing to give, then I apologize.”

“Can we save this conversation for another day?”

“No problem. I’ll be away tomorrow delivering Esperanza to the Buckley ranch. Stew all day if you’d like.” Turning, she stomped out.

Alexa ate a solitary meal and felt more alone than ever. Her cell showed two missed calls, both from her mother. Frankly, she didn’t have the desire or the energy to explain or defend Rafe. For all she tried to defend Bobby, her mother had never changed her opinion.

Alone in her bed later on, Alexa listened to the rain on the roof. She chewed over Rafe’s snarky accusation, then worried about delivering the horse if the rain didn’t let up. Sometime after midnight, she got up and fixed a cup of tea brewed from California poppy and passionflower with a dash of dried lavender. Over the last few years she’d relied on it to combat insomnia, and in less than an hour she fell asleep.