The Complete Dramatic Works (58 page)

Written in English for actor David Warrilow in 1979 and performed by him in New York
in 1980. First published by
Kenyon
Review
in 1979.

SPEAKER:
Birth was the death of him. Again. Words are few. Dying too. Birth was the death
of him. Ghastly grinning ever since. Up at the lid to come. In cradle and crib. At
suck first fiasco. With the first totters. From mammy to nanny and back. All the way.
Bandied back and forth. So ghastly grinning on. From funeral to funeral. To now. This
night. Two and a half billion seconds. Again. Two and a half billion seconds. Hard
to believe so few. From funeral to funeral. Funerals of … he all but said of loved
ones. Thirty thousand nights. Hard to believe so few. Born dead of night. Sun long
sunk behind the larches. New needles turning green. In the room dark gaining. Till
faint light from standard lamp. Wick turned low. And now. This night. Up at nightfall.
Every nightfall. Faint light in room. Whence unknown. None from window. No. Next to
none. No such thing as none. Gropes to window and stares out. Stands there staring
out. Stock still staring out. Nothing stirring in that black vast. Gropes back in
the end to where the lamp is standing. Was standing. When last went out.
Loose matches in right-hand pocket. Strikes one on his buttock the way his father
taught him. Takes off milk white globe and sets it down. Match goes out. Strikes a
second as before. Takes off chimney. Smoke-clouded. Holds it in left hand. Match goes
out. Strikes a third as before and sets it to wick. Puts back chimney. Match goes
out. Puts back globe. Turns wick low. Backs away to edge of light and turns to face
east. Blank wall. So nightly. Up. Socks. Nightgown. Window. Lamp. Backs away to edge
of light and stands facing blank wall. Covered with pictures once. Pictures of … he
all but said of loved ones. Unframed. Unglazed. Pinned to wall with drawing-pins.
All shapes and sizes. Down one after another. Gone. Torn to shreds and scattered.
Strewn all over the floor. Not at one sweep. No sudden fit of … no word. Ripped from
the wall and torn to shreds one by one. Over the years. Years of nights. Nothing on
the wall now but the pins. Not all. Some out with the wrench. Some still pinning a
shred. So stands there facing blank wall. Dying on. No more no less. No. Less. Less
to die. Ever less. Like light at nightfall. Stands there facing east. Blank pinpocked
surface once white in shadow. Could once name them all. There was father. That grey
void. There mother. That other. There together. Smiling. Wedding day. There all three.
That grey blot. There alone. He alone. So on. Not now. Forgotten. All gone so long.
Gone. Ripped off and torn to shreds. Scattered all over the floor. Swept out of the
way under the bed and left. Thousand shreds under the bed with the dust and spiders.
All the … he all but said the loved ones. Stands there facing the wall staring beyond.
Nothing there either. Nothing stirring there either. Nothing stirring
anywhere
. Nothing to be seen anywhere. Nothing to be heard anywhere. Room once full of sounds.
Faint sounds. Whence unknown. Fewer and fainter as time wore on. Nights wore on. None
now. No. No such thing as none. Rain some nights still slant against the panes. Or
dropping gentle on the place beneath. Even now. Lamp smoking though wick turned low.
Strange. Faint smoke issuing through vent in globe. Low ceiling stained by night after
night of this. Dark shapeless blot on surface elsewhere white. Once white. Stands
facing wall after the various motions described. That is up at nightfall and into
gown and socks. No. In them already. In them all night. All day. All day and night.
Up at nightfall in gown and socks and after a moment to get his bearings gropes to
window. Faint light in room. Unutterably faint. Whence unknown. Stands stock still
staring out. Into black vast. Nothing there. Nothing stirring. That he can see. Hear.
Dwells thus as if unable to move again. Or no will left to move again. Not enough
will left to move again. Turns in the end and gropes to where he knows the lamp is
standing. Thinks he knows. Was last standing. When last went out. Match one as described
for globe. Two for chimney. Three for wick. Chimney and globe back on. Turns wick
low. Backs away to edge of light and turns to face wall. East. Still as the lamp by
his side. Gown and socks white to take faint light. Once white. Hair white to take
faint light. Foot of pallet just visible edge of frame. Once white to take faint light.
Stands there staring beyond. Nothing. Empty dark. Till first word always the same.
Night after night the same. Birth. Then slow fade up of a faint form. Out of the dark.
A window. Looking west. Sun long sunk behind the larches. Light dying. Soon none left
to die. No. No such thing as no light. Starless moonless heaven. Dies on to dawn and
