The Cougar's Bargain (23 page)

The lust was easier, though. It was obvious. She wanted him and didn't second-guess that.

“I wasn't going to do any better, Hannah,” he said when she didn't respond. “Took me a little while to realize it, but I know it's the truth now.”

“Better than me, you mean?”

“Yeah. You aren't what I would have picked for myself, and maybe that's why I haven't wanted to settle. No one seemed quite worth the hassle.”

“That's a shitty thing to say.”

“Shitty or not, it's true.”

“What makes you so sure I'm it?”

“For one thing, the cat part of me says so. You'll learn to trust that part of you that's animal, because they don't over rationalize things that are obvious. Their instinct is sharper and put to more frequent use.” He lowered himself onto her body and slipped his fingers beneath her head.

Her
instincts had her wrapping her leg over his thighs and sliding her hands down to his ass.

“That cat can be really fucking annoying if you don't give it what it wants.” He dipped his head low and traced the seam of her parted lips with his tongue. She opened her mouth for him, let him in to take and tease as he wished, and she did the bare minimum that could be called “kissing back” because she didn't want to get in his way—didn't want him to stop, but he did.

He pulled away just a couple of inches and whispered, “That cat wants to be domesticated. He wants to be told what to do and where to be. He may not always go along nicely, but he wants to please you. He wants to earn your affection. That's how I know it's right. He doesn't give a shit about what anyone else thinks. He just goes along with the part of me that's just
man
. He's been biding his time, but I suspect he wouldn't let me get in too deep if it wasn't right.”

Hannah's inner cat wasn't so loud as Sean's. She wasn't a natural shifter. She had been
made
into one and it was too late to rewire her brain now. But she did have human instincts, too, and those instincts told her, simply, “Yes.” They gave her permission to want him and to forgive herself for fighting him.

“Touch me,” she whispered.

Don't question it. Please.

And he didn't.

He pressed his lips against the sensitive bend where her shoulder met her neck and kissed it.

She should have known he wouldn't taunt her for asking for it. She was learning it just wasn't his style.

Easing back and unfastening her jeans, he said softly, “I do want you to answer my question, though.”

“What question?”

“Who has seen you shift?”

“Why?”

He pulled her pants down her legs and let them fall to the floor in front of the bed. “I'll admit to being jealous, if that's what you need to hear.”

“Why would you be jealous about that?”

“Because I should have been there the first time to coach you through it. It's an intimate, private thing. More than that, it should have been your choice to become Cougar. What Ralphie did would have been a death sentence if he wasn't a kid.” He crawled onto the bed and started working her panties down. She helped him by raising her rear end off the bed, ready for all the heavy talk to be done. She just wanted to touch and be touched. To finally have some release.

“I … I wanted to get it over with. The thing inside me was scratching, begging to get out. And I needed to heal, so … Mason forced it out.”

“Just Mason?”

“Ellery was there. The two of them was all. The other times, I shifted alone or with Lola and joined the others later. It's stupid, I know, especially when there's a threat and when I need to act quickly, but …”

“You're not used to it. That's okay.” He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and she sat up to let him pull it over her head. “I feel like a dick for being relieved.”

“That no one else has seen me?”

He nodded. “A guy like me doesn't get a whole lot that's
just
his.”

Oh. But am I his?

He pushed her legs farther apart and settled between them.

She didn't even ask what he was going to do, even if she was dying to at the moment.

So I can manage him?
Not this time.

She dug her fingers into the covers and closed her eyes as he set her legs atop his shoulders.

Having a man in that exact position wasn't a new thing for her. She'd been there before, and had even forced herself a bit farther in the past, but it had always felt like a chore. Something she had to do because it was expected. She was so sick of doing things just because they were expected of her.

She wanted to do some things just because she wanted to.

That's why she hooked her feet together and pulled Sean down to her.

He chuckled. “Okay. I think I know what you want.”

She pressed her lips together and stilled her tongue. There was no good reason to talk.
Just let him work.

It wasn't his tongue that made a landing first on her erogenous zone, but his lips. He used them as soft probes to explore her nooks, to tease her apart, and occasionally kiss between the fingers he used to open her to his inspection.

She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to watch and wonder what he thought.

Does he enjoy this? Does he want to do this?

There really should have been no question. He'd volunteered. She'd been in a dreamless sleep and blissfully unaware.

His hot tongue seared a path between her thighs, leading to, but not touching, her private zone, and she gave the bed little pounds with her fists.

“Patience, blondie.”

“When the tables are turned, you say that to me and see what it gets you.”

She growled at his calm chuckle, but he stopped teasing at the very least. Although his hands were on the insides of her thighs kneading and rubbing the skin she hadn't known was so erogenous, he opened her with his lips, probed her with his tongue, and kept her still with the warning of his nails in her flesh.

“Don't move or I'll stop.”

“I—”
No arguing.
Gritting her teeth, she gave him a sharp nod and curled her toes against his tongue's onslaught.

She shouldn't have wanted to move, anyway, because the man knew what he was doing. He had her spine twisting and shoulder blades pulling into each other, yet all he was worried about was what she did with her quivering thighs.

He pressed his tongue into her and slid his hands up farther to add his thumbs to the play. One rubbed slow circles around her clit while the other alternated with his tongue, the tip of which he slipped in and out of her.

He was going to tease her straight to insanity—get her all hot and bothered, and then something would happen. Someone would knock on the door or the phone would ring. Or maybe he'd chicken out, and she'd be angry.

Not this time
.

She locked her feet together behind his back to keep him still and pressed her own hands to her chest. Sighing, she dragged them up to her bra and pushed up the band to free herself.

