The Christmas Baby Bump (8 page)

Maybe it was the fact that his dad was sick and in a hospital, looking all too frail. Maybe it was because, even after professing to hate his mother all these years, he still missed her, but she’d been on his mind today.

“Your mother wanted you to become a pulmonologist?”

“Actually, she never knew, because I stopped talking to her.”

Phil wasn’t ready to tell Stephanie the whole story, that he’d been in Australia at a surfing championship when his father had been diagnosed with lymphoma the first time—and that his mother’s leaving turned his life upside down. It had made him quit the surfing circuit at twenty to care for his dad and, eventually, head back to school.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Phil.”

He’d confused her. He sensed honest compassion in Stephanie’s voice and it felt like a forgiving breath; made him want to be honest with her. Maybe he did owe her an explanation.

“My dad had lymphoma, and when he first got diagnosed, my mother walked out on us. She couldn’t deal with his disease. Evidently she didn’t give a damn about me either because I never got to say goodbye.”

“Oh, God, how awful.”

Phil hadn’t meant to turn their conversation in this maudlin direction, he’d just wanted to keep her on the
phone a little longer, but here he was stripping down barriers and letting the new girl on the block know about the secret of his mother. He could count back ten girlfriends and know for sure they’d never had a clue about his family or whether either of his parents was alive or dead. So why had he opened up to Stephanie?

“Yeah, I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t have a clue if she knows I’m a doctor or not.”

“I see.” She sounded suddenly distant.

As he’d gone completely out of character, he decided to get something else off his chest.

“Stephanie, this is a really weird question, but something I noticed yesterday made me wonder if you have a child.” The way she’d put Robbie into his pajamas and had left the bedroom door ajar. A novice like himself wouldn’t know to do that without being told. But not Stephanie.

She inhaled sharply.

He kicked himself for bringing up the subject. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Sorry. You caught me off guard, that’s all.”

He sighed. “Didn’t mean to,” he said, regretting having mentioned it.

She swallowed. “You and I have something in common.”

“How so?”

“You never got to say goodbye to your mother, and I never got to say goodbye to my son.”

“Stephanie…” In that moment, he wanted to put down the phone, to crawl inside, and come out the other end. He wanted nothing more than to console her. She had lost a child. “I’m sorry if I—”

“That’s okay, Phil. I need to get off the phone now
anyway. I’ll see you at work,” she said, not giving him a chance to say another word.

Confused, he scrubbed his face. All he wanted was an uncomplicated romance, but having lived thirty-five years and dated for twenty of them, he knew there was no such thing.

When Stephanie arrived at work on Monday morning, all the nurses were abuzz with news about the yacht decorations. Gaby had used the office petty cash to purchase six small fake Christmas trees. “They all came complete with lights!” she said animatedly. “Now all we have to do is anchor them on the yacht.”

“Great!” Amy said. “And I found my grandmother’s decorations from the old country, and my lederhosen still fit!”

Another nurse chimed in. “I’ve got a bunch of Philippine Christmas lanterns we can use for one of the trees, too.”

Stephanie did her usual fading into the woodwork rather than join in.

Claire appeared, honey-blonde hair pulled back into a long swishy ponytail and green eyes bright with excitement. “Sounds great, guys. Bring everything this Saturday for the decorating party.” She saw Stephanie and waved her over. “You’re coming, right?”

Stephanie had been keeping a safe distance from the clinic employees. Why get too involved when she was only going to be around for a couple of months? What was the point? Up until this moment she’d planned to blow off the Christmas yacht party, but how could she say no and not appear to be antisocial?

“Um, sure.” And, besides, it would give her a chance to see Phil in a perfectly safe environment, one
where she couldn’t get swept off her resolve to keep a distance.

“Great! I’ll send the directions to your email.” Claire glanced at her watch and strode for the stairs to her second-floor office. “Talk later.”

Well, hell, she’d already had sex with Phil, why not get to know everyone else a little better, too?

The nurses continued to rabbit on about decorating the yacht and what fun it always was as Stephanie smiled and made her way toward her office. After spending an ultra-quiet weekend, she had to admit that she enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the clinic, and with the official invitation now she looked forward to the plans for the coming weekend.

