The Cinderella Theorem (23 page)

“Of
course you can. You’re invisible, not non-existent.” She made an exasperated
noise. “Here.” With a flick of her wand, a full-length mirror appeared.

I
looked at myself in the mirror, but I suppose it would be more accurate to say that
I looked at nothing. I had no reflection.

“Weird.”
This was very unmathematical.

Glenni
smiled. “To become visible again, rub the marble three times to the right.
Standard counter spell.”

I
rubbed.

“Ah
yes.” Glenni rose a little higher in the sky. “Very lucky you had the marble,
dear. Becoming invisible by potion is just too time consuming to be managed.
Say ‘hi’ to Cinderella for me. I’m glad you took my hint and became friends
with her.”

“Wait.
What hint?”

“That
day at the fork in the road. I just knew you two girls would hit it off. Good
luck with the rescue!” With another flick of her wand, she and the mirror
disappeared.

“What?”
How did Glenni know I was on my way to save Cinderella?

I
sighed. Nothing ever makes sense here.

I
shoved aside the temptation to apply math to the situation and pushed the
marble back into the safety of my pocket. Math would not always help me in this
world. I hesitated before I spoke to my bike. “Go back to the castle please.
You need to be there, so Mom and Dad won’t know I’m here.” I think the bike
actually nodded with its handlebars, and then rolled slowly away. I rubbed
myself invisible and headed for the main entrance to HEA.

Being
invisible didn’t prove to be an entirely perfect solution. For one thing,
invisibility does not equal silence. I’m sure that a terrified (and probably
talking) squirrel ran off at the sound of my footsteps. Also, being invisible
seemed to equal being hot. If I had a decent Fahrenheit thermometer with me, I
could prove that my body temperature had risen as a result of being invisible.
It was as if something was literally covering me, hiding me, warming me.

Sweating,
I arrived at the doors of HEA and was stumped by my first real challenge as an
invisible person. I couldn’t just sneak up and open the door, because there
were people milling around inside (not to mention the guards) who would be
(quite mathematically) surprised when the front doors of the building just
opened by themselves.

I
sighed, making one of the guards jump, which made me jump as I realized how
loud I was. I should have wished for Glenni to just transport me directly to my
cubicle. I stood impatiently near the doors, stupidly invisible, trying to
think of a way into the building. Suddenly, the door flew open with such force
that it hit the 180 degree mark and stayed there.

“Make
way!” a messenger shouted. “Make way! Urgent message coming through.”

I
took advantage of the open door, slipping inside before the guards could
recover. I headed straight for my cubicle careful to avoid people rushing by.

Doug
sat at Calo’s desk, tapping his thumb impatiently. When I entered, his eyes
went straight to me. He looked me over suspiciously, then smiled. “Clever,” he
muttered. “Glenni’s doing, I suppose?”

My
jaw dropped. “I’m supposed to be invisible,” I grouched, moving to my desk.

“You
are,” Doug turned to look at me. “I wouldn’t be a very good Head Observer if I
couldn’t see through invisibility.”

“I
can’t believe you can see me!”

“Well,
I can’t
see
you, in the strictest definition of seeing. It’s more like I
can sense you.”

“Bizarre,”
I mumbled.

“It
was your father’s suggestion. He had all the Observers extra-visibly endowed a
few years ago. Part of heightened security measures.”

“Speaking
of the Observatory, why aren’t we meeting there?” The Observatory was a few
floors above us. The odds of running into my parents there were significantly
slimmer than here on the main floor, right down the hall from Grimm’s office. I
glanced nervously toward the entrance of the cubicle.

“We
don’t want to be overheard by any Dark Mesas.”

“What?”
I hadn’t been aware evil Dark Mesas hung out in the Observatory.

“The
receptors of the Observatory are set very high in order to ‘hear’ or receive
the happiness level information. Because of that it’s easy for spoken
conversation in the Observatory to be overheard or intercepted by Dark Mesas.
They know we’re using a high frequency. We’re currently working on a more
secure solution.”

