The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear (4 page)

Around our world, horrible crimes and unspeakable acts happen every day to women and children who are powerless to stop them. One disturbing trend that seems to have increased in strength over the last ten to twenty years is the sex trafficking industry—human beings kidnapped and sold into the sex trade, usually into prostitution rings or worse. The U.S. State Department estimated that in 2004, out of the estimated 600,000 to 800,000 men, women, and children trafficked across international borders each year, approximately 80% are women and girls and up to 50% are minors.
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Neary is one of those statistics.
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She grew up in rural Cambodia. Her parents died when she was a child, and,

in an effort to give her a better life, her sister married her off when she was seventeen. Three months later they went to visit a fishing village. Her husband rented a room in what Neary thought was a guest house. But when she woke the next morning, her husband was gone. The owner of the house told her she had been sold by her husband for $300 and that she was actually in a brothel. For five years, Neary was raped by five to seven men every day. In addition to brutal physical abuse, Neary was infected with HIV and contracted AIDS. The brothel threw her out when she became sick, and she eventually found her way to a local shelter. She died of HIV/AIDS at the age of twenty-three.
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It gets worse. It’s estimated that between 114 million and 130 million women around the world experience female genital circumcision (FGM), an ancient practice still used today to keep young girls “pure” and controlled by their families. The ritual, which is often life-threatening, makes sexual intercourse or childbearing extremely painful and traumatic experiences. It’s mostly practiced in Africa and the Middle East.
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Let’s bring it closer to home.

Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted and one in six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape. Two-thirds of the rapes that occur are carried out by people that the victim knows.
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Ten percent of violent crimes in 2003 including physical assault and battery were committed by the victim’s intimate partner and women were typically victimized by intimate partners at a greater rate than men.
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In the same year, 9% of murder victims were killed by their spouse or intimate partner. The majority of victims, 79% to be exact, were female.
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It’s important to note that each of the sad, shocking statistics above affects the life of a precious person, created in God’s image. We must never see only numbers; we must see people.

We were recently ministering in Africa, and while we were there we visited an outreach program for children affected by the AIDS pandemic. During our visit, we noticed a row of huts on a main street, and one of our hosts pointed out that if a female child could not find food or lodging for the day, she might go to one of these huts to be used as a prostitute in exchange for enough money for food and a bed to sleep in. Many of the girls reduced to this horrible lifestyle were as young as eight and nine years old.

The degradation of women is a worldwide problem. And this problem is at its worst in parts of the world that have no Christian heritage. This tragic situation violates God’s standards of fairness. Jesus said there is no more male or female—we are all one in Him (Galatians 3:28). The total sum of our worth and value is based on who we are in Christ, not whether or not we have a Y chromosome.

Our gender does not determine our value; our God does.

We should appreciate the women who have fought for women’s rights. The positive changes that have come about since 1848, for example, are wonderful. The women’s rights movement began when five women met for tea. Their conversation turned to the situation of women. One of the women, Elizabeth Stanton, poured out her discontent over the limitations placed on women under America’s new democracy.
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After all, she wondered, hadn’t the American Revolution been fought seventy years earlier to win freedom from tyranny? The women had taken equal risks as the men, yet they gained no freedom. They still weren’t able to take an active role in the new society.

So, these five women decided to convene the world’s first Women’s Rights Convention. The gathering took place in Seneca Falls, New York, at the Wesleyan Chapel on the nineteenth and twentieth of July in 1848.

In the resulting Declaration of Sentiments, Stanton carefully enumerated areas of life where women were treated unjustly. She used the pattern of the Declaration of Independence and stated, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men
and women
(emphasis added) are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

Stanton’s version read, “The history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward woman, having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over her. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.” Then it went into specifics:

Married women were legally dead in the eyes of the law.

Women were not allowed to vote.

Women had to submit to laws when they had no voice in their formation.

Married women had no property rights.

Husbands had legal power over and responsibility for their wives—to the extent that they could imprison or beat them with impunity.

Divorce and child custody laws favored men, giving no rights to women.

Women had to pay property taxes, but had no representation in the levying of these taxes.

Most occupations were closed to women, and when women did work they were paid only a fraction of what men earned.

Women were not allowed to enter professions such as medicine or law.

Women had no means to gain an education since no college or university would accept women students.

With only a few exceptions, women were not allowed to participate in the affairs of the church.

In other words, women were being robbed of their self-confidence and self-respect, and were made totally dependent on men.

However, change was in the air, and Stanton and her colleagues were hopeful that the future could and would be brighter for women.

Of course, history tells us that the battle for women’s rights was long and grueling. Initially, people were shocked and outraged that women were demanding to vote. Even many women were aggressively against it. The newspapers launched a vicious attack on the movement; nevertheless, it continued to grow rapidly.

As we know, women have come a long way, and I personally appreciate those who fought the good fight and paved the way for the freedom I enjoy today. Sad to say, though, discrimination against women is still apparent in many areas. I recently read that in the United States, women still earn only 77% of the salary a man does for doing the same job.
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As a woman in ministry I have dealt with my share of criticism and judgment for no reason other than because I am a woman, and according to what many people believe, “Women shouldn’t preach or teach God’s Word and especially not to men.”

I will respond to this contention later and show that God has always used women in ministry. In fact, Psalm 68:11 says, “The Lord gives the word (of power); the women who publish (the news) are a great host.”

