Authors: Jeff Crook
“Is she drunk?”
“Holly doesn't have to get drunk to take her clothes off.” She waited as though it was assumed I would join her. For some reason I resented the assumption, no matter how reasonable. Deacon was my ride home, unless I wanted to sleep in the park, and somehow I doubted Luther's rent-a-cops or Stegall's goons would let me camp out on their playground. But more than that, I had an idea of where I could rent a room on a more permanent basis. Granted, it was slightly used and the old owner was still hanging around knocking pictures off the walls, but I was used to that. At least it was clean. It was close to work, and there was a bar downstairs that never closed.
“I'm ready to go whenever you are. Where did you park?”
“I walked. It's miles around the lake by car, but it's not far on foot. Just across the levee.”
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
It was miles by foot, too, or seemed like itâacross the park littered with families sprawled on blankets waiting for the fireworks to begin, through the empty softball field and past home plate still speckled with Eugene Kitchen's nose blood. The party was still going strong under the trees, but most of the boats were off the lake.
We crossed the levee, through the high, dry grass crackling and turning to dust beneath our feet, with the lake bright and dark on one side and the forest full of distant laughing children on the other. Jenny showed me the spillway, but there wasn't any water going through. “The lake is low for this time of year. It hasn't rained in forever,” she said, gazing up at the dull stars. I assumed she and Deacon had been maneuvering for weeks to bring me to this spot, but now that we were here, Jenny seemed reluctant to go any farther.
Until that moment, I never realized how difficult it must be for her, how frightening to walk toward that place where her husband died, with me walking at her side, wondering if I saw him, wondering if I was pretending not to see him. Like a child cowering under the covers while her mama pretends to check under the bed for boogie monsters. Jenny stood looking down at the spillway, biting her lip and swinging her handbag against her thigh, trying as hard as she could not to cry.
“Let's go,” I said, taking her hand. She let herself be pulled into motion. And for a second I wondered, if Sam did show, would I be able to maintain awareness in her presence? Jenny was too sharp a steersman not to notice. Lucky for both of us he spared me from having to tell the sort of lies that normal people tell to comfort themselves.
“Sometimes I sense Sam,” she said when we were safely past the spot. “I wake in the night and I can almost feel him lying beside me. And there are times I can still smell Reece in her room. Her head had the strangest smell, like freshly turned earth. When she was a baby, I used to hold her and just breathe.”
We arrived at the house and found Holly swimming laps in Jenny's pool. She was still wearing her swimsuit. Deacon greeted us at the back door. He looked like he had been mauled. “Thank God you're here,” he whispered.
Jenny laughed and helped him straighten his tie. “In the nick of time.”
Â
A
T NINE O'CLOCK THE FIREWORKS
started and we went outside by the pool to watch. Holly floated on her back at the pool's edge, barely breathing hard after her workout, a plastic cup of wine resting on her breastbone. She was too cool, too relaxed, too much like a pretty girl in a Jimmy Buffet song with nothing in the world to do, but whenever she rolled over to take a sip of wine, flames shot out of her eye sockets at Jenny and me. We'd interrupted the movie script that ended with her and Deacon naked in the pool while reflected fireworks exploded in their loins.
Cassie sat in Deacon's lap so Holly couldn't. I lay in a sunbathing chair beneath the moon, watching colorful explosions and trying to think of a way to move into Jenny's house without her knowing why. I knew I wasn't thinking clearly, but with the wine and the warm night whispering sweet nothings to my better judgment, moving in seemed like a fine idea, a glorious idea even.
Jenny liked her wine cold and kept bottles of it in a bathtub of ice by the door. I usually liked my wine out of a paper bag, provided it was whiskey and not wine, but this stuff helped cool the heat of the day's sun radiating out of my pores. I could feel the skin starting to tighten around my eyes. I hadn't spent that much time in the sun since I was a cop. Too much exposure would ruin my heroin pallor.