I
understood Doug was saying very mathematical sounding words like “receptors,”
“level,” and “frequency,” but just because a sentence has mathematical words
doesn’t mean it makes sense. Doug seemed to realize I hadn’t quite grasped what
he was saying because he kept explaining it in different ways. I nodded
occasionally, but I wasn’t listening.
[53]

I looked
down at my desk so Doug wouldn’t see my eyes glazing over. A note for me was
placed in the center. I quickly read it.

Lily,

Listen,
I’m pretty close to vanishing, so stop making equations. Stop trying to make a
chart. I found out last week I was adopted (my brother told me). I don’t want
to get into a lot of personal details, but I haven’t had much luck handling the
news on my own. I’m not sure what other story will be impacted by my vanishment.
Give this journal to Miranda. The page marked is where my father wrote about
finding me. Maybe she can use the information to save the others. Okay, well,
if I don’t make it back–I wanted to tell you that I think you’ll be a good Happiologist
someday. Your ideas are good, they just aren’t

“Aren’t
what?” I asked aloud.

“What?”
Doug looked at me.

I
ignored him and flipped the sheet over. It was just like Calo to leave half a
note for me. Half a note does not equal an entire note.

“No
wonder he vanished,” I mumbled. “He was paying me a compliment. That must have
made him really unhappy.”

“What
are you talking about?”

“This,”
I shoved the note and journal to him.

Doug
quickly scanned the note. “Hmm. He’s right about not knowing which story he
came from. We’ll have to alert the Observers. They can look for patterns, see
if any story seems to have a downward trend. We already know the citizens from
Puss-in-Boots
will be affected. We sent out their Happiologists immediately; no one wants a
repeat of the Aven/Cinderella double vanishing. But it’s odd that both Miranda
and Grimm are unavailable though.”

“Miranda?”
I knew Grimm was a statue, but what happened to Miranda?

“She
was in the office with Kara.”

“So
they’re both trapped? Why won’t the door open? And how did the trenchies let
that happen? I thought they were all about security and body-guarding.”

Doug
smiled. “Trenchies? I guess you mean the Agents.”

I
nodded.

“Trenchies
is a better name. I’ll suggest that to Kara when we’re finished. But to answer
your questions: yes, they are both trapped. No, the door won’t open. And all
the, uh,
trenchies
, are trapped in the office as well.”

I
opened my mouth to ask another question, but Doug held up his hand and continued,
“All their Super-Secret Beepers went off at the same time. They thought Kara
was in trouble, so they rushed in to save her.” He paused. “Now none of them
can get out and none of us can get in.”

“Can
you talk to them through the door? And why won’t it open?” There was no
mathematical reason for the door not opening, unless the density of persons in
the office was so great, the door could not swing inward.

“No,
we’ve tried shouting through the door and slipping notes under it. Nothing’s
worked–probably for the same reason the door won’t open.” He shuddered as if he
had touched something disgusting. “Grease. There’s a thick layer of grease all
over the door, dripping down onto the carpet. It’s going to be a nightmare to
clean when this is over.”

That
evil little sycophant. “Why is Levi harassing everyone?”

Doug
looked surprised. “I’ve been wondering that myself, Princess.”

“Oh,
yeah?” I managed to say. I didn’t mean to ask the question aloud.

“Yes,”
Doug moved his chair up to Calo’s desk. “Levi doesn’t usually–that is–he isn’t
usually so involved on this deep of a level.”

“What
do you mean?” Everything I’d seen of Levi so far was completely in character
for a man who stole a baby off a hillside just so he could make Celdan
depressed enough to vanish. “He’s evil.”

“Well,
sure, this does seem that way, but usually Levi just does prank stuff, like
turning off the alarms at Marshall Road. I’ve never seen him mess with the
Agency, not to mention Miranda and Grimm. Dark Mesas have rules, too, you know.
They can’t just be indiscriminately evil. They have cases assigned to them,
just like we do.”

