The Burn (13 page)

Jack waves Dave over.

“Med drop in two days,” Jack says.

Dave nods. “Well, that explains the fly over today.
They usually scout around a bit when there’s a drop scheduled. I’ll
talk to Red about it tonight.”

After dinner, everyone heads out behind the school.
Red and Jack have already started the fire under the thick boughs
of a cluster of trees that I instinctively know shield us from
watching eyes. I wrap my arms around my shoulders and shiver. It
isn’t cold, but watching the fire—a real fire—jump heavenward is
breathtaking. Fires, candles, gas stoves, anything that burns,
aren’t allowed in the colonies. This fire warms the icy pit in my
stomach, and the terror of the afternoon loosens. The others
gathered here feel it as well. Their talk is freer, and they laugh.
Watching the orange and yellow fingers writhe and dance, I feel the
urge to dance too.

What’s wrong with me? I hate dancing. I’ve been to a
dance only once—four days ago—and solely as a means to get here. I
refused Jessa’s pleas every time, and she looked so disappointed.
She just wanted me to come and have fun—it was hard to spend too
much time together. My heart ached every time I told her no, but I
insisted. I wouldn’t be a fool like all the others, dancing to some
ethereal, synthesized music like everyone else.

I think of Jessa dancing a few days ago, swaying with
Brant to the music. The way they all swayed. There was no other way
to dance to that music. How happy she was, thinking I was there,
actually trying it out for once. And then I think how crushed she
was when she realized I had left forever. I think of the message
she left me. I try to force it from my mind. It’s too painful and
too dangerous to think of her, but I can’t help it. She was
devastated, but understanding. How could I do that to her?

Thinking about Jessa, my feet start moving without my
realizing and I dance up to the fire, moving to no particular beat,
my feet aching with every step in my too-heavy boots, raising my
tired legs and stomping wildly. A voice laughs at me. Mary’s, no
doubt. But I don’t care. I dance for Jessa. I dance because there
is actually a reason to dance—I am alive, and so are these people,
and now that the fear and thud of the helicopters are gone, I have
had the best day of my life. I jump up and down, my lungs pumping,
my heart racing with the life I feel flow through me. My dance
isn’t pretty, but I can’t say how I feel—I need to show it.

I circle the fire with my crazy dance, and as I spin
from the blaze, a long shadow joins mine, dancing not quite as
wildly, but adding to my dance, complementing it. I look up. Dave
is a few feet away from me.

“You look ridiculous, but I couldn’t let you have all
the fun.”

I grin and speed up the whirlwind.

Then a voice sounds from somewhere among the circle
of onlookers. A deep, rich voice using no particular words but
sounding out a musical rhythm, frantic to keep up with the dancers.
Someone has a pot and bangs it with a spoon to keep the beat.

Across the fire Nell and Red join the dance, but
slower, more deliberate. They hold hands and step in time to the
rhythm. All around the circle, more people stomp and sway and clap.
But Mary stands stiffly, her rifle slung over her back, her arms
folded.

I dance over to Nell and Red. I stand by them and
watch the fire glow. Then I hear Mary’s voice. She whispers to
Jack, but she’s so agitated I can hear every word.

“She’s got to be military.”

Jack raises an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Did you see those soft, white hands? She hasn’t done
a day of hard work in her life.”

“It doesn’t mean anything. There’s probably too many
people out there still living off the government rations. She’s one
of them. Came from Phoenix, probably; snuck rations all her
life.”

“No, she’s too healthy. And no tracker, remember? A
desk job. Maybe an agent. I’m telling you, because of her, they’re
going to find us. She’s here one day and there’s a fly over.
Perfect timing, if you ask me. Because of her, they’ll turn this
settlement into a labor camp as fast as you can blink, and they
won’t stop to ask why only a few of us have trackers. We’ll all be
slaves in no time.”

Jack shifts his weight, but says nothing. Then after
a moment, he clears his throat.

“If Dave trusts her—”

Mary snorts.

