The Children Who Time Lost (5 page)

“I don’t think so,” Kevin added. “Not everyone chooses children.”

Suzanna put her fork down. “You kidding? Who would pick money over children?”

“But if you say that,” Kevin said, “what about the ones who give up their children for the money? What about their morals?”

“I don’t know, honey,” Suzanna said, shrugging. “Maybe things are different in … How far away is it again?”

“2108,” Kevin said.

“Wow,” Suzanna said. “That’s so far away.” She stared at space for a beat and frowned. “But if we can have children in 2108, what I don’t get is why the government doesn’t just bring the cure back here and stop this whole infertility thing.”

Kevin shook his head. “That’s the thing, I read in a newspaper article that there was never a cure, not one the people of the future have figured out, anyway. I guess women just started giving birth again, just like that.”

Jake laughed. “I don’t believe that for a second. If you ask me, I think it’s the government messing with us. They’re holding us to ransom, so we keep playing their stupid Lotto. It’s just another form of control.”

Suzanna waved her right hand in a dismissive manner, and Jake stopped speaking. “We’ll never know what the government are doing in 2108,” Suzanna said. “All we know is that people are giving their children up for money. I guess that’s what it’s all about in the future.”

“Look,” Jake said, “whether we’re talking about the people who give them away in 2108 or us here, twenty million dollars is a lot of money, regardless. Maybe some people just don’t want children.”

“That couple in Australia took the money,” Kevin said, “the ones who won two years ago. You should see how they’re living now.”

Suzanna gulped her drink. “I still think that’s terrible. How could you say no to having a child? If anyone deserves one, it’s Rachel, and yet these idiots get the chance to have one and don’t take it.”

“But the government won’t allow Rachel to win,” Jake said. “I tell you, it’s fixed.”

I shook my head in frustration. They did that a lot—speaking about me as if I weren’t there. Making me a discussion topic whenever they spoke about the government or morality. I placed a cherry tomato in my mouth and continued listening.

“So, if you think it’s all one big setup, why are you still playing it?” Suzanna said to Jake.

Jake paused between chewing and shrugged. “I seriously doubt you’ll be complaining if we win.”

Suzanna glared at him and chewed on some lettuce.

“But what would you do if you won and got a kid from a different race?” Kevin asked Suzanna.

I couldn’t believe Kevin had asked that. A baby was a baby, and he knew I didn’t care about race or color. I wanted to yell at him, but I was already enough of a basket case. The last thing I needed was more attention.

“I don’t care,” Suzanna said. “A kid’s a kid. Just look at the Russells. They got a black kid and they love him so much.”

I felt like going over and hugging Suzanna. It was as if she’d read my mind. I glared at Kevin for a moment, still angry that he’d even asked the question. He met my gaze and then looked away. He knew he’d get a piece of my mind at home.

A few seconds later, Jake nearly spit his food out, as if he’d just realized what Suzanna had said. “You’re kidding, right? The Russells?”

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked. “It doesn’t matter what color the child is. Love is love. Color or background shouldn’t come into it.”

“I’m not …” Jake looked at all three of us. We stared at him intently. “Look, I’m not racist or anything. I just can’t imagine the Russells with a colored kid, is all.”

Silence returned to the table. Jake shifted nervously, avoiding our gazes. It wasn’t until dessert arrived that Suzanna asked me the question I didn’t want to hear.

“So, what would you do if you won, Rachel?”

I swallowed and a lump formed in my throat. I looked out at the water and fought back tears. All sorts of thoughts entered my head. I recalled brief moments with my daughter. Her face when she came to visit me in the hospital, days before her accident. I’d always been adamant I wanted no part of the Lotto, but hearing them talk about it made me start to question myself. Perhaps I would be willing to play it every week, hoping that my numbers came up, regardless of how crazy it drove me. Or maybe I was just letting silly thoughts cloud my mind. There was no way I’d win. So many other mothers deserved winning more than I did.

My thoughts shifted to one of the nightmares I had been having about Madeline. The truly horrific nightmare, the one Jarrod didn’t see. Madeline lay beside me in her bed, begging me to never leave her, to never forget or replace her. Then she started falling. I reached out to grab her but couldn’t. I could hear her screaming, calling out to me and begging me not to let her die.

I felt Kevin’s hand on my right shoulder, shaking me. I realized that my eyes were shut. I opened them, but my vision was blurry. I wiped the tears away, and the three of them came into view again.

“You okay, honey?” Suzanna asked.

I sniffled and scratched my head. “I’m so sorry.” I shoved my chair so far back that it nearly tipped over. All eyes on our floor moved to me. I lifted the bottom of my black dress, removed my heels and ran toward the stairs. The tears kept falling as I ran. I heard Kevin calling after me, but I blocked it out. I didn’t know what I was doing or where I would go, but I had to get out of there.

Chapter Four

F
udge’s body felt cold at first, but the more I cuddled him, the warmer he got. The rain was now falling heavily. I hoped Kevin didn’t get caught in it. It was nearly eleven o’clock, and he still had not come home. I couldn’t really blame him for staying away after my display. I’d felt so embarrassed after I left the restaurant. As I sat in the back of the taxi, I kept wondering why I’d reacted like that. I knew the visions in my dreams had not gone, regardless of what Jarrod said.

