The Christmas Children (12 page)

“I want to go with you, Uncle Paul,” Julie said, and headed for the closet to get her coat.

“Not tonight, Julie,” he said. “I have some thinking to do.”

Julie stamped her feet. “I want to go.”

He knelt beside her. “Julie, you
are not
going with
me. Sit with your family and watch television for a while and then get ready for bed.”

“Please!” Her chin quivered, and Paul wasn't unaffected by her gesture. It had been balm to his heart that this little girl adored him so much, but he knew it wasn't good to give in to the child's demands. Besides, he had to be alone tonight.

“No,” he said firmly. “Give me a hug and then behave yourself.”

Sniffling, Julie hugged his neck, and Carissa wondered if she'd throw a tantrum as soon as Paul was out of the house.

Looking at Carissa, a resigned expression on his face, he said, “I don't know when I'll be back, so don't wait up for me. I have a key.”

Julie's eyes followed Paul until he was out of sight. Still sniffling, she sat on the floor and watched the program Alex had chosen.

Carissa was sympathetic to Julie's feelings. She would have liked to accompany Paul, too. The uneasy nagging in the back of her mind refused to be silenced. Paul needed some time to decide if he still wanted Jennifer. Carissa dreaded the decision he might make during his walk.

P
aul avoided the lakefront, where he would encounter other people looking at the Christmas Fantasy lights. He took a flashlight from the glove compartment of his truck and headed up the mountain. He soon accessed a trail made by loggers several years ago, which was kept in usable condition for safety purposes during the forest-fire season.

The days he'd spent with Carissa and the children had been the most satisfying time he'd known in years. After the first dreadful months following his breakup with Jennifer, he'd been content with his nomadic life. But recently, he'd started thinking about settling down in one place, wondering if he was too old to become a family man. Many men he knew had married in their forties, and had fathered children.

So why, when his thoughts were veering in that
direction, had Jennifer come back into his life? He had no doubt that he'd loved Jennifer at one time, but he believed it was over. When she'd shown up yesterday, he hadn't experienced any of the pleasure or excitement she had once caused. Didn't that indicate that he was indifferent to what she said or did?

After Jennifer ditched him, Paul had pushed all memories of their painful relationship into the background. But today, little by little, as he walked, Paul dredged from the depths of his memory the two years he and Jennifer had dated.

Jennifer's family had moved to Yuletide when she was sixteen. She'd been the most beautiful girl in their school, and he was flattered when she chose him. He wondered now if he'd been chosen not because she loved him, but because he was the most eligible guy in school. Yuletide was a small place, and Paul had been captain of the football team and had played on all the other sports teams. He was also the only man in town who excelled at skating. Had she loved him or had she chosen him only because he fitted her needs at the time?

In retrospect, he realized that even as a teenager, Jennifer had been manipulative. He remembered with sorrow one time when his parents had planned for all of them to attend a family reunion in Vermont. The date conflicted with the time that Jennifer's family was going to the beach. He still didn't know how it happened, but Paul ended up going to the beach with the Pruetts.

He'd felt lousy for disappointing his parents, who had gone to the reunion with Naomi and her husband. He'd promised, “The next time I'll go with you,” but his father died before the next reunion.

He'd apparently been putty in Jennifer's hands, for he remembered countless other times that he'd set aside his plans because she'd wanted him to. He'd tell himself that he wouldn't do it, but the next thing he knew, Jennifer got her way.

Paul's mother hadn't liked Jennifer, and now he could understand why. His mother had told him when they announced their engagement that he was making a mistake—that Jennifer would ruin his life.

Jennifer hadn't been pleased with his plans to be an engineer. She'd wanted them to become professional skaters. He liked to skate, but he wasn't thrilled with the intense competition and the rigid life of a professional. After Jennifer broke their engagement, he'd moved to California, finished his engineering degree and started his overseas work. He'd blocked Jennifer out of his mind and life. But now she was back. He didn't want her—but was he strong enough to withstand her charm and seductive ways if he saw her every day? She'd wrapped him around her finger once…so should he avoid her now? Or was it better to skate with her and prove to her and
himself,
once and for all, that she had no hold on him?

