The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (417 page)

Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
Holding a bowl, and joking around?

You put our page out: go, you are allow'd;
You betrayed us: Go, you’re a fool;

Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.
Go and die, you can wear a dress since you’re always in the company of women.  

You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye
You glare at me, do you? Your eye

Wounds like a leaden sword.
hurts like a fake sword.  

BOYET Full merrily

Full and cheerfully
Hath this brave manage, this career, been run.
Has this maneuver, this gallop, run its course.  

BIRON Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace! I have done.

Oh, listen to his comeback! Enough! I’m done with this.  
Enter COSTARDWelcome, pure wit! thou partest a fair fray.

Welcome, witty one! You’ve interrupted a good fight.  
COSTARD O Lord, sir, they would know

O Lord, they’ll know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.
Whether the three worthy ones shall come in or not.  

BIRON What, are there but three?

What, are there only three? There’s supposed to be nine.
COSTARD No, sir; but it is vara fine,

No, sir; but it is very fine,
For every one pursents three.

because every one of them represents three.  
BIRON And three times thrice is nine.

And three times three is nine.  
COSTARD Not so, sir; under correction, sir; I hope it is not so.

No, sir; If I may correct you, sir; I hope not.  
You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir we know

You cannot ask us, sir, I assure you, sir, that we know
what we know:
what we know:

I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir,--
I hope, sir, that three times three, sir, is---

BIRON Is not nine.

Is not nine.  
COSTARD Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.

If I may, sir, we have know way of knowing what it will amount to.  
BIRON By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.

By God, I’ve always thought three times three was nine.  
COSTARD O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your living

O lord, sir, it’s a shame that you make a living
by reckoning, sir.
from your math skills, sir.  

BIRON How much is it?

How much is three times three then?
COSTARD O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors,

O Lord, sir, the people themselves, the actors,
sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount: for mine

Sir, will show what it amounts to: for my
own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one man
part, I am, as they say, required to perform a role

in one poor man, Pompion the Great, sir.
of one poor man, Pompion the Great, sir.  

BIRON Art thou one of the Worthies?

Are you one of the Worthy ones?
COSTARD It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompion the

It pleased them to think that I was worthy of the role of Pompion the
Great: for mine own part, I know not the degree of

Great: for my own part, I don’t know to what degree of
the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.

Worthiness, but I am to play the role.  
BIRON Go, bid them prepare.

Go, tell them to get ready.  
COSTARD We will turn it finely off, sir; we will take

We will pull it off finely, sir; we will be
some care.
careful to do so.  

ExitFERDINAND Biron, they will shame us: let them not approach.

Byron they will be a disgrace to us: don’t let them come.  
BIRON We are shame-proof, my lord: and tis some policy

We can’t be shamed any more than we already are, my lord: and it’s good strategy
To have one show worse than the king's and his company.
To have someone else around more disgraceful than the king and his company.  

FERDINAND I say they shall not come.

I say they cannot come.  
PRINCESS Nay, my good lord, let me o'errule you now:

No, my good lord, let me overrule your command:
That sport best pleases that doth least know how:

The most fun plays are acted by those who don’t know how to act:
Where zeal strives to content, and the contents

With an enthusiasm to perform, and the substance of the play
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents:

Is overshadowed by the enthusiasm to perform it.  
Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
Watching them make a mess of the performance has it’s own pleasure,

When great things labouring perish in their birth.
when great works of art are destroyed in their performance.  

BIRON A right description of our sport, my lord.

That’s an accurate description of what we do, my lord.  
Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADODON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal

Dear anointed one, I ask if you can spare a moment  
sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.

To speak with me.  
Converses apart with FERDINAND, and delivers him a paperPRINCESS Doth this man serve God?

Is this a man of God?
BIRON Why ask you?

Why do you ask?
PRINCESS He speaks not like a man of God's making.

He doesn’t speak like a man that God made.  

DONADRIANO DE ARMADO That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for,
That is all the same, my fair, sweet, beautiful highness; for,

I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding
I must disagree, the teacher is far too

fantastical; too, too vain, too too vain: but we
fantastical; too, too vain, too too vain: but we

will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra.
will say, as the saying goes, to the fortune of war.

