The Cost Of Love And Sanity (24 page)

She smiled. “Thank you.”

He smiled back. “You're welcome.”

He walked to the kitchen and grabbed their plates. Steam floated above their steaks. He placed a plate in front of her and sat across from her with his plate.

“Looks good,” Alex said.

“Thanks.”

After picking up her knife and fork, Alex immediately dug in—to the reason she came. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Whoa! Wait a minute. Let's enjoy dinner. Chat a little. We have plenty of time to talk about everything else.” He smiled.

She furrowed her brow, confused. Over the phone, he wanted to talk about their decision to have a baby. Now, he wanted to shoot the breeze. She didn't know what kind of game he was playing but she sure wished he would tell her what the rules were.

She fidgeted. “Okay. Fine.” She blew on a piece of steak before biting into it.

Nathan nodded. “I didn't get to ask you yesterday but how did the job fair turn out?” He bit a piece of his steak.

Alex glanced over at his plate and couldn't help noticing the
way he ate. Unlike Phillip's need to cut every single piece before taking a bite, he cut one or two pieces before sliding some on his fork. She smiled at the difference between the two men. “It went really well. We had over four hundred candidates show up. The employers looked pleased.”

“I'll bet they were. That's awesome. I guess you and the guy don't have to worry about any layoffs.”

Alex shrugged and sipped her Pinot Chardonnay. “I don't know. I'm not sure if we're out of the woods yet but the job fair's success was a major plus.”

“Are you still concerned about it?”

“No, not really. It's the nature of the beast. I mean, corporate world.”

He laughed. “Well, I know you'll come through.”

She frowned. “How do you know that?”

“Because you're smart and you know what you want. A woman like you can't ever lose. And even if you started to lose, all you have to do is call me and I'd be there for you.” Nathan's eyes penetrated her eyes as if he were reading her soul like a book. She looked down at the table, suddenly uncomfortable with his unwavering attention.

“Are you gonna argue with me?” Nathan asked.

“No.” She took a sip.

He chuckled. “I didn't think so.”

Unable to hold it back any longer, Alex inquired about his phone call. “What was the phone call about today?”

He dropped his fork back on his plate. “I knew you couldn't avoid it for long.”

“You called me and said we should talk. I'm trying to get you to talk.”

“What's the rush?”

“I want to make sure that…we're still gonna do this. That you'll still help me.” Alex's voice dropped at the end. She didn't know what she would do if he changed his mind.

“Don't worry. I'm sorry if I gave you a scare today. I was sitting at my desk and thinking things over.” He shrugged. “I had questions.”

“Like what?”

He paused before clearing his throat. “What if you found another man and he and I start beefing? Would you take my child away from me to keep him happy?”

“No. Nothing like that would happen.”

“How do you know?”

“Did it happen with Clarissa?”
Dang it, mouth.
As soon as she said that, she wished that she hadn't. His face fell. She had a hard time reading it. She didn't know whether he felt anger or hurt. She guessed a little of both.

“Nathan, this is an unconventional situation but I don't want you to have any concerns.” She reached over and placed her hand on his. “I won't keep you from being in the child's life.” She felt his energy lighten at her reassuring gesture.

They finally finished off dessert and Alex helped Nathan move the dishes to the kitchen.

“Do you want the rest of these strawberries?” she asked.

“Um, nah. They're yours.” Nathan wiped his hands on his dish towel.

“Please take at least some of this. I can already feel the fat pockets filling up on my thighs.”

Nathan sucked his teeth. “Whatever. You don't have no fat pockets nowhere.”

Alex raised her eyebrows. “Yes, I do.”

“No, you don't. Believe me, I know.”

She shook her head, as if to shake off Nathan's intimate knowledge
of her anatomy. Instead, she searched her brain for a distraction. Something to make their association seem friendly and light. “I saw earlier that there's a movie coming on at nine-thirty. It looked like it might be a good one. Did you wanna watch?”

“No, not really.”