When later that morning Phil loomed in her doorway, her gut clenched. It was the first time she’d seen him since they’d made love. Her heart stumbled over the next couple of beats. He looked amazing with his hair freshly washed and combed straight back. She’d come to notice that however it fell, it stayed, and it always looked great. He’d probably expect further explanation about her weird reaction on the phone on Friday night. She wasn’t ready to give it.

“Hey,” he said, obviously waiting to be invited in.

“Hi. What’s up?” Did her face give her hopeful thoughts away? Was he here to invite her out to lunch or, better yet, a quiet dinner with just the two of them—like the one she’d so looked forward to last weekend? If he did, she hoped he’d keep all conversation superficial.

He carried a large specialty coffee drink in each hand and placed one on her desk. “It’s a pumpkin latte. Thought you might like it.”

“Thanks.” Why did the thoughtful gesture touch her so? Why did it feel so intimate? Before she’d gotten
strange on the phone the other night, they’d embarked on a new line of communication. The man had opened up about his mother and because she’d been thinking about Justin after being around Robbie, she’d gone overboard with her response. It must have seemed so strange and out of the blue that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d avoided her, yet here he was bringing her a drink.

He sat on the edge of her desk and studied her. If the morning sun was brighter than she’d ever seen it, and there wasn’t a cloud on the horizon, that’s what she imagined the color would be, and it was right there in his eyes.

“So Robbie’s going to stay with me the rest of this week, until my dad gets discharged from the hospital.” He sounded worn out, like he’d had a super-hard weekend.

As she gazed at him, grateful he hadn’t probed more about her son, she caught the telltale signs of sleep deprivation. It looked as if ashes had been faintly smudged beneath his eyes, and his voice sounded huskier than usual. Watching his brother had taken its toll, but Phil wasn’t complaining. For a guy who professed to keep things easy and uncomplicated, he’d proved to be deeper than that. And though she wasn’t in the market for anything permanent with Phil, this side of his character helped her trust him.

Before he left, he bent over and dropped a sweet kiss on her lips. The simple gesture invited chills. He tasted like pumpkin latte, and after he’d left, she enjoyed sipping her drink and thinking of Phil’s kisses for the rest of the afternoon.

Phil had finally gotten Robbie down for the night. All he wanted to do was talk to Stephanie. She’d lost a child
and was trying to put her life together. She could use a friend at a time like this, yet she’d chosen to leave the desert during the holidays and spend Christmas with strangers in Santa Barbara.

The last thing he could call himself was a stranger to her, not after their intense lovemaking session the other night. The crazy thing was, it wasn’t just about sex with Stephanie. He genuinely liked her. So why not call her, just to talk? The thought made him smile. It reminded him of how in high school he used to have to work up an excuse to call a girl when he liked her. But that had been back in a time of innocence, back when his heart had been eager to fall in love, back when he’d still trusted the opposite sex…back before his mother had walked out.

Yikes, he’d put himself into a lousy mood, and now he needed to call Stephanie to cheer himself up. So that made two reasons, more than enough to make the call.

Robbie came running down the hall in his pajamas. Before Phil had put him to bed, Robbie had talked to his mother and had cried a little. It almost broke Phil’s heart. The kid had to settle for second best with him when all he wanted was to sleep in his own bed and get a good-night kiss from his parents. Carl was still in recovery mode, and Roma had her hands full. If Robbie went home too soon, he might feel neglected, and get his feelings hurt.

“I thought I already put you to bed,” he said.

“Furgot sumtin’.” Robbie used his short, pudgy arms to pull Phil close and tell him, “Wuv you.”

Without thinking, Phil kissed him on the forehead. “Back at ya, little dude. Now, skedaddle back to bed.”

Robbie giggled and ran off.

A scary feeling crept over Phil. It had felt nice to kiss his kid brother and, yep, he’d miss him when he was gone.

He stroked his jaw. Maybe he should get a dog.

All the cozy feelings and thoughts about having another warm, living, breathing body share his house boggled his mind. It gave him a third excuse for calling Stephanie—distraction!

