The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (712 page)

the second one a friend for some time.

LEONTES

[Aside] Too hot, too hot!

To mingle friendship far is mingling bloods.

I have tremor cordis on me: my heart dances;

But not for joy; not joy. This entertainment

May a free face put on, derive a liberty

From heartiness, from bounty, fertile bosom,

And well become the agent; 't may, I grant;

But to be paddling palms and pinching fingers,

As now they are, and making practised smiles,

As in a looking-glass, and then to sigh, as 'twere

The mort o' the deer; O, that is entertainment

My bosom likes not, nor my brows! Mamillius,

Art thou my boy?

That's a bit too much!

If you take friendship too far it becomes sex.

I have palpitations: my heart is dancing;

but not for happiness; no not happiness. This welcome

might look innocent, might take its liberties

from cordiality, from generosity, from abundant affection,

and suit the giver very well; it might, I'll grant;

but to be toying with their hands and twining their fingers,

as they now are, and making studied smiles,

as if in a looking glass, and then sighing, as if

they were a dying deer; oh, this is a game

my heart does not enjoy, nor does my head!

Mamillius, are you my boy?

MAMILLIUS

Ay, my good lord.

Yes, my good lord.

LEONTES

I' fecks!

Why, that's my bawcock. What, hast

smutch'd thy nose?

They say it is a copy out of mine. Come, captain,

We must be neat; not neat, but cleanly, captain:

And yet the steer, the heifer and the calf

Are all call'd neat.--Still virginalling

Upon his palm!--How now, you wanton calf!

Art thou my calf?

By God!

Well, that's my good lad. What, have you

got a smudge on your nose?

They say it is identical to mine. Come, captain,

we must be neat; not just neat, but clean, captain:

after all even cattle

can be called neat. Still playing a tune

on his palm! Now then, you frisky calf!

Are you my calf?

MAMILLIUS

Yes, if you will, my lord.

Yes, if that's what you want, my lord.

LEONTES

Thou want'st a rough pash and the shoots that I have,

To be full like me: yet they say we are

Almost as like as eggs; women say so,

That will say anything but were they false

As o'er-dyed blacks, as wind, as waters, false

As dice are to be wish'd by one that fixes

No bourn 'twixt his and mine, yet were it true

To say this boy were like me. Come, sir page,

Look on me with your welkin eye: sweet villain!

Most dear'st! my collop! Can thy dam?--may't be?--

Affection! thy intention stabs the centre:

Thou dost make possible things not so held,

Communicatest with dreams;--how can this be?--

With what's unreal thou coactive art,

And fellow'st nothing: then 'tis very credent

Thou mayst co-join with something; and thou dost,

And that beyond commission, and I find it,

And that to the infection of my brains

And hardening of my brows.

You need a shaggy head and the horns I have

to really be like me; yet they say we are

almost as identical as eggs. Women say so,

women who will say anything. But they are

as false as re-dyed clothes, as wind, as the waters, false

as dice are, desired by someone who makes no distinction

between what's mine and what's his, but it is true

to say this boy is like me. Come, my lad,

look at me with your sky-blue eye. Sweet rascal!

My dearest! My flesh and blood! Can your mother? Can it be?

Desire, you strike right to the heart of the soul.

You make possible things thought impossible,

that were only seen in dreams–how can this be?–

You are partner with the impossible,

and so nothing is impossible. Then it's very likely

that you can partner something else; and you have,

and that is beyond belief, and I have found it,

and that is what has driven me mad,

and made me a cuckold.

POLIXENES

What means Sicilia?

What does Sicily mean?

HERMIONE

He something seems unsettled.

He seems a little disturbed.

POLIXENES

How, my lord!

What cheer? how is't with you, best brother?

Hello, my lord!

What's the story? How are things with you, my dearest brother?

HERMIONE

You look as if you held a brow of much distraction.

Are you moved, my lord?

You look as if something is bothering you.

Are you upset, my lord?

LEONTES

No, in good earnest.

How sometimes nature will betray its folly,

Its tenderness, and make itself a pastime

To harder bosoms! Looking on the lines

Of my boy's face, methoughts I did recoil

Twenty-three years, and saw myself unbreech'd,

In my green velvet coat, my dagger muzzled,

Lest it should bite its master, and so prove,

As ornaments oft do, too dangerous:

How like, methought, I then was to this kernel,

This squash, this gentleman. Mine honest friend,

Will you take eggs for money?

