The Cirque (6 page)

He nodded and apparently that was all the reassurance he needed. He disappeared onto the crowded dance floor.

“I’m getting a drink,” Sasha said, leaving Gabriel and me alone beside the dance floor.

The song changed and the deep beats were now accompanied by vocals of girls moaning. My cheeks flushed and I hoped Gabriel would think it was just from the heat of the all the bodies around us. His eyes watched the crowd cautiously, and he half shielded me from it, like he was ready to spring into action if needed. He leaned down
near my ear so I could hear him over the music. “This must be strange for you to have no one noticing you or trying to pick you up.” I picked up a trace of cologne. It was clean with notes of soap and something spicy and masculine.

“Not really, I don’t get picked up.” I brushed off his comment. I was sure he was being sarcastic.

“I doubt that,” he said with a smirk. He quickly met my eyes and then looked away. I watched his face, wondering what he meant. “So, you’re a virgin to the gay club scene.” He shook his head while looking around the room.

“I’m a virgin in every way,” I uttered under my breath. I doubted he heard me over the music, but when I glanced up at him, he looked confused, like he was working something out in his mind.

“I thought you and Dmitri…”

“What? God no.” I grimaced.

I thought I saw the hint of a smile cross Gabriel’s lips, but before I could be sure, Tanner grabbed my hand and pulled me out on the dance floor. I could feel Gabriel watching me as I let Tanner lead me away.

Dancing with Tanner required me to forget every move I knew and just go with it. I held his hands and swayed my hips to the beat in time with his. The song changed again and I felt myself loosening up a bit more. He hopped from side to side, keeping beat with the music and twirled me around.

I felt Gabriel’s eyes on me from the side of the room so glanced in his direction. He didn’t look happy, but as usual gave no indication of what was bothering him.

As much fun as dancing with Tanner was, I felt bad leaving Gabriel standing by himself at the edge of the dance floor. After a few songs, I headed back to him. Tanner didn’t seem to mind since there was a guy ready to cut in and take my place. When a remixed Madonna song came on the two of them grabbed each other’s hands, and jumped up and down with excitement.

Gabriel looked amused when I walked up. “For being a professional dancer, your dance moves need a little work.”

Awesome
. So, that’s why he’d been staring at me. I was too stiff for club dancing, but I didn’t think I was
that
bad. “I was trained as a classical ballerina, but thanks for pointing that out.” I tried not to overanalyze his comment about my dancing – and failed.

A guy with dark hair and a lip ring approached us. Well, not
us
per say, since he was openly staring at Gabriel. Gabriel slipped his arm around my waist, clutched my hip to pull me in toward him. His fingers brushed across the bare patch of skin at my waist and they felt cool despite the heat in the room. Goosebumps spread across my stomach. The guy with the lip ring gave him a head nod, but kept walking.

“What, you’re not into his facial piercings?” I winked, knowing he’d just used me as a shield.

“Ha, ha,” he said dryly. “You do know I’m straight, right?” His eyebrows pulled together. The look on his face questioned my mental stability.

I had never doubted his sexual orientation, but to annoy him, said, “Wasn’t sure. Thanks for clearing that up.” His arm dropped from my waist and he shook his head. I realized this was the most we’d ever talked, and wondered why we couldn’t seem to get along for even a few minutes at a time.

I didn’t know what else to say to Gabriel and imagined if I did speak, it would only lead to more disagreements, so we just stood there watching Tanner dance with a cute blonde with guylights.

When Gabriel grew bored he told everyone the designated driver was ready to go and Kyle, Tanner’s new guy,
rode back with us. Sasha climbed in front with Gabriel while I sat wedged in the back next to Tanner and Kyle, who eagerly made out the entire ride back. I thought I caught Gabriel looking at me in the rearview mirror a few times, but I wasn’t sure. In the dark interior of the Jeep, he looked unnecessarily attractive and I watched as he strummed his thumbs on the steering wheel in time to the music.

The next morning, Sasha invited me to join her while she trained, so after breakfast we headed to the gym. The floor was covered in thick pads for tumbling. We started with twenty minutes of stretching. It used to be part of my daily routine, and it felt good to do something familiar with my body.

After stretching we did some conditioning and I wasn’t able to keep up with Sasha at all. Within ten minutes I was drenched in sweat, my arms were sore and my legs trembled. I sat out the rest of the practice and watched Sasha rehearse her routine.

She pulled herself up on the swaths of silk fabric that hung from the ceiling. It didn’t look like much, just two long pieces of purple fabric suspended from above, but the different ways her body moved while she tangled herself up in the folds was beautiful. She looped her foot around the bottom a few times and pulled herself up, hand over hand, until she was about twenty feet in the air. She dropped her hands and threw her body back so she was hanging upside down with just one foot twisted in the fabric.

She pulled herself back up and flipped around until the silk wrapped around her torso several times. She let go and her body spun and rotated as she dropped through the air, until she was still, carefully suspended from her middle by the fabric loops. I watched in awe as she delicately pulled herself up and completed several different tricks. I couldn’t comprehend how she appeared to make her body move so effortlessly. She eventually dropped to the ground out of breath.

“Wow. That was amazing.”

“Yeah? Thanks.” She sat down next to me and took a big swig from her water bottle. I felt more useless than before after watching her work so hard.

“I wish I had my own act,” I said, not realizing I said it out loud.

“So do something about it. Show Del what you’ve got.”

“And what’s that? All I know is ballet. I performed some of
Sleeping Beauty
for him in my audition and he stopped me two seconds in. What I’ve got doesn’t fit with the style of a circus.” I shook out my ponytail and ran my hands through my hair to untangle it.