“Hey, what’s up?” he said, when she answered after the second ring.

“Hi!” Her welcoming tone pushed all his worries aside. All he wanted to do was talk about her day.

After chatting superficially for a while, he realized the real point of his call. He wanted more one-on-one time with Stephanie. Just before hanging up, he said, “And tomorrow lunch is on me.”

She answered without hesitation. “Okay. If the weather’s nice, maybe we can eat outside.”

If he could conjure up warm weather and sunshine for tomorrow he would, but he already felt the equivalent of a sunny day right there—he rubbed the spot—in his chest. “Sounds like a plan.”

The next day, though the sky was blue, temperatures were low. Phil and Stephanie wore jackets and set off for the shore anyway. He’d ordered a hearty fish chowder and sourdough rolls from the best deli in town, and carried it in a warming bag with one hand. He longed to place his other arm around her waist but, not wanting to put any pressure on her, he withstood the urge.

He hadn’t figured out yet where they stood. The other night he’d been positive she was interested in a no-strings fling for the duration of her stay in Santa Barbara. Since that night—the hottest night he could remember—Stephanie had partially rebuilt that invisible
barrier. He knew it had something to do with that weird comment she’d made about not getting to say goodbye to her baby.

He shook his head. The day was too beautiful to try to figure things out. And since when did he get all caught up in really “knowing” a woman? All he knew was that right now the sun danced off the golden highlights in Stephanie’s hair, making it look like a shiny copper penny. She smiled whenever she looked at him, and if he didn’t get pushy about it, he might just get another kiss before they headed back to the clinic.

They found a bench along the bike path with a shoreline view and sat. She squinted from the bright sun and had to slip on her sunglasses, covering those gorgeous caramel-candy eyes. He was glad to see the smile never left her face.

The simple fact they had time alone together had sparks flying and itchy messages flowing through the circuit board of his body. He’d much rather strip her naked than hand her a cup of soup, but he kept his true desire at bay, and when she took the first taste he received a smile of orgasmic proportions, and that smile was definitely worth his efforts.

Stephanie wasn’t very talkative today, but that was okay. He was happy to be with her. Just before he finished dunking the edge of his roll into the last of his soup, his cell phone rang. It was Roma.

“They’re going to discharge your dad this afternoon, so I won’t be able to pick up Robbie.”

“I’ll make arrangements,” Phil said, realizing he’d gotten pretty blasé about carpools and favors and paybacks with the other mothers from the preschool. They all seemed to really get a kick out of the “cool” surrogate dad on campus. Normally, he would have played
the distinction to the hilt. He’d flirt, use them for all the favors they could offer, and maybe even find out if any of the moms were single. But out of respect for his kid brother, he’d done the right thing by taking care of him and hadn’t abused the special circumstances.

And, besides, he’d been completely preoccupied with Stephanie.

“Do you want me to keep him tonight, so you and Dad can get settled?”

“That would be wonderful,” she said, after an obvious sigh of relief.

Stephanie looked at him as if he were a superhero or something. In that moment he admitted it: he might just miss the kid once he went home. Maybe…just a little.

He flipped through his contacts on the phone and made a quick call. “Hey, Claire, can you do me a huge favor and pick up Robbie today when you get Gina?” After almost two weeks, he finally understood the bartering side of child care. “Thanks, and I’ll drop her off at your house from day care after I get off work.”

Stephanie’s arms flew around his neck and she planted a cold kiss on his cheek. It wasn’t the sexy kind of kiss he’d been hoping for, but he wouldn’t complain. He turned the angle of his face so their lips could meet, and dropped a peck on her mouth. This was all way too affectionate for his taste. He preferred sexy and hot, but the weirdest thing was, he kind of liked it.

“I guess we better be getting back to the clinic,” he said. “Looks like Robbie and I are roommates for one more night.”

T
HURSDAY
morning lab results planted a rock-size knot firmly into Stephanie’s stomach. Celeste Conroy’s biopsy showed squamous cell carcinoma. After last Thursday and Thanksgiving, Maria was back today, sitting on the other side of Stephanie’s desk, waiting expectantly for the day’s assignment.