The wine helped me not to mind so much. The bombing seemed to last well past midnight. Holly got bored and walked to the end of Jenny's boat dock. It wasn't nearly as long as Luther's boat dock, but Holly strutted it just as insolently as she had her father's. I thought she had a boat tied off thereâpeople seemed to use their boats like cars around hereâbut instead she dove in the lake.
“She'll swim home,” Jenny said in answer to my surprise. “She does that sometimes.”
“Must be how she keeps her figure.” I could smell the smoke from the fireworks, and bits of burning paper and ash were starting to drift down, speckling the surface of the pool. Jenny covered her wine with her hand. I wandered inside to relieve myself, finished and climbed the stairs, not really going anywhere but finding myself in Reece's bedroom all the same.
It was much as I had left it, everything in its place including the photo of Reece's softball team hanging on the wall. I wondered if I could sleep here, or if I really wanted to. The bed was neatly made, the curtains folded back. I looked out the window at the reflection of the fireworks exploding in the water and the distant, tiny ripple that was Holly, far out in the dark water swimming with slow and deliberate strokes toward Luther's house. My gaze strayed hesitantly down to the dark, overgrown levee where for the moment no ghosts walked or stumbled and fell.
I sat on the edge of the bed, wrinkling the pool-table smoothness of the bedspread, took my phone out and dialed a number I wasn't supposed to know. It rang three times before a man answered.
No hello, no how ya doin' Jackie old buddy, old pal. Just, “How the hell did you get this number?”
“Nice to hear your voice, too, Dr. Wiley,” I said. Paul Wiley was the chief medical examiner for the city of Memphis. He and I had crossed swords a time or two in days of yore. He didn't like the fact that I did freelance photography of crime scenes for defense lawyer types. I didn't like the fact that he was possibly the most colossal dick in all of Memphis.
“How long's it been?” I asked.
“I'm hanging up now.”
“I need a favor.”
He didn't hang up. He didn't say anything, either. I think the idea of me asking for a favor must have caught him like a short hook. While he was still shaking off the cobwebs, I said, “Sam Loftin. Fayette County drowning, back in April. Local gravedigger ruled it a suicide. Know anything about it?”
He was quiet for a moment while he whetted his tongue. “Mrs. Lyons, in case it has slipped your mind, I work for the city of Memphis. If you have questions about a Fayette County suicide, I suggest you interrupt the Fayette County coroner on his Fourth of July.”
“Paul,” I said. “I think this guy was murdered.”
“All the more reason
not to bother me
!” He hung up as viciously as you can hang up a cell phone. Guys like him missed the old days when you could slam a phone down to really get your point across. I called him back, but the line was busy. He was probably calling the IT department to get his number changed.
I reminded myself that none of this was my business. I was here to shoot some photographs, nothing more. If Wiley didn't see any need to investigate a possible murder just because it took place on the east side of the county line instead of the west, why did I? I owed Jenny and her family and their ghosts nothing. If I started digging around and turning up bones, I might only make things worse.
My life was complicated enough without inviting new complications. The last time I tried to play family doctor, I got the patient killed and damn near received the mortal chop myself, all over some ugly pictures wanted by a man with a shard of broken glass for a soul.
But I couldn't help myself. It was like my heroin addiction. No matter how long you stayed clean, that gorilla never left your back. It was always there, whispering in your earâjust once, just once. Just this once, stick your nose into somebody else's business. Never mind it might get chopped off. Just this once, you can poke around without losing yourself in it. Just this once, your own jacked-up problems won't become a part of the problem. Move in with this poor woman, find her husband's murderer, win her some insurance money, and maybe save your own soul in the process.
Such a damned liar, that gorilla.
If I moved in with Jenny, I knew I'd eventually steal that suitcase full of money hidden behind Reece's closet. Just standing here in her room, I could hear the siren song of those unguarded Benjamins, promising me a good time. Sooner or later I'd need five bucks for cigarette money and the next thing you know I'm buying furs and summering on the Isle of Capri. Money like that would change my life forever and for the better and nobody would know I'd taken it except me and Deacon and whoever put it there.