I can’t listen to this, listen to who they think I
am. I can’t do a thing to deny it. Nothing I say will convince
Mary. I sit on a log next to Dave. The fire dies down, and as it
slumps lower to the ground, the dancing ebbs and the singing turns
to lullabies whispered to each other. I stare at the fire, at the
shimmering coals. A log pops and a blizzard of sparks flies up into
the sky to join the stars. My face is hot from sitting too close to
the fire, but I don’t want to scoot back.

Dave puts a hand on my arm. “You’re loving this,
aren’t you?”

I start back. He could never guess what I’ve been
thinking. How I miss Jessa so much I want to cry, how terrified I
was of the helicopters earlier today, how I’ve never seen a fire
burning. But I can’t tell him that. Let him think what he wants to
for now.

“I can tell. You show everything on your face, Terra.
I like that.”

I smile back at him and pat the hand on my arm.
Should I do more than that? I don’t want to with Mary’s gaze on us,
even if Dave doesn’t seem to mind. She has watched us all evening.
She’s suspicious of me, and she has a prior claim. From what I
learned from Dave and Nell, that much is sure. I can’t risk
upsetting that. This is a tightly woven group of people. If I do
anything to unravel it, I won’t be able to live with myself. But I
feel so strongly about Dave. Not love, not that, I don’t think.
That should feel more like a tugging at my heart. I feel a warmth
there, like a blossom. More than friends. What we have transcends
friendship. I saved his life, and he gave me my dream. I will do
just about anything for him.

Regardless of Mary’s stare, I lean into him, just
slightly. He squeezes my arm. He looks at me, and I see the
uncertainty on his face. What he is uncertain about, though, I can
only guess.

“There’s something I want to tell you.” He clears his
throat and looks through the fire, and doesn’t say anything more. I
watch shadows flicker across his face.

“Something happened to me yesterday, and it really
changed me.”

My heart races ahead to where this could lead. The
rescue. Does he know it was me?

“I was in a boat, testing it out. We need all the
boats we can get for supply drops. The sound is dangerous, but not
as dangerous as traveling on foot. Unfortunately, no one in the
settlement knows how to build a boat, and we don’t want to go
advertising for wandering boat makers. I wanted to try it in the
storm to see if it could really hold, but of course Jack and Mary
thought that was a bad idea. Red didn’t mind, though. He saw where
I was going with the whole thing.”

Where is he going with this conversation? It seems
like he doesn’t want to get to the point. I glance at him once,
encouraging him to go on.

“The water probably was too rough; I should have
listened to Jack. But I wanted to try anyway. I made it just past
the point, and then the pirates came.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“Raiders, pirates, whatever.”

So that’s who they were. Pirates. I read about them
for Burn history. European Burn history. But real pirates?

Dave looks away from me. “They had already seen us,
and we couldn’t pick them off from shore. So I put the boat back in
the water. There was no way I could get away from them. The rain
was pouring in my face and there was already too much water in the
boat. We got rid of them, but I crashed the boat and totally
clobbered my head. I think I was tossed from the boat—I was so out
of it I can’t be sure.”

He runs a hand through his hair, and rubs his knees.
He doesn’t realize he’s telling me what I already know. I saw it
all. I can give him a more accurate version.

“When I woke up, all I saw was the most beautiful
face with dark hair looking over me. Only for a second, and then
she was gone, and now I’m not even sure she was there. I was so out
of it. I love that face. Not
in
love, I don’t think. But I
love her. Does that make any sense? She looked at me like I was the
first and last person she ever wanted to see. And her eyes—there
was so much depth to them. Like your eyes. I can’t describe it.
Then I heard Mary’s voice. Red, Jack, and Mary said they didn’t see
anyone. She must have gone too fast.”

He turns to me, scrutinizing every angle of my
face.

“It could have been Mary, I guess. That face, I don’t
know. She looked a lot like you.” He tucks a strand of hair behind
my ear and laughs. If only he knew. I ache to tell him. He doesn’t
know it’s me he loves. He feels the same way I do—we love each
other. Not
in
love. That is a good way to describe it. We
aren’t there yet.

Then my shoulders sink. I can’t tell him. I told him
my story, and it didn’t include rescuing him. To change that now
will raise too many questions. Dave shifts uncomfortably next to
me.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever find her. If she hasn’t
found our settlement by now, I don’t think she meant to stay
around. It could just be Mary.”