“Well,” Stephanie said, handing the printed pathology report to the RNP student. “This is a perfect example of what makes this job a challenge.”

“Wow,” Maria said. “She’s pregnant, right? How do you handle something like this?”

“I tell her the truth. We need to find out how extensive the cancer is and I’ll need to do a conization of her cervix.”

She’d remove a thick cone-shaped wedge of tissue from the area in question of the cervix, extending high into the cervical canal. Her goal would be to leave a wide margin of normal cells around the area of cancer.

“Risks?” Maria queried.

“Yes, but we must always balance them against the benefits. I’ll do everything in my power to keep both the mother and the baby healthy.” Stephanie glanced over her calendar for the earliest possible appointment. “I want to do the biopsy on Monday so I can get this
mother-to-be some good news before Christmas.” She shuddered, thinking of all the potential possibilities, and willed a positive attitude.

“Would it be okay if I came in to observe?” Maria patted her protruding pregnancy as worry lines etched her brow.

“Of course.”

Stephanie’s pulse had worked its way into her mouth. She punched in the phone number, willing her quivery hand to settle down, then cleared her throat. She needed to sound confident when she gave the diagnosis, for the patient’s sake.

Stephanie couldn’t believe the choreographed chaos on Saturday morning at the harbor. Even halfway down the harbor she could hear lively Christmas music over the loudspeaker. The pungent sea air seemed to heighten her senses, making her feel alive and excited. She stopped in midstep, having never seen a more gorgeous boat. As promised, everyone from the clinic had showed up with their contribution. She’d even made an extra effort to buy several strings of Christmas lights for the yacht.

Jason greeted her with a captain’s smile and waved her aboard. Before she boarded, she noticed the name on the bow—
For Claire.
Something about that special touch pinched at her heart. She’d heard bits and pieces about Claire and Jason’s love affair. It hadn’t been easy for either of them to admit they’d fallen in love, yet now they made a perfect couple. She shook her head. Why were people so slow to figure things like that out?

“This is my latest indulgence,” Jason said, grinning and patting the rail. “I wanted to upgrade, anyway.”

Claire, wearing a teal-colored windbreaker and
matching ball cap, with her long ponytail sticking out the hole in the back, stood at his side, smiling up at him. “He made sure there were plenty of shady spots when he designed this boat, because of my lupus. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

Amy and Gaby worked diligently on placing the small Christmas trees at key positions on the bow, stern, port, and starboard. Other nurses and aides helped stabilize and decorate them. They waved hello, and the simple greeting made Stephanie feel like part of the clinic family. Maybe it would have happened sooner if she’d reached out to them. Well, better late than never.

Just when Claire was about to take Stephanie below deck, she saw Phil rushing down the dock with a huge pink box in his arms. He waved at her and smiled, and her insides got jumbled up. Jason met him dockside and shook his hand.

“I brought doughnuts,” Phil said.

“Yay,” Amy said, as Gaby applauded.

“I’m making cocoa,” Claire called over her shoulder, leading Stephanie by the arm down to the galley. Stephanie was grateful for the distraction to buy time to straighten out her suddenly fuzzy thoughts.

Wow. Stephanie had never seen a more modern galley on a boat. Granted, her experience with boats was woefully limited, but still. Stainless-steel appliances, perfectly stained woodwork and cupboards; the compact galley oozed class.

As Claire stirred a huge pot of milk, adding cocoa liberally, she seemed her usual self from work, but more relaxed and completely carefree. “I’d never been on a sailboat until I met Jason. Now I’m ready to give up my practice, homeschool Gina, and sail around the world with him.” A soft laugh gently bubbled out. “Don’t
worry, we won’t quit our day jobs. Too many people need us at that clinic, and I love it there. But maybe someday…”

“You must take some great weekend getaways,” Stephanie said, gathering the red paper cups decorated with wreaths and garland trim and placing them on a large tray.

“Not as often as we’d like, but we have plans for a longer trip this summer. Thought we’d sail up to San Francisco and back.”

