The Butcher Boy (20 page)

You'll have to take these says Walter then there won't be a bother on you. It was like when the warden shakes hands with the prisoner and says goodbye at the gates and goes back in smiling thinking how great his job is until he hears the next day the prisoner has just chopped up a few more people. But it wasn't like that at all for I had no intention of chopping up anyone. I was off home and no more about Cavan bastards or baskets or holes in the head or any of that stuff. I'd had it with all that carry-on. Me and Walter were shaking hands and for a minute I forgot myself and says in a deep Yank voice waal Doc I guess this is goodbye. I quit that fairly sharpish when I seen Walter looking at me and wondering should he change his mind and whip me back in for more tablets and maybe the drill this time. No thanks Walter. Well goodbye Francie, we'll see you again soon. He said they'd be over to see me every month or so to see what I was up to. He said I'd be having a good few visitors over the next while to see what was going to happen. What, off to the school for pigs again I says, out to fuck with that Doc, I mean no thanks Doc. Ah no he says you won't be going back there. Best thing to do is wait and see Francis. Right so Doc and off I went down the hill in the coach. Whee! I shouts, Take 'ern to Missouri men and this old crab looks at me out from behind her
Woman's Weekly.

Go and shave your tache Missus I shouts and what a face! But what did I care! Wheee away down the hill and your mickey going
man that's great keep doing that.

Well I just couldn't believe it. Pilchards? Not one to be seen. Flies? Gone forever. Tiles -- you could see your face in them. And the smell of polish! The whole house had been cleaned, a million times cleaner than ever I could have made it! I went away off up the street and who did I meet only Mrs Connolly with a grin swinging between her ears like a skipping rope. Well Francis did you see the house? I certainly did Mrs Connolly I said. She touched me on the forearm and says don't you worry your head now Francis, I'll be in and out to give it the odd dusting for you.

I said thank you very much Mrs Connolly and what did she say then only ah God love you sure who have you now they're all gone I thought what did she have to say that for what did you have to say that for?

I looked at her for a minute but then I said no I'll say nothing I just said thanks again Mrs Connolly its very good of you to be so kind. Ah sure wouldn't any decent neighbour do the same? she said and gives me this look you'd think she was dying for a shite but was holding it in. Once I seen her and the women talking to Mrs Cleary from the Terrace after she came home from hospital with the baby that looked like something out of a horror film. It had a claw instead of a hand. She was saying ah God love you to her too and tickling the baby inside the blanket saying sure isn't she a lovely little baba altogether I'll be down to the house this evening with them bits of clothes and odds and ends of our Sheila's I promised you. All you could hear was Mrs Cleary saying thanks oh thank you very much I don't know how many times she said thank you and Mrs Connolly ah sure not at all its the least we can do when Mrs Cleary went I heard her saying poor Mrs Cleary God love her I don't think she knows what end of her is up half the time, I seen two of her other wains running about the street last night at eight o'clock and them with hardly a stitch on them!

She's just not able, God love her, the other women said.

They all stood there looking after her as she went down the street then Mrs Connolly said its not right God forgive me I dread to think what my Sean would say if I came home from hospital with a thing the like of that!

And they just stood there, the three heads nodding away.

Hey! Hey! shouts the drunk lad when he seen me. He was counting change at the door of the Diamond Bar. He comes running over: All I need is three halfpence.

Sorry, I says, the Francie Brady Bank is closed. Eh? he says blinking in the light.

Closed for business I says and walked off.

Go on he shouts after me you're only a baaaaaastard!

I walked round the house I don't know how many times I liked the smell of the polish that much. Flowers and everything on the mantelpiece. I could see my face in the sink too. H'ho I thought, It'll be a long time before there'll be pilchards in that sink again! Yes sir! There's gonna be a lot of changes round here!

Then what did I do only get myself all dressed up there was a white jacket in the window of the drapery shop like what you'd see Cliff Richard wearing and a shirt with one of these bootlace ties. I looked at myself in the mirror. The tie was real John Wayne style but I says there's to be no more about John Wayne or any of that, that's all over. Everything's changed now its all new things. Then I brushed the jacket and headed down to the cafe.

I was going to go right in and say hello to Joe and them all sitting there and if they wanted me to sit beside them then all the better I would and I'd tell them and Joe everything that had happened in the garage and everything if they wanted me to that is. I'd say: Hello Philip -- how are you getting on with the music?

He'd say fine.

Then I'd smile and sing a bit of the song:
When you move in right up close to me!

I knew a good bit of it now from hearing it on the radio.

Then I'd get up and walk down to the jukebox. I'd lean over it for a minute and drum my fingers on the sides thinking over what I was going to put on. If the blondie one or the other one looked down at me I'd grin at her or maybe wink. Then the record would be selected and on it would come. I bought fags so that I would be able to flip one out for her when I sat back down again. You could just sit there thinking and looking at everybody passing outside on the street as the smoke curled up to the ceiling. You could mouth the words as you were sitting there.
Shaking all over!,
and then the guitar bit.

I didn't even have to think about it, I just pushed the door it swung right open and in I went. I thought they'd be sitting over by the window under the Elvis Presley poster but there was just the owner in a nylon coat reading a newspaper there was nobody else there, all you could hear was the hissing of the coffee machine and someone rattling pans in the kitchen. Yes please says your man without even looking up. What?, I said I didn't hear him at first then I said it's all right I was just looking for somebody I don't think he heard me either. I closed the door behind me and went back down the street. I went round to the carnival but there was no sign of them there either, there wasn't a sinner about and nearly half the sideshows had been closed or moved on. They were playing the same Jim Reeves record over and over again and you could hardly hear it it was so scratched. I hung about the streets until nearly midnight but there was no one around. The only thing I seen was the drunk lad being thrown out of the Tower. He hammered on the door to try and get back in you could hear him all over the town. I turned and went home before he seen me but I didn't sleep I just sat at the window looking out.

