The Complete Groupie Trilogy (71 page)

Vanni felt like he’d just been hit by cannon fire. He couldn’t imagine saying that to anyone, much less someone he barely knew. He didn’t mess around with things like pregnancy and birth control. The only times he’d been careless were with Andy, but that was because he had been truly in love with her. He never wanted to create a child where he knew he couldn’t be a hands-on parent, and he knew Andy was the only woman he’d ever considered for that kind of lifelong commitment.

She never knew that, but it was the God’s honest truth.

“Holly, I would never say that,” he told her. Even at his drunkest he couldn’t imagine it.

She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him wide-eyed. “Are you calling me a liar?” she wanted to know. He didn’t know what to say. “You
begged
me to make love to you even after I told you it was unsafe.”

He staggered backward. “What are you saying?”

“I told you before I wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of girl. I can’t use hormones and I’m allergic to latex, so every man I ever sleep with has to be willing to be a father, especially during the middle of my cycle. I told you this before our first time, but you begged me to let you make love to me anyway, that you loved me…that we could handle anything because of all the things we’ve been through.”

He searched his brain to remember. Maybe in a drunken stupor he would have said those things to Andy. Had he confused the two of them? Had he been that wasted?

“As the night wore on you started daydreaming of having a baby with me. Remember? You said you thought it made sense to have a baby with someone like me because of how well I take care of everyone, especially you. You touched my stomach, remember? You told me how much you wanted a baby daughter with my blue eyes. You said you just wanted to make me happy. It was the most romantic night of my life,” she said as she dissolved into tears. “Now we had sex four times and I know for a fact I was ovulating. Oh my God… you’re going to leave me just like all the rest, only this time I’ll be pregnant.”

She collapsed to her knees in the middle of his kitchen. He ran over to her and lifted her up. He couldn’t imagine that he’d have done something so horribly against his nature, even as drunk as he was, but he’d never leave any woman to raise his child alone. “Holly, no. I would never do that.” He swallowed the huge lump in his throat. “If you got pregnant, I’d take care of you. And the baby. I promise.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t burden you like that, Vanni. You clearly don’t love me like you said. Obviously you were substituting me for someone else.”

Each accusation hit him like a gunshot. There was a kernel of truth inside each one.  “Holly, I’m sorry. I don’t remember. I had been drinking…”

“I’ve heard that excuse before,” she hissed, referring to her alcoholic father and making Vanni feel even more like a shit. She struggled to her feet as she attempted to dress, hiding her body now from him out of obvious humiliation. “I’ll go,” she said. “You’ll never have to see me again. I won’t even tell you if there’s a baby. You’re off the hook. Congratulations.”

He grabbed her by the arm and turned her around. “Holly, listen to me. I will not let you do this on your own. If there’s a baby I want to know about it. I want to be there for you and for the baby. I’m a selfish son of a bitch but I will not let you down. I will not,” he paused as he rolled the weighty words around on his tongue, “let our baby down. I promise.”

She stared at him for a long moment, obviously weighing the truth in his promise. Finally she nodded and allowed him to take her into his arms. When she apologized he felt even more like a heel. “I’ll move back into my apartment,” she said.

“There’s no need to do that,” he said. “Unless you can’t stand the sight of me,” he offered, because he couldn’t blame her a bit if she felt that way.

“I love you, Vanni,” she said in a small voice that touched his heart. Such a young girl, so innocent to the life he lived. As always he felt the need to protect her. He put his arms around her and hugged her close and let her cry on his shoulder.

That afternoon she went back to her apartment and Vanni thought about calling Andy for the first time in weeks. But then he remembered how things went south in San Francisco when they had their own pregnancy scare. He had asked her to go without condoms because he wanted to be as close to her as he could physically be. In the
back of his mind had he wanted to have a baby with her? Had he wanted life to intervene and make him grow the hell up once and for all, to commit to the one woman who scared him the most?

But when the possibility stared him in the face he wanted to bolt like a skittish rabbit. He was enormously relieved they hadn’t gotten pregnant… at first. Then afterwards all he could think about was a baby who was half him and half Andy. Suddenly the idea wasn’t so scary. It felt right.

If they had a baby maybe she wouldn’t be with Graham right now.

He shook his head of such treacherous thoughts. Life happened the way it happened. Maybe Talia would have shot his child rather than aim her gun at the woman he loved. There was no way to predict anything.

Although Holly seemed fairly certain they had conceived a child, given her level of fear at the idea. If her cycle was right and they had embarked on a sex marathon, which if history was any indication was highly likely, the chances were probably very high he could be a father whether he was ready or not.

Biology was a funny thing. All it took was one careless, unthinking moment to change entire lives. He’d gotten lucky all the years before, so maybe this was just
karma doing what it does best.

After the year he’d had, he should have been used to that.

Holly looked much better when she got back to the apartment that afternoon. He knew he’d be watching her like a time bomb for the next few weeks. He asked her when they’d know for sure and she said that some tests could be taken within a couple of weeks. She told him she’d keep her distance until then but at his insistence they spent the evening sharing a meal and then playing cards until midnight.

It was as though they were putting off going to bed for as long as possible to avoid that awkward moment where he’d go to his room and not invite her to join him.

She gave him every possible opportunity to change his mind, right up to the point he bid her goodnight and escaped into his bedroom.

As he lay in bed he tried desperately to remember the events from the night before. His hangover had lingered most of the day, which clouded his memory and gave him a headache unlike anything he’d remembered having.