“Wow,” Stephanie said. “That’s impressive.” She held the tray close so Claire could ladle out the cocoa into the cups then she shook the whipped cream can and sprayed a dollop on top of each.

“If all goes well, maybe the year after we’ll set sail for Hawaii.”

“Sounds like a dream come true.”

Before she could say more, a familiar bedroom-sexy voice vibrated from the doorway into the main saloon. “You ladies need a hand?” Phil hung in the doorway, opening up his broad chest, cutting a V down to a trim waist. Her throat went dry, so strong was her reaction, and she suddenly needed a sip of cocoa. “I think we’ve got this covered.”

She did her best to act casual, as if the mere presence of the man didn’t scatter her nerves.

He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. “The folks have already eaten most of the doughnuts, but I saved you ladies a couple.”

“Thanks. We’ll be right up,” Claire said, oblivious to the caveman-sexy gaze streaming from Phil’s sea-blue eyes and directed at Stephanie.

How in the world would she make it through the day without mauling the man?

She’d been losing sleep, having hot and restless dreams of tussling in bedsheets with a strange man. The dreams had been so realistic; she could practically feel the man’s weight on her body, driving himself into her. Hell, she knew exactly who the guy was. Phil. One time she’d woken up with the covers on the floor, throbbing thighs, sheets wadded in her fists, panting, and
very
frustrated. How in the world should she handle her desire where Phil was concerned?

They were both adults—why not enjoy each other?

Later, as she and Phil put the finishing touches on the mainsail Christmas lights, she jumped at his touch.

“Sorry,” she said, as electricity powered through her veins.

“You seem a bit flinchy,” he said, drilling her with a stare.

“I’m just a little uptight with all the new patients and work and all.”

Phil lowered his voice and lifted her hair, hooking it behind one ear. “It’s Christmastime, pretty baby, loosen up.” The raucous version of
Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree
nearly drowned out his words. “You know, a little TLC might be just the thing you need.”

A vision of tender loving care, compliments of Phil, whirled through her mind. She couldn’t breathe for a second. He’d spoken the words she’d been afraid to acknowledge. He seemed to know exactly what she’d been thinking, and now her cheeks were probably betraying her by blushing hot pink. She glanced around the busy deck. Fortunately, everyone seemed oblivious to them.

Why not? Why the hell not have a fling? Was she such a wretched person that she didn’t deserve a little pleasure in life? Phil had already proved what a fantastic
lover he was. He hadn’t pushed her into doing anything she hadn’t wanted to. Hell, she’d come up with all kinds of ideas in her dreams lately. It could be fun to try them out…with Phil.

Did she really want to balance on the precipice of sexual frustration for another month, or slide back into that incredible place he’d taken her before?

How many times did she need to give herself permission to live?

Her cheeks flamed and her palms tingled, thinking about it. Slowly, she glanced into his darkening and decidedly sexy stare.

“Robbie went home last night,” he said, eyes never wavering from hers. “And I owe you that dinner out. What about tonight?”

What about tonight? She knew what he meant, what he wanted.

He’d sounded the same when he’d made love to her. Phil’s voice, full of intimate intention, massaged her rising senses, snapping to life key areas and a powerful drive to scratch the itch with him.

So strong was her physical reaction that if everything else could just disappear, she’d be on him, knocking him down and ripping off his clothes right this instant.

Nearly trembling with desire, she found her voice, if only a whisper. “Yes. Tonight.”

That evening, Stephanie had talked herself down from the frantic sexual cliff, but excitement still washed over every cell in her body. She couldn’t wait to see Phil again, to be alone with him. The permission she’d given herself to be with him had been so incredibly freeing.

He picked her up at her hotel looking impeccable. He wore a perfectly tailored sport coat, dark slacks, and
a pale blue shirt open at the collar. Did he realize how the color brought out his eyes? His hair, brushed back from his forehead, curled beneath his earlobes. And that smile—did she stand a chance resisting it? She didn’t want to!

She’d rushed to the Paseo after they’d finished decorating the boat that afternoon and bought a little black dress. Now, standing before his scrutinizing eyes, she tugged at the skirt with shaky hands. Maybe tonight’s seduction wouldn’t be as easy as she’d fantasized. She didn’t want her nerves to ruin things.

