The Collected Works of Chogyam Trungpa: Volume One (37 page)

Kongbo peasants threshing barley.

Mount Namcha Barwa (the Blazing Mountain of Celestial Metal).

The main Brahmaputra Valley.

Nyewo was also becoming disastrously congested; in its vicinity there were few places left where other refugees could shelter, and since all the rivers were in spate at this time of year it was almost impossible to get across them to look for empty camping sites.

Though the Chinese already had possession of most of the country, the Resistance forces still held the high pass at the end of the Nyewo Valley; in order to get supplies they continually raided the Communist troops on the other side, in which operation they had been very successful. I was extremely uneasy, however, for if the Communists managed to take the pass they would inevitably attack us. At one moment rumors came through that they were actually approaching but fortunately there was no foundation to these reports, for after some severe fighting they failed to get through. I knew, however, that sooner or later we would have to quit this valley, though no one could offer any suggestion where our party should make for; the final decision would have to come from me. I felt that as soon as I returned to the camp I would be caught up again in a ferment of agitation, and I still needed to be quiet in order to concentrate on the problem of how we could proceed. I therefore decided to stay in my retreat for a further two weeks, which I spent in intensive meditation. One night I had a vivid dream that I was leading a party of pilgrims to a holy place. Communist soldiers were on guard beside the road, but they appeared not to see us. We came to a river, the waters of which were tinged with blood. I had just crossed it by a bridge of logs when I heard a voice behind me saying, “Some of the pilgrims have fallen into the stream.” I had not seen this myself, for I was resting on the farther bank. This dream made a great impression on me.

Bears had again attacked our animals; the messenger who came to tell me about this was followed by a second monk with the news that my bursar had arrived at the camp ahead of the baggage party in the hopes of discussing things with me. He was in a complaining mood, grumbling that nothing was being properly organized; it shocked him to think that we could ever have allowed bears to get at our animals. He considered the place we had chosen for our camp to be completely unsuitable and said that we must go back to the baggage camp which was on the farther side of the high pass; he felt quite sure that there was no immediate danger from the Communists. I asked about the conditions in his camp and soon discovered that they were just as bad as in ours; the place was very overcrowded and no one knew where to go next. They had lost many of their animals through lack of grazing, besides being short of food themselves. In spite of these difficulties, Tsethar was determined that we should retrace our steps and join them and he told Yak Tulku and Kino Tulku that this must be done. When they hesitated, he said that they could do as they liked, but that his own abbot must definitely go back. We argued about it for three days, till I finally decided to reject all his proposals and informed my party that I thought our best plan would be to go forward to Nyewo, as many of the refugees who had preceded us there had by now dispersed in various directions. Yönten was having difficulty in sending food supplies over to our valley and if we went to Nyewo food would be nearer at hand. I told Tsethar that it was out of the question for us to go back to his camp. I reminded him that I had traveled over a large part of the country and had a fairly accurate picture of what was happening; I considered that our only hope lay in getting to India. He must now take active steps to sell all useless baggage and only keep the most portable things. To this he would not agree; he said that everyone else had taken all their baggage and yaks with them. However, all my younger companions were so strongly of my opinion that he finally gave way, saying he would do his best, and went back to his own camp.

Akong Tulku’s brother now returned, having met the baggage party on their way to join us. He was very critical about the way we were always changing our minds as to which direction to take, whereas Tsethar’s party had come straight by the main road. He said that since I still appeared to have no real plan he must now take Akong Tulku and his young brother back to join Tsethar’s party; if later on I made a definite decision about the route to be followed and Tsethar’s group agreed, his own group could then rejoin us. The night that he was with us the bears came again and mauled his horse, which added to his opinion that our camping ground was not well chosen. I reminded him that when I planned my escape I had written to Akong Tulku stressing that he must decide for himself whether he wanted to come with me or not. When he replied that he wished to join me, I promised the people at his monastery that I would do my best to look after him. Now it must again be his own decision and if he wished to join Tsethar’s group he could do so; but the responsibility of looking after him would no longer be mine. Akong Tulku’s brother was rather overwhelmed by this argument so, after the two of them had talked it over, he said he thought that perhaps he should go back to the other camp and try to persuade the people there to dispose of their extra baggage; but he also told me that in any case he would like to rejoin our party before long.

