The Byron Journals (25 page)

‘What's the thing you've been meaning to tell me about Heidi?' he asked.

‘Huh?' Tim said.

‘In Sydney—you were going to tell me something.'

‘Oh, that.' Tim squinted against the glare and exhaled heavily. ‘Well, it wasn't that I'd fucked Heidi, obviously.'

‘So what was it?'

‘I wish I'd never organised that acid for her.'

‘Why?'

‘I've got a bad feeling about it. That morning in bed…she was talking about her mum's accident, then she got all upset about the guy who ran her down.'

‘Cabritzi.'

‘Yeah, Cabritzi. Then she just snapped out of it and asked me if my dad could get her liquid acid. The whole conversation was just so…weird. I've asked her some details about the job. How much she's selling for, how she knows the guy, whether she wants me nearby in case anything goes wrong…'

‘And?'

‘She won't tell me anything.'

‘So?'

‘So…Heidi doesn't know anyone in Melbourne.'

Andrew shook his head.

‘Are you two still going to Adelaide?' Tim asked.

‘Yeah, that's the plan.' He was dreading it. ‘We're going to visit her mum—to give her the song.'

Tim turned to face him. ‘What about your parents?' Andrew was desperate to tell him everything—about his mum, Heidi and Cabritzi—but he, he couldn't trust Tim not to tell Heidi. ‘I haven't decided whether to go and see them yet. There are still problems. We'll probably just visit Heidi's mum, hang around for a few days then fly back up to Byron.'

‘Nah, man. You've got to see your parents.'

‘Why?'

‘Because one day they'll be dead—like my mum, or half dead like Heidi's mum and you'll wish you had gone to see them.'

Andrew's thoughts squirmed. ‘It's complicated. You don't understand the situation.'

Tim shrugged. ‘I don't need to.'

Tim's rod jerked. He yanked it and started reeling and, after a minute-long fight, he pulled in a big, beautiful silver fish. It hung suspended in the air, its tail thrashing frantically and water drooling from its body. Tim landed it on the rocks and it flapped for a few seconds, before stopping, its mouth opening and closing.

Tim stepped on its side then pulled the hook from its mouth. ‘No need to let it suffer.' He picked up a rock the size of a fist and caved in its head.

Andrew looked at the fish's blood and scales on the rocks and remembered the blood on Phil's shirt and knuckles. The sound of the ocean pressing and sucking at the rock ledge reminded him of Marcus gasping for breath.

‘I don't feel like fishing,' he said. He put down his rod and began walking across the rocks towards the beach.

‘C'mon, Andy!' Tim called after him. ‘You're just jealous I caught the first fish, aren't ya!'

Andrew rushed across the wet sand towards Heidi, sidestepping thick piles of kelp that resembled knotted animal entrails. He remembered what Heidi had said after nearly drowning—about life and death being so sudden, about the power buried within the smallest moments. And how, clinging to the tree in the river, she'd wanted to let go. He thought of the punch of steel that blindsided Heidi's mum, of Cabritzi, of Tim smashing the fish's skull… He stopped beside Heidi and Jade, his body casting an elongated shadow across the backs of their thighs.

‘Heidi?' He was unable to catch his breath.

‘Yeah?' She rolled over and sat up. ‘Shit. What's wrong? Are you okay?'

‘I don't know,' he replied. ‘I don't know what to do, I can't—'

She put on her bikini top. ‘I think you're having a panic attack.'

She wrapped an arm around him and led him across the long stretch of sand to the dunes and the camp area. As they walked, she held his hand and reassured him that everything was fine, that he was going to be okay. When they reached the bus, she led him on board and sat him on the mattress, while she searched through her toiletries bag.

He looked at the white pill she placed in his hand, A2 printed in tiny letters on one side. ‘What is it?'

‘Xanax. It'll calm you down.'

He swallowed the pill and waited.

