The Company of Darkness (26 page)

“Pull a strategic assault on the kitchen, I need you to liberate a few things.”

“That, I can do.”

“Good, I’ll make up a list.  Might as well make it a decent meal, it’s gonna be a weird night.”

“You can sit on the same bench but on that side.” Cady pointed sternly and Ash sank down on the opposite side of the bench, still too close for her comfort.  She might have control of the dream, but that didn’t mean she was sure how to change every single thing, like stretching the benches longer so she didn’t have to smell his… aftershave?  Whatever it was, she resolutely tried to ignore it, focusing on the familiar park surroundings. 

Virginie lounged under the tree, not too far away, seemingly ignoring their conversation, but Cady knew better. 

“I want you to know I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do,” Ash said earnestly, even as he inched a tiny bit closer.  He probably didn’t even notice it. 

“Except I don’t want to be here with you at all,” Cady muttered. 

His voice dropped, his face taking on a remorseful cast.  “You’re still angry.”

“Yeah, what was your first clue?”

“I’ve tried to be better.  I could’ve come to you last night and I didn’t.”

Her head came up sharply.  “You could’ve?  But Ethan and I weren’t even in the same bed.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.  It’s much easier to reach you now, and I want to, just to see you with my own eyes instead of his, but… I won’t.  Not if you don’t want me to.”  He looked down at his hands, flexing the fingers slowly.  “I’m very sorry for any pain I caused you.”

Cady closed her eyes, too afraid she might actually start to forgive him.  “Thank you for that, but it doesn’t matter how sorry you are.  It doesn’t magically take the pain away.  Can you understand that?  You tried to kill Ethan.”

Ash edged closer, his face twisted with emotion.  “I wouldn’t have killed him, he would’ve been there too.  Don’t you see, he was the perfect vessel.  Any other human host, I would’ve burnt out before too long and had to choose another.  This was the only way I could be with you and keep the same body.”

“To kill and maim.”

“To love you.”

“And to feed.”  She suppressed a shiver as a cloud rolled over the sun and the air became perceptively cooler.  A few moments of concentration and the sky cleared.  Why couldn’t she fix the cold lump in her heart as easily?

Ash scooted closer still, his hands reaching toward her and she wondered if he even realized he was doing it.  “I need to feed to survive, but I can feed on love as well.  If I had your love I know I could control my baser urges.”

The sick thing was Cady was still susceptible to the timbre of his voice.  To the lure of those soft lips and the pleasing curve of muscle.  But it wasn’t love, and that pull she felt from him sickened her as much as he enticed.  “I can’t love you, not after what you did to me.”

“All I did was love you.”

Cady whirled, looking at him in the eye for the first time.  “No, you
violated
me, and until you can understand that, I have nothing else to say to you.”  Pushing away from the bench, she stalked away, biting back the urge to swear when she felt him follow along. 

“But the reaper hurt you too and still you want him.”

“Not like you did.”  Whatever Ethan’s faults might be, she trusted in the fact that he was a good man inside. 

“I don’t understand, why do you want him?  He’s broken.”

She didn’t quite follow that, but it hardly mattered.  “Because I love him,” she replied confidently.

Ash caught at her hand, bringing her up short, his eyes searching her face for something.  “Do you think you’ll ever love me?  Even just a tiny bit?”

Against her will her heart turned over, allowing pity to seep in through the cracks of her armor, and she pulled her hand free before it grew into anything more.  “I’m not doing this anymore.  We’re done.  Go away.”

“I’m truly sorry.”  He licked his lips, the sting of her words etched deeply into his features.   “I only wanted…”

Cady couldn’t stay there, not for one moment longer.  Turning away, she flexed her will, and the scene around her became the busy city streets.  Losing herself in the crowd, she didn’t stop until she made her way back to the apartment, knowing it would only be a construct, but at least she could see Ian again.  Maybe her father would even be there too and she could lose herself in a happy fantasy for once. 

The apartment was empty, not only of Ian, but all of their shared possessions.  Instead she found the old couch her father used to fall asleep on all the time, the massive TV tucked into the corner with the cable box on top.  All of the furnishings were those she remembered from her childhood, even though they’d never lived in that apartment when her father was still alive. 

Her room still looked mostly the same, only instead of makeup and her mp3 player on the dressing table, she found her collection of plastic ponies and there were at least fifteen stuffed animals balancing precariously on the narrow bed.  Cady sank down on the end, picking up a stuffed penguin and pressing her face to it as the tears began to fall. 

The touch on her shoulder should’ve sent her into a panic, but Cady sensed who it was almost instantly.  “That was heavy,” Virginie said solemnly, blonde hair spilling over her shoulders to her waist as she sat down beside her. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Cady sniffed.

The dreamer continued, undaunted.  “He loves you, and your love can save him, but he’s so damaged you can never give it to him.  Talk about a bummer.”

“I said you could watch, I never said I wanted to sit and gossip about it.”  Flinging the penguin aside, she got up and marched through the walls, through the apartment, through the hall, the pavement hitting her feet seconds after she stepped out into open air.   Walking, walking, walking – as long as she kept moving they couldn’t touch her and she didn’t have to feel anything.

* * *

After she’d walked God only knew how many miles in her dreams they’d pulled her out of it to debrief her and Virginie, even Ethan, though he had little to contribute, not being part of her dream at all.  It hadn’t taken all that long and there were still plenty of hours of darkness left, but Cady couldn’t relax enough to drift off again. 

Hours later Cady couldn’t fall asleep again, not with Ethan lying beside her and by proxy, Ash.  It was also uncomfortable just to be in the main house, knowing there were so many eyes and ears around. 

Ethan slumbered beside her, his breathing deep and even.  Careful not to disturb him, she slipped out of bed, picking up her shoes and a hoodie, only stopping to put them on when she got to the front steps outside the house. 