I now left my retreat and returned to the camp. We held a meeting and decided to go on to Nyewo. It was now the first week of July. Another very high mountain ridge lay before us; going up was not difficult, but the descent on the farther side involved us in a drop of some nine thousand feet. We were tormented by flies and it was very hot and exhausting, so we camped as soon as we reached the bridge below the pass. When the villagers learned that I was in the party they welcomed us warmly and various families invited me to stay with them and perform devotional ceremonies. Yönten had to buy supplies without it being known that they were for us, or the people would have undercharged. Again many refugees came to be blessed and to ask for advice.

News reached us here that Lama Ugyen was finding it difficult to get supplies in his little valley and might possibly come to the valley where we were staying, so it was evident that I could no longer think of going on a pilgrimage to the local holy places.

There was also some more serious news; the Communists were moving toward the borders of all the districts still held by Resistance troops. We heard airplanes at night and the local people were getting frightened. Since we were all facing the same possible danger, there was a great deal of sympathy shown and I was able to get much local information about possible escape routes. It appeared that if we were able to cross the junction of the Alado and Nyewo rivers, there was a rough track across the mountains leading to part of the lower Kongpo Valley. However the river had been in spate since early spring so no one had been able to cross, nor was it known what the conditions might be like on the farther side. People told me that it would be impossible to build any sort of a bridge with the river in its present state and no ferry boat could cross it. We thought, however, it might be possible for our horses to swim across, but were told that the track beside the river ran farther on through a steep gorge and that since a recent earthquake this path had been impossible for baggage animals because huge rocks had fallen across it. The local villagers could not really tell us much about this route, since none of them had actually followed it. I wondered if I could possibly do it all on foot, always having been accustomed to riding, and Kino Tulku and Yak Tulku felt even more apprehensive. However they were determined to try.

News reached us that the Derge Resistance leader Khamdo Kartop was thinking of coming in our direction and that the queen of Nangchen might also wish to escape by this same route; both of them were still fighting their way through. It seemed possible that we might have to organize a large joint party, rather than make the attempt with only our own small group. At all events it was essential to keep our plans to ourselves, otherwise too many refugees might want to join us, thus making the party quite unmanageable. It was all very complicated.

Rumors had it that the Communists had by this time overrun the greater part of the country and were massing troops in the northeast, while more were coming in from the northwest; they were in full force in the Kongpo Valley and in the south.

Various families had left Jigme Rinpoche’s and Tsethar’s groups to come to Nyewo, and Repön’s party also arrived after losing many of their yaks. They all wanted to join us. Besides these, a party of some eighty people from Dorje Tsering’s area, led by one Lama Riwa arrived quite unexpectedly and attached themselves to us.

I went down to inspect the river with several men, including Ugyen Tendzin who had proved a most knowledgeable and competent person. There were no large waves, but the current was very strong. Ugyen Tendzin thought it was difficult to cross but that it might yet be managed, so we sent a letter to my bursar telling him that we intended to attempt the crossing.

A few days later I was asked to perform a funeral ceremony on the other side of the Nyewo River. We had almost finished it when news came that the Chinese were in the upper part of the Nyewo Valley where the Resistance troops were fighting them. As we returned to our camp across the river we found the bridge thronged with refugees pouring through it in the opposite direction. Friends whom I met on the bridge all told me that I should be going the other way, as the south side of the water would probably be dangerous. When I got back to our camp, I found all our party beside themselves with anxiety. Some of them wanted to follow the other refugees to the north side of the bridge, and all those who had lately joined our party had already gone. My people hardly dared to trust me in case I might have some different plan. Karma Tendzin’s second-in-command was already on our side of the river; all the local people were in a state of panic, with the males arming themselves with daggers, knives, or axes, in fact with any weapons they could lay hands on, for though they had no rifles, they intended to resist as best they could. Up till then we had not heard any sounds of guns or fighting. I sent a message to Karma Tendzin’s lieutenant asking for the latest news of what had occurred in the Nyewo Valley. He had heard nothing definite; as far as he knew no eyewitness had seen any Chinese and he himself was waiting for a further message. After waiting for a couple of hours, I decided that we must move. I spoke again to the locals who were unable to tell me anything fresh.