The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (300 page)

I swear they are not.

Old Lady

Then you are weakly made: pluck off a little;

I would not be a young count in your way,

For more than blushing comes to: if your back

Cannot vouchsafe this burthen,'tis too weak

Ever to get a boy.

Then you are poorly made: calm down a little;

I wouldn't want to be a young count in your way,

for more than the price of a blush: if your back

won't accept this burden, you are too weak

to ever give birth to a boy.

ANNE

How you do talk!

I swear again, I would not be a queen

For all the world.

What things you say!

I swear again, I would not be a queen

for all the world.

Old Lady

In faith, for little England

You'ld venture an emballing: I myself

Would for Carnarvonshire, although there long'd

No more to the crown but that. Lo, who comes here?

I swear you would risk a coronation

for the sake of little England: I myself

would do it for Caernarfonshire, even if

that was all the Crown owned. Hello, who's this?

Enter Chamberlain

Chamberlain

Good morrow, ladies. What were't worth to know

The secret of your conference?

Good day, ladies. What would I have to pay to know

the secrets you're talking about?

ANNE

My good lord,

Not your demand; it values not your asking:

Our mistress' sorrows we were pitying.

My good lord,

not even your question; it's not worth you asking:

we were pitying the sorrows of our mistress.

Chamberlain

It was a gentle business, and becoming

The action of good women: there is hope

All will be well.

That is a kind business, and suited

to the action of good women: there is hope

that all will be well.

ANNE

Now, I pray God, amen!

I pray to God it may be so!

Chamberlain

You bear a gentle mind, and heavenly blessings

Follow such creatures. That you may, fair lady,

Perceive I speak sincerely, and high note's

Ta'en of your many virtues, the king's majesty

Commends his good opinion of you, and

Does purpose honour to you no less flowing

Than Marchioness of Pembroke: to which title

A thousand pound a year, annual support,

Out of his grace he adds.

You have a gentle mind, and heavenly blessings

come to such creatures. So that you, fair Lady,

may see that I speak sincerely, and that your many virtues

have been noticed by the highest, his Majesty the King

asks me to convey his good opinion of you, and

intends to honour you with no lesser title than

Marchioness of Pembroke: and from his kindness

he adds to the title a pension of a thousand pounds a year.

ANNE

I do not know

What kind of my obedience I should tender;

More than my all is nothing: nor my prayers

Are not words duly hallow'd, nor my wishes

More worth than empty vanities; yet prayers and wishes

Are all I can return. Beseech your lordship,

Vouchsafe to speak my thanks and my obedience,

As from a blushing handmaid, to his highness;

Whose health and royalty I pray for.

I do not know

how I should reply to this; everything I have is not enough: and my prayers

are not holy enough, and my wishes

are not worth more than empty trinkets; but prayers and wishes

are all I can give in return. I beg your Lordship,

be so kind as to give my thanks and my obedience,

as from a blushing handmaiden, to his Highness;

I pray for his health and his position.

Chamberlain

Lady,

I shall not fail to approve the fair conceit

The king hath of you.

Aside

I have perused her well;

Beauty and honour in her are so mingled

That they have caught the king: and who knows yet

But from this lady may proceed a gem

To lighten all this isle? I'll to the king,

And say I spoke with you.

Lady,

I won't fail to confirm the good opinion

the King has of you.

[Aside]

I have examined her well;

duty and honour are so mixed in her

that they have attracted the King: and who can tell

that this lady might not produce a gem

to brighten this whole island?

I'll go to the King,

and say I spoke with you.

Exit Chamberlain

ANNE

My honour'd lord.

My honoured Lord.

Old Lady

Why, this it is; see, see!

I have been begging sixteen years in court,

Am yet a courtier beggarly, nor could

Come pat betwixt too early and too late

For any suit of pounds; and you, O fate!

A very fresh-fish here--fie, fie, fie upon

This compell'd fortune!--have your mouth fill'd up

Before you open it.

Why this is it, see, see!

I have been begging in court for sixteen years,

and I'm still a begging courtier, and there's

nowhere at all that I could ever

get any sort of pension; and you, oh Fate!

An absolute greenhorn here–damnation to this

Fortune!–are given an absolute fortune

before you've even asked for it.

ANNE

This is strange to me.

This is strange to me.

Old Lady

How tastes it? is it bitter? forty pence, no.

There was a lady once, 'tis an old story,

That would not be a queen, that would she not,

For all the mud in Egypt: have you heard it?

How does it taste? Is it bitter? I'll bet forty pence it's not.

There was a lady once, it's an old story,

who said she wouldn't be Queen, that she wouldn't

for all the mud in Egypt: have you heard it?

ANNE

Come, you are pleasant.

Come, you are joking.

Old Lady

With your theme, I could

O'ermount the lark. The Marchioness of Pembroke!

A thousand pounds a year for pure respect!

No other obligation! By my life,

That promises moe thousands: honour's train

Is longer than his foreskirt. By this time

I know your back will bear a duchess: say,

Are you not stronger than you were?

If I had your reason to, I could

sing louder than the lark. The Marchioness of Pembroke!

A thousand pounds a year for nothing!

No job to do! I swear,

that promises more thousands: honour increases

as time goes on. I think this shows

that you could bear the title of Duchess: tell me,

aren't you stronger than you were before?

ANNE

Good lady,

Make yourself mirth with your particular fancy,

And leave me out on't. Would I had no being,

If this salute my blood a jot: it faints me,

To think what follows.

The queen is comfortless, and we forgetful

In our long absence: pray, do not deliver

What here you've heard to her.

Good lady,

amuse yourself with your strange fantasies,

and leave me out of it. I would wish myself dead

if this gave me any pleasure: it makes me faint,

to think of what will follow.

The Queen has no one to comfort her, and we are being forgetful

by being absent for so long: please, do not tell her

what you have heard here.

Old Lady

What do you think me?

Who do you think I am?

Exeunt

Trumpets, sennet, and cornets. Enter two Vergers, with short silver wands; next them, two Scribes, in the habit of doctors; after them, CANTERBURY alone; after him, LINCOLN, Ely, Rochester, and Saint Asaph; next them, with some small distance, follows a Gentleman bearing the purse, with the great seal, and a cardinal's hat; then two Priests, bearing each a silver cross; then a Gentleman-usher bare-headed, accompanied with a Sergeant-at-arms bearing a silver mace; then two Gentlemen bearing two great silver pillars; after them, side by side, CARDINAL WOLSEY and CARDINAL CAMPEIUS; two Noblemen with the sword and mace. KING HENRY VIII takes place under the cloth of state; CARDINAL WOLSEY and CARDINAL CAMPEIUS sit under him as judges. QUEEN KATHARINE takes place some distance from KING HENRY VIII. The Bishops place themselves on each side the court, in manner of a consistory; below them, the Scribes. The Lords sit next the Bishops. The rest of the Attendants stand in convenient order about the stage.

CARDINAL WOLSEY

Whilst our commission from Rome is read,

Let silence be commanded.

Let there be silence

while our orders from Rome are read.

KING HENRY VIII

What's the need?

It hath already publicly been read,

And on all sides the authority allow'd;

You may, then, spare that time.

What need is there?

They have already been read out publicly,

and everybody has agreed to their authority;

you can save that trouble.

CARDINAL WOLSEY

Be't so. Proceed.

So be it. Carry on.

Scribe

Say, Henry King of England, come into the court.

Henry King of England, come into the court.

Crier

Henry King of England, & c.

Henry King of England!

KING HENRY VIII

Here.

I am here.

Scribe

Say, Katharine Queen of England, come into the court.

Katherine, Queen of England, come in to the court!

Crier