“Hey, are you alright?”

She should’ve known she couldn’t make a move without Ethan knowing about it and she gave him a faint smile.  “Yes, couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” he admitted, sitting down on the steps beside her.

“I thought you were fast asleep.”

“I was, until they pulled us out of it and went through the debriefing.  Then when we went back to bed I wanted to let you rest without him lurking around, so...”

“So you stayed awake so I could sleep?”  So many feelings twisted her heart, she only wished she could take him in her arms and let him know how sweet he was for putting her needs above his own.  But she couldn’t touch him for the same reason he didn’t touch her.  It wasn’t about just the two of them anymore.  “I wish I’d known, I ended up wasting both of our time.”

“It’s okay, you’re entitled,” he said, nudging her shoulder with his own.  “Besides, I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to.”

“Why not?”

“Because I feel like I want to slit my wrists right now.” 

She wasn’t sure at first if he was cracking the worst joke ever until she caught his broken smile.  “Jesus, you’re serious, aren’t you?  Why?”

“It’s Ash.  You tore him a new one in there, didn’t you?  He’s… he’s not talking about it, but when he’s upset…”

“You’re upset,” she finished for him.  “I’m sorry.  I wasn’t any rougher than he deserved.”

“I get that.  I just wish I didn’t have him inside going all dark and dreary.  I guess I should be glad he can’t play emo music in there, right?”

“Sorry, I didn’t think of how it might affect you.”

“No, don’t apologize.  I can take it.”  He reached for her hand and then thought better of it, picking at a sliver of wood from the steps instead.  “We have to hang on a little longer.  Soon I’ll get rid of Ash and it’ll go back to how it was before.”

Cady lowered her voice to a bare whisper.  “Except we’ll be on the run.”

“I’ll take care of you.”  The promise burned in his voice, and in his eyes.  “In the meantime, keep working on what I taught you.  It’s our best bet on getting out of here.  As for Alma, let’s hope she doesn’t ask us for more than we’re willing to give before we’re ready.”

* * *

Cady sat across from Alma’s desk, this time she’d accepted a cup of coffee and taken the teensiest of sips to be polite.  After glancing over the summary of last night’s dreams, she’d signed her name to it, to be added to whatever file they kept on her. 

“We’re pleased as punch with how the session went last night,” Alma smiled, closing the file.  “I must say, your mastery of lucid dreaming is nothing short of divine.  Have you always had that kind of control?”

It wasn’t a question Cady had ever considered before.  “I don’t really know.  I’ve always had weird dreams, but I can’t say as I ever particularly noticed until a demon started stalking me in them.”

“Well, we couldn’t be happier with your progress.  I think we’ve established that you can reach Subject Q easily enough, I think it’s time we set our sights a tad higher.”

“Oh?  What did you have in mind?”  And why did it make her feel like she’d waded into a room full of crickets in bare feet?

“We’d like to see if you can make contact with another subject.”

“One of Ethan’s other demons?”

“No, in another person.  Part of this exercise will be to see if your connection needs Agent Shaw as a bridge or if you can establish it with anyone else.”

“I’ll try, but I honestly don’t know if I can do it.  I’ve never tried to actively get into Ethan’s dreams. Ash always finds me.”

“We’ll start today with a conscious attempt, then and we’ll move on to a dream trial tonight.  Virginie will assist to link you to the dreams, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh, okay then.”  That didn’t sound so bad.  “Listen, I’ve been meaning to ask you about something.”

“And what would that be?”

“I’d like to see my brother.”  Cady needed to know for sure if Ethan was right about Ian being recruited.  If he really was, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal for them to bring him up, right? 

“In due time.”  Alma’s tone had a ring of finality to it, but Cady pushed back.

“When?”

“I think we need to be careful not to split your focus right now.  But you do this for me and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“Can I at least talk to him?”

“If everything goes well, I’ll see if I can arrange a call for you tomorrow.  Sound good?”

“Yes, thank you,” Cady said, deliberately putting a touch of submission into her voice to hide her jubilation.  Ian might be a pain in the ass, but he was the only family she had left, and the thought of talking to him and hopefully seeing him soon was enough to sustain her through the rest of the morning.

Until she got into the interview room and found Rikard sitting there, that was.  “Ah, balls…” she breathed, shoulders drooping in disappointment.  How did they expect her to do anything with him in the room?  “Couldn’t you monitor this exercise from a control room or something?”

“I could, but I think that’ll complicate things,” he replied affably enough.  “I’m the one you’re supposed to connect with.”

“Son of a bitch,” she muttered, shaking her head from side to side in short movements.  There went her shot at talking to Ian.  There was no way this experiment would work.     

Sensing her reservations, Rikard rose and held out the other chair for her.  “Why don’t you sit down and relax?  No one’s asking you to do more than try.” 

Cady looked at him a long, hard minute and then took the seat, letting out a deep breath.  “Okay, how are we supposed to do this?”

“You tell me, I just work here,” he smiled, taking the seat opposite her.  “I’ve never tried to communicate with the demons, I’ve never heard so much as a peep from them before.  How does it work when you talk to the other one?”

“With Ash?  Usually he finds me.”

“Right then, let’s try it.  Maybe you’ll prove so irresistible that they’ll come clawing to the surface, all dying to talk to you.”  

Was he trying to flirt with her?  “Try not to talk too much, your mouth is distracting.” 

“Not nearly as distracting as yours.”  

Definitely flirting.  “Give me your hands,” she snapped, not quite ready to admit it had almost been working.  Her eyes slid shut as she tried to focus on – what, she had no idea.  But besides noticing that his hands were very warm, she got nothing.  “I’m not sure what you’re expecting to happen,” she said finally.