When he reached over to set his alarm clock he saw a vial of pills he instantly recognized as the sleeping pills Leo used to supply. He wasn’t sure how they ended up on his nightstand, but he figured Leo’s presence at the party the night before was no small coincidence. He never bought into the whole addict thing and had been pretty vocal about it, trying every once and a while to get Vanni to come back over to the dark side, mostly when Holly wasn’t around. This new bottle held a variety of pills, some he recognized and some he didn’t.

He assumed that was at least partl
y responsible for his blackout.

When he went off the wagon, he really went off the wagon apparently.

He was so ashamed he couldn’t even answer his dad’s phone call the following day. Instead he did what he always did. He threw himself into his work and tried not to think about babies or fatherhood for the next fourteen days. They kept their secret famously, though his subtle shift of taking care of her didn’t escape Leo’s watchful eye.

“You’re doing the right thing,” he told him during one of their breaks. Leo sucked down a beer while Vanni nursed a mineral water. “Holly’s a good woman. One of the few left who knows her place is to take care of a man.”

Vanni scowled his direction. He wasn’t used to that kind of misogynist thinking. He was a womanizer because he loved women, not because he hated them. He wanted to romance every last one of them because he needed to fill his world with their love and affection… not their servitude. That was why they all fell in love with him. He was a hopeless romantic in every sense of the word, who sought to make their dreams come true.

He had done that on a global scale with his music, which was why his fans were diehard and devoted. Even after all the scandals he knew they had forgiven him. Women loved him, even when it was against their own best interest to do so.

This was why Holly was in the pickle she was in. She had fallen in love with him and got too close. It was up to him now to minimize the damage.

Because of that, he took even better care of her. He’d have dinner delivered and made sure she had all the vitamin supplements she wanted “just in case.” She started to go to bed earlier and earlier each night, which he already knew was an early sign of pregnancy since he had done a crash course in research on the subject. She had even begun missing recording sessions because she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

By the time it came to take the test, Vanni really didn’t even need to go with her to the clinic and see the positive sign for himself.

It was clear.

He was going to be a father.

Chapter Twenty-One

December, 2010. Los Angeles.

Andy

After that first night together, Andy and Graham had tried to maintain a physical relationship. Unfortunately it came with more disappointment than success. The doctor warned them this was on par with what they could expect, and offered advice how they could have a more fulfilling relationship that depended on emotional intimacy more than physical intimacy.

Even so it pained Graham that he couldn’t physically fulfill the woman he loved. He spent hours trying to pleasure her, which brought them physically closer without the benefit of sexual intercourse. But he could tell that she was still having a hard time moving on now that Vanni was completely out of her life.

Within weeks of their first conversation Holly had confided in Andy that the mystery woman in question was indeed pregnant, and now they were talking about marriage to bring the child up in the two-parent home he had been denied as a child. Though she faithfully maintained the ruse, Andy had already figured out the identity of the mystery woman involved, and had from the moment Holly dropped the initial bomb.

That was why it had been so easy for Andy to believe. Of course he had moved in with someone. Of course he had gotten serious. Wasn’t there always someone waiting in the wings? She had been down this road many times before; she had just never been friends with his other woman prior to their “doing the deed.” She knew from the moment Holly referred to them both as a possessive “we” she was staking a claim. Why would she have done that if she hadn’t the right to?

Not only was Holly obviously in love with him, she was just the kind of girl that Vanni would choose to have on his arm for the whole world to see. This was proven by all the photos splashed over the tabloids of the two of them.

Andy knew it would be a top priority for him to commit to her now that there was a baby involved. He really was out of her reach now, but maybe that was for the best. She had made her choice to be with Graham. It was unfair to ask him to hang on indeterminately when there was no guarantee she’d eve
r be free from her obligations.

Now that she had made love to him, Andy knew there was no turning back. It wasn’t quite a marriage but her vow to remain at
his side was as binding as one.

It wasn’t as easy getting Vanni out of her head, though. On more than one occasion she was glad they couldn’t consummate the love affair due to Graham’s physical limitations. It spared them both her treacherous thoughts of another man while in his arms.

And it wasn’t that Graham was not a kind or conscientious lover. He knew tricks even Vanni hadn’t learned yet about how to fully satisfy a woman. He had the patience to get the most out of their foreplay, so much so she couldn’t speak as her body trembled in the aftermath of several explosive orgasms.

She tried to return the favor but with his limited sensations below the waist the most she could do was cuddle him close and kiss him passionately. He never complained. How could he? He had dreamed of being in her arms for years. Wanting to feel more simply drove his physical therapy as he was more determined than ever to regain the use of his lower body.

In that sense their lovemaking felt like an extension of his recuperation. When he was able to stay erect and even manage an orgasm they both felt triumphant, as if he really were on the way to full mobility.

So
they kept trying, win or lose.

And he treasured each and every moment of it. It was the salve to his soul. By mid-December he could put full weight on his legs and take aided steps along his parallel bars. It was just enough of a positive sign that kept him working sun-up to sun-down. Andy handled much of the business during the day, including news from New York.

She dealt only with Holly, and Graham could always tell by her mood whenever she’d spoken to her. Graham, too, understood the other woman in Vanni’s life was no mystery at all. He also understood that every time Holly spoke happily about Vanni’s plans for the future it crushed Andy that she was not the woman in question.