Because of the lingering discrimination, many women still lack confidence. They live in fear of stepping beyond what they feel is acceptable “female” behavior. I can remember feeling that I wasn’t“normal” because I was aggressive, had dreams and goals, and wanted to do great things. I kept trying to settle down and be a “normal” woman, but it just never worked for me. I am glad now that I found courage to do something radical and chase my dreams.

It is time for the truth to be told and for people to realize the attack on women is actually from Satan himself. He works through people, but he is the source of the problem. And his handiwork litters our history. Women have been habitually discriminated against, contrary to God’s will. In Genesis, the Bible simply states

“So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it [using all its vast resources in the service of God and man]; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over every living creature that moves upon the earth.”
(Genesis 1:27, 28)

It certainly sounds to me as if God is speaking to the man and woman equally, giving them both rights and authority and telling both of them to live fruitful lives.

We see in other parts of God’s Word that He did establish how authority should flow from Him to man and then to woman. The Bible states that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church. The woman is to submit to her husband as is fitting in the Lord. However, in my estimation and understanding of God’s nature, that was never intended to include abuse, control, manipulation, or mistreatment of any kind. In fact, man is instructed in God’s Word to love his wife as he loves his own body; to nurture her and treat her kindly and tenderly (Ephesians 6:21–33).

God is a god of order, and He has established lines of authority that allow an orderly, peaceful existence. He expects us to submit to and respect one another. If a married couple can handle themselves the way God intended, their relationship will be wonderful and unbelievably fruitful. However, pride destroys most relationships. It’s the great “I” factor. Selfish, self-centered people do whatever they must to get their own way, including abusing those they were intended to nourish and protect.

If a person with authority administers it in a godly way, it becomes a protection and safety net for those under it. But, if an authority figure abuses his or her position, using it for power and personal gain, then those under the authority will resist and rebel, or, at best, they will be filled with resentment. I have a lot of authority, and I have learned that “the boss does not have to be bossy.” People admire authority and actually want someone to look up to—as long as they are treated well.

It’s clear today that a lot of people don’t know how to use their authority with responsibility and love. The statistics regarding child abuse of every kind are staggering—and increasing at an alarming rate. We all ask ourselves, “How could anybody abuse a helpless, innocent child?” Yet, it happens somewhere in the world every minute of every day. Why? Some adults are simply selfish. My father abused me sexually in order to fulfill a selfish sexual desire. He was in authority and no one could stop him; therefore, he did what he wanted to do. He did not consider what the outcome would be for me; he thought only of what he wanted at the moment.

Abuse can take other forms too. Some parents take their frustrations out on their children, verbally and physically, depriving them of the emotional nurturing they need. Children are blamed, accused, resented, and looked at as an inconvenience. Many children are burned, beaten, starved, locked up, and treated in other unbelievably cruel ways. I could tell you story after story that would break your heart, but that is not my purpose for this book. My purpose is to encourage you as women, to tell you that it is time for you to take your rightful place in the family and society. It is time for you to have a healthy self-respect, balanced self-love and a firm, unshakeable confidence in God and the gifts, talents, and abilities that He has placed on the inside of you. You are woman! God loves you, you are equal with men, and you have a destiny. It is high time someone realizes who you really are!

Chapter Three

DOES GOD USE WOMEN IN MINISTRY?

T
he debate of whether or not it is proper for women to be used in ministry still rages today, at least in some circles. This question is especially touchy: Can a woman pastor a church?

As I address this subject, I want to emphasize from the outset that I am not trying to cast dispersion on men in general, because some men truly support women being used by God. These men have thoroughly studied what the Bible says on the subject and they have learned that God always has, and always will, use women in key leadership roles. I know many men who have actually fought to restore women’s rights in the church.

However, there are men—and entire denominations—that are very much against women holding key positions in church leadership, or doing anything that would be defined as preaching or teaching anything more than a children’s Sunday school class.

Historically, women have often been allowed to do a lot, if not most, of the praying and servant-type work in the church. Meanwhile, these same men who refused to let them preach or teach stay home and rest.

Visit any typical American church and you’ll find more women Sunday school teachers than men. This fact is important, because, if we are to take Paul’s famous statement about women needing to be silent in the church literally, then they should not be doing all of this Sunday school teaching. The men should be doing it all.

No wonder most of the women I talk to about this subject are confused about the whole thing. Especially the ones who believe God is calling them to do something for Him, but are being told to do so would be against Scripture. To confuse matters further, most churches today see more women than men attending services and prayer meetings. Pastors often tell me that if the women quit showing up at church and doing so much of the work, most churches could not survive.

Pastors often tell me that if the women quit showing up at church and doing so much of the work, most churches could not survive.

Again, I want to say I am grateful for the men who actually fight for women’s rights and those who have tried to bring a balanced understanding of women’s roles in the church. There are many of them, and I appreciate them all. I have been shown respect and honor by thousands of men, but there are still men in positions of spiritual authority who are able to prevent women from taking their proper roles. This makes me sad. Why should women be prevented from fulfilling their God ordained destiny by men who have an oversized ego and refuse to look at everything God has to say about women?

If some men want to have all the authority, they should also take all of the responsibility. Nobody should have authority without also having the responsibility that goes with it. Sad to say, many women are the spiritual head of their home. Some women need their men to rise up and be real men, and I believe that means to be a man who seeks God regularly and leads his family in righteousness and godliness. I certainly know many fine men who are doing that—including my own husband—but I would like to see more men make progress in this area.

I encourage women to pray for their husbands, that they will indeed take their place as the spiritual head of the home. I also encourage women to let men do that without opposing them. Some women say they want their husbands to be the head of the home, but when he tries, they resist him.