I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!
I wish you peace of mind, most royal couple!

ExitFERDINAND Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He

Here it’s like being in the presence of the Worthy.  He
presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the
acts like he’s Hector of Troy; the country boy like Pompey the

Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Armado's page,
Great; the parish priest like Alexander; Armado’s assistant,

Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus: And if
Hercules; the teacher, Judas Maccabaeus: And if

these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
These four Worthy ones in their first show perform well,

These four will change habits, and present the other five.
They will change their clothes, and act out the other five roles too.  

BIRON There is five in the first show.

There are five characters in the first play.
FERDINAND You are deceived; 'tis not so.

You must be deceived; that’s not the case.  
BIRON The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool

The teacher, the braggart, the illiterate priest, the fool
and the boy:--

And the boy:--
Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
All chance aside, and the whole world

Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.
couldn’t pick out five, they are each such fantastical characters.

FERDINAND The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

It’s too late now, here they come.  
Enter COSTARD, for PompeyCOSTARD I Pompey am,--

I am Pompey, --
BOYET You lie, you are not he.
You lie, you’re not Pompey.

COSTARD I Pompey am,--

I am Pompey,--
BOYET With libbard's head on knee.
With your coat of arms on your knee rather than your shield.  

BIRON Well said, old mocker: I must needs be friends

Good one, old heckler: I should be friends
with thee.
with you.  

COSTARD I Pompey am, Pompey surnamed the Big—

I am Pompey, Pompey nicknamed the Big--
DUMAIN The Great.

The Great.
COSTARD It is, 'Great,' sir:--

It is, “Great,” sir:--
Pompey surnamed the Great;

Pompey nicknamed the Great;
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make

That often in the battlefield, with sword and shield, did make
my foe to sweat:

My enemies sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,

And travelling along the coast, I happen to come here
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France,
And lay my shield in front of legs of a sweet girl from France,

If your ladyship would say, 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done.
If she would only say, ‘Thanks, Pompey,’ I would be done.  

PRINCESS Great thanks, great Pompey.

Great thanks, great Pompey.
COSTARD 'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect: I

It isn’t worth much; but I hope I was perfect: I
made a little fault in 'Great.'

Forgot part of my line.
BIRON My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.

I tip my hat to you, Pompey seems to be the best Character.  
Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for AlexanderSIR NATHANIEL When in the world I lived, I was the world's

When I lived in the world, I was the world’s
commander;
commander;

By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
East, west, north, and south, I  

conquering might:
conquered.

My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander,--
My shield clearly states that I am Alexander,--

BOYET Your nose says, no, you are not for it stands too right.

Your nose says that you’re not, for Alexander’s was crooked and yours is straight.
BIRON Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight.

You don’t think it’s him then, you sensitive knight.  
PRINCESS The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.

The conqueror has been interrupted.  Keep going, Alexander.
SIR NATHANIEL When in the world I lived, I was the world's

When I lived in the world, I was the world’s
commander,--
commander,--

BOYET Most true, 'tis right; you were so, Alisander.
That is most true, ‘tis right; you were, Alexander,

BIRON Pompey the Great,--

Pompey the Great,--
COSTARD Your servant, and Costard.
At your service, and Costard too.  

BIRON Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.

Get rid of this conqueror, take away Alexander.  
COSTARD [To SIR NATHANIEL] O, sir, you have overthrown

O, sir you have been overthrown
Alisander the conqueror! You will be scraped out of

Alexander the conqueror!  You will be removed from
the painted cloth for this: your lion, that holds
the painting of the characters for this: your lion, holding

his poll-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given

a battle axe sitting on a toilet, will be given
to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror,
to Ajax: and he will become the ninth Worthy.  A conqueror,

and afeard to speak! run away for shame, Alisander.
and you’re afraid to speak!  Run away in shame, Alexander.

SIR NATHANIEL retiresThere, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man; an

There if it will please you; a foolish and mild man; an
honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a

Honest man, look if you will, and soon he is destroyed.  He is a
marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good

great neighbor, faithful, and a very good
bowler: but, for Alisander,--alas, you see how

bowler: but, for Alexander,-- well, you see how
'tis,--a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies
it is,--the part is a little too difficult for him.  But there are other Worthies