The Choice (29 page)

‘I think she’s ready, boys, and so are we. I think I can safely claim the privilege of going first?’

Nobody disputed him, and he had quickly lifted Lucy down from the table. She took hold of his cock, tugging on it as they kissed, before Giles swept his end of the table clear with a single abrupt motion. Lucy was giggling crazily as she was laid across it, with her bottom sticking out and up on her elbows to make her mouth and breasts available. Giles went to her head first and she took him in, sucking and pulling urgently on his shaft.

A hard shiver went through me at the thought of being made to do the same for him, and again as he went round behind her and eased himself in deep. Her eyes were closed in bliss and her mouth was still wide, allowing another man to fill it with his erect cock. I shook my head, trying not to imagine myself in her position, bent over a table with a man at each end while another ten queued for their turns.

Not that it seemed likely she would have to cope with all of them. The redhead was still busy with Nigel and didn’t look as if he’d last much longer, while Stephen was on his knees, one man’s cock in his mouth as he tugged at another. Yet he was still watching Lucy from the corner of his eye, while he had his own cock in his hand. I wanted to scream at him, and yet dozens of times I’d helped him with fantasies little different to what he was doing, and with him inside me.

Appalled by my own reactions as much as by what was going on, I threw myself back into the blackness of my refuge. I felt wet and urgent, my nipples painfully stiff, the aching need inside me and my battered emotions so strong I was sobbing. I had to come, however ashamed of myself it made me, and I’d given in, my fingers on the button of my jeans when I heard the crunch of tyres on gravel. Somebody had turned in at the lane.

I froze, pressed hard against the rough flint of the barn wall, not daring to move.

The car stopped. There was the thump of a door, then a female voice, high and slightly petulant. ‘Private Function. Oh dear, that is a nuisance.’

They were reading the board, no more than three yards away, and I tried to press myself into the wall.

A man spoke, low and grumbling. ‘I said we should have called to book a table.’

‘Never mind, dear. We can make a booking now, and perhaps we can take a menu away as well.’

They were going to enter the restaurant, and I felt myself starting to panic even though I wouldn’t be the one in trouble.

I could hear their footsteps, getting closer to my hiding place, stopping, then the man’s voice. ‘Good God!’

I ran, blind to everything but the need to escape as I dashed across the gravel and out onto the turf of the downs. The woman’s voice called after me, but I only ran faster still, stumbling over the rough grass, sure the couple would call the police and determined to get as far away as possible as fast as I could. A backward glance showed them at the door, talking to somebody, but I didn’t stop running until I’d reached the line of trees, and then only because I had no choice. The downs were silvery with moonlight, but in among the beeches it was pitch black.

Behind me, The Barn was no longer visible, hidden by the curve of the hill, although I could see the beech hanger where I’d hidden before. I’d run perhaps a quarter of a mile in what seemed like an instant, and I was grateful for all the training I’d done as I moved into the trees. As I moved down the hill I could hear raised voices behind me, and then the sound of a police siren in the distance. I hurried on, staying close to a hedge and ready to throw myself flat at the first glimmer of blue light.

None came and I reached the bottom of the hill in safety before pausing to listen once more. The siren came again, from
behind
and above, but the nearest town had to be Didcot, and if a car came from there it could hardly fail to pass me. I didn’t want to be seen, and a lone girl on a bike at nearly midnight was sure to attract attention, while I had no real excuse for being there. I considered waiting, but it was getting cold and I decided to cycle west instead of north and hope for the best.

My bike was where I’d left it and I set off, my nerves feeling as if they’d been stretched on wires but the tension gradually reducing as I covered the ground. Eventually I stopped and looked back once more, but a spur of downland now hid The Barn from sight, while the sirens seemed to have stopped. A car passed me, briefly bringing my heart into my mouth, but it was not the police.

I wondered what to do, knowing that there would be a scandal and that as I knew three of those involved it was not a good idea to return to Boniface in the early hours of the morning. It was better to stay out, and pretend I’d been with James and Violet if I was questioned, accepting Dr Etheridge’s disapproval as the lesser of two evils. Better still, I could make it the truth.