“Oh, okay,” Alex said sounding a little deflated.

“A movie is fine but,” he said, slowly. “I have a surprise for you.” Nathan cut his eyes at Alex.

She stretched her eyes. “What surprise?”

He nodded down the hall.

Alex hesitated, wondering what he had up his sleeve. Nathan nodded again and she walked toward the hallway, measuring each step. She almost turned back around to ask him for more details about the surprise but stopped at the sight of rose petals on the wooden floor. The petals formed a straight line from where she stood to the last room on the left. Butterflies formed in her stomach, as she followed the trail. Alex inched toward the bedroom door and pushed it open.

The petals that led her to the room ended at a large rose petal heart on the king-sized bed. She stepped in farther and opened her mouth to talk but no words came out. Alex caught her breath when she realized what this meant.
Nathan intends to make the baby tonight!

In the midst of her surprise, she didn't hear Nathan walk into the room and close the door behind him. He grabbed her hand. She turned to face him.

“You know it's ironic that you asked me about having a baby.” He backed her up. “Do you remember when you used to fall asleep at my place and when you woke up, I was always watching you sleep and you would ask why?”

“Yeah. You told me you liked memorizing my face in case somebody kidnapped me.” She rolled her eyes.

Nathan chuckled. “That was partially true. The other reason was…” He cupped her face with his hands and positioned it upward so that she would look up at him. His eyes pierced her eyes like laser beams. “I was imagining our baby with your eyes.” Nathan kissed her eyes. “Your nose.” He kissed her nose. “Your lips.” Instead of kissing her lips, Nathan ran his tongue from the bottom to the top of her lips.

The wet sensation of his tongue over the center of her lips sent her senses into shock overdrive. In that moment, her feelings for Nathan—feelings that she wanted to deny—caused an avalanche of intense passion. She stared up at the towering force of emotion, knowing that she could not hide from it or outrun it. Even if she wanted to leave, she could not now.

She hadn't expected them to try for a baby that night but Alex was relieved to know that he hadn't changed his mind. Still, her feet remained rooted to the floor for more than the baby. Despite her attempts to develop indifference toward Nathan and dump him
again
, she had to face facts; she really did want him.

He backed her up to the bed and slid his hands up her skirt. Chills ran down her spine as he pulled her panties to the floor. She fell backward onto the bed but her mind and her body stood at complete attention, anticipating what came next.

At first, Nathan's kisses were soft and subtle. He planted them on her inner thigh, slowly moving upward. He eventually moved to the middle where his tongue began dancing around her button. Alex's earlier, internal upheavals had almost made her forget how attentive he could be to her physical needs. While Nathan demonstrated his intimate knowledge of her, she whimpered, twisted and turned uncontrollably.

Nathan pulled away before she could completely lose it. Somewhat
frustrated, Alex began removing his clothes. They'd come too far not to close the deal. She wasn't worried about his supposed relationship with his ex or their broken past. Her mission consumed her full attention. So, she rolled over and placed herself on top. He humored her tender touches and passionate kisses but quickly put her on her back again.

Alex's eyes narrowed as she searched his face for reasoning. Without saying a word, Nathan brushed the hair away from her eyes and looked deep into them. He pushed her left leg over his shoulder. As he pushed himself inside her, Alex closed her eyes and let go.

Q
uiet darkness gave way to the sound of pots and pans banging. Light cut through the room like razors through the window blinds. Alex popped up in the bed with her eyes stinging from the rays. The smell of fried turkey bacon took her nose hostage. She swung her legs over the bed and realized she had no clothes on. She quickly shoved her legs back under the covers and pulled the foreign sheets up to her neck. Little lines of worry set up shop across her forehead as she tried to remember how she'd gotten there. Then, the night before came back to her. Nathan. Dinner. Chardonnay. Flowers. Bed. Along with the flood of memories came a new set of worries.

