The Can't Cook Book: Recipes for the Absolutely Terrified! (30 page)

FREAKY GREEK PASTA

ACTUAL WORK TIME:
15 minutes |
TOTAL TIME:
25 minutes |
SERVES:
4 to 6

You will definitely give the impression that you are a really freaking good cook if you serve this to the people in your life. The crunchy almonds are a delight.

Tools needed:
large pot, colander, cutting board, chef’s knife, strainer, very large bowl, grater/zester, measuring cups and spoons, small skillet, kitchen timer.

Don’t Panic:
Toasting the almonds, cutting the broccoli into florets, and grating the lemon zest are all easy things to learn.

1.
 
Fill
a large pot with water (to about 1 inch from the top).
Place
on the stove and turn the heat to high to bring to a boil.
Place
a colander in the sink.

2.
 Meanwhile,
cut
the broccoli into small florets, leaving a little bit of stalk attached.
Place
in a strainer, and
pass
under cold running water to wash.
Drain
the feta (if in water) and
crumble
(about 2 c.) into a very large bowl.
Wash
and
dry
the outside of the lemon and
grate
the
zest
directly into the bowl.
*
Add
the oregano, red pepper, and black pepper (about 12 turns on a pepper mill).

3.
 
Place
a small skillet on the stove and
add
the almonds.
Turn
the heat to medium.
Stir
or
shake
the almonds often (so they cook evenly), until toasted and fragrant, 3 to 5 minutes.
*
Remove
from the heat.

4.
 When the water comes to a boil,
add
the pasta.
Set
the timer for 3 minutes less than the package directions call for. When the timer goes off,
add
the broccoli to the pot and
cook
together until the broccoli is tender and the pasta is al dente, 3 minutes more.
Drain
everything into the colander and
add
immediately to the large bowl.
Sprinkle
in the toasted almonds and
combine
with the ingredients on the bottom.
Drizzle
in the oil and
toss
once or twice more.
Season
with salt to taste.
*

Turkey Bolognese

ACTUAL WORK TIME:
15 minutes |
TOTAL TIME:
40 minutes |
SERVES:
4 to 6

Use the food processor to chop the vegetables so you don’t spend a lot of time with a knife.

Tools needed:
2 large pots, colander, cutting board, chef’s knife, food processor, measuring cups and spoons, wooden spoon, can opener, cheese grater (if grating it yourself), kitchen timer.

Don’t Panic:
Learn how to use the food processor, because this recipe is worth it (and it takes away the bulk of the work).

1.
 
Fill
a large pot with water (to about 1 inch from the top).
Place
on the stove and
turn
the heat to high to bring to a boil.
Place
a colander in the sink.

2.
 Meanwhile,
chop
the onion, carrots, and garlic in the food processor
*
(or by hand, by all means!). To use the processor, first
peel
, then
quarter
the onion and carrots;
smash
and
peel
the garlic.
*
Put
in the processor and
pulse
several times until chopped.

3.
 
Place
another large pot on the stove and
turn
the heat to medium-high.
Measure
and
pour
in the oil and
heat
until it shimmers (1 to 2 minutes).
Add
the chopped vegetables and
¹
/
₂
tsp. of the salt and
cook
, stirring often with a wooden spoon, until softened, 5 to 6 minutes. Meanwhile,
measure
the wine and
open
the can of tomatoes.
Place
them and your spices near the stove.

4.
 
Add
the wine to the vegetables and
stir
until it evaporates, about 1 minute.
Add
the turkey and
cook
, breaking it up with a wooden spoon, until no longer pink, 5 to 6 minutes.
Add
the tomatoes, oregano, red pepper, black pepper (about 12 turns on a pepper mill), and the remaining
³
/
₄
tsp. salt.
Lower
the heat to medium-low and simmer (low boil), stirring occasionally, for 10 minutes.
Wash
the parsley, then
chop
it
*
by hand and
stir
it into the sauce.

5.
 When the water comes to a boil,
add
the pasta and
cook
according to the package directions. Once the pasta is al dente,
drain
it into the colander and
divide
among bowls.
Top
with the sauce and
sprinkle
with Parmesan.

Baked Egg Noodles & Cheese

ACTUAL WORK TIME:
15 minutes |
TOTAL TIME:
30 minutes |
SERVES:
4

This is really, really easy macaroni and cheese. The higher the quality of the cheese you use, the better. Try not to eat the entire batch before serving.

Don’t Panic:
Using a cheese grater is awkward, I know. We’ll get through this.

1.
 
Heat
the oven (with the oven rack in the middle) to 425°F.
Fill
a large pot with water (to about 1 inch from the top).
Place
on the stove and
turn
the heat to high to bring to a boil.
Place
a colander in the sink.
Coat
the inside of a 2
¹
/
₂
-qt. baking dish with cooking spray.

2.
 
Grate
the cheeses
,
place
in a medium bowl, and
mix
together. (Protect your knuckles: Stop grating before the cheese block gets too small. Chop into smaller pieces with a knife instead.) In a large bowl,
whisk
together the milk, sour cream, and eggs.

3.
 When the water comes to a boil,
add
the noodles and
cook
for 3 minutes.
Drain
into the colander and
pass
under cold running water to stop the cooking.
Add
the noodles to the large bowl with the sour cream mixture and
stir. Add
2 c. of the grated cheese to the noodles and
mix
well. Using a silicone spatula,
pour
and
scrape
into the prepared baking dish.
Add
the bread crumbs to the remaining 1 c. cheese and
toss
together with your hands, then
sprinkle
over the top of the noodles.
Bake
until golden brown and crispy on top, 15 to 20 minutes.