The Color of Rain (34 page)

“You're sure? Right there?” he asks.

“Of course I'm sure.” I remember how Johnny looked through the candlelight while lying beneath me. I close my eyes and try to shake my thoughts free.

Ben smooths the tape over and over again on my hip. “What made you change your mind and want to help me?”

“He—that Leland—he
adjusts
their brains. That's how he makes them work. He lobotomizes them, Ben. Did you know?”

He cringes. “I've heard rumors of torture. I didn't know it was that bad.”

“Bad doesn't come close.”

“This will sting,” he warns before yanking the tape away. The spot smarts, but Ben holds the plastic strip up, and through the candlelight I can see the imprint of Johnny's thumb. “Did it work?”

“Of course.” I rub my hip. “Told you I was sure. I could tell you every place he's ever grabbed me. I swear the bruises fade without healing.” I don't realize that I'm speaking aloud until I glance at Ben. His gaze has the kind of pity that I don't want or deserve. “But whatever. I asked for all of this, didn't I? I deserve it.”

He feels for the edges of the glass plate and sticks the tape to it, smoothing it down. “You agreed to sleep with him, Rain. You did not agree to the cruelty. To the violence. As for what you deserve, well, if it was up to me . . . ah, hell, don't make me get all sappy.”

I like his words, but I don't know if I can believe them.

“Let me get the glue residue.” He wipes my stomach with a piece of cloth, and again, I have to turn away from his touch. A quiet sob comes through me, and I'm so lost in my nightmares that I don't know what he's doing until I feel something else.

Ben kisses my hip.

His lips are soft and cool and brief. He leans away and wipes his hands over and over with the cloth, his face bowed. “My mom
used to kiss my hurts when I was a kid,” he says. “I used to think that it healed them.”

I tuck my shirt down and fix the waist of my pants. “My mom did that, too. And I did it for Walker.”

“See? I told you we were both the same species.”

“Right,” I say, thankful that he can't see the way I cup my hand over the spot where he kissed me.

“So what now?” I ask.

“We see if it works.” Ben seals the small glass plate into a metal frame. “I tempered the pane with an electrical current before we entered the Pass. It should give off an energy source even in this fog.”

“So Mecs aren't entirely useless in the Pass?”

“I said ‘should.' There's always a small chance that it'll still zap me to death,” he says as though this is a little funny. “Actually, if it does work, I may have stumbled on a way to bring a power source into the Pass.” His fingers fumble to line up the glass with the catch on the inner side of his com, and I help him right it. Then he places his thumb over the pane. I hold my breath, but nothing happens.

He breathes out, but then jerks, letting out a small scream.

“Ben!”

He laughs. “Just kidding.”

I smack him hard. “That's not funny!”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“You're lucky I don't zap you myself.”

“I'm sure you'll get the chance.” His chuckle turns hollow. “It didn't work.”

I push his thumb away. “Maybe you're just not lining it up right.” I kneel before him and place my own thumb over Johnny's print on the glass. The com clicks and drops off his wrist, clunking on the ground. I scoop up the heavy circlet of metal. “It worked!”

“So surprised,” he mocks, but his face is split with a grin. I place the com in his hand, and he opens and closes it over and over. “Okay, maybe I can't believe that it worked either.” His fingers find mine, and for a moment, both of my hands hold both of his, but the hopeful look on his face makes me stand up and pace.

“So now we've got to get that thing into the Touched shipment? Wouldn't it be easier if I put it somewhere on Leland's ship myself?”

“Easier and more dangerous.” Ben stands and folds his arms. “I only asked you to get the fingerprint. I take the rest of the risk myself.”

“You're blind as a damn bat. Besides, I have to get back there before Johnny wakes up or Leland comes looking.” I shiver. “That creepy bastard has an
interest
in me.” And those two green girls . . . can I find a way to help them? “There's something else I have to do.” I pick up the glass plate off the bunk. “Will this fingerprint thing work on the girls' bracelets?”

Ben's arms drop to his sides. “You want to take yours off? Johnny would know for sure that something was up, and he'd—”

“No, no. I'll keep it on. For now.” I touch the silver tag on my wrist. “But I might be able to help the two girls that Leland took if I can get their bracelets off.”

He shakes his head. “That sounds crazy and ill-conceived, Rain.”

“Maybe.” I drop the glass plate in my pocket and take the com out of Ben's hand. “But I'm doing this. I've done nothing for too long.” I imagine the procession of bodies in
Imreas
's wake, flipping through the Void. “Johnny might find out and kill me or my brother, but I won't let this happen. Not again.”

I begin to push the door open, but Ben blindly grabs for my arm. He misses and gets a great handful of boob. “Hey!”

“Sorry.” He holds his palms up, his face blushing beautifully. “Just stop for a moment, all right? What's your exit strategy?”

“My what?”

“How are you going to get out of all this? I mean, we'll be undocking from
Stride
in the morning. We'll be out of the Pass soon after. Then the lights and security and everything will be back on.”

“And the K-Force will be tracking your com on Leland's ship, right?”

“Yes. They'll be tracking Leland. He's a higher priority than Johnny.” He touches my arm for real this time. “Which means that we've got weeks before we reach the Edge. Weeks where you'll have to keep Johnny's favor. You'll have to stay with him.”

“I made it this far, didn't I?” My voice wavers.
Weeks more?

“If you get caught doing whatever you plan on doing tonight, Johnny won't hesitate to kill you this time. He may be flattered by the challenge you pose, but in the end, things have to go his way. He's a narcissist, Rain. When things really go wrong, he's going to explode.”

