The Calendar of New Beginnings (40 page)

“So she said. Keep going.”

His chair squeaked when he rocked back on its legs. “I wanted so badly for you two to understand each other. Lucy, it broke my heart to think about you and your mom fighting like that. Especially when you need all your friends and family in your camp right now.”

She gave him a bland stare. “I know you meant well, and if we’re being honest, you did help my mom see things in a different light.”

“I’d like to say ‘then what’s the problem?’ but I already know.”

“I know your M.O.,” she said, giving him a stern look. “But you know how much I hate having other people interfere. Have you forgotten how many times I’ve told you to let me deal with my own problems?”

Game. Set. Match. “Yes, but—”

“You’re lucky I talked my mother out of believing I’d put you up to it, or it would have been World War III. Trust me. Then you really would have been in trouble.”

He winced. “Listen, I know I…overstepped. I’ll say it again. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she said, lifting her glass and toasting him. “That’s why you’re inside Merry Cottage drinking my fizzy water. Now, let’s talk about how you put my mother on the scent about why I came home.”

Shit. “How bad did she dog you?”

She crossed her eyes in a move he hadn’t seen since third grade.

“After a surprising come-to-Jesus talk with her, I ended up telling her the whole story. We even agreed I’m going to do the calendar my own way with Moira’s help. That’s why I went to talk to your sister.”

His mouth must have dropped open because she shook her finger at him.
 

“But you listen to me. I’m going to remind you of the same thing I just told my mom. I don’t want anyone meddling with my life because of this whole eye thing. Or talking to me about the dangers of working overseas. Or about why it’s so much smarter for me to settle down in Dare Valley forever.”

That seemed like a reasonable segue to his earlier thoughts, so he said, “About settling in Dare Valley forever…”

She set her water glass down with a clunk. “I beg your pardon?”

He settled back into the peace he’d felt earlier. “I had other reasons for going to talk to your mother today. Okay, this is going to sound a little crazy, but it’s partly because I was thinking about you and me as a unit.”

Her face was losing its red ire—not a good sign—so he rushed to continue.
 

“If you were at odds with your mom, I was too, and I didn’t want that. Then things would be weird with my mom because she’s your mom’s best friend. Is this making sense?”

“You sound like some mutant version of the telephone game right now.” Her eyes were narrowed in deep concentration.

“Okay, so let me try and muddle this out.” He took a moment to think through the best way to convey his feelings. “When I realized how stubborn your mom was being in refusing to see you for who you are—something I never fully got until today—I grew incensed. I went a little crazy on her.”

“She told me,” Lucy said, a smile touching the corners of her mouth.

“The reason I went a little crazy is because I’m completely crazy about you. I went from trying to reason with your mother to defending you. Something I hadn’t expected. And taking things to a whole other level of crazy…I told Matt about talking to your mom in the hot tub.”

“He must have wet himself laughing,” she said, fighting a bigger smile now.

“Pretty much,” he admitted, shuddering. “Some things can’t be unseen, Lucy.”

“You deserve it,” she said, echoing her earlier sentiment.

“Fine, it’s my penance for interfering. But then Matt told me it would be a great story to tell our kids.”

She blanched, going several shades paler.

“I know! My brain pretty much exploded, but then I got to thinking… Well, I thought about what it would be like swapping ice cream cones with you when we were both old and gray and laughing together and all that jazz.”

Her face wasn’t very encouraging, so set his glass down with a clunk too.

“Lucy, I’m not proposing right now because I’m not prepared with a ring or anything, which you deserve.”
 

“Holy shit! You’re—”

“Let me get this out. I never thought I’d want to marry again. But then I thought about how wonderful things could be if we stay together in the years ahead… I realized I want to put a possible future out there for you to consider.”

Her mouth gaped, and she stared at him.

“Lucy, I’m not afraid anymore.” And after all the fear he’d lived with for the past couple of years, he knew this marked a turning point for him.

She didn’t move a muscle—not one.

“You say you can’t know what your future will look like because of your vision,” he continued, “but I don’t think that has to be true.”

He was tempted to get down on one knee, but he realized from her agitated breathing that it wouldn’t be the best move. Instead, he inched his chair closer to her so their knees touched.

“Lucy, I love you. I want you in my life forever. Not just as a friend, although that connection has always been so special between us. I want to wake up with you and laugh with you. I want to share my days with you—and tell you everything, from the random to the profound. You appreciate both, and I love that about you. I want to share Danny with you, and I want to create more beautiful little people with our genes that we can raise together.”

She shoved him back with a hand to his chest. “And you say you’re not proposing? You need to stop this right now.”

When she pushed out of her chair, he grabbed her shaking hands. “I’m not proposing right this second. I’m sharing my vision of the future. Our future. Our paths were connected when we were young. Then you went away, and they forked, but now you’re back. We’re walking the same path again.”

She put her hand to her temple like he was giving her a headache. “Andy, you don’t get it. No one ever walks the same path. That’s what my mother finally understood today. Her, you, me—we all walk different paths. We’re all our own people. Don’t ask me to stay here and become something I’m not.”

He pushed out of his chair. “I am not asking that. Lucy, you’re not hearing me.”

“I may have trouble seeing you like I used to, but I can hear you just fine.” Stalking over to the counter, she put ten feet between them. “Why are you doing this? We’ve only just started this other thing between us.”

