The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear (28 page)

Chapter Seventeen

YOU GO GIRL!

I
have shared a lot of what I know about how you can become a confident woman, and now I believe you are going to act on this information and begin living boldly and fearlessly. It doesn’t matter how you lived before now, this is a new beginning. Every day God’s mercy is new and it is available for all of us today. Don’t look back, look forward!

Be decisive, follow your heart and don’t be overly concerned about what other people think of you and your decisions. Most of them are not thinking about you as much as you might imagine that they are anyway.

Don’t live constantly comparing yourself with others; be your unique self. (See Corinthians 10:12.) Celebrate who God has made you to be. There is only one who has the unique traits and skills that make up who you are. Enjoy the fact that God knew what He was doing and rely on the thought that surely God said the same thing about you as He did when He called the world into creation. “And it was good.”

So many times our outward appearance shows the way we’re feeling inside. But it can also work the other way! When we look confident on the outside, we can feel more confident on the inside. When you walk, stand upright. Don’t slump your shoulders and hang your head down. You are full of the life of God so act like it! Live with passion, zeal and enthusiasm. Don’t just try to “make it” through the day. Celebrate the day. Say, “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24). Don’t dread the day, attack the day. Know what you want to accomplish today and go for it.

It’s a fact that’s often stated, but it’s worth mentioning here. It only takes seventeen muscles to smile, but forty-three to frown. In other words, you work a whole lot harder looking sour than looking happy! So make it a point to smile more. Smile a lot. The more you smile the better you will feel. Your smile not only makes you appear and feel more confident, it gives others confidence. They feel approved of and accepted when we smile at them. We actually say more with our body language than we do with words. I can often tell if a person is confident just by the way they carry themselves and by the look on their face. Some people always look unsure and even frightened, while others appear confident and at ease.

You may think that you cannot do anything about the way you look, but you can. I started out as a person who rarely smiled. I was abused and had a lot of disappointment in my life so I had a perpetual solemn look. I was actually secretly waiting for the next disaster to take place in my life. I had lost hope, I had a negative attitude, I was fearful and it showed on my face and in the way I carried myself. I started making changes by just smiling. Now I smile a lot.

Did you know that a smile is a wonderful weapon? It’s so powerful you can break ice with it! If a person is cold toward you, just start smiling and see them warm up. If you wear a smile you will have friends, if you wear a frown all you will have is wrinkles. Smiles are a language that even babies understand. Smiles are multi-lingual; they are understood in every language. I heard someone once say, “you are not fully dressed until you put on your smile.”

Smiling actually makes you feel better and lifted up. Studies show that when you smile, your heart rate can actually lower and your breathing slows down, particularly if you’re feeling stressed. When you get out of bed, even if you don’t feel like smiling, force yourself to smile anyway and you will have a happier day. A smile of encouragement at the right moment may be the turning point for a troubled life. A smile costs nothing, but gives much. If you are not smiling, you are like a millionaire who has money in the bank, but no checks.

Most women are concerned about their looks and a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks instantly. Ziggy said, “a smile is a facelift that is in everyone’s price range.”

When you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling; live your life in such a way that when you die you will be smiling and everyone else will be crying.

You may be familiar with Joel Osteen, a pastor from Houston, Texas. Joel has become very popular in a short period of time. He not only pastors the largest church in the United States but he is also on television in many parts of the world. Joel is known as “the smiling preacher.” He literally smiles all the time. I have eaten with him several times and I am still trying to figure out how he can eat and smile at the same time, but he does it. He is a great pastor and teacher of God’s word, but I believe one of the main things that helps his popularity is his smile. People want to feel better and anytime we smile at them it helps them do that. A smile reassures people and puts them at ease.

According to the Bible, the power of life and death is in the tongue and we often have to eat our words.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].
(Proverbs 18:21)

I wonder how many times in our lives we say, “I’m afraid . . .” “I’m afraid I’ll get that flu that is going around.” “I’m afraid my kids will get in trouble.” “I’m afraid it’s going to snow, and I’m afraid to drive in it, if it does.” “With the way prices are going up, I’m afraid I won’t have enough money.” “I’m afraid if I don’t go to that party, people will think badly of me.” “I’m afraid we won’t get a good seat at the theater.” “I’m afraid someone will break into my house while I’m out of town.” If we heard a recording of every time in our life we have said, “I’m afraid,” we would probably be amazed that our lives are going as well as they are.

If we really understood the power in words, I think we would change the way we talk. Our talk should be confident and bold, not fearful. Fearful talk not only affects us in an adverse way, but it affects those around us.

I want to make a bold statement right now. If you will just change the way you talk, you will immediately begin to feel stronger, bolder, courageous and less afraid. James said the tongue is like a wild beast and cannot be tamed by anyone (James 3:2–10). We certainly need God’s help for this one! We are so accustomed to saying things without paying any attention at all to what we are saying, that we will need God’s help just to recognize fearful, silly, foolish and sinful talk.

Even after we recognize the error of our ways we still need to form new habits. Making and breaking habits take time so don’t get discouraged with yourself if you don’t have immediate victory in this area. Keep at it and little by little you will develop the habit of saying things that add to your life, not take away from it.

I am a great fan of speaking God’s Word out loud. I even wrote a book on this subject called
The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word.
In the book I list Scriptures in categories, and present them as first-person confessions that make it easier for people to begin doing it.

Don’t talk about yourself according to the way you feel or look. Speak God’s Word over your life. Don’t say about yourself what others say unless what they say is worth repeating. Perhaps your parents spoke to you in a way that caused you to lack confidence. They may not have known any better, but the good news is, you don’t have to be affected by their words for the rest of your life. You can change your image of yourself beginning right now!