“Wow,” he said. “You look spectacular.”

His reaction nearly knocked her off her spiky heels. It was exactly what she’d wanted to hear. He liked what he saw, and that made her ecstatic. In her fantasy, she was a vamp, but here, in front of Phil, all she could say was, “Thanks.”

His gaze lingered several moments then he scanned from her hair to her brightly polished toes. As if his head was a glass globe, she could practically see his thoughts. He liked what he saw and wanted to indulge. Just as quickly, he snapped out of the spell.

“I hope you’ve got a warm coat,” he said, brushing a light kiss across her cheek. Man, he smelled as good as he looked. “We’ll be eating outside.”

What did she care? It would give her an excuse to cuddle up close to him.

They entered the restaurant, called Bouchon, through a shrubbery-hidden portal, and the first thing Stephanie noticed was shiny light wood floors. The decor was understated yet classy, utilizing matching light wood tables and chairs, and cream-colored tablecloths. Huge modern art canvases supplied needed color on the walls. Her first impression was that the total dining effect
was as warm and welcoming as Phil’s hand pressing against hers.

Phil seemed to know the proprietor of the restaurant and had gotten them a perfectly placed table on the patio. He guided her with his palm at her waist, the barely there pressure at her back already setting off chill rockets. Even though every seat was taken, their cozy corner felt as intimate as Phil’s eyes. The brisk evening air mingled with radiant restaurant heat lamps to create the best of both outdoor and indoor worlds.

Stephanie inhaled and rolled her shoulders, inviting the long-overdue relaxation to settle in.

Phil’s taste was flawless. The wine crisp from nearby vineyards, appetizers made from local farmers’ market ingredients, and the main course free range from Santa Barbara microranches.

Stephanie savored the exquisite taste of plump sea scallops, sharing the appetizer with Phil and with a perfect glass of Chardonnay. He’d insisted she try the seared duck as her main course, the signature dish of the great chef. Who was she to argue?

He took her hand in his and gazed appreciatively into her eyes. “I’m really glad we finally got our date.”

So this was what it had all come down to. She hadn’t planned on sleeping with him on Thanksgiving, but hadn’t regretted it for a second. She’d backtracked a bit from her permission, but seeing Phil as a whole person, committed to his job and connected to his family, drove her to know him more. The decision to take the moment by the horns and ride it for all it was worth, or walk away a frustrated and closed-off woman, remained in her hands.

She glanced at Phil, latticed moonlight shadows
making him all the more intriguing. The decision seemed obvious.

She couldn’t help but smile as warm tingles worked their way through her insides. She could blame it on the wine and great food, but she knew better. Only Phil could set that kind of reaction twisting through her. Her decision final, she’d skip dessert at the restaurant, instead saving up for the special delights that Phil Hansen had to offer.

Three hours later, flat on her back, Stephanie lay panting, staring at the ceiling, flushed and tingling…everywhere! Phil should have a doctorate in making love.

Never in her life had she given in to her desires, completely exempt of expectations, and gone with her mood. Until now. With Phil. He had a way of drawing that out of her. She didn’t feel tawdry about it, either. With him, making love came as naturally as breathing, and, boy, was she out of breath.

He nuzzled her neck, sending yet another wave of chills across her skin. “That was perfect,” he said, husky and still revved up.

She slipped her arm across his torso and curled into his shoulder. Secure in his embrace, and content beyond words, she sighed. “We’ll have to do this again sometime.”

His devilish laugh vibrated through his chest. “Why not right now?” He got up on his elbows and looked deep into her eyes. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

Did she know that? Had her husband ever told her she was incredible? They’d been in love once upon a time—she’d known that much for sure. When she’d become pregnant, she’d been happier than she’d ever been, but months later things had changed.

Her hand brushed over her abdomen, imagining the fallopian tubes she’d had tied off. She was safe. She’d never get pregnant again.

Phil’s mouth pressed gently against her jaw. He glanced into her eyes again, as if he’d seen her secret fleeting thoughts. The next kiss he delivered was warm and caring. The tender gesture nearly split her heart.