No, I assure you.

Sometimes perfection will show its weakness,

its tenderness, and become a plaything

for harder hearts! Looking at

my boy's face, I thought I went back

twenty-three years and saw myself as a small child,

in my green velvet coat, my dagger with a cork

on the point, in case it will should stab me, and so be

as ornaments often are, too dangerous.

I thought how similar I was then to this seed,

this unripe plant, this gentleman. My honest friend,

will you allow yourself to be conned?

MAMILLIUS

No, my lord, I'll fight.

No, my lord, I'll fight.

LEONTES

You will! why, happy man be's dole! My brother,

Are you so fond of your young prince as we

Do seem to be of ours?

You will! Well, may happiness be your future! My brother,

are you as fond of your young prince as I

seem to be of mine?

POLIXENES

If at home, sir,

He's all my exercise, my mirth, my matter,

Now my sworn friend and then mine enemy,

My parasite, my soldier, statesman, all:

He makes a July's day short as December,

And with his varying childness cures in me

Thoughts that would thick my blood.

When I'm at home, sir,

he's everything to me, my laughter, my serious moments,

one minute my greatest friend, and then my enemy,

my beggar, my soldier, politician, everything:

he makes a July day fly by as if it was December,

and with his childish moods he alleviates

any melancholy in me.

LEONTES

So stands this squire

Officed with me: we two will walk, my lord,

And leave you to your graver steps. Hermione,

How thou lovest us, show in our brother's welcome;

Let what is dear in Sicily be cheap:

Next to thyself and my young rover, he's

Apparent to my heart.

That's the way it is

with this lad and me: he and I shall walk together, my lord,

and leave you to your adult pastimes. Hermione,

show your love for me in the way you entertain our brother;

let him have all the best things in Sicily cheap:

after you and my young scamp, he

is the heir of my affections.

HERMIONE

If you would seek us,

We are yours i' the garden: shall's attend you there?

If you want us,

we will be in the garden: shall we meet you there?

LEONTES

To your own bents dispose you: you'll be found,

Be you beneath the sky.

Aside

I am angling now,

Though you perceive me not how I give line.

Go to, go to!

How she holds up the neb, the bill to him!

And arms her with the boldness of a wife

To her allowing husband!

Exeunt POLIXENES, HERMIONE, and Attendants

Gone already!

Inch-thick, knee-deep, o'er head and

ears a fork'd one!

Go, play, boy, play: thy mother plays, and I

Play too, but so disgraced a part, whose issue

Will hiss me to my grave: contempt and clamour

Will be my knell. Go, play, boy, play.

There have been,

Or I am much deceived, cuckolds ere now;

And many a man there is, even at this present,

Now while I speak this, holds his wife by the arm,

That little thinks she has been sluiced in's absence

And his pond fish'd by his next neighbour, by

Sir Smile, his neighbour: nay, there's comfort in't

Whiles other men have gates and those gates open'd,

As mine, against their will. Should all despair

That have revolted wives, the tenth of mankind

Would hang themselves. Physic for't there is none;

It is a bawdy planet, that will strike

Where 'tis predominant; and 'tis powerful, think it,

From east, west, north and south: be it concluded,

No barricado for a belly; know't;

It will let in and out the enemy

With bag and baggage: many thousand on's

Have the disease, and feel't not. How now, boy!

Do as you please: you will be discovered,

as long as you are somewhere on earth.

[Aside] I am fishing now,

although you can't see my cunning technique.

Go on, go on!

Look at how she's holding her mouth up towards him!

Look how she's taking advantage

of her husband's permissiveness!

Gone already!

I'm deep into my betrayal!

Go and play, boy, play: your mother is playing and I

am playing too–but the part I'm playing is so disgraceful

that I shall be hissed for it to the grave. Contempt and booing

will be my funeral bell. Go and play, boy, play. There have been,

unless I am much mistaken, cuckolds before now;

and there is many a man who, even right now,

now, as I'm speaking, is holding his wife's hands,

hardly suspecting that she has been diverted while he's away,

and that his next door neighbour has been fishing in his pond,

his smiling next door neighbour. I suppose it's a comforting thought

to know that other men have their property broken into