I went round to Leddy the next day. Where do you think you're going in that get-up he says, you can clear off from about here. But I didn't clear off I told him all about the garage and everything I couldn't quit talking and in the end he got fed up he says go on then take that brock barrow and go off round to the hotel and collect what they have they must have plenty by now. Right Mr Leddy I says thanks for taking me back. There's thousands wouldn't he says and went off inside then off I went down the street whistling and wheeling my cart Francie Brady the Brock King of the Town. Hello there I'd say. Ah good man Francie. And not a bad day now. No thank God. And Francie you're home. I am indeed. Ting-a-ling a-ling. Stone the crows its our old mate Francie! 'Ello dearies! Pound o'mince, there you go! Cor luvaduck!

Who's that gone by on the bike? What's he talking about -- ducks?

The next day I got dressed up again and went back down to the cafe I knew they'd
have
to be in sooner or later. I sat in their place and put the song on. I lit a fag and then I lit another one. It was good looking at the street through the twisty horns of smoke. I put the song over and over but there was still no sign of them. I smoked a good few fags. I smoked maybe twenty or thirty. I came back the next day and did the same again. And I came back the day after that. It was dark when I was going home. The owner was sweeping up. He was an Italian. He said: Ees quiet now. Not so much people around now. I said there wasn't. He said it was no good in the town in the winter. I said Joe and the girls and Philip why are they not coming in?

He didn't know who I was talking about for a minute. Then he breaks into a big smile. Ah, Joseph!, he says -- and Philip! Yes yes yes!

Then he starts shaking his head and trying to poke a Kit Kat wrapper out from under the seat with the brush.

No, he says, I am afraid we have not seen them for a long time. They are away. They were good customers of mine. I miss them.

I said: What are you talking about, away? I don't know, he says, away, that is all I know. I went to light up a fag but there was none left only an empty box. I said to him have you any fags no he says I do not sell cigarettes we are closing now please. I must have asked him for fags again.

He says:
I told you! Cigarettes, I do not sell them! Now please!
He opened the door.

One fag then,
I says,
I'll give you a tanner.

Please!
he says.

I kept thinking I was going to meet Joe or the blondie one or some of them on the street so I didn't want to take the jacket off just in case. Leddy started into me over it -- for the love of Christ he says and all this but I says what do you care what I wear all you care about is me collecting the brock as long as I do that what do you care if I come in in a cowboy hat! Oh for fuck's sake! he says and in the end he just threw the fag into the gutter and says: Do it then do what you fucking well like I'm past talking to you God's curse the day I took you in in the first place!

I said: Don't worry, I'll work twice as hard now that I'm back you won't have any complaints about me Mr Leddy!

After that I didn't wait for him to tell me to do anything. I was cleaning and hosing and chopping and sawing and packing, anything there was to be done it was done hours before Leddy knew it had to be done. I worked until the sweat ran out of me. Then when I was finished I'd be away off to see if I could see Joe for I said to myself that the cafe man was talking through his arse go back to Italy I said. A couple of times I thought I saw them but it was just some other girl with blonde hair. Every night I left the brock cart back in the slaughterhouse yard beside the Pit of Guts and locked up. There was one thing Leddy was right about and that was I had ruined my good jacket all right for when I was heeling a bin into the cart stew or some stuff went all over me. I was wondering should I go back down and clean it before I went near Joe's for that was what I had decided to do I couldn't stick the empty streets and the waiting any more. Then I thought: What would you want to clean it for -- do you think Joe cares if your coat is a bit dirty? What are you talking about Francie -- Joe Purcell? He's your friend for God's sake! He's your best friend! I says what the hell am I at at all, thinking that about the jacket. You think some stupid things. It must have been my time in the garage I said. Then I went off down to Joe's house.

There was a light on in the front room I thought Joe was probably at his books we could listen to records after what records do you want Joe I'll get them. Cliff Richard! He was the only one I knew. But Joe would know plenty more it wouldn't be long before I knew the whole lot.
When you move in right up close to me!
I says and pasted back my hair. I scraped off as much of the stew as I could then I knocked on the door grinning from ear to ear like I'd won the Sweep hello there Mr Purcell I said I was wondering if the man himself was in. Mr Purcell looked straight at me and jerked back a little bit then he said
what?
So I had to go and say it all over again. And he began to smile as if I was telling him a joke or something. He scratched his forehead and stared past me like he was trying to catch the attention of somebody passing on the other side of the street. Then he says: Sure Joe is away at boarding school he's away in Bundoran at Saint Vincent's College this past six months. I was going to say O of course that's right I forgot about that but I couldn't for this brr was starting in my head like the noise the telly used to make if you fell asleep at night watching it. So I didn't say that at all and then the door clicked shut real soft, all these doors clicking shut and it was starting to rain.

I was still standing there watching the gutters fill up and wondering what I was going to do when I seen Mrs Connolly going by on the far side of the street with Mrs Nugent. She was carrying the umbrella and giving Mrs Nugent a good share of it so she didn't get wet. They stopped at the hotel corner and I seen Mrs Connolly's hand going up over her mouth. Mrs Nugent nodded away. She was saying: That's right. Oh you don't have to tell me Mrs Connolly!
You don't have to tell me!

Then they parted and there was nothing only the rain sweeping over the town and the fires glowing in the sitting rooms and the smell of frying and the grey jumpy rays of television screens behind the curtains.