Don’t say things like: “I just don’t have any confidence,” or, “I’ll never overcome my fears.” Say what you want, not what you have. Anything God says you can have, you can have. But you will need to get into agreement with Him. David said, “My confidence is in the Lord,” and you can say the same thing. Paul said, “We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.” So you can say, “I can do whatever God tells me to do in life because Christ will give me strength.” God says in His Word that He did not give us a spirit of fear, so we can say, “I will not fear, God has not given me a spirit of fear.” I’m sure you get the idea by now.

As you speak God’s Word out loud you renew your own mind. Remember, Romans 12 teaches us that though God has a good plan for our lives, we must totally renew our minds and learn how to think right before we will see it come to pass.

What is in your heart comes out of your mouth (Matthew 12:34) and what you keep in your mouth affects your heart. It is a cycle. What comes first, is it thoughts or words? It really doesn’t matter because they affect each other and both must be corrected in order for us to enjoy the life Jesus died to give us.

Stop saying, “I’m depressed, I’m discouraged, “I’m ready to give up” or “nothing good ever happens to me.” All talk of that type is totally useless. They are words that cannot add to your life, but they can certainly prevent you from living.

If we really understood the power that is in words, I think we would change the way we talk.

If you have considered yourself to be a person with low self-esteem, no confidence, cowardly, timid, shy and fearful, I believe this is a turning point for you. However, you will have to be persistent. It is not what we do right one or two times that makes a difference in our life; it’s what we do right consistently.

When you speak confidently it rubs off on others around you. They will be confident in you if you sound like you’re confident in yourself. Don’t be arrogant, but do be confident.

There is a woman who works in my office and she is the type of woman that just seems to be able to do anything you ask her to do. I don’t know if she is as confident as she sounds, but she puts me at ease. Anytime we ask her to do something her immediate response is “no problem.” She doesn’t mean it in an arrogant way, she is simply saying that she will get it done and we don’t have to be concerned about it any longer. Busy people like me need people like that in their life.

I am convinced that even if she didn’t know how to do something, she would find out. Or she would get someone else to do it who did know how. Another thing she frequently says when asked to do something is, “I’ll take care of it,” and, she always does.

I am not suggesting that people try to do things they are not gifted for and just fake it. Obviously, we need to do what God enables us to do, but we need to do it confidently. I am confident that I am a very good Bible teacher. If I wasn’t, then I really should not be trying to teach. What is the point in doing something all of your life if you believe that you aren’t any good at it?

We cannot ask fearfully and expect to receive. We must come to God’s throne boldly.

You go girl—you start talking and walking with confidence! It is time for you to look up, not down. It is time for you to expect great things to happen in your life.

We have no right to expect what we have not prayed for. The Bible says we have not because we fail to ask (James 4:2). So ask and keep on asking (Matthew 7:7).

How you ask is also important. The Bible says in James 5:16 that the fervent, effectual prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available. What kind of man? A righteous man! Not one who feels guilty, condemned, no good, and as if God is angry with him. Not one who is fearful, cowardly, timid, indecisive and double-minded.

Doesn’t the Bible say that our righteousness is like filthy rags and that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Yes, it does say that. But it is not our own righteousness that we wear into the prayer closet, it is the righteousness of Jesus Christ. It is that which is given to every true believer in Him.

He took our sins to the cross with Him and gave us His righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). We can call ourselves righteous women because He gives us right standing with God through His blood sacrifice.

We cannot ask fearfully and expect to receive. We must come to God’s throne boldly. Several Scriptures tell us to do exactly that.

Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace [the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners], that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-times help, coming just when we need it].
(Hebrews 4:16)

We see from this Scripture the attitude we should come with. Fearless! Confident! Bold! We come in that way because we know with assurance that God is faithful, He is Good, and He wants to meet our needs.

We don’t need to act as if God is a miser and that we must twist His arm and try to convince Him to help us. He is waiting to hear your cry!

Some people are unable to pray boldly because their consciences bother them. There are things they need to repent of and commitments they need to make to do things differently. If that is the case with you, then just do it. If something is wrong in your life, don’t spend the rest of your days feeling bad about it . . . do something about it!

And, beloved, if our consciences [our hearts] do not accuse us [if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us], we have confidence [complete assurance and boldness] before God.
(I John 3:21)

Ephesians 3:20 tells us that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all that we could ever dare to hope, ask or think. Are you daring in prayer? Are you expecting enough? The devil wants us to believe we must go to God with head hung low, telling Him how terrible we are. He wants us to believe that we dare not ask for too much, because after all, we don’t deserve anything. Satan is afraid of bold, daring, confident, fearless and expectant prayer.

I love the Scripture I am about to quote so please take time to look it over carefully.

In Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness [courage and confidence] of free access [an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear].
(Ephesians 3:12)

WOW! WOW! and, another WOW! We have free access. We can go before God anytime we want to. We don’t need a special invitation. The throne room is always open, God is always home, He is never napping or on the phone. We can go boldly, expecting Him to meet our need and do it willingly and joyfully.

No doubt millions of people pray, but the question we want answered is, how do they pray? Do they pray expectantly, boldly, fearlessly, confidently, aggressively, or, ashamed, condemned, asking for barely enough to get by on, and seriously doubting if they will even get that?

You go girl! Start praying like you have never prayed before. Believe that God wants to meet your needs because He is good, not necessarily because you are good. None of us living in a fleshly body has a perfect record, we all make mistakes and yours probably are no worse than anyone else’s. So, stop beating up on yourself and start expecting God to be God in your life.

BE confident even when you don’t FEEL confident and watch God work!