‘This will pass,' she said, holding his hand. ‘I promise.'

thirty-two

They left first thing the next morning. The bush and the highway seemed to go forever. Andrew strained to focus on beautiful things—the cloudless sky, or a flock of galahs shattering from a tree and taking flight. Then he saw a truck stacked with tree trunks shoot past in the other direction and he noticed the butchered eucalypt forest on either side and, further along, a dead kangaroo twisted and bloody on the verge. Everything seemed potent with meaning.

Andrew caught Heidi deep in thought, her expression abstracted. It worried him that Tim had said Heidi didn't have a contact to sell the acid in Melbourne. And he was anxious about going to Adelaide—what if she insisted on meeting his parents? When he looked at her again, she was asleep. She must have taken more sleeping pills.

Towns slid past. He focused on other details. A pack of bikers hauling north. P-platers doing circle work in a cloud of dust on a dirt backroad. Harvest-stubbled wheat fields and rusting silos. A colliery. Soon they were in the industrial outskirts of Melbourne.

Andrew decided to call Benny as soon as they arrived. He trusted the people around him less and less.

He needed to reconnect with his old life.

‘Heidi,' Andrew said and squeezed her shoulder. ‘We're here.'

She drew a sharp breath and sat up startled.

‘Tim found a hostel,' he said.

‘Is it the one I booked?'

‘No, I don't—'

Before he could finish, she rushed to the front of the bus. ‘We're not staying here.'

Tim shouldered his backpack and threw up his hands. ‘What difference does it make?'

‘Look,' she said, getting in his face now. ‘I've booked a hostel and I want to stay there. Not here. And not anywhere else.'

‘Heidi?' Jade started. ‘Are you—'

‘Tim,' Heidi cut her off. ‘Kashala—if you don't take this bus to the hostel I booked, I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something so fucking crazy you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you'd taken me there.'

‘All right!' Tim studied her a moment. ‘All right.

Let's go then.'

Heidi's hostel was a two-storey backpackers on Victoria Street at the north-western edge of the city. There was a kitsch Aussie-themed pub downstairs that smelled of stale beer and vomit, and next to it was the hostel common area, where World Cup cricket, Australia vs India, was on the plasma screen.

They'd just settled into a dorm upstairs when Heidi began filling her backpack.

‘Where are you going?' Andrew asked.

‘For a look around.'

‘Can I come with you?'

‘No,' she said. ‘I want to go by myself.'

Andrew paused. ‘Why?'

‘I want to find a good place to do the deal tomorrow. And I want to do it alone.'

Andrew searched her face. ‘I can come to the deal with you, if you want? Just in case something goes wrong.'

She zipped her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. ‘What? So you can have another panic attack?'

He flinched. ‘If you don't want me to come, you should at least take Tim.'

‘No. I want to do it by myself.'

‘At least tell me where you're going to do it.'

‘Probably the markets across the road. The busier the place, the less likely anyone will take any notice.' She ruffled his hair and held his gaze with unusual intensity.

‘Don't worry. Everything's gonna work out.'

As soon as she was gone, Andrew wandered downstairs to the common room. Two guys were drinking pots of beer on the couches in front of the cricket, and a couple of backpackers were drinking at the bar. A tall girl speaking in a steady German slur occupied the phone box. Andrew paced and coughed obtrusively, but she pretended not to notice.

Ten minutes later, she finished talking and left the booth. Andrew slipped past her, lifted the receiver, still warm, stuffed coins into the coin slot and dialled Benny's mobile number. The phone rang for a long time and Andrew was just about to hang up when Benny answered.

‘Hey,' Andrew said, relieved to hear his old friend's voice. ‘It's Andrew.'

Benny cleared his throat. ‘What do you want?'

‘I want to tell you that…Look, I'm sorry about everything, okay?'

‘You're sorry?'

‘Yes.'

‘It's a bit late. I've spent the entire summer paying for what you did.'

‘I'm coming home, probably just for a visit, but I'll have the money for you, I promise.'

He sighed. ‘Why are you calling?'

‘I've got myself into a bad situation and I don't know what to do.'

‘Oh, that's rich. You're calling because you need my help?'

Andrew looked around to make sure no one was listening and lowered his voice. ‘I witnessed something— I saw a guy get badly beaten…he almost died.'