And what would Carissa think about it? After yesterday—when he and Carissa had unburdened their
past hang-ups and explanations about why they'd never married—his feelings for her had intensified, as if the future held something more for them than they realized.

He didn't want anything to jeopardize their relationship, if that was what God wanted for them. If he skated with Jennifer, he might lose an opportunity to explore a future with Carissa. On the other hand, he didn't want to go through life wondering if Jennifer had any hold on him.

Breathless, he reached a clearing on the top of the mountain, affording a view of Yuletide and the lake. He easily picked out Naomi's house. What were Carissa and the children doing now? As he watched, the lights faded on the first floor, and he knew they'd gone to bed. When the deck light came on, he realized that Carissa had left a light on for him. How much would Carissa care if he and Jennifer were reconciled?

He sat on the boulder until the crisp night air chilled his body. He knew what he had to do—but was he man enough to do it? He'd lived for years in a man's world, one that had given him very little experience in dealing with inner emotions and needs of the heart. He now faced a new situation—his emotions in conflict between two women. One whom he'd once loved, and another whom he believed he
could
love, given time and opportunity.

He had already committed to being Joseph in the living nativity and Carissa would be Mary. They
would be together often, planning and practicing for their roles. And if he accepted Jennifer's challenge, and he believed that was what it was, he'd be with her every day, too. Which woman would win his heart?

He considered the five-year age difference between Carissa and him. He had trouble believing that Carissa was forty-five, because she had a vulnerable, untouched air that prompted him to protect her. He believed he could help her forget her unfortunate past—but he didn't have much time. In two weeks, he had to return to work in Europe.

Discouraged, and still undecided about what to do about Jennifer, Paul strode quickly down the mountain trail. The waning moon provided some light, and the glow on the deck served as a beacon to guide him. Or was Carissa the lodestar that lighted his way?

 

Carissa heard the wind blowing around the house, and she shivered under her warm blanket. The illuminated clock face indicated it was past midnight. Paul had been gone for more than three hours, and she wondered if he was all right. She'd dozed a little, but for the most part she'd stayed awake, worrying that Paul would go back to Jennifer.

She indulged in several minutes of self-pity, wishing she had Jennifer's beauty. She compared her small body and insignificant features to the perfection of Jennifer's appearance. If it came to a choice
between her and Jennifer, she wouldn't blame Paul if he chose Jennifer. And Jennifer was closer to Paul's age. Being five years his senior didn't make her eligible for a romantic relationship with him.

Carissa didn't like Jennifer's flamboyant personality, but she attributed that to jealousy. She disliked pettiness in anyone, and she was disgusted that she'd stoop so low, even in her thoughts.

Remembering Belva's admonition that Lauren should take frequent trips to the bathroom, Carissa went to the other bedroom and awakened the child to go. Carissa hadn't put on a robe, so she was colder than ever when she got back to her bed. She turned the blanket heat up a couple of notches, hoping she would go to sleep, but she was still awake when she heard Paul enter the house an hour later. She would have liked to talk to him…. No, Paul would have to initiate any conversation about his relationship with Jennifer.

 

“Brr!” Paul greeted her when she entered the kitchen the next morning. He pointed to a dual thermometer on the wall. The outside temperature hovered slightly above zero.

“No wonder I felt cold last night,” Carissa said.

“The furnace is on a timer that reduces the temperature a few degrees at night. Naomi and her husband didn't like to sleep in a warm house.”

“I'm worried about the children's clothing,” she said, trying to talk of mundane matters to keep her
mind off Paul and Jennifer. “The things they got at the church are all right, but they need heavier foot-wear. I'll pick them up after school and take them shopping. I noticed a department store in Yuletide that should have what they need.”

“I'll share the expense with you, Carissa. Remember, this a joint venture.”

“Then you might as well go along with us as we shop. I don't know anything about buying boots for kids.”

Their routine was well established. Paul prepared breakfast for everyone, and she took care of the dishes while he drove the children to school. Carissa was vacuuming when Paul returned. When she finished, he put the vacuum cleaner in the broom closet, then stood by the fireplace, his arm resting on the mantel.

“Well, Jennifer really wrecked my plans for a laid-back Christmas celebration,” he said. “She wasn't content to be a disruptive element in my life twenty years ago—she had to come back now.”

