The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (636 page)

SIR ANDREW

Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up

No, truthfully, I don't know that: but I know, to be up

late is to be up late.

late just means to be up late.

SIR TOBY BELCH

A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.

That is incorrect: I hate it as something illogical.

To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is

To be up after midnight and to then go to bed, is

early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go

early: so that means going to bed after midnight is to go

to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the

to bed on time. Doesn't our life consist of the

four elements?

[He means earth, air, fire, and water.]

SIR ANDREW

Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists

By my faith, so they say; but I think it instead consists

of eating and drinking.

of eating food and drinking wine and beer.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.

You are a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.

Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!

Marian, I'm calling you! Some wine!

Enter Clown

SIR ANDREW

Here comes the fool, i' faith.

Here comes the fool, by my faith.

Clown

How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture

Hello there, gentlemen! Did you never see the picture

of 'we three'?

of the three of us?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.

Welcome, ass. Now let's have a song.

SIR ANDREW

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I

Truthfully, the fool has a great set of lungs. I

had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,

would be willing to pay forty shillings to have such legs,

and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In

and such a great singing voice, as the fool has. In

sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last

truth, you did a great job of fooling last

night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the

night, when you spoke of Pigrogormitus, of the

Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas

Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: it was

very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy

very good, by my faith. I sent you six pence for your

leman: hadst it?

tip: did you get it?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.

Come on; here's some money: let's have a song.

SIR ANDREW

There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--

That's a test of me too: if one knight gives a ---

Clown

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

Would you like a ballad or a drinking song?

SIR TOBY BELCH

A love-song, a love-song.

A ballad, a ballad.

SIR ANDREW

Ay, ay: I care not for good life.

Yes, yes, I don't care about a good life.

Clown

[Sings]


O mistress mine, where are you roaming?

Oh my lady, where are you going

O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,

Oh, stay and wait, your true love's coming

That can sing both high and low:

Who can sing both high and low:

Trip no further, pretty sweeting;

Wander no further, pretty darling,

Journeys end in lovers meeting,

Journeys need with lovers meet,

Every wise man's son doth know.

Every wise man and his son knows this.

SIR ANDREW

Excellent good, i' faith.

Extremely good, by my faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Good, good.

Good, good.

Clown

[Sings]
What is love? 'tis not hereafter;

What is love? It is now, not after

Present mirth hath present laughter;

Fun now is laughter now;

What's to come is still unsure:

Who knows what is coming?

In delay there lies no plenty;

In putting things off there is no benefit,

Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,

Then come kiss me, sweet twenty-year-old,

Youth's a stuff will not endure.

Being young is something that will not last.

SIR ANDREW

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

A melodious voice, if I am a true knight.

SIR TOBY BELCH

A contagious breath.

A catchy tune.

SIR ANDREW

Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.

Very sweet and catchy, by my faith.

Enter MARIA

MARIA

What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady

What wailing are you doing here? If my lady

have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him

has not called up her steward Malvolio and told him

turn you out of doors, never trust me.

to kick you out, never trush me.

SIR TOBY BELCH

My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's

My lady is a Catain, we are acting like politicians, Malvolio's

a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not

spoiling our fun, and we are three jolly men.

I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?

Oh, we're just having fun! Aren't I her family?

Tillyvally. Lady!

Another song, "TIllyvally", Lady!

Sings

'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'

'There lived a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'

Clown

Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.

My, the knight is doing an excellent job playing the fool.

SIR ANDREW

Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do

Yes, he does it well enough if he feels like it, and so do

I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it

I too: he does it more gracefully, but I do it

more natural.

more naturally.

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Sings] 'O, the twelfth day of December,'--

[Sings] 'Oh, the twelfth day of December,'--

MARIA

For the love o' God, peace!

Oh, shut up!

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO

My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye

My masters, have you gone insane? Or what are you? Do you

no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like

have no sense, manners, or honesty, but to chatter

tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an

like commoners at this time of night? Are you making

alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your

a bar out of my lady's house, that you are squeaking

coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse

your rude songs without any attempt to keep it

of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor

quiet? Is there no respect of place, people, or

time in you?

time, with you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

We did keep time, sir, in our songs. Keep up!

MALVOLIO

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me

Sir Toby, I must be honest with you. My lady told me

tell you, that, though she harbours you as her

to tell you that, though she is allowing you to stay

kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If

as her relative, she has no loyalty to your faults. If

you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you

you can separate yourself and your bad behavior, you

are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please

are welcome to the house; if not, go away,

you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid

she is very willing to tell

you farewell.

you goodbye.

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'

'
Farewell, dear heart, since I must leave.'

MARIA

Nay, good Sir Toby.

No, good Sir Toby.

Clown

'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

'His eyes are showing that his death is near.'

MALVOLIO

Is't even so?

Is that so?

SIR TOBY BELCH

'But I will never die.'

'But I will never die.'

Clown

Sir Toby, there you lie.

Sir Toby, that's a lie.

MALVOLIO

This is much credit to you.

This is a true thing.

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Shall I bid him go?'

"Shall I tell him to go?'

Clown

'What an if you do?'

'
And what if you do?'

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'

'
Shall I tell him to go, without flinching?'

Clown

'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'

'Oh no no no no, you don't dare to.'

SIR TOBY BELCH

Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a

Out of tune, sir: you are lying. Are you any more

steward? Dost thou think, because thou art

than a steward? Do you think, because you are

virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

virtuous, that there shall be no more food and drink?

Clown

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the


mouth too.

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot in the

mouth too.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with

You are correct. Go sir, rub your chain with

crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

crumbs. Some wine, Maria!

MALVOLIO

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any

Madame Mary, if you valued my lady's favor more than

thing more than contempt, you would not give means

you do, you would not help make possible

for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

this rowdy behavior: she shall know about it from me.

Exit

MARIA

Go shake your ears.

Oh, enough of you.

SIR ANDREW

'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's

It is as good a deed as to drink when a man

a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to