I should have slipped away, just like I did the day my mother died, slipped away and this time changed my phone number and never returned. I could have opened that window, climbed out on the roof and into the tree at the corner. I could see the route from the window. It would have been absurdly easy, so easy a child could do it, and nobody in the house would know she was gone.
Until it was too late.
By the time I returned downstairs, the patriotic aerial bombardment had ended. Cassie was in the den playing dolls with a girl in a red swimsuit. I hadn't seen this girl before, but then again I hadn't seen most of the people I'd met today. Maybe she was spending the night.
Jenny called Cassie to the kitchen as I entered. Deacon handed me a bowl and a spoon. “Did you have fun today?” Jenny asked her daughter.
“Un-hnn,” she shrugged as she took her ice cream and sat at the table.
“Can you give me a ride home after this?” I asked Deacon.
“My truck is at Ruth's nursing home.”
Cassie looked up from her treat. “Where do you live?” she asked me.
“I live in a motel.”
“Are you on vacation?”
“Not exactly,” I laughed.
Jenny asked, “Which motel?”
“The Deertick. That is, the Detrick Motel on Highway 70.”
“I thought it had been condemned!” Jenny said in horror.
“What's condemned, Mama? Is it going to hell?”
Deacon said to Jenny, “What if she stayed here?”
“For the night?”
“No, I mean move in.” He pushed his bowl aside and turned to me. “The money you pay in rent to that motel will help Jenny, and you get to move out of that fleabag.”
Jenny sat down next to him and smiled. “You could stay with us while you are working for Deacon, at least until they find your car. We have more than enough room.”
“And we have a swimming pool,” Cassie added.
I told myself this is what I had asked for, hoped for. This is what had to happen if I wanted to find out what happened to Sam Loftin.
I told myself one place was as good as another. I also told myself that it wasn't any of my business, but I wasn't listening to that part. This place was a damn sight better than my motel room, even if it did come with a woman whose grief was still as raw as hamburger.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
I let them talk me into it, and Jenny seemed genuinely happy when I agreed. Deacon drove me to the motel in her van. In less than ten minutes I was packed and ready to leave the old place forever. I paused at the door to shake the cockroaches from my shoes.
I would have been happy sleeping on the couch for the two weeks it was going to take me to finish the photography job, but Jenny had already decided that I would move into Reece's room. She helped me carry my luggage upstairs. “If you need space, I can clean out these drawers,” she said, opening them one by one. “I just never had the heart to go through her old clothes and throw anything away. I kept telling myself that one day Cassie could wear this stuff.”
I was unpacked, moved in, and crawling into bed by one o'clock. As I lay there in the dark, the door safely locked, naked beneath pink sheets, surrounded by all the cultural detritus of a teenaged girl dead these last five years, just beginning to drift off into a dream of coffee-black nights and bacon-bright mornings, I sat up suddenly in bed. Cassie's friend in the red swimsuit hadn't joined us for ice cream. She hadn't been in the house at all.
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In either case, there was very much the same solemnity of demeanour on the part of the spectators; as befitted a people amongst whom religion and law were almost identical, and in whose character both were so thoroughly interfused, that the mildest and severest acts of public discipline were alike made venerable and awful.
â N
ATHANIEL
H
AWTHORNE,
T
HE
S
CARLET
L
ETTER
I
'D BEEN LIVING THERE ABOUT
a week when it really hit the fan. Jenny was outside vacuuming the pool while the kids played in the shallow end. I watched them for a while, especially Cassie. A strong swimmer, she still avoided the deep end and kept busy herding her little brother in his arm floaties away from that side of the pool, as he seemed determined to drown himself.
It was strange living in a house with children. The noise level was startling. I'd lived on my own for so long, I was used to being the only living source of sound. I wasn't used to locking doors. I'd be in the bathtub and the door would open and it would only be Cassie, looking for her hairbrush, or Eli coming in to stand at the toilet and pee with his pants around his ankles. Being among the living on a regular basis took some getting used to. I was practically feral.