“I know, but it's always this way, isn't it? We're always doing something crazy stupid or something that's bound to get us
killed, and still I've made it through. The Edge is close now. I'm almost there.”

“He's never going to let you leave this ship. With or without your brother.”

Something falls inside me until I'm nailed to the metal floor of
Melee
.

“I know that. I've given up on getting away, but if I keep him happy, he'll let me get my brother off this ship.”

“No, Rain.” He shakes his head, his hair swaying. “You had to tell yourself that or you wouldn't have made it this far, but Johnny's not going to let you have that kind of hope. He's been forced into this life, and he's probably obsessed with you because your suffering makes his feel like less.” I look away, and Ben searches for my face with his fingers. “We need to figure out how we're getting out of here.”

“We,” I repeat. The word tastes sweet.

He stands a little taller, and I want to touch his shoulders through his soft shirt. “Johnny might have lied back on Earth City, but I didn't. I'm going to see that your brother gets medical attention, and you deserve a new life on the Edge.”

I finger the doorframe.
Exit strategy
. “So we can't just blast
Melee
through the side of
Imreas
like you wanted to before?” I'm somewhat joking, but Ben shakes his head.

“Now that
is
suicidal. Call it our ‘Nothing Left to Lose' plan because I don't know for sure if
Melee
's engines have enough juice to blast us through the hull. That was a good idea when . . . when we were going to be dead and not care about the outcome.”

“Right.” I almost laugh. “Well, we'll find a way. I'm Earth City
street-smart, and you're a Mec. What can't we do?”

“But I'm grounded now. Without my com, I have to hide from everyone, and I won't have any access to the security and alarm system when they come back online. You'll be on your own.” He pulls the dose rod out of his pocket. “Take this, at least. Do you remember the settings?”

I turn the rod over in my hand and glance over the colored markers. “The red one is adrenaline, green is knock out, yellow is that limp drug.”

“Limpicilin.” He grins, reminding me of his first lame joke back on the old pier beneath the spacedocks. And I can't believe we've come this far.

I flip the settings until I see a black one. Johnny's favorite color. “And what about the black?”

“Black is arsenic. That's a death shot. No med disc will bring you back after that one,” he says. “Don't keep it on that setting. And
don't
use it on yourself. No matter how bad it gets. Promise me that much.”

I tuck the rod into my sock, but I can't promise him anything.

His hand trails my waist until his finger hooks into my belt loop. I stare down at it for a long moment. “I want to come with you,” he says. “But I'm a liability without my eyesight.”

“I know.” I pry his finger loose, and his hand closes into a fist. “I'll be fine.”

“I hate letting you do this.”

I nod, but he can't see it, so I kiss the very corner of his lips.

I
push through the blackout depths of
Imreas
. Back through the airlocks.

The Touched girl waits for me as though she never moved, not even to shuffle her feet. My fingers close around Ben's com, the thick metal still warm from his skin. I have so much to do and only an hour or so to do it.

“I need to find a place that isn't regularly used on this ship,” I tell the girl.

Her eyes are glassy and unresponsive. They don't even blink. Of course she can't help me decide where to hide the com; she can only follow commands. No interpretation. No free will.

“Follow me,” I say.

I pass through
Stride
's airlock and hold my candle up. Very little reveals itself before my light, but I can tell that
Stride
was once a ship like
Imreas
. Maybe a twin ship, only whatever it has been through made it fall into disrepair.

Sliding my feet over the shadowy spots, I wait for a hole to appear and swallow me into the guts of this horrid vessel. I find one fast and grip the handrail, dragging my foot back onto safer ground. The metal bar is frayed with rust and sharp pieces
snag on my palm.

“Ouch!” I yank out a metal sliver as my voice echoes traitorously.

Ouch
.

ouch

I'm being an idiot. I don't know what this ship looks like out of the Pass when the lights are on and the Touched crew is moving around. I need to find a place that will be just as murky in the light as it is in this heavy dark.

The fish tank.

I spin around and run straight into the girl. “Take me to the command deck.”

The spiral stairs feel even steeper without Johnny pounding the way before me. I step up and up and up, all the while shadowed by the unblinking obedience of the Touched crew member. “This is no life,” I mutter just for some noise beside my own speeding breath. “And to think you came from Earth City. You're probably not much older than me.”

I pause and hold the candle up to look over her face. She doesn't pause because I didn't tell her to, and she almost knocks me over. “Wait.” I place a hand on her chest. “Can you talk?”

Nothing.

“Talk.”

“Talk,” she returns.

“Tell me your name.”

“Your name,” she parrots. I turn back to the stairs. Her life really isn't a life. It's a vacancy much more bottomless than the disease of the Touched.

I remember the way Leland's eyes dared mine while his hand groped about in her clothes, and I have to look away. “You've got it worse than a prostitute. You can't even give consent.”

We reach the top, and I shove my candle into her hands. “Hold this and wait here . . . please.” The eerie glow on the command deck leads me straight to the yellow-green fish tank. I slip toward it, watching for Leland or more zombie crew members, but find no one. I climb onto the console around the table and reach for the top of the tank.

The lid slides away, and I look down through the water, trying to estimate just where the com will fall. The sanded bottom is layered on one side by a thick, gooey filth cloud—perhaps a patch of eggs—which looks perfect for concealing the heavy metal, but that means reaching in and tossing it so that it falls at the right angle.