The Covent Garden Ladies: The Extraordinary Story of Harris's List (24 page)

Lucy Bradley, Silver Street, Cheapside

A low, square built lass, with a good complexion, void of art; her face is round, and her features regular; her hair is dark, and her eyes hazel. She lived as a nursery maid with a foreign practitioner of physic, near Soho, who took first possession of her, not without some force. She gets up small linen and works well with her needle; has some good sense, and honest principles. Necessity first compelled her to see company, and she seems conscious of its not being right. (1761)

Mrs. Quiller

‘The Specious matron, or the wanton wife!’

This lady resides in Little Titchfield Street, Cavendish Square. She is a shewy figure, though not handsome; is a very convenient good-natured woman, and
has
officiated in the double capacity of mistress and procuress. If you do not like her, she has generally a tolerable good piece in the first floor, whom she recommends upon honour. At present her lodgings are empty, but she soon expects an agreeable lodger, as she has entered upon a new profession—a MIDWIFE. By this means she has given sanction to a retreat to a woman of a tender character, and either a male or female may lie in there very privately. (1773)

Mrs. Horton, No.3, Beauclerc’s Buildings

‘Ah! La jolie de petite Bourgeoise’

Keeps a shop and sells gloves, garters, &c. and drives on a very capital trade, considering she has no shop-woman to assist her; her customers are but few, yet they are good ones, and always pay ready money; she is short and plump, has a good dark eye, and is full-breasted; her legs are remarkably well made, and she is reputed a most excellent bed-fellow. In trying on a glove she will create desire; and in selling her garters, she will commend that pattern which she wears herself, and will make no scruple of showing her legs; she has great good nature, and we do not recollect any woman who is better qualified as a shop-keeper; her age is twenty-six. (1779)

SOMETHING FOR THE FETISHISTS

The Scent of Love

Miss Clarkson, No.5, Holland Street, Soho

‘In this limpid stream you may bathe with ease

Price two guineas only – if you please’

Miss C— is of a middling stature, with dark eyes and hair but of a fair complexion. She has not been upon the town above six months, and therefore may be pronounced in fine preservation. A certain foreign prince took a particular fancy to her when she was here, and is said to have presented her with his miniature picture, which by the bye, we do not find she is now in possession of. Those awkward relations, worse than cater cousins, vulgarly called uncles,
¹⁷
are very apt to engros the good things of this world, and they have a very attentive eye to those baubles, known by the name of diamonds, which sparkle to their fancy, and give them infinite pleasure, whenever they can obtain them for a trifling sum. Thus far we attempt to account for the disappearance of the portrait in Miss C—‘s apartments, probably it may be exhibited again in a few months; but we allow this is only conjecture.

An anecdote, which is related upon the first interview between the prince and this lady, may not probably be distasteful to our readers, who perhaps may be fond of a relish in the game of gusto.

Miss C— expecting a very handsome compliment in which opinion she was not deceived from the Prince, resolved to set herself off to the greatest advantage. Not satisfied with having her head dressed by one of the best Parisian hands in town, she also consulted him upon the decoration of the other extreme of bliss; when Monsieur le friseur
¹⁸
advised her to have it dressed en aile de pigeon, and powdered a la marechalle. She accordingly underwent the operation, and was now, in her opinion, frissee au dernier gout, from top to bottom. The idea of marechalle powder struck her forcibly that a little musk would add to the odoriferous scent of the seat of bliss, and accordingly it was applied. When his highness came to action, he was so much of an Englishman to despise all fictitious aids in that quarter and turning up his nose at the poudre a la marechalle, and more so at the musk, which was quite offensive to him, he rang the bell, and sent the servant for a red herring. Miss C— was astonished at the order, but being willing to oblige in every respect, yielded to what she thought an extraordinary caprice.

No sooner was the red herring brought, than he immediately applied it to her covered way, telling her that would restore it to its natural and primitive smell. Now, Madam, said he, you have the true effluvia, before I thought you a mere doll for sale at Warren’s or Bailey’s. He then engaged, and expressed his satisfaction at Miss C—‘s rivulet, being narrow, limpid and pleasant.

