The Choice (22 page)

The calm way Mrs. Longwell spoke released some of the tension in the room.

“My feelings caught me off guard,” Sandy's mother said.

“Based on the time I've spent with Sandy, I'm not surprised her mother would consider restructuring her life to raise a grandchild. Which one of the babies are you considering?”

“The younger one,” Sandy's mother said.

“Stronger family resemblance.” Mrs. Longwell nodded, glancing at Mrs. Baker. “We saw that immediately.”

“Even as a newborn, the older boy looks like Brad,” Sandy said.

The women sat in silence for a few awkward moments.

“Where are the prospective parents?” Sandy asked.

“One couple is already in Atlanta. They've checked into a hotel and are waiting for me to call them. The other couple is flying in this afternoon. Because you requested a closed adoption, my plan was to keep them away from the hospital until you've checked out.”

Sandy thought about the blond-haired woman from South Carolina. She wanted that woman to have a baby and suspected she and her airline-pilot husband were already in the city.

“Would my number one couple still get a baby?” she asked.

“Yes.”

Sandy imagined the woman standing in front of the tree in her front yard holding Baby Jones.

“No,” she said, almost to herself.

“What?” her mother asked.

“Something's not right.”

Her mother gave her a puzzled look. Sandy looked at Mrs. Longwell.

“My number one choice needs to have Baby Smith.”

“What are you talking about?” her mother asked.

Sandy sat up straighter in bed. An unexplainable confidence entered her.

“The first couple I selected is supposed to raise the younger baby. If we're going to take a baby home, it should be Baby Jones.”

“That doesn't make any sense,” her mother replied. “He's the one who looks like Brad. It would be hard to look at the baby every day and be reminded of what his father did to you.”

“Don't ask me to explain it, Mama,” Sandy said. “But something inside me knows it would be wrong for us to keep the blond-haired baby.”

Sandy's mother turned to Linda.

“Does this make any sense to you?”

“It doesn't make sense to me for you and Bob to take either one of these babies home to Rutland. You already have a beautiful family, and there's no reason why you should add the responsibility of an infant at this point in your lives when there are childless couples who desperately want just one baby. More important, I think Sandy should do what she believes is best for these children. She's the one who thought she was going to have twins. And whether it's fate or God, I believe she's been given the right to make this choice.”

Sandy looked at her mother.

“Do we need to talk about taking home Baby Jones?”

“No,” her mother sighed.

“Then I'm ready to sign the papers,” Sandy said to Mrs. Longwell. “For both babies.”

Sandy wanted to have her mother's approval. But that might not be possible, at least not now. She reached for the envelope, opened it, and turned to the signature page.

“Not so fast,” Mrs. Longwell said. “Read each sheet and put your initials at the bottom. You'll sign two sets. One for us, the other for you to keep.”

While Sandy was reading the first page, her mother left the room. Linda followed her.

“Are you pushing your mother too hard?” Mrs. Longwell asked when the door closed.

Sandy glanced up. “I can't do anything else. I hope she'll be okay when we're at home and her life gets back to normal.”

“Don't be surprised if she goes through a period of grief. You will feel the loss too. It's better if you can support each other in that process.”

All Sandy wanted to do was sign the documents. Once the decision had finally been made, she didn't want any more confusion or distractions to come against her. She skimmed as fast as she dared and signed. Mrs. Baker notarized her signature. Sandy was relieved that it was done.

“Do you want us to wait with you until your mother comes back?” Mrs. Longwell asked.

“No.”

“You're aware of your right to change your mind within the next ten days,” Mrs. Longwell said. “All that is outlined in the papers I'm leaving with you.”

“I'd only do that if Brad changes his mind.”

The door to the room opened. It was a nurse coming to check her vital signs.

“Then we'll be on our way,” Mrs. Longwell said. “Call if you have any questions.”

After the two women left and the nurse finished her duties, Sandy rested her head against the pillow and closed her eyes. She felt empty. Not bad. Just drained. Forty-five minutes later her mother and Linda returned. Without saying a word, her mother came over to the bed and kissed Sandy on the forehead.

“After I calmed down, Linda and I had a good talk,” her mother said.

Sandy looked at Linda, who nodded her head.

“I'm sure I'll have second thoughts later,” Sandy's mother said, “but for now I see why placing the babies for adoption in good homes is probably the best thing to do.”

“Mrs. Longwell said both of us would grieve,” Sandy replied. “And I want us to help each other, not be mad.”

“You sound more like a parent than I do.”

“I learned most of what I know from you.”

“Maybe,” her mother replied. “But you've matured by years instead of months since you came to Atlanta.”

The three women spent the rest of the afternoon peacefully. Sandy wanted to have another peek at the twins but wasn't sure if it was a good idea for her mother to join her. When supper arrived, it was an unappetizing piece of brown meat and tasteless mashed potatoes. “Linda and I need food too,” her mother said. “I'll get something from the salad place we saw when we went out earlier.”

“I'll go,” Linda said. “You're not familiar with the city.”

“It's only three blocks from the hospital,” Sandy's mother said. “I can handle that. And I know exactly what Sandy would like to eat.”

“Okay,” Linda said.

After Sandy's mother left, Linda sat in the chair beside the bed and started reading a book. Sandy watched her for a moment. Linda glanced up and saw her.

“Do you want to see the babies?” Linda asked.

“Yes, but not while Mama is here.”

“We have at least twenty minutes before she comes back.”

This time Sandy leaned on Linda's arm and walked around the corner to the nursery. The babies had been moved again, and Baby Jones was in the second row. He was lying on his other side.

“He looks just as perfect from this angle,” Linda said.

Sandy nodded as she studied his face. While she watched, he wiggled slightly and one of his hands came into view. Sandy gasped at the sight of the tiny fingers. A few moments later, a nursery worker picked him and took him out of the room.

“Probably going to supper,” Linda said.

Sandy tried to shake off the anxiety she felt as the baby disappeared. She continued down the hallway. Baby Smith was now in the front row, which meant Sandy was less than three feet from him. He, too, was asleep, but she had a chance to observe every twitch of his face. Sandy watched the blanket rise and fall with each breath.

“He's a miracle,” Sandy said.

Linda didn't respond but stayed by her side. Sandy was transfixed.

“Better head back to the room,” Linda said.

“But we just got here.”

“No, the twenty minutes is almost up, and I think you should be in bed when your mother returns with the food.”

Sandy put her fingers to her lips, then touched them to the glass in a good-bye kiss. After one last lingering look, she turned away.

When she did, she saw an older woman who looked vaguely familiar at the end of the hall. The woman's hair was pulled back in a bun, and she was wearing a blue-print dress. She glanced sideways at Sandy, who gasped and grabbed Linda's arm. The woman stepped around the corner out of sight.

“What is it?” Linda asked. “Are you feeling okay?”

Sandy stared down the hallway.

“Quick! Try to catch that old woman who was at the end of the hallway. Tell her I want to talk to her.”

Linda gave Sandy a strange look.

“What old woman? I didn't see anybody.”

“Just go. She can't be far away. She's wearing a blue-print dress and has her hair in a bun. I'll wait here.”

Sandy leaned against the nursery glass as Linda walked rapidly down the hallway and disappeared. In less than a minute, her aunt returned.

“Where is she?” Sandy asked.

“I couldn't find an old woman,” Linda said. “Maybe she got on the elevator. Why did you want to talk to her?”

Sandy glanced over her shoulder at the nursery. Baby Smith was still in his bassinet. She turned to Linda.

“Do you really believe I'm doing the right thing letting the babies be adopted?”

“I've always thought that.”

“And it's okay to place them with different families?”

“If that's what you want to do. I can see how that would make two families happy. Why are you asking me this now?”

“Okay.” Sandy took a deep breath and exhaled. “There's nothing else I can do.”

“What in the world are you talking about?”

Sandy reached out and took hold of Linda's arm.

“I'm ready to go back to my room.”

“Do you need to ask the doctor for some medicine for anxiety?”

“No. I'm fine now.”

Sandy's mother returned ten minutes later.

“I brought you a Cobb salad,” she said.

The fresh salad tasted good. To Sandy's relief, Linda didn't bring up the incident with the old woman.

The following morning Sandy walked to the bathroom without any trouble, then took a shower and washed her hair. Her mother, after another night in the recliner beside the bed, looked even more haggard. Linda arrived while Sandy was finishing a bowl of oatmeal with raisins. Dr. Berman came into the room and performed a quick exam.

“Ready to leave?” she asked.

“Yes,” Sandy said with finality.

“I'll prepare the discharge order. Are you going to follow up with me or a doctor in your hometown?”

“I'm going to spend two more weeks with Linda so I can finish school. The principal is allowing me to do a home-study program.”

“Good. Call my office and schedule an appointment the first of the week. I'd like to see you at least one more time.”

“Okay. And thanks for everything.”

Dr. Berman left. Sandy's mother took a sip of coffee and put the cup on the tray.

“I'm going to take a last trip to the nursery,” she said. “Do you want to come with me?”

“No,” Sandy said. “I've said my good-byes.”

“May I join you?” Linda asked.

“Yes. I'd like some company.”

They were gone about thirty minutes. When they returned, Sandy could tell her mother had been crying. For Julie Lincoln, the first steps on the path of grief were wet with tears.

“Let me see what you have to wear home,” her mother said, wiping her eyes with a tissue.

“There aren't a lot of—” Sandy started, then stopped when Linda shook her head.

Sandy's mother laid out her clothes and helped pack her suitcase just as she did when Sandy went to summer camp. A nurse came into the room, went over warning signs for problems, and handed Sandy a packet of information. She wheeled Sandy to the front door of the hospital where Linda was waiting with the car. As they drove away from the hospital, Sandy felt a wrenching pain deep in her heart. She turned around and saw the hospital disappear behind a row of buildings. Sandy knew the sharp ache was the cry of her spirit as she was separated from the two baby boys she'd never see again. She closed her eyes until the pain subsided.

Whatever the future held, part of her would remain forever with the sons she'd borne.

part
TWO

SIXTEEN

Santa Clarita, California, 2008

T
he Santa Clarita courthouse on West Valencia Boulevard in Los Angeles County was familiar territory to Dustin Abernathy. He usually entered the building as an attorney, not as a defendant forced to be there. It was cool in the air-conditioned courtroom, but Dusty was perspiring beneath his dark-gray suit as he waited for his case to be called. He ran his fingers through his reddish-brown hair and leaned over to Melissa Burkholder, the lawyer representing him.

“Are you sure we shouldn't offer another grand a month in alimony and extend it to twelve months? It's not that much money in the big scheme of things.”

Melissa tapped the folder on her lap with a pen.

“Adultery may not be grounds to deny spousal support in California, but when I show the judge that Farina is living with Nathaniel Cameron in his big house in Malibu and driving an $80,000 car he gave her, I don't think the judge is going to find a legal basis for ongoing need. That will save you a ton of cash.”