Last night sealed Nathan's promise to help her get what she wanted: a baby. But after such a passionate night, Alex expected complete awkwardness between them. The truth was even though they'd made an arrangement, the previous night didn't feel like an arrangement; it felt more like an invitation. Despite her attempt to reject their reconciliation, Nathan seemed to be opening his arms to her, consistently welcoming her back to him.

Alex stifled a smile. Some part of her felt giddy about the current direction of their relationship; another part of her still fretted over his potential loyalty to her. She closed her eyes and willed herself to stay in the moment. Alex willed herself to be happy. After all, the last couple of months had been a little rough on her. It was
about time something, somewhere made her happy, even if only for a few minutes.

She heard the microwave beep in the kitchen and wrecked her brain for what to say when she walked in there. Her current excitement did not mean she had to bounce in there like a giggling school girl. She could comment on how good the food smelled but after that, then what? Alex heard more rummaging and decided she'd better go to the kitchen.

Alex took a quick trip to the bathroom, wrapped her body in his terrycloth bathrobe, and then, crept down the hall. She saw Nathan, shirtless in pajama pants, facing the range. He twisted his head to the right, caught a glimpse of her frame and turned. He greeted her with a smile that could melt polar caps. Not the type of smile you give someone you're tolerating for the sake of an arrangement. Suddenly, Alex's worries from a few minutes ago dissipated. She returned a smile to him.

“Morning!” Nathan cheered. He walked over, wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a long, lingering kiss. His kiss tasted like cinnamon and syrup. Alex smiled, interrupting it.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Couldn't wait for me, huh?”

“I was taste testing. I had to make sure it was right for you.” He smiled again.

“Is it?”

“Perfect, if I do say so myself.”

“Great.” Alex squeezed him and walked over to the stove. Nathan cooked bacon, French toast and omelets. She eyed the food hungrily. “Wow! You're a regular Emeril, huh?”

“I can make it do what it's supposed to do.”

She lifted an omelet out of the pan and placed it on a plate. “Have you ever thought about becoming a chef or something?”

“No.”

“Why not? You seem to have a real knack for this.”

“I might have a knack for it but I don't think I have a passion for it.”

“What do you consider passion?” She bit into a piece of bacon.

“When you get up in the morning and can't wait to do something. I don't have that for cooking.”

“What do you have passion for?”

“A couple of things, I guess. Helping people,” Nathan said.

She nodded. “In what way?”

“I like helping them take care of a need.”

“Food is a need.” She smiled.

Nathan smiled and shook his head. “Not the need I'm interested in. What about you? Do you have any dreams?”

Alex brought her plate and a glass of apple juice to the kitchen table. “You already know my dream.”

Nathan sat down next to her. “Is that all that you want? A child?”

“You don't understand,” she said.

“I want to. Explain it to me,” Nathan said, sitting down at the table.

“I've always been able to accomplish whatever I wanted to. A family is the one thing that I wanted to do but haven't done. Everything else is pretty much taken care of or at least on the way.”

“Why do you want a kid?”

“Because I have to grow and evolve. Live for something other than myself. Being a mother, a nurturer is that next step for me.” She shrugged. “A career isn't everything.”

Nathan nodded. “I agree but what about love, a husband? You don't want that?”

“Of course, I do. That was a part of the full dream.”

“Then, why are you giving up on that?”

A couple of unpleasant emotions hit Alex at once. The first was
anger. On some level, she wondered how dare Nathan insinuate that she was giving up on having a full family. She didn't want to let go of her family dreams; she felt like she had no choice. The other emotion that troubled her was sadness. If she had a child on her own, she would wake up day and night to tend to the child alone. The happiness she felt when she woke up in Nathan's bed would only be a memory. She was keenly aware that she would not be getting all that she wanted and it troubled her to the core.

She blinked back her emotions. “I'm not giving up. I'm taking matters into my own hands.”

Alex had only eaten two thirds of the food on her plate. Although it was good, talking about where she was in her life and where she was trying to go took her appetite away. Nathan looked down at her plate.