Upon the prince’s second visit she appeared
puris naturabilis
, in the completest sense of the expression, which greatly pleased him, and the next time he favoured her with his company, he presented her with his portrait, as we have already mentioned, and a handsome sum in cash.

These were Halcyon days indeed! Would Miss C— could see them again, however she is not badly off, as her friend the East India Captain allows her a genteel support in his absence. (1790)

Ladies’ Laundry

Miss Grant, No.46, Newman Street, Oxford Road

‘Strange are the passions of mankind;

To reason deaf, to common sense quite blind’

No female votary of venus understands the minutiae of her profession better than Miss G—t. She twines her culls
¹⁹
as it were, round her finger, studies their foibles and caprices, and gratifies them to their full extent. She has, perhaps, a set of the most extraordinary customers of any professional devotee of the Cyprian Queen, in town. As an instance, we shall relate the following account, remarkable as it may appear. A certain merchant, near Leadenhall Street visits her constantly every Saturday afternoon, as there is little to do upon that day. No sooner does Miss see Mr. B— enter than she orders the necessary implements for the washing of foul linen, such as a kettle of hot water, soap dish, wash tub and the like. These being produced, with the maid’s dirty bedgown, which he puts on, having first stript off his coat, and tuck’d up his shirt sleeves, he sets to work, and in a few seconds, gets up to the elbows in suds. After this amusing himself till he is nearly out of breath, he wipes his hands, changes his cloaths, presents her with two guineas, makes his obeisance and retires. Half the ladies of pleasure, indeed if they could meet with such handy culls, who not only pay them well for doing nothing, but save them the expence of a washwoman. We could mention some other visitors, equally eccentric in the gratification of their passions, but we shall reserve them, for some other occasions, as Miss G—is not the only lucky female in this respect.

In her person she is rather lusty, but well made, with blue eyes and fair hair, about twenty, very engaging in her manner, possessing what Lord Chesterfield calls the Graces. (1789)

Hair-combing

Miss Hudson, No.4, Meards Court, Soho

This lady is about nineteen years old, of the middle size, pretty, with remarkable fine dark hair, and eyes, that are very attractive, as well as her teeth. She has
been
upon the town about fifteen months, and has played her cards very well, having a good deal of custom in the merchantile way, and never accepting of less than two guineas for her present. She has some good customers in the eccentric class, who pay her handsomely, and give her very little trouble. One of the faculty of the College in Warwick Lane often visits her, and seems to be the immediate successor if the celebrated Dr Runastrokius of hair combing memory. Whenever this son of Esculapius
²⁰
makes his appearance, she is prepared to receive him, her flowing tresses wantoning upon her shoulders; he immediately begins his operation, and combs them most devoutly with a tortoise shell comb, which he always carries about him for that purpose; after which he presents her with five guineas wrapt up in a paper, and takes his leave. The circumstance of his carrying the comb constantly about him, created an uncommon laugh against him a short time since at Batson’s, when accidentally pulling it out of his pocket with his handkerchief, it fell upon the floor. The waiter picking it up, addressed all the gentlemen in the room, to know if it was their property, none owned it till it come to this gentleman, who acknowledged it belonged to him, took it from the waiter, and put it in his pocket, a wag present (who by the bye was not unacquainted with his extraordinary concupiscence) said, ‘Doctor, I never knew before that you was a barber surgeon, I always took you for a regular physician’. (1790)

Eye-licking

Miss L—k—ns, No. 15, Poland Street

‘T’eccentric vices titles fools lay claim,

The priest, the Cit, and lawyer do the same’

This lady is about twenty years of age, middle stature, and rather inclined to be masculine; but as the epicene gender is adopted, in appearance at least, by both sexes, she is no ways disagreeable. Her complexion is dark, and her eyes and hair are neatly of the same hue.