It was nearly three in the morning before I finally climbed off my bike outside James’ house, sore and weary after riding for hours, as often as not with no idea where I was going. I was exhausted, but in the loneliness of the night my head had been flickering with images of what I’d seen; Lucy with her breasts bare as she stripped, the men with their cocks sticking up out of their dress trousers, but, most of all, Stephen down on his knees as he licked and sucked at Giles’ erection.

19

I WOKE UP
cuddled onto James’ chest; a moment of blissful calm closely followed by less pleasant emotions provoked by memories of the day before. Both James and Violet were asleep, but the clock by the bed showed twenty past ten so I hauled myself out of bed, worrying about everything from having broken my promise to stay away, through my Monday-morning economics exam to what might have happened to the Hawkubites. There was at least nothing to connect me with them, while there was every chance that my absence from Boniface had gone completely unnoticed.

The best thing to do was clearly to go back to college and behave as if nothing had happened, then perhaps go over to the Chamber in the evening and see who knew what, if anything, but without giving myself away. I knew from talking to Giles that the Hawkubites had a tradition of every man for himself and a rule about not incriminating each other no matter what, so there was a good chance that some or all of them had got away, especially if they’d had the sense to run as soon as they realised the police were being called.

I was worried for Stephen, despite the state of our relationship, and even for Giles, but most of all for Lucy, who was not only sure to be the slowest runner among them but had been stark naked at the time. Even if she’d managed to get dressed she’d have stood out from miles away in her blue gown, and it was a good fifteen miles back to Oxford from The Barn.

James woke up while I was making myself a hasty coffee and I explained to him what I was doing. He suggested coming back if I felt I should but made it clear the decision was mine and otherwise agreed that I was doing the best thing. I had told them what had happened the night before, over a hot whisky and honey before finally collapsing into bed.

Oxford seemed strangely quiet as I cycled in. Not many people seemed to be about, even for a Sunday morning, and Boniface was no different. There were two porters in the lodge but neither so much as glanced up as I came in, and to my immense relief my pigeonhole was empty. It looked as if I, at least, had got away with it. Not that I’d done anything, really, but I was sure I’d have got into trouble merely for watching, especially if I didn’t report it to the authorities.

The day passed painfully slowly. I tried to revise but couldn’t concentrate. At five o’clock I gave in and went to the Chamber, but while there were plenty of people about, Giles wasn’t there, nor any other Hawkubites. I spoke to a few people but there weren’t even any rumours circulating and in the end I decided to go to Mary’s.

It was a perfectly reasonable thing for me to do, but as I walked along the High I felt as if I was walking into a trap and expected the lodge to be full of police, probably armed and with sniffer dogs trained to detect the scent of spit-roast. As at Boniface, the only people there were two porters and both looked bored. Giles wasn’t there either and his window was shut, but as I left his stair I saw Lucy on the far side of the quad, dressed in jeans and T-shirt, with a pair of shades on but otherwise looking completely normal. I called out to her and she turned, then came quickly towards me, talking even before we were close.

‘… has been arrested and …’

‘Who has?’

‘Giles! Stephen got away, I think, but they got Giles and they’d have got me if …’

‘Slow down, Lucy. Were you raided?’

I knew perfectly well, but listened in very real fascination as she told her story, leaving out only the rudest parts and carrying on beyond the point at which I’d run for it.

‘Giles tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn’t listen and Nigel was supposed to drive the minibus but wouldn’t do it and the rest of us were too drunk, and we tried to get away down the lane but the police came really quickly, and Giles stood up to them to let me get away …’

‘Giles attacked a policeman!’

‘Two, two big coppers, on his own, just so I could get away!’

‘And he got arrested?’

‘He must have done, I think. I ran into the woods, and they didn’t have dogs or anything so I got away and hitched a lift back.’

I could only shake my head, astonished both at her, and at Giles, who I’d have expected to abandon her and make good his own escape. Instead he’d tried to fight off two police officers, which was going to mean serious trouble.

‘And Stephen?’

‘He went off over the fields. I was just going to see if he’s in.’

‘I’ll come with you. What a night!’

‘Poor Giles. He’s bound to get sent down!’