“So make it fit.” Sasha made it sound like it was the simplest thing in the world. “You’re a dancer first, so think beyond ballet.” She capped her water bottle and bent over in a straddle so that her stomach touched the mat in front of us. “Have you thought about maybe something with a partner?” She turned her head to the side and looked up at me.

“I don’t know.” I mimicked her straddle and felt the pull in the backs of my legs.

“I don’t know what Gabriel would do without you though. He’s definitely less sulky with you here.”

“If this is an improvement, I would hate to see what he was like before,” I said, sitting up.

“He’s really not that bad,” she said between gulps of water.

“You don’t have to stand there while he glares at you and hurls sharp knives at your head.”

“The knives are actually quite dull.”

“Oh, that’s a relief.” I glared at her before lying flat on my back to stare up at the ceiling. It wasn’t the knives that were bothering me. It was Gabriel. That I couldn’t figure him out, that being near him made my heart pound, that his cocky smirks made my stomach twist in knots. “So what’s Gabriel’s story? He didn’t respond well when I tried to make small talk and pretty much shut down the conversation.”

She was quiet while she considered how to answer. “He has a rocky past.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s probably better if you don’t know.”

I laughed dryly, trying to brush away my nerves. “Well, I do have to work with him, so don’t you think I should know if he accidently killed the last target girl?”

“No,” she said firmly, the look on her face grim.

What the hell?
There were so many more questions I wanted to ask, but maybe Sasha was right. Maybe I couldn’t handle the truth.

After a few minutes’ rest, Sasha got up and performed for me again. I sat there mesmerized by what she did with two simple bands of fabric.

Since it was to be our first show in front of a live audience that night, I thought I should find Gabriel to make sure we were all set for our big debut. I didn’t see him all day, and when it came time for an early dinner before the seven o’clock show, I found him sitting in the cafeteria with his nose in a book. He was tapping his foot under the table, causing his knee to jump. There were a half dozen paper cups littering the table in front of him.

“How many cups of coffee have you had?” I picked up one of the empty cups in front of him.

“Not sure,” he said, without looking up.

“What the hell, Gabriel?”

He set the book down calmly in front of him and looked up at me.

“What seems to be the problem?” he asked, sweetly. Too sweet. He was being sarcastic.

“I looked for you all day to make sure we were ready for tonight and here you are overdosing on caffeine. You’re all twitchy.” I threw my hands up in the air.

He smirked. “I’m fine, Ari. You worry too much. I told you I wouldn’t hit you as long as you’re still.” The lack of concern in his voice was unsettling.

I tried and failed to push Sasha’s warning about his past from my mind. What was he trying to hide? “Yeah? And what if I panic in front of the crowd? Did it ever occur to you that maybe we should’ve practiced together more? That I don’t have any idea what I’m doing?”

“You’ll be fine. Just stand there,” he said condescendingly, and picked up his book again.

I snatched it from his hands and set off for my trailer.

“Hey!” he called after me. He followed behind me but I didn’t slow down.

I walked with purpose, clutching the book in my hands. I looked down at the cover. It was a classic romance novel I’d read many times. But what was he doing reading it? He did his best to come across as cold and emotionless, but clearly something deeper was lurking under that façade. I had half a mind to ruin the ending for him, but continued clutching it tightly as a quickened my pace.

When I reached the trailer, Sasha was standing outside smoking. She
was dressed in her costume with a big-hooded sweatshirt thrown on over it. She saw the look on my face and then glanced back at Gabriel following after me. “Lover’s quarrel?” she asked, chuckling.

I stormed past her and went inside. I didn’t bother closing the door, knowing Gabriel would just follow me in. He’d never been in my trailer before, but he entered without hesitating, needing to duck under the door frame.

I turned to face him and thrust the book into his chest. When he took it, his hands covered mine, holding them for a second longer than necessary. He cocked his head, looking at me like he was trying to solve a puzzle.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want to be part of your little act? That I’m a professional dancer and probably have better things to do?” I said, knowing it wasn’t even remotely true.

“Why are you blaming this on me? Del stuck us together. I’m just doing my job.”

I knew they shouldn’t, but his words stung. I wasn’t sure why, but I wanted him to feel something more for me, and when he didn’t, I felt rejected. “Will you just be honest with me?” I asked.

“I’ll never lie to you,” he said, looking in my eyes. It was more of an assurance than I expected and it surprised me.

My tone softened. “Well, if we’re going to work together, I don’t understand why we can’t at least be friends.”

“That’s what you want?” He tilted his head to the side and studied me with one of his crooked smiles that made my mouth water. Damn him. Why did he have this effect on me? Was I so starved for male attention that I mistook the energy in our performance for chemistry?

He looked at me questioningly.

I’d already said too much and I bit my lip, waiting for him to respond.

But Gabriel was still and silent, watching me again with those gorgeous blue eyes that saw more than I wanted him to.

“They don’t end up together, you know?”

He nodded, looking down at the book in
his hands. “I’ve read it before. I like the ending.”

“That’s a horrible ending. How could you like that ending?”

“Because, it’s real life, Ariel. The guy doesn’t always get the girl.”

I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that he didn’t know what he was saying, but the words died on my tongue.

Gabriel reached for the dress laid on my bed and handed it to me. “You need to get changed.” He placed the dress in my hands, turned and left, and I stood there, staring at the open doorway, wondering what had just happened.

***

The nervous energy of opening night was contagious. Performers paced backstage. Some stretched while others sat around smoking and talking. I sat next to Gabriel while he continued to read his romance novel. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. Why was he still reading it if he knew how badly it ended? I distinctly remember it being one of the few books I’d thrown across the room when I’d finished.