never dies. There in the dark that window. Night slowly falling. Eyes to the small
pane gaze at that first night. Turn from it in the end to face the darkened room.
There in the end slowly a faint hand. Holding aloft a lighted spill. In the light
of spill faintly the hand and milkwhite globe. Then second hand. In light of spill.
Takes off globe and disappears. Reappears empty. Takes off chimney. Two hands and
chimney in light of spill. Spill to wick. Chimney back on. Hand with spill disappears.
Second hand disappears. Chimney alone in gloom. Hand reappears with globe. Globe back
on. Turns wick low. Disappears. Pale globe alone in gloom. Glimmer of brass bedrail.
Fade. Birth the death of him. That nevoid smile. Thirty thousand nights. Stands at
edge of lamplight staring
beyond. Into dark whole again. Window gone. Hands gone. Light gone. Gone. Again and
again. Again and again gone. Till dark slowly parts again. Grey light. Rain pelting.
Umbrellas round a grave. Seen from above. Streaming black canopies. Black ditch beneath.
Rain bubbling in the black mud. Empty for the moment. That place beneath. Which …
he all but said which loved one? Thirty seconds. To add to the two and a half billion
odd. Then fade. Dark whole again. Blest dark. No. No such thing as whole. Stands staring
beyond half hearing what he’s saying. He? The words falling from his mouth. Making
do with his mouth. Lights lamp as described. Backs away to edge of light and and turns
to face wall. Stares beyond into dark. Waits for first word always the same. It gathers
in his mouth. Parts lips and thrusts tongue forward. Birth. Parts the dark. Slowly
the window. That first night. The room. The spill. The hands. The lamp. The gleam
of brass. Fade. Gone. Again and again. Again and again gone. Mouth agape. A cry. Stifled
by nasal. Dark parts. Grey light. Rain pelting. Streaming umbrellas. Ditch. Bubbling
black mud. Coffin out of frame. Whose? Fade. Gone. Move on to other matters. Try to
move on. To other matters. How far from wall? Head almost touching. As at window.
Eyes glued to pane staring out. Nothing stirring. Black vast. Stands there stock still
staring out as if unable to move again. Or gone the will to move again. Gone. Faint
cry in his ear. Mouth agape. Closed with hiss of breath. Lips joined. Feel soft touch
of lip on lip. Lip lipping lip. Then parted by cry as before. Where is he now? Back
at window staring out. Eyes glued to pane. As if looking his last. Turns away at last
and gropes through faint unaccountable light to unseen lamp. White gown moving through
that gloom. Once white. Lights and moves to face wall as described. Head almost touching.
Stands there staring beyond waiting for first word. It gathers in his mouth. Birth.
Parts lips and thrusts tongue between them. Tip of tongue. Feel soft touch of tongue
on lips. Of lips on tongue. Fade up in outer dark of window. Stare beyond through
rift in dark to other dark. Further dark. Sun long sunk behind the larches. Nothing
stirring. Nothing faintly stirring. Stock still eyes glued to pane. As if looking
his last. At that first night. Of thirty thousand odd. Turn away in the end to darkened
room.
Where soon to be. This night to be. Spill. Hands. Lamp. Gleam of brass. Pale globe
alone in gloom. Brass bedrail catching light. Thirty seconds. To swell the two and
a half billion odd. Fade. Gone. Cry. Snuffed with breath of nostrils. Again and again.
Again and again gone. Till whose grave? Which … he all but said which loved one’s?
He? Black ditch in pelting rain. Way out through the grey rift in dark. Seen from
on high. Streaming canopies. Bubbling black mud. Coffin on its way. Loved one … he
all but said loved one on his way. Her way. Thirty seconds. Fade. Gone. Stands there
staring beyond. Into dark whole again. No. No such thing as whole. Head almost touching
wall. White hair catching light. White gown. White socks. White foot of pallet edge
of frame stage left. Once white. Least … give and head rests on wall. But no. Stock
still head haught staring beyond. Nothing stirring. Faintly stirring. Thirty thousand
nights of ghosts beyond. Beyond that black beyond. Ghost light. Ghost nights. Ghost
rooms. Ghost graves. Ghost … he all but said ghost loved ones. Waiting on the rip
word. Stands there staring beyond at that black veil lips quivering to half-heard
words. Treating of other matters. Trying to treat of other matters. Till half hears
there are no other matters. Never were other matters. Never two matters. Never but
the one matter. The dead and gone. The dying and the going. From the word go. The
word begone. Such as the light going now. Beginning to go. In the room. Where else?
Unnoticed by him staring beyond. The globe alone. Not the other. The unaccountable.
From nowhere. On all sides nowhere. Unutterably faint. The globe alone. Alone gone.