‘So go to the police.'

‘I can't, I was there…for a drug deal.'

‘Why are you telling me this?'

‘Because I don't know what to do.'

Benny paused. ‘Are you okay?'

‘Yeah, but—'

‘So call your mum.'

‘I left a message saying I never wanted to speak to her again…'

‘She's called me a couple of times to check if I've heard from you.'

‘She has?'

‘What the hell were you doing at a drug deal, anyway? If that's the cash you're paying me back with, forget it.'

‘Look…Let's talk about it when I get back.'

‘Yeah, maybe.'

They said their goodbyes and Andrew hung up. He scanned the room to make sure Heidi hadn't returned, then he dialled his mum's home number. The answering machine played out and beeped, but he hung up without leaving a message. His mum had taken his dad's name off the recorded message, but not Andrew's. Her work number was engaged. Her mobile was off. Now that he'd decided to call her, he was desperate to speak to her. She dealt with complicated situations all the time; she'd know what to do.

Andrew slumped on one of the couches and watched the cricket. Ten minutes later, he returned to the phone and dialled his mum's mobile again. This time it rang—just as Heidi walked through the front foyer. He heard his mum's voice and put down the receiver. Heidi stopped beside him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes glassy.

‘Who were you calling?' she asked.

‘Benny,' he replied.

‘Who?'

‘An old friend in Adelaide. I wanted to tell him I'm coming back to visit.'

‘You couldn't get through?'

‘It was engaged. How'd you go? Did you find a good place for the deal?'

She nodded and there was something about her that looked different. ‘Yeah, I'm going to do it at the market— there are lots of people exchanging all sorts of packages for money so it shouldn't be too hard to blend in.'

‘You spoke to the guy?'

‘Yep.' She avoided looking at him. ‘It's all teed up.'

She looked as though she wanted to say more but, instead, she turned on her heel and walked towards the stairs. She was lying—he was sure of it.

thirty-three

Sunlight spilt through the gap in the curtains. Andrew narrowed his eyes, pretending to be asleep, and watched Heidi get into jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. She pulled a dark blue New York Yankees baseball cap low on her forehead, removed the bottle of acid from her suitcase and placed it in her backpack. If this was a charade to cover taking the acid to Adelaide, she was doing a good job. As she closed the door behind her, Andrew lowered himself from the top bunk and dressed quietly.

Standing at the window downstairs, he watched Heidi slip through the traffic to the other side of the road and slow to a walk. Her head down and her hands in her pockets, she turned into the Victoria Market.

On instinct, he moved to the nearby phone, picked up the receiver and dialled his mum's work number. When Paula answered, Andrew almost hung up.

‘I need to speak to Mum,' he said.

‘I know that she wants to speak to you Andrew, but she's with a client—'

‘This is important. I need to speak to her.'

‘Is everything okay?'

‘No, everything's not okay! Can you put me through? Please!'

‘Okay…okay, just let me check.'

A moment later, his mum picked up. Andrew heard her apologise to the client and close a door.

‘Where are you?' She sounded tired, a bit drunk even—her client wouldn't notice it, but Andrew did.

‘Mum, I need your help.'

‘Why?' Her voice sharpened. ‘What's happened?'

He hesitated. ‘I witnessed something. And I need to know that you'll help me.'

‘Of course I will. Where are you?'

The phone beeped and he took more coins out of his pocket and fed them into the slot. ‘I have to be quick—' ‘I can call you back if—'

‘No. I just…' He thought of the newspaper article in Heidi's journal. ‘I need some information.'

‘Related to what you witnessed?'

‘No. I need to know about the Cabritzi case you did a few years ago.'

She paused before answering, ‘What about it?'

‘I need to know what happened.'

‘Why?'

‘I shouldn't have to give you a reason, Mum!' His voice was uneven. ‘I need your help—isn't that reason enough? I'm not after confidential information—just the general details. Please!'

‘Okay, Andrew…Jesus…Settle down. That case is closed, so I can give you general details, but first I need you to tell me what this is for. You call me out of the blue asking for details of a case from years ago. I have a right to know what this is about.'