Sean made some noise that was half growl and half whimper, and she grinned at that, because she liked the idea of undoing him as much as he was undoing her.

“This doesn't have to be so one-sided.” She pulled her nipples between her fingers and watched him watch her. If he wanted a little show, she could give him one, just to get things moving. She moistened her fingers and started pinching again.

His breathing sped and brow furrowed. “What did I say about rushing?”

“Who's rushing?
Mmm
.” She tipped her head back and curled her toes against the sharp stings at her nipples and the pleasurable tingle it sent down her core, tightening her down below.

He growled again, and this time pushed fingers into her. Two, maybe. She couldn't tell, but it was hardly a trial.

“Come on, Sean. You're not going to break me.”

“Oh? Just because a bit of plastic and silicone hasn't doesn't mean I won't.” He pinched her clit at the same rhythm she was twiddling her nipples and drew a hiss out of her.

“Ugh. Busted.”

“Nothing wrong with doing whatever you gotta to get off.” He added another finger and slipped them in deeper, not so much fucking her but pulsing her—trying her on her size. “I've certainly done it.”

“I've heard. Is that why that chick tried to run you over with her truck?” The story was something of a legend around the ranch and in town. Hannah never managed to pick up the woman's name, but from she heard, “scorned” would have been putting what she was mildly. She'd been out to get Sean, and didn't let up until her family finally transferred to a new glaring.

He scoffed. “No. That wasn't why.”

“Why then?”

“Not talking about that right now.” He pushed his fingers into her farther as if to hush her and pressed the inner wall of her sheath.

Some wheezing sound she couldn't describe and didn't wish to be remembered by rattled out of her chest and her body seemed to deflate more and more with each bit of pressure he added.

He chuckled, then bent and pulled her clit into his mouth.

He's going to kill me. Murder by withholding dick.

But then he started moving his fingers in and out, increasing speed as his tongue flicked at her again and again, and then there was that haze she always backed down from. It was the one that pulled her body so taut that her brain thought maybe she needed to run from something. It was the one that tricked her into thinking she didn't need to breathe. She
couldn't
breathe. It was the one that had her alternately tilting her hips toward him and pulling away, because she was afraid of the little explosion. Even in private when it was just her and some toy, she'd always backed off and came with a whimper rather than a shout, but she was already beyond that point. He was going to break her, and he had a front-row seat to the action.

He worked his fingers faster and faster, and she pulled her hands away from her chest to grip the covers tightly. “This is about you and me. What happens between us behind closed doors is private and that'll never change. I'm not going to turn cold and drive you away.”

“I know.”
Why is he telling me this?
It seemed like such an odd thing to be bringing up at such a time.

“You can be yourself around me. I know what it's like to hold back. You don't have to hold back, okay?”

“Okay.” She hadn't thought she'd needed the permission, but just by saying those words, he ignited that long-simmering blaze into a four-alarm fire that had her pulling his hair and biting down on her bottom lip to keep the noise in.

If she weren't so convinced her body wasn't going to come apart, she wouldn't have fought the orgasm so hard, but she wasn't used to coming like this, and with him still stroking her down below as if he were trying to eke every last bit of pleasure out of her.

When she finally stopped writhing, the tears came, and they weren't from shame or anger or fear, just
relief
. Sean slipped his fingers out of her, padded to the bathroom, and was back a few minutes later. He got her under the covers after unfastening her bra, and pulled her against his nude body. She snuggled against him, body shuddering with every thought of what he'd just done to her, and yet anticipating what would happen next. His rigid cock pressed against her core, but he didn't seem to be so interested in finding any relief for himself.

“You're thinking too hard,” he whispered.

“Are you … going to …”

“I don't need to. I'm not going to die if I don't get off.”

“I can help you.”

“Nah. If you still want to tomorrow, though, you might be able to talk me into it.”

She rolled her eyes, not that he could see it, but he chuckled.

“You know, being a Cougar's mate is a weird thing because of that psychic tethering,” he said, as he skimmed gentle fingertips down her spine. “And you don't get it quite the same way when your mate is a human.”

“What are you telling me?”

“Obviously, two cats are going to connect a bit differently than a cat and a human. It's easier to read you, or rather, what the cat inside of you is doing. It'd be interesting to see what would happen if we were both in our cat forms at the same time.”

“I try to stay out of mine as much as possible. She—I mean
I
—rarely remember much after I shift back. The animal's the one in the driver's seat, and I'm locked in the trunk. Lola said that would change with practice.”

“Well, if she says so, it must be true.”

“Why did she pick me for you?” The question was out of the blue, and Hannah didn't know why it'd come out her mouth, but Sean didn't seem taken aback by it. He just kept rubbing, kept pulling her close.

“Maybe she wanted someone she knew would stick.”

“I don't understand. I tried to run, but I couldn't get away.”

“But you're here now, and you're resolved to stay, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I never had that resolve. I tried to go. I even left for a while and tried to make it on my own. If my dad hadn't died, I probably wouldn't have come back. I didn't want to be there any more than you did, Hannah.”

She stiffened in his arms reflexively, and he let go of her.

She already had the words on her tongue to tell him not to roll away, but they were slow in coming out. He rolled onto his back, pulled the covers up to his chest, and closed his eyes.

Drop it
, seemed to be his vibe.

She didn't want to drop it. She wanted to tell him that it was okay, but was it? He'd drawn her into the life he hadn't even wanted for himself, and now she'd gone and thought about
keeping
him.

She settled in beside him, giving him a little space, and keeping her body a few inches from his so she could think. Her inner cat had no commentary, or if she did, Hannah couldn't make it out. Just when she thought things were finally becoming more straightforward, the delicate situation shattered into a hundred little pieces and she could never tell which shards to pick up first.