Miss L— lost a very good friend in the late Lord C—, as he gave her every windfall in his department, which was not inconsiderable, for which she tickled his fancy in the most concupisential point he could devise. Strange to tell, but extremely true, his caprice was entirely out of the common road; in
plain
English it was to have his eyes licked with a female tongue. It must, however, be acknowledged he was not afflicted with sore eyes, and though the pecuniary sauce was exquisite, there was no gravy thrown into the bargain, Quels caprices ya’till au mande! (1790)

APHRODISIACS

Miss Bland, Wardour Street, Soho

This is a gay volatile girl; very genteel in her person; and has an extraordinary titillation in all her members; which she is very fond of increasing, by making use of provocatives for that purpose such as pullets, pigs, veal, new-laid eggs, oysters, crabs, prawns, eryngoes
²¹
, electuaries
²²
, &c. &c. – She is reported to have a kind of savage joy in her embraces, and sometimes leaves the marks of her penetrating teeth on her paramour’s cheeks. (1764)

PROCURESS TO THE PARTICULAR

Mrs. Orwell, Denzill Street, Clare- Market

‘Two whores great Madam must be straight prepar’d,

A fat one for the ‘Squire, and for my Lord a lean’.

Though this lady does business in the sportive way, yet as she is far more famous as a procuress, we shall confine ourselves to her character, chiefly in that capacity as she has some employers of distinguished rank. Lord C— is her best customer, whose gout for women with breasts full of milk is so well known; then we have Sir W— M—t, who is equally notorious for his inclination towards young girls before the age if puberty arrives, and several others of distinguished taste.

This lady is remarkably expert at decoying pretty faced children, who are left unguarded in some employment in the street: Indeed, her actions in every part of science shew her to be a compleat adept; and it may, with the greatest propriety be said of her, particularly that she lives as openly, by the sale of human flesh, as the butcher does mutton or beef, but no doubt she will answer in the language of Falstaff, ‘Every person in their vocation’. She is
about
thirty-three, has a tolerable face and a fair skin, she is plump, but not very fat, is said to keep a person of ability as a stallion, and that she never loses a bye stroke when it falls in her way. (1779)

‘THE WORLD IS NOT THEIR FRIEND, NOR THE WORLD’S LAW’

Kitty Atchison, Bow Street

A middle sized girl, fair complexion, with very regular features. Her youth (being scarce twenty) and budding charms, cannot fail of getting many admirers. She is convinced her situation in life is a very disagreeable one; and has more than once endeavored to extricate herself out of it. –A variety of lovers succeed each other, the last, as welcome as the first, finds not alloy in her affections, as long as his presents are standard. One evening at the Rose, after her spark had paid the reckoning, and called his chair, being left alone, she broke out into this pathetic exclamation, which plainly shows the sensibility of her condition: – ‘what a disagreeable situation is this to a generous mind! What an unhappy circle to move in, for a thinking person! – To be the sink of mankind! – To court alike the beastly drunkard and the nauseating rake – dissimulating distaste for enjoyment! – No balmy ease, no innocent comfort; but nocturnal incontinence and debauch. – What must be the end of such variegated concupiscence? – INFECTION.’ – Here the waiter broke in abruptly, and obliged her to put an end to the soliloquy. (1761)

Miss Fernehough, No. 19, Berner’s Street

‘What lovely looks were lately worn by thee’

We are sincerely sorry for the misfortunes this lady has lately met with for after the death of an only child whom she had by Sir Thomas N—, she fell sick herself, owing to the excessive grief which she could not help giving way to on the occasion, and it has impair’d her so much, that she scarcely seems to be the same woman, for the brilliancy of her eye is totally eclipsed, and every other feature is equally injured, when she is recovered, we hope she will appear as she has done, with a most beautiful and pleasing
countenance,
and every agreeable requisite to charm. Those who visit her, will find every thing conducted in an elegant manner, beyond the common run of genteel lodgings, and may therefore know that a mere trifle will not be acceptable. (1779)

Hetty D-rkin, Meard’s Court

A thin little girl with blue eyes, aquiline nose, and a very little mouth. She is the daughter of a reputable tradesman in Wapping, and was debauched by her father’s porter. She has frequent fits of repentance, and has more than once been wavering at the threshold of the Magdalen House.
²³
However, a glass of punch, or wine is sure to bring her back again. She is an agreeable companion, but having no passions, considers every man merely as a cull, and seldom scruples to pick his pocket, if she can do it conveniently. (1761)