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Authors: Robert Burns

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1
The Laigh Kirk in Kilmarnock.

2
A tavern, later named the Angel Hotel, in Kilmarnock, across the bridge over the Marnock Water.

3
Alluding to a scoffing ballad which was made on the admission of the late Reverend and worthy Mr L—. to the Laigh Kirk. R.B.

4
Rev. James Oliphant, an ‘Auld Licht' minister of Kilmarnock's High Church.

5
Rev. John Russell – took over from Oliphant in 1774.

6
Rev. James Mackinlay [spelt M'Kinlay by Burns in a letter, no. 21], whose ordination was opposed by ‘New Licht' moderates.

7
Genesis, Ch. IX, verse 22. R.B.

8
Numbers, Ch. XXV, verse 8. R.B.

9
Exodus, Ch. IV, verse 25. R.B. 

10
Rev. John Robertson, a moderate colleague of Mackinlay.

11
Rev. John Mutrie, Minister of the Laigh Kirk prior to Mackinlay.

12
New Light is a cant phrase in the West of Scotland for those religious opinions which Dr Taylor of Norwich has defended so strenuously. R.B.

The Calf

First printed in the Edinburgh edition, 1787.

To the Rev. Mr James Stephen, on his text, Malachi, IV, Verse 2 –
‘And ye shall go forth, and grow up, like CALVES of the stall.'

Right, Sir! your text I'll prove it true,

       Tho' Heretics may laugh;

For instance, there 's yoursel just now,
yourself

       God knows, an unco
Calf
!
great

5
And should some Patron be so kind,

       As bless you wi' a kirk,
give his own church

I doubt na, Sir, but then we'll find
not

       You're still as great a
Stirk
.
young bullock

But, if the Lover's raptur'd hour

10
       Shall ever be your lot,

Forbid it, ev'ry heavenly Power,

       You e'er should be a
Stot
!
young bullock

Tho', when some kind, connubial Dear

       Your But-an-ben adorns,
small house

15
The like has been that you may wear

       A noble head of
horns
.

And, in your lug, most reverend James,
ear

       To hear you roar and rowte,
rant/bellow

Few men o' sense will doubt your claims

20
       To rank among the
Nowte
.
cattle

And when ye're number'd wi' the dead,

       Below a grassy hillock,

With justice they may mark your head —

       ‘Here lies a famous
Bullock
!'

This
jeu d'esprit
was composed after a challenge by Gavin Hamilton that Burns could not produce a poem on the subject of the Rev. James Stephen's sermon at Mauchline on Sunday 3rd September 1786 ‘in a given time' (Letter 46). Hamilton was to miss the sermon and asked Burns for a poem on the visiting minister's sermon. Originally only four stanzas, as read to Hamilton by Burns and so winning his bet, a further two were added that evening.

The publication of this work in the Edinburgh edition obviously omitted the name of the kirk minister. A pamphlet publication of the poem had been circulated, presumably without the poet's knowledge, which included
The Calf; The Unco Calf's Answer; Virtue to a
Mountain Bard
; and
The Deil's Answer to his Vera Worthy Frien
Robert Burns
. Later in 1786 another anonymous work appeared called
Burns' Calf Turned a Bull;
Or
Some Remarks on His Mean and
Unprecedented Attack on Mr S
—. Steven's identity did not remain anonymous, although unnamed by Burns. The poet was attacked as irreligious and associated with the Devil. Even by the late 19th century Scott Douglas attacks the poet for his verses: ‘very clever, but recklessly severe; for the author could have no personal dislike to this victim of his satirical propensity' (Vol. I, p. 155). The Rev. Stephen, who later worked in London and ended up in Kilwinning, bore the nickname of ‘the calf' thereafter. It is highly probable that if Burns had not been attacked in the doggerel pamphlet poems over this work, the minister's identity would not have been made public.

Address to the Unco Guid

or
The Rigidly Righteous

First printed in the Edinburgh edition, 1787. 