“I assumed you took the walk to decide what to do. I've had no experience along this line, but I suppose once you love someone, the emotion is always there.”

He looked at her quickly. “I'm not in love with Jennifer now, if that's what you're suggesting.”

Carissa's heart exploded with a little leap of gladness. “Then why should her return to Yuletide disturb you? Obviously, it has.”

“Jennifer is always determined to get what she wants.”

“And you think she wants you?”

He flushed. “I know that sounds conceited, but she acts as if she does. Last night, I remembered many things about our previous relationship. She always liked a challenge. It might sound less arrogant to say that she might not want me, but she's just curious to see if she can maneuver me into another relationship.”

Carissa sat on the fireplace ledge and looked up at him. “It takes two to make a relationship. If you're unwilling to take up where you left off twenty years ago, I don't see why you need to worry.”

He walked to the kitchen and turned on the faucet to draw a glass of water. “I told you Jennifer usually gets what she wants.”

Carissa's eyes narrowed. “Are you afraid you won't have the willpower to resist her?”

Paul's face flushed again, and he drank a full glass of water before he answered. “That sounds rather cowardly, doesn't it.”

If he was that fearful about Jennifer's attempts to snare him, was he as unaffected by her presence as he said?

“What do you want to do?”

“Avoid her. But I've come to the decision that I should go ahead and skate with her. If she throws any romantic lures my way, I can prove that I'm not interested by ignoring her.”

“But what if you can't ignore her overtures?”

He shook his head, for he had no answer.

Carissa lowered her head, knowing that she had a similar problem. She wasn't sure she had the willpower to keep Paul at arms' length. If he kissed her again, how would she react? Just thinking about a romantic relationship with him caused her spirits to soar. And what if that thought became a reality? Her heart danced with excitement if their hands touched casually when they were working around the house. She wasn't sure he was affected, but she believed that if a web of attraction was building between them, she was powerless to prevent it.

She moved away from him and started to finish the interior decorations. Paul came over to help, and she sat on the steps while he stood by the railing as they decorated the stairway with garlands of poinsettias and evergreen.

Paul groaned when Jennifer appeared at the back door. She peered through the glass, saw them and entered without knocking.

With a short laugh, Jennifer said, “Paul, do you spend all of your time over here? Mother said that the apartment behind the house is your home. I've called several times without an answer.”

“I'm seldom in the apartment and I
am
living here. When the three children invited themselves into Naomi's house, Carissa and I assumed responsibility for them.”

“How long have the two of you known one another?”

“Since the day after Thanksgiving,” Carissa said.

“Mother said you'd traded houses with Naomi.”

Carissa didn't answer, and Jennifer turned her attention to Paul.

“We must talk about the skating party and our participation.”

Carissa started to stand, but Paul put a gentle hand on her shoulder to keep her in a sitting position. She continued to wrap the greenery around the posts.

“I'm not interested in doing the exhibition. But Carissa and I have pledged to help Yuletide revive the spirit of Christmas. And since the skating party was once part of the celebration, I'll skate with you, but don't expect me to be light on my feet. I've skated sporadically over the past twenty years, so we can't perform a difficult routine.”

“Then meet me at the skating rink this afternoon and we'll see how much you've forgotten. Two o'clock okay?”

“Let's make it one o'clock. Carissa and I are taking the children shopping when school lets out at three.”

“How about having dinner together tonight to plan our strategy?”

“No. I'm committed to Carissa and the children every evening. We're trimming the tree tonight.”

Shrugging, Jennifer said to Carissa, “Mother tells me that you're the owner of Cara's Fashions.”

Carissa taped the last garland to the bottom step before she answered. “Not anymore. I sold the business two months ago.”

“I've worn some of the clothes.”

“Yes, I noticed that you had on one of Cara's sweaters yesterday.”

Jennifer turned toward the door without saying whether she liked the clothes or not.

Carissa's comment about the sale of her business brought to Paul's mind his reluctance to become involved with a rich woman. But that point wasn't bothering him so much now. During his last conversation with his sister, Naomi had told him that when Carissa sold her company, she used a large portion of the income to establish a foundation for abandoned children. Not only was she not as wealthy as he'd feared, but her charity had convinced Paul that Carissa was a compassionate, caring woman.