Written in English in 1980. First performed in Buffalo, NY, in 1981. First published
by Faber and Faber, London, in 1982.

W:
More.

[
Pause.
Rock
and
voice
together.
]

V:
till in the end

the day came

in the end came

close of a long day

when she said

to herself

whom else

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

going to and fro

all eyes

all sides

high and low

for another

another like herself

another creature like herself

a little like

going to and fro

all eyes

all sides

high and low

for another

till in the end

close of a long day

to herself

whom else

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

going to and fro

all eyes

all sides

high and low

for another

another living soul

going to and fro

all eyes like herself

all sides

high and low

for another

another like herself

a little like

going to and fro

till in the end

close of a long day

to herself

whom else

time she stopped

going to and fro

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

[
Together:
echo
of ‘time
she
stopped’,
coming
to
rest
of
rock,
faint
fade
of
light.
Long
pause.
]

W:
More.

[
Pause.
Rock
and
voice
together.
]

V:
so in the end

close of a long day

went back in

in the end went back in

saying to herself

whom else

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

going to and fro

time she went and sat

at her window

quiet at her window

facing other windows

so in the end

close of a long day

in the end went and sat

went back in and sat

at her window

let up the blind and sat

quiet at her window

only window

facing other windows

other only windows

all eyes

all sides

high and low

for another

at her window

another like herself

a little like

another living soul

one other living soul

at her window

gone in like herself

gone back in

in the end

close of a long day

saying to herself

whom else

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

going to and fro

time she went and sat

at her window

quiet at her window

only window

facing other windows

other only windows

all eyes

all sides

high and low

for another

another like herself

a little like

another living soul

one other living soul

[
Together:
echo
of
‘living
soul’,
coming
to
rest
of
rock,
faint
fade
of
light.
Long
pause.
]

W:
More.

[
Pause.
Rock
and
voice
together
.]

V:
till in the end

the day came

in the end came

close of a long day

sitting at her window

quiet at her window

only window

facing other windows

other only windows

all blinds down

never one up

hers alone up

till the day came

in the end came

close of a long day

sitting at her window

quiet at her window

all eyes

all sides

high and low

for a blind up

one blind up

no more

never mind a face

behind the pane

famished eyes

like hers

to see

be seen

no

a blind up

like hers

a little like

one blind up no more

another creature there

somewhere there

behind the pane

another living soul

one other living soul

till the day came

in the end came

close of a long day

when she said

to herself

whom else

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

sitting at her window

quiet at her window

only window

facing other windows

other only windows

all eyes

all sides

high and low

time she stopped

time
she
stopped

[
Together:
echo
of ‘time
she
stopped’
,
coming
to
rest
of
rock,
faint
fade
of
light.
Long
pause.
]

W:
More.

[
Pause.
Rock
and
voice
together.
]

V:
so in the end

close of a long day

went down

in the end went down

down the steep stair

let down the blind and down

right down

into the old rocker

mother rocker

where mother rocked

all the years

all in black

best black

sat and rocked

rocked

till her end came

in the end came

off her head they said

gone off her head

but harmless

no harm in her

dead one day

no

night

dead one night

in the rocker

in her best black

head fallen

and the rocker rocking

rocking away

so in the end

close of a long day

went down

in the end went down

down the steep stair

let down the blind and down

right down

into the old rocker

those arms at last

and rocked

rocked

with closed eyes

closing eyes

she so long all eyes

famished eyes

all sides

high and low

to and fro

at her window

to see

be seen

till in the end

close of a long day

to herself

whom else

time she stopped

let down the blind and stopped

time she went down

down the steep stair

time she went right down

was her own other

own other living soul

so in the end

close of a long day

went down

let down the blind and down

right down

into the old rocker

and rocked

rocked

saying to herself

no

done with that

the rocker

those arms at last

saying to the rocker

rock her off

stop her eyes

fuck life

stop her eyes

rock her off

rock her off

[
Together:
echo
of
‘rock
her
off’,
coming
to
rest
of rock
, slow
fade
out
.]