The Christmas Wager (9 page)

―You‘re a good man, Thomas. Anyone else would have thrown

me out of the house.‖

―Never!‖

He wanted to say more, but the words wouldn‘t come.

After a long moment, Andrew rolled away from him. ―Goodnight,

Thomas.‖

There was nothing more Thomas could do or say, so he got

up and went back to his room.

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Jamie Fessenden

66

Chapter 12

IT WAS snowing when Andrew awoke. From his windows, he

could see the fields and pastures behind Barrington Hall, and

the forest beyond, softened by the snow that had accumulated

during the early morning hours, and large flakes drifted down

from the pale gray sky. It was so beautiful and quiet that

Andrew nearly forgot for a moment that his life had been

shattered the night before.

But as he washed his face and shaved, his mind went over

every horrid detail again and again. He remembered how

beautiful Thomas had looked when their eyes met and how

years of resolve had melted away; how he had thought for one

insane moment that Thomas might return his love. He had

reached for what he could never have, and it had cost him

dearly. The easy, affectionate friendship he‘d shared with

Thomas was gone forever.

He heard the faint sound of the door handle turning and

looked up to see Thomas standing in the doorway, looking

vastly uncomfortable, watching Andrew warily, as though

uncertain of his welcome. He was shirtless and his hair was

disheveled. Andrew had always loved the way the man looked

first thing in the morning. It was adorable, like a child waking

from a nap with his hair all tousled.

I really need to get thoughts like that out of my head.

―You needn‘t be frightened of me,‖ Andrew said wearily, as

he reached for a towel to dry his face.

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―I‘m not,‖ Thomas said. ―Don‘t be foolish. I was hoping you

would help me shave.‖

It didn‘t seem appropriate, somehow. Not anymore. But

after a brief hesitation, during which he could think of no

practical reason for refusing, Andrew said, ―Very well. Come sit

down.‖

He draped the towel around his neck.

Thomas came in and sat in one of the wooden chairs at

the table. Andrew brought the washbasin and straight razor

over to the table and set them down, then took the towel from

around his neck and placed it around Thomas‘s neck.

―It‘s snowing,‖ Thomas said as Andrew slathered some

soap on his face.

―So I‘ve noticed.‖ Andrew carefully scraped the razor along

Thomas‘s cheek. ―Perhaps you should take Susan outside this

morning, before it stops.‖

―Are you saying you won‘t join us?‖

Andrew sighed. ―I don‘t think that‘s a good idea, Thomas.‖

―Stop being ridiculous. Susan will be tremendously

disappointed if you don‘t come out with us.‖

Andrew wanted to say ―no,‖ but again there was no real

reason to do so. Apart from the fact that spending the day with

Thomas would be agonizing, now that Andrew‘s terrible secret

had come out. Now that every look, every touch, would feel self-

conscious and fraught with danger. And regardless of what

Thomas might say now, Andrew knew their time together was

now limited. Once they returned to London, Thomas would no

doubt make a show of remaining friendly, but it was inevitable

that they would drift apart. No gentleman could remain friends

with a man of Andrew‘s sort for long.

―If you insist,‖ Andrew said, at last.

―I do.‖

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TAKING Susan out in the snow proved to be a difficult

undertaking, as Katie fretted excessively about her young

charge catching cold. The nanny dressed her in boots and so

many layers of coats that it was difficult to see how she could

move at all. But Susan appeared not to mind. She was so

excited at the prospect of going out with her ―uncles‖ that she

could barely stand still as Katie fastened her into her bonnet.

And, by God, she was actually
smiling
.

―We must fetch Hew and Duncan!‖ Susan exclaimed, as

she scurried down the long hall to the stairs.

Thomas caught up to her to prevent her toppling headlong

down the staircase, and took one of her mittened hands. ―Well,

I suppose we can see what they‘re about. Perhaps they can join

us.‖

It was only as they entered the great hall that Thomas

remembered to stop in Edward‘s study. He was ashamed that

he hadn‘t thought of it earlier. Who better to take Susan on an

outing than her own father, after all?

In the study, they found Edward poring over business

documents at his desk, dressed casually in a smoking jacket,

without his cravat.

―Father!‖ Susan cried out, running to him. He looked up in

surprise, taking in the sight of his daughter and the motley

group assembled in his doorway. ―Come out with us! It‘s

snowing!‖

Edward looked much put out. ―Susan, I‘m very busy.‖

―But Uncle Thomas says we‘re going to build a man out of

snow! And a woman, too.‖

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He frowned at his younger brother. ―If your Uncle Thomas

has nothing better to do than traipse about in the snow, then

by all means go and join him.‖

Pompous dullard
, Thomas thought. The smile was

threatening to fade from Susan‘s face, so he called out, ―Come

along, poppet. We don‘t want to miss the snowfall.‖

It proved easy enough to entice Hew and Duncan away

from their morning chores, though Thomas made a mental note

to take responsibility for it, should Simcox take them to task

over it later. With the twins taking the lead, the small

expedition trudged out across the fields, fresh snow crunching

under their feet. Susan‘s joyous mood had returned at the first

sight of the falling snowflakes. She was hindered only slightly

by her heavy boots and clothing, as she ran to keep up with the

boys, while Thomas and Andrew followed behind at a more

dignified pace.

―Somebody needs to give my ass of a brother what for,‖

Thomas muttered under his breath.