“Are
you defending Levi?”

“Of
course not,” Doug shook his head. “I’m merely exposing the inconsistencies in
his behavior.”

“Look,”
I interrupted. “I know for a solid mathematical fact that Levi’s behavior is
always this evil.”

And
for the next fifteen minutes, I explained to Doug everything I knew about Levi.
The tango, the visit in the bathroom, the letters, the grease stains on the
file folder, and the final proof–Calo’s vanishing coinciding with the vanishing
of the Candlemaker’s Daughter file. Doug raised his eyebrows considerably when
I explained my theory about Levi taking the infant Calo off the hillside and
leaving him on the miller’s doorstep.

“Did
Calo know about any of this?” Doug asked, when I finally stopped.

“Any
of what?” I asked cautiously. I hadn’t got around to my part in the whole
Cinderella/Aven mess.

“Secretly
holding on to a supposedly vanished file? Being continually harassed by Levi?”

“Uh...no.”
I rushed on before Doug could say anything. “But there’s some more stuff you
should know.” And before I could mathematically stop myself, I hurtled along
and confessed to everything. I admitted to being the (rather unfortunate)
variable in the lives of Ella and Aven.

Doug’s
mouth hung open for several seconds after I’d finished. “Two things. One: I’m
glad I don’t have to explain all this to Calo, because he is going to be very angry,
and two: this doesn’t affect my strategy at all–I think.” He paused. “It just
doesn’t make sense for Levi to want Calo to vanish, to be actively involved in
vanishing him.”

“Why
not? Don’t Dark Mesas want all of us to vanish anyway?”

“In
theory,” Doug answered. “They’re supposed to. But–I don’t suppose you have any
idea what the Sennish dungeons are like–do you?”

“No.”

“Ella,
Aven, and the rest of the regular citizens–Celdan, etc.–will just be tortured
by things that make them unhappy forever. Aven might be lost without a map, and
Ella will probably be watching him from her cell–knowing that she caused him to
vanish.”

I
sighed. I am one lousy Happiologist. Why must I make everyone normal? I turned
my attention back to Doug, who was hypothesizing in detail about the now
miserable lives of my friends.

“But
with a vanished Happiologist, it’s different. Tandem Tallis gives them a
choice: stay in the dungeon being tortured forever or become a Dark Mesa.”

“None
of us would do that,” I said incredulously. “None of us would ever become a Dark
Mesa.”

“It’s
happened before. Many times. In fact, every Dark Mesa–except Tandem Tallis–was
once a Happiologist. It is supposed that even one of your father’s brothers
defected when he vanished.”

“My
father has brothers?” I paused to let that sink in. “I can’t believe a Happiologist
would switch sides. It’s not mathematical. Why would they defect like that?”

“Think
about it, Princess. Would you stay in a miserable dungeon working unsolvable
math problems, knowing that if you
chose
you could be free?”

“Yeah,
but—”

“Dungeons
are dungeons. At some point, everyone wants out badly enough.” He shook his
head. “I don’t like the choices some Happiologists have made–but I understand
them. I hope you never have to make that choice, Princess.”

I
didn’t say anything, but mentally I agreed with Doug. How could I make that
choice? It’s all well and good and mathematical to say I’d stay constant while
I only hypothesized about it, but if I was
really
faced with torturous
Geometry proofs that would not be solved,
could
I stay constant?

I
didn’t want to answer that question, so with mathematical effort, I turned my
mind to another matter: Levi.

“So,
Levi was once a Happiologist?”

Doug
nodded. “An extremely good one, too.” He leaned in to whisper. “Some say he was
even better than Calo or Grimm. Not that they ever worked together. Levi was
way before their time. And he was being groomed to take charge of HEA, after
the Head Happiologist retired.”