Is he trying to convince himself?

He laughs again. “I could just be going crazy.” He
touches my chin with his fingers, raising my head up to meet his
eyes.

“But you remind me of her. And there’s so much
honesty in your face. I don’t think I could let you go. Not after
losing her, too. Will you stay here with us, for a while at
least?”

I smile, sadly I know, but smile. It makes me happy,
him wanting me to stay. But I know his thoughts drift to
her
, the girl who rescued him. He doesn’t know it was me,
and so his heart will never truly be mine. If I can tell him the
truth, he will love me forever. Moments like this are precisely the
sacrifice I make.

I lean my head on his shoulder. I can’t be
her
, not to him. But if I remind him of her, maybe in time
he will forget her and only see me. He could fall in love with me.
I could fall in love with him. With his easy smile and twinkling
eyes, the way he holds me, it would be very easy to do.

“I told you earlier that we’d figure out where you
would sleep. But I was wondering—” he clears his throat “—if you
would sleep in my room?”

Did he just ask me that? I assumed I would be put
with another girl in the settlement. If I’m going to anger Mary,
this is the quickest way to do it.

He misreads my glance. “No, no, not like that. There
aren’t beds to spare and most of the girls are already sharing and
I didn’t think you’d want a big room all to yourself. I asked Jack
to put a twin mattress up there by the door. You can sleep in the
big bed, and I can sleep by the door. Not a big deal.”

His blue eyes are almost black in the dim light. He
looks so hungry, so passionate, that I can’t turn him down. I nod,
my chin quivering. I’m setting myself up to be heartbroken. Why
can’t I say no?

“I just feel like I need to know everything about
you.”

Anything but that. That is the one thing I can’t give
him. His eyes burn mine, and my eyes suddenly feel dry and hot and
they start watering. Red skirts the fire and walks up to us
then.

“Hey you two. David, we’re down to about two weeks of
meat. I was thinking we could take a trip up the mountain and go
hunting.” Red sits down on the log next to us and stretches his
legs out toward the fire.

Dave leans away from me. “You hear about the supply
drop? Meds. Two days from now.”

“Seattle?” Red says, and Dave nods. “That’s bad
timing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Who’s going?” Red asks.

“I figured Mary—she knows Seattle better than anyone.
I asked Jack but he said no. Funny about it, too.”

Red’s eyes are steely. “We have to send someone with
a tracker. Someone who hasn’t been for a while.” He looks at his
arm. There are nine numbers in silvery ink on a faint ridge of
flesh. “I haven’t been for eight months. I think it’s my turn
again. And before you say anything, let’s agree. I’m too old. But
maybe the scanners won’t pay me too much attention.”

Dave is about to say more, his mouth in a tight,
quivering line. But he doesn’t. He stares at Red for a moment then
shrugs. “Mary then, you, me, and probably Sam or one of the other
guys.”

“I think Terra should go too, Dave.”

Dave steps back.

Red holds up his hands. “I knew you wouldn’t want to.
But it’ll help things around here. Very few of us trust her. If we
take her to Seattle and she doesn’t give us away, I think that
could say a lot to some people.”

Like Mary, I think.

Dave shakes his head, but says, “You’re right, Red. I
don’t like it, but you’re right.”

“We’ll talk about the hunt when we get back,” Red
says.

Dave nods. I want to unfold the worry and sadness
there.

“We could have Terra come along up the mountain, show
her where we get the good food.” Red smiles. Dave snaps back to
attention.

“Terra? Oh yeah, hunting up the mountain. That would
be a good idea. We’ll definitely need more meat soon, and it’ll be
fun to show her more of what we do around here. Have you been
hunting much?”

I shake my head. I haven’t been hunting in my entire
life. The only meat we eat in the colony is fish, but those are
farm-raised. I have no idea how a wild animal goes from in the wild
one moment to lying ready to eat on your plate a little while
later.

“Good, then you can come. It’s almost thirty miles to
the hills, so we always leave early. And we camp out. It’s fun,
really. Work, but fun.”

He smiles, but only with his mouth, not his eyes. The
hunting trip does sound like fun