My Son, these maxims make a rule
,

        
An' lump them ay thegither:
together

The Rigid Righteous is a fool,

        
The Rigid Wise anither;
another

The cleanest corn that e'er was dight
sifted

        
May hae some pyles o' caff in;
have, piles, chaff

So ne'er a fellow-creature slight

     
For random fits o' daffin
.

 

Burns's Paraphrase of Solomon

(
Eccles
. vii. 16).

O YE wha are sae guid yoursel,
you who, so good

       Sae pious and sae holy,
so

Ye've nought to do but mark and tell
nothing

       Your Neebours' fauts and folly!
neighbours' faults

5
Whase life is like a weel-gaun mill,
whose, well going

       Supplied wi' store o' water,

The heapet happer's ebbing still,
heaped hopper

       An' still the clap plays clatter!
clapper of a Mill, moving grain.

Hear me, ye venerable Core,
group

10
       As counsel for poor mortals,

That frequent pass douce Wisdom's door
sober

       For glaikit Folly's portals;
careless/stupid

I, for their thoughtless, careless sakes

       Would here propone defences,

15
Their donsie tricks, their black mistakes,
hapless/unlucky

       Their failings and mischances.

Ye see your state wi' theirs compared,

       And shudder at the niffer,
comparison

But cast a moment's fair regard,

20
       What makes the mighty differ;

Discount what scant occasion gave,

       That purity ye pride in,

And (what's aft mair than a' the lave)
oft more, remainder

       Your better art o' hidin.

25
Think, when your castigated pulse

       Gies now and then a wallop,
gives, violent beat

What ragings must his veins convulse,

       That still eternal gallop:

Wi' wind and tide fair i' your tail,

30
       Right on ye scud your sea-way
move fast

But, in the teeth o' baith to sail,
both

       It maks an unco leeway.
uncommon

See Social-life and Glee sit down,

       All joyous and unthinking,

35
Till, quite transmugrify'd, they're grown

       Debauchery and Drinking:

O, would they stay to calculate

       Th' eternal consequences;

Or your more dreaded hell to state,

40
       Damnation of expenses!

Ye high, exalted, virtuous Dames,

       Ty'd up in godly laces,

Before ye gie poor
Frailty
names,
give

       Suppose a change o' cases;

45
A dear-lov'd lad, convenience snug,

       A treach'rous inclination —

But, let me whisper i' your lug,
ear

       Ye're aiblins nae temptation.
maybe no

Then gently scan your brother Man,

50
       Still gentler sister Woman;

Tho' they may gang a kennin wrang,
go a little wrong

       To step aside is human:

One point must still be greatly dark,

       The moving
Why
they do it;

55
And just as lamely can ye mark,

       How far perhaps they rue it.

Who made the heart,' tis
He
alone

       Decidedly can try us,

He knows each chord its various tone,

60
       Each spring, its various bias:

Then at the balance let's be mute,

       We never can adjust it;

What's
done
we partly may compute,

       But know not what's
resisted
.

The date of the poem is uncertain. Prose sentiments very similar to those of the poem are to be found in the
FCB
for March 1784. It may also, with its emphasis on sexual transgression, in particular, female frailty, relate to Betsy Paton and Jean Armour in 1786. In the CB we find the following entry:

I have often observed … that every man even the worst, have something good about them … Let any of the strictest character for regularity of conduct among us, examine impartially how many of his virtues are owing to constitution and education; how many vices he has never been guilty of, not from any care or vigilance, but from want of opportunity … how much he is indebted to the World's good opinion, because the world does not know all; I say any man who can thus think, will scan the failings, nay the faults and crimes of mankind around him, with a brother's eye.

From this young man's somewhat sententious, self-conscious prose, this vivid, knowingly witty, anti-Pharisaical poem emerges. Burns invokes the true spirit of charitable religion against the hypocritical, repressed and repressive, ‘unco guid'. Thus his own epigraph against the ‘Rigid Righteous' and the ‘Rigid Wise' is taken from
Ecclesiastes
, vii.16: ‘Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldst thou destroy thyself.' Thus against the absolutist judgment inherent in Calvinism he propounds the compassion of a Christ who was implicitly opposed to those judge-mentally throwing stones at adulterous women (
John
: 3–7). The translation of
Ecclesiastes
into vernacular Scots constitutes, as The First Psalm, an original work in its own right.