He was pleased to see Andrew smile. ―I do believe he‘s

larger than you.‖

―But I am far angrier. I mean,
really
, Andrew. She‘s his

daughter, and he barely appears to notice her existence.‖

―I agree,‖ Andrew said, ―it‘s appalling. But you have no say

in the matter.‖

Thomas fumed about this for a few minutes, until they

caught up with the twins, who were teaching Susan to make

snow angels. The boys had a loathing of footprints spoiling

their angels, so they were teaching the girl to jump into a

pristine snow bank and flop onto her back. When she had

finished her angel, she stood, and Duncan called out, ―Wait,

Miss Susan! Don‘t move!‖

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Then he reached over and lifted her out, leaving her

beautiful little angel free of any trail leading away from it, as if

it had simply appeared on the hillside by magic.

―Quite lovely,‖ Andrew observed, to Susan‘s delight.

Thomas was happy to see his friend smiling, but he knew

Andrew was miserable under the surface, and it made him feel

wretched that he could do nothing about it. Thomas had never

even contemplated the notion of one man being in love with

another, before last night. Was such a thing possible? Yes, he‘d

heard sordid tales of men doing sexual things together, but

even that was generally talked about indirectly. Gentlemen

never discussed such things in a straightforward manner, so

Thomas wasn‘t at all certain what two men would
do
together,

in a physical sense. Had Andrew done these things? Had he

thought about doing them with Thomas?

Thomas could feel himself blushing at the idea, and he

forcefully pushed it to the back of his mind.

The concept of a man falling in
love
with another was even

further removed from his education. He‘d often heard the love

of two male friends—filial love—described as pure and noble

and of the highest good. That, he had once felt certain, was the

kind of love he and Andrew had always shared. But what

Andrew had done last night wasn‘t at all brotherly, and when

he had said ―I love you‖ there had been no doubt in Thomas‘s

mind that he was referring to something beyond filial love.

How long had Andrew felt this way toward him? Had he

been hiding this for all of the years they‘d known each other?

Although Thomas knew he was supposed to react to this

thought with revulsion, or at best pity, he felt neither. What he

felt was an immense sorrow for his friend‘s suffering. And a

powerful desire to ease that suffering. But he had absolutely no

idea what he could do.

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Hew and Duncan helped Susan make her first snowman,

and both Thomas and Andrew joined in, Thomas loaning the

snowman the use of his scarf. When it came time to make Lady

Snow, both of the twins demonstrated that they were indeed

still teenaged boys by giggling overmuch when they fashioned

the breasts.

―Gentlemen,‖ Thomas said, laughing with them, ―That is

no way to treat a lady!‖

Thank heaven they hadn‘t given Lord Snow the

appropriate anatomy, as well.

Hew grabbed Lady Snow‘s left breast and, to Thomas‘s

immense shock, lobbed it at him. He barely managed to duck

and catch it on his shoulder, instead of in the face. Hew

practically collapsed in hysterics, while his brother looked on in

horror.

―Hew, you stupid git! You can‘t throw snow in His

Lordship‘s face!‖

Duncan started to fall all over himself apologizing, but his

words were cut short by Thomas lobbing a snowball at
him
and

catching him full in the mouth. All sense of decorum dissolved

instantly, as all four men began throwing snowballs at each

other, while Susan laughed and clapped with glee, safely off to

one side.

At least, she thought she was safe. Hew caught her in the

face with a small snowball and suddenly she stopped laughing,

her mouth gaping open in shock. The snowball had been small

and lightly packed, but the four-year-old looked about to cry,

until Andrew scooped her up and kissed her.

―What a black-hearted villain! Shall we get him back?‖

―Yes,‖ Susan said, pouting.

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Andrew set her down and scooped up a snowball for her,

while Hew danced around them, laughing gleefully.

―Here you go,‖ Andrew said, handing the snowball to

Susan, ―now teach the scoundrel a lesson!‖

Hew stopped his dancing to bob in front of her, grinning

wickedly. Susan lobbed her snowball. It didn‘t go far, but Hew

was close to her, and he deliberately let it strike him full in the

face. Susan laughed, her previous indignation forgotten.

―That‘ll teach you to harm Miss Susan, you blackguard!‖

Duncan cried, tackling his brother. Both went down in a

tremendous puff of snow.

The others all laughed, and Thomas, in a sudden rush of

exuberance, tackled Andrew. His friend fell over backward into

a snowdrift, and Thomas landed on top of him. Their faces

touched for a second, cold cheeks brushing each other;

warmed briefly by their breath.

But Andrew wasn‘t laughing. His expression was furious.

He shoved Thomas away from him. ―That‘s enough!‖

Thomas rolled off of him, suddenly feeling very foolish. He

wasn‘t sure why he‘d just done that. Perhaps he was trying to

show Andrew that they could still be close. But it had been

foolish, under the present circumstances, and now he felt like a

prime idiot for doing it. They stood, unable to look each other

in the eye as they brushed the snow off their coats.

―I‘m cold,‖ Susan said, and Thomas noticed for the first

time that she was shivering.

―Perhaps it‘s time to go inside, poppet.‖

ANDREW was fuming all the way back to the hall. What in

blazes had Thomas been
thinking
? Was he trying to prove

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something? That he was man enough to handle Andrew‘s