I nodded, unable to disagree and for once sympathetic. Whatever he’d done, however he’d behaved, when it really counted he’d stood up for his girlfriend and it was impossible not to admire that. As we walked to Emmanuel I was wondering if Stephen would have done the same for me, but couldn’t decide.

He was in his room, looking slightly sorry for himself and very much the worse for wear, but he managed a grin when we came in, addressing me. ‘Have you heard?’

‘Yes.’

I sat down, waiting as he and Lucy swapped stories. He’d come down the slope no more than a few minutes after me, but struck out across country to Didcot, where he’d caught a night bus. Unlike me he hadn’t slowed down for the hedges, and his face and hands were scratched, but he hadn’t even seen a policeman. I could guess that Giles and he would have fled together had Lucy been there, which made Giles’ act more noble still, but then Giles was quite clearly the alpha male of the group, as Stephen’s behaviour towards him showed only too well. My man had to be in charge when it came to sex, which meant he didn’t go down on other men, and he did spank me. That man was James, and I was in love with him. On that point I was absolutely certain.

It was not a good time, not after what he’d been through, but it never seemed to be a good time and something had to be said. Yet it was all so complicated, because I didn’t mind him doing it, or even setting up a
ménage à trois
with Lucy, but if we couldn’t fulfil each other’s needs it was madness to stick together in what would ultimately become an empty relationship.

My fingers were on his ring, which felt wrong on my hand, but I could no more find it in myself to pull it off than to tell him the truth. I wondered at myself, because it had been easy enough with Ewan, and whether it was because I had made Stephen so much a part of my career plan. If so, then I was a cold, scheming bitch. I had to do it, and if there was no easy way, then there was a way to cause as little hurt as possible.

‘Lucy, could I have a word, alone?’

‘Er … yeah, sure.’

I took her outside, to where the tall window overlooked the magnolia.

‘Lucy, you know that Stephen likes to go down for Giles, don’t you? Please tell me the truth.’

She nodded, her eyes downcast and I went on.

‘You don’t mind, do you? Maybe you even like to watch, and that’s OK, but … but it’s not something I can get my head around. I think Stephen would be better off with another man, don’t you?’

Again she nodded, then spoke. ‘And you, you really prefer your friend Violet, don’t you?’

It was my turn to nod, and if it wasn’t the whole truth, it was enough. ‘Yes. Could you support me please, Lucy, in what I’m about to say?’

She looked up, alarmed, but nodded her head a third time.

I pulled off the ring and we went back into Stephen’s room, my face set in a forced smile as I spoke. ‘I’m sorry, Stephen, but it isn’t working between us, is it? I … I think we’re both gay, deep down.’

I expected hurt, even anger, but what I got was a wan smile.

I had made my choice, admitting openly to Stephen that I was in love with Violet and that we slept together. He had guessed anyway, and tried to put a brave face on it for all his hurt. Yet I could still back away and take the cold choice by finding myself somebody to replace him, somebody who ticked all the right boxes for a politician’s spouse. That meant giving up James, and Violet.

The rest of the day was spent busily trying to find out what had happened to Giles without giving Stephen and Lucy away to the police. Among the remaining Hawkubites most had
escaped,
but three had been arrested and released under caution, while the unfortunate Nigel was obviously in serious difficulty. Nobody knew what had happened to Giles, or even where he was, and nobody wanted the task of ringing round the police stations.

In the end we were forced to give up and I went back to Boniface in the hope of getting an early night. It didn’t work, my head full of disturbing thoughts as I lay awake staring into the dark and yet more disturbing dreams once I’d finally got to sleep. When my alarm went I still felt exhausted, but forced myself to shower, down a large black coffee and eat a good breakfast before getting into my subfusc and making my way to hall.

My adrenaline took forever to kick in, even with a terrifying selection of economics and maths questions in front of me, but I gradually picked up the pace and managed to put my last full stop in place seconds before time was called. I knew I’d done well enough to pass, if no more, and I could feel the immense weight of my tension starting to drain away as we filed outside. A lot of people were there; friends with bottles of champagne, even relatives, but half of them seemed to be Chamber people, who converged on me. I hadn’t expected anything of the sort, and was grinning and waving until I realised that they weren’t there to congratulate me, each and every one looking serious, especially the Secretary.