He stayed where he was, watching her small frame tremble across the room from him. “Lucy, you know I usually take my time about making big decisions, but with some things, I just know. I feel that way about this, about you and me. And you’re not being honest with yourself when you say this just started. You and I have always connected on a deeper level than most people do. Normal rules don’t apply to us.”

She edged back even further from him—bumping into the counter. “You don’t think I’ll get my full vision back, do you? Oh, my God, is this your way of trying to save me?” The fire in her eyes was scorching. “I know you love me, but you can’t save me from an uncertain future, Andy Cakes.”

The derision in her voice crushed his heart. “Every fear you have is rising up and casting a shadow over us. I don’t want you to give up who you are. I’m saying I want to be with you. Forever. However that looks. Whether you get your vision back or not. Whether you work overseas again or stay here.”

Her head was already shaking in denial. “You originally said I couldn’t have children and do what I do. Andy, I know you like I know myself. You could
never
be happy with a wife who traveled the world for work. And I couldn’t give that up. Not for you. Not for our kids. I wouldn’t want to. I would want to show our children
anything
is possible—even a marriage that isn’t conventional.”

He took three steps toward her, but the look she gave him—like a wild animal caged—halted him. “I do love you. What I’m telling you is that I want to find a way to have a shared future. And yes, that includes a family.”

She threw out her hands. “You’re way too conventional to have a wife who has to leave for a month here and there to visit a war zone. I wouldn’t want to worry you. You could never take hearing what my life was really like.”

In all the years they’d known each other, she’d never gone below the belt. “You’re pissing me off, Lucy. You were the one who decided I couldn’t take it. Why don’t you trust me more?”

“You had trouble with Kim getting sick and dying,” she spat out. “There are plenty of things I knew better than to tell you, and that was before we were together. Like the time I managed to evade five child soldiers who bribed the hotel manager for the key to my room so they could gang rape me. Or when I hid behind a burned-out garbage can while soldiers shot a bunch of street children because I knew I’d be killed if I tried to stop them. How would you feel about getting that kind of phone call from your wife?”

God. Is that what she’d gone through? His face tightened as emotion jolted through him. “It’s cruel of you to say I couldn’t handle things with Kim. I did my fucking best, okay, like any other person after finding out their beloved young wife is going to die. No one knows how they’re going to react when they’re faced with impossible situations. You’re projecting because you’re scared I could actually love you as you are. Lucy, I’m not your mother, dammit!”

Her harsh breathing filled the kitchen. He took a moment to compose himself.

“How did we end up yelling at each other?” he asked in a softer tone. “We never do that.”

She smiled sadly. “It appears we are, and I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“Please don’t do this,” she said more softly now. “Let’s see how things go between us, and whether my vision changes. We can talk about the future when it comes.”

Now he strode across the kitchen and gently put his hands on her shoulders, looking into her scared green eyes. “I don’t want our decision about whether to have a future together to hinge on whether your vision improves. That’s not fair to either of us. I love you. I would want you even if you were blind. It’s you I want, Lucy. However you are.”

The muscles in her shoulders were stretched taut under his fingers. “Well, it matters to me. I need to know who I am and where I’m going. I can’t just agree to throw all that aside and stay in Dare Valley.”

Suddenly he felt as helpless talking with her as he had while talking with her mother. “You’re still not hearing me.”

“We’re not hearing each other, and that breaks my heart. We’ve always been able to understand each other.” She hung her head. “Perhaps this was inevitable. We’ve both wanted different things our whole lives.”

He shook her gently, sensing he was losing her. “No, we haven’t. We’ve always wanted to be in each other’s lives. We love each other now more than ever, and people who love each other find a way to forge a future together. That’s what I want with you. That’s what I’ve been trying to drill into your thick head.”

Her eyes flashed, but she didn’t respond.

“You need to think about what I said,” he told her, releasing her. “And I’ll think about what you said. Lucy, I mean it, the situation with your vision doesn’t matter to me. All I want is to be with you, share Danny with you, and make a family with you. I’d like to stay here, but I’m willing to talk about that.”

From the shuttered look on her face, he knew she didn’t believe him.

“I know you’re scared I’m asking you to give up on yourself, but I’m not. The truth is that I plan to bring my lawn chair to your game of life and cheer you on like I cheer for Danny at T-ball. I want you to remember that.”

He made himself kiss her on the forehead and walk out of the kitchen.
 

Chapter 31
      

After a sleepless night, Lucy decided to pay a visit to the man who would understand her the best: Arthur Hale. So, after drinking her morning coffee, she drove to the office of the newspaper that had helped steer her course.

Main Street was bustling with pedestrians enjoying the warm fall day as she walked to
The Western Independent,
mulling over her conundrum all the while. She knew that Andy loved her —she really did. But while he said he understood her, she still didn’t believe he fully comprehended how integral being an international photojournalist was to her sense of self.
 

His talk of marriage had been so unexpected, and it had…well, she’d pretty much freaked out. How had conservative Andy Hale, who’d always approached relationships so carefully all his life, thrown this curveball at her?

It was like an alien had taken over his body, except she knew he never said anything he didn’t mean. And then there was their mind-blowing lovemaking the other night. That meant something, right?

She schooled her features as she pushed open the front door to the office. A few of the locals who’d worked for Arthur all their lives called out greetings as she made her way across the floor. Everywhere she looked, employees were chatting and talking up the current headlines over coffee, talking with sources on the phone, or hunkered down at the small tables situated in the corners, discussing story ideas.

By the time she passed Meredith and Tanner’s offices—which were empty—on her way to Arthur’s, she felt calmer.