While not as obsessed as William Blake with Christ not as lawmaker but lawbreaker (
The Marriage of Heaven and Hell and The Everlasting
Gospel
), Burns does not see in him a spirit not only charitable and empathetic but insurrectionary against conventional social piety. Hence, like himself, a keeper of unconventional company.

Tam Samson's
1
Elegy

First printed in the Edinburgh edition, 1787.

 
‘An honest man's the noblest work of God.'

Alexander Pope.

Has auld Kilmarnock seen the Deil?
old, Devil

Or great M'Kinlay
2
thrawn his heel?
hurt his ankle

Or Robertson
3
again grown weel
well/healthy

       To preach an' read?

5
‘Na, waur than a'!' cries ilka chiel,
no, worse, every one

       ‘
Tam Samson's
dead!'

Kilmarnock lang may grunt an' grane,
long, groan

An' sigh an' sab, an' greet her lane,
sob, cry alone

An' cleed her bairns, man, wife an' wean,
clothe, children, child

10
       In mourning weed;

To Death she's dearly pay'd the kane,
rent in kind

       Tam Samson's dead!

The Brethren o' the mystic
level
masons

May hing their head in woefu' bevel,
hang, down/slope

15
While by their nose the tears will revel,

       Like ony bead;
any

Death's gien the Lodge an unco devel,
given, terrible blow

       Tam Samson's dead!

When Winter muffles up his cloak,

20
And binds the mire like a rock;

When to the loughs the Curlers flock,
lochs

       Wi' gleesome speed,

Wha will they station at the cock? —
who, mark

       Tam Samson's dead!

25
He was the king of a' the Core,
company of curlers

To guard, or draw, or wick a bore,
curling terms

Or up the rink like
Jehu
roar

       In time o' need;

But now he lags on Death's
hog-score
,
a line across the curling
ice

30
       Tam Samson's dead!

Now safe the stately Sawmont sail,
salmon

And Trouts bedropp'd wi' crimson hail,
spots

And Eels weel-kend for souple tail,
well-known, supple

       And Geds for greed,
pike (fish)

35
Since, dark in Death's
fish-creel
we wail
fish-basket

       Tam Samson dead!

Rejoice, ye birring Paitricks a';
whirring partridges

Ye cootie Moorcocks, crousely craw;
leg-feathered, boldly crow

Ye Maukins, cock your fud fu' braw,
hares, tail, fine well

40
       Withoutten dread;
without

Your mortal Fae is now awa',
foe, away

       Tam Samson's dead!

That woefu' morn be ever mourn'd

Saw him in shootin graith adorn'd,
gear/clothes

45
While pointers round impatient burn'd,

       Frae couples freed;
from

But, Och! he gaed and ne'er return'd!
went

       Tam Samson's dead!

In vain Auld-age his body batters;
old-

50
In vain the Gout his ankles fetters;
ankles

In vain the burns cam down like waters,
came

       An acre-braid!
broad/wide

Now ev'ry auld wife, greetin, clatters:
old, crying, exclaims

       ‘Tam Samson's dead!'

55
Owre mony a weary hag he limpit,
over, many, moss, limped

An ay the tither shot he thumpit,
always, other, he hit

Till coward Death behind him jumpit,
jumped

       Wi' deadly feide;
feud/rage

Now he proclaims, wi' tout o' trumpet,
blast

60
       Tam Samson's dead!

When at his heart he felt the dagger,

He reel'd his wonted bottle-swagger,

But yet he drew the mortal trigger,

       Wi' weel-aim'd heed;
well-aimed

65
‘Lord, five!' he cry'd, an owre did stagger;
over

       Tam Samson's dead!

Ilk hoary Hunter mourn'd a brither;
each, brother

Ilk Sportsman-youth bemoan'd a father;
each

Yon auld gray stane, amang the heather,
the old grey stone, among

70
       Marks out his head;

Whare
Burns
has wrote, in rhyming blether,
where, nonsense

      
Tam Samson's dead!

There, low he lies in lasting rest;

Perhaps upon his mould'ring breast

75
Some spitefu muirfowl bigs her nest,
builds

       To hatch an' breed:

Alas! nae mair he'll them molest!
no more

       Tam Samson's dead!

When August winds the heather wave,

80
And Sportsmen wander by yon grave,

Three volleys let his memory crave,

       O' pouther an' lead,
(gun) powder

Till Echo answer frae her cave,
from

       Tam Samson's dead!

85
Heav'n rest his saul, whare'er he be!
soul, where'er

Is th' wish o' mony mae than me:
many more

He had twa fauts, or maybe three,
two faults

       Yet what remead?

Ae social, honest man want we:
one

90
       Tam Samson's dead!

THE EPITAPH

Tam Samson's
weel-worn clay here lies,
well-

       Ye canting Zealots, spare him!

If Honest Worth in heaven rise,

       Ye'll mend or ye win near him.
before, get

PER CONTRA

95
Go, Fame, an' canter like a filly
young horse

Thro a' the streets an' neuks o'
Killi
e,
4
alleys/closes, Kilmarnock

Tell ev'ry social, honest billie
person

       To cease his grievin,

For yet, unskaith'd by Death's gleg gullie,
sharp knife

100
      
Tam Samson's leevin!
living 

If Mark Twain believed that reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated, Burns builds this boisterous poem on a similar joke. Beginning with a dig at the propensity for theatrical clamour in two of his ‘Auld Licht' clerical enemies, also savaged in
The Ordination
, Burns runs a declamatory ‘headline' through the poem with his multi-voiced proclamations of Tam Sampson's death whereby men, animals, birds, fish and Death itself join the chorus. Tam's enormous vigour for field sports is echoed in the vocal, mixed response to his alleged demise; hardly surprisingly the creaturely victims of his energetic skill are ecstatic. Thomas Sampson (1722–95) was a nurseryman, sportsman and Freemason (ll. 13–18) in Kilmarnock. His poetic immortalisation stems from a combination of his eccentric strength of character and Burns's access to the form and theme of the eighteenth-century Scots comic elegiac tradition with specific relation to Robert Semphill of Beltree's
Piper of
Kilbarchan
. Burns's celebration of his aged hunter-killer is uncharacteristic of his general attitude to hunting where, so much of the poetry of the late eighteenth century is suffused with it, the suffering and destruction of creaturely life is dominant. Here this is controlled partly by the comic convention and also possibly by the fact that Tam is an honest man of the people and not a bloodsport-aristocrat.
The Epitaph
(ll. 91–4) is another attack on the sanctimoniously judgemental and the
Per Contra
(ll. 95–100) which undercuts the previous ebullient statements of grief may have resulted from Alan Cunningham's story (ii. 235) that Burns wrote it in response to Sampson's protest that ‘I'm no dead yet… I'm worth ten dead fowk'. Kinsley pertinently refers here to Ramsay's
To my Friends in
Ireland, who on a report of my death,… Elegies
, ll. 5–6 (
Works
, STS, ii, 203):

Dight your Een, and cease your grieving,

ALLAN's hale, and well, and living …

1
When this worthy old Sportsman went out last muir-fowl season, he supposed it was to be, in Ossian's phrase, ‘the last in his fields'; and expressed an ardent wish to die and be buried in the muirs. On this hint the author composed his Elegy and Epitaph. R.B.

2
A certain Preacher, a great favourite with the Million.
Vide The Ordination
, stanza 2. R.B.

3
Another Preacher, and equal favourite with the Few, who was at that time ailing. For him, see also
The Ordination
, stanza 9. R.B.

4
Killie is a phrase the country-folks sometimes use for the name of a certain town in the West. R.B. 

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