Fudge’s sudden bark startled me. He got up and ran to the front door. The sound of metal colliding with hard mahogany rang in my ears. He barked three more times before the door swung open. Kevin walked in with his suit drenched. I ran to him and embraced him. He hesitated for a moment before putting his arms around me, too.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, trembling. “I didn’t mean to run out like that.”

He held my shoulders and eased me back. Then he looked into my eyes with a soft smile. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me, baby. I love you no matter what.”

I pulled away when I felt the water on my hands and nightgown. “You’re so wet, honey. What do you say we get you out of those?”

He nodded and kissed me on the forehead. I grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. I put his clothes in the wash while he showered. An hour later, I fell asleep in his arms.

My alarm went off at 6 a.m. I blinked a few times but didn’t want to move. Kevin snored beside me. I gazed at him and smiled. He looked so peaceful with his mouth half-open, his eyes twitching like they always did when he slept. I removed his left arm from my stomach and placed it on the bed. After turning off the alarm, I walked into our en-suite bathroom. Fudge was sprawled on the floor, also fast asleep.

I sat next to him and rested my head on his back. Then I lifted him up—he was extremely heavy—and took him out of the room and put him on his cot in the living room. He didn’t stir the whole way.

The shower felt soothing, but I was still troubled by the tension that had lingered in the room before we went to sleep. I didn’t want to go to work, but I had to. I wished I could stay home and sort things out with Kevin. He’d said everything was okay, but I could tell he was just trying to avoid an argument. I turned the shower off and spent twenty minutes applying makeup. The bronzer and a bit of eyeliner were enough. After I sprayed Calvin Klein perfume on my body, I knelt next to Kevin and stared at him. He stirred and started to sniff. He opened his eyes moments later to the sight of my smiling face.

“Hey, baby,” he said.

I smiled. He sounded as if he were in a better mood. “Hey.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I wanted you to sleep.” I kissed him. “Do you want to do something tonight after I finish work?”

He sat up. “Really?”

“Yes, why not? It was nice to get out last night. I think we need to do that more often. And this time”—I giggled—“I promise I won’t go all
psycho
on you.”

He leaned toward me, his face excited. “Okay. I’ll sort something out. Maybe I can pick you up from work and we can go see a film.”

I kissed him again and stood up. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

I walked out of the apartment and rode the elevator to the bottom floor, where at least six people were lined up to order taxis. I remembered how much easier things had been during the days of buses.

I arrived at Bricklewood Hospital—fifteen miles from our place—just before 9 a.m. As always, Selena Adams had the TV on, with the volume near the peak.

“Don’t you think you should turn it down a little?” I said, setting my bag down on the table.

“Rachel.” She beamed. She turned the TV off and stared at me like I had a huge spot on my forehead. Her thick glasses didn’t go with her long blond hair. “It’s so good to have you back. We’ve missed you.”

“It’s only been two weeks.”

She shrugged. “Yes, but you know what I mean. You never stay here for long. You’re always going back to the different facilities. What are they doing to you now, anyway?”

“Nothing,” I said. “The experiments are actually finished. I’m just going there because I keep getting these crazy headaches.”

“I hope you’re not paying for the treatment. If they didn’t do all those tests on you in the first place, you’d be fine right now.”

“It’s fine, Selena, honest.”

“Well, it’s good to see you anyway.”

“Thanks. Is Warren in yet?”

“He is, actually,” Selena said. “I think he’s got a patient, too. The annoying Kyso working with him has been getting on my nerves all day. At least with you, we’ll have another real nurse in the building.”

I laughed and headed toward the cafeteria. “If Warren asks,” I shouted, “tell him I’ll be right there.”

After securing my bag in the locker, I walked toward the consulting room. Most of the doctors were busy with patients. Some worked with human nurses, while some relied solely on Kysos. I worked only with Dr Warren Lyntop as part of my contract. I passed a number of second-generation silver Kysos in the corridor, all rushing back and forth with the different catheters requested by the doctors.

I saw Warren through the glass. He was tending to the stomach wound of a boy who couldn’t have been more than four. I looked at the man and woman seated outside. They were probably in their late twenties, with matching red hair and freckles. Although many thought of me as a celebrity, I’d always envied Lotto winners, especially since losing Madeline.

The man and the woman rose when they saw me. “Oh, thank God,” the woman said. “A human nurse.”

I smiled. They looked so adorable together. The way Kevin and I had when Madeline was still with us. “You have nothing to worry about. Your child is in good hands, whether with a human or a Kyso.” I looked through the glass at the boy. He had bright blond hair and chubby cheeks. “He’s so cute. When did you win him?”

“Only last year,” the woman said. “I guess … Hang on. You’re—”

“Yes, I am,” I said.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the woman said. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Please, don’t apologize. I get it all the time.” I patted her on the shoulder and nodded at the man. “I’m going to help Dr Lyntop now. Please go and get some refreshments in the cafeteria if you’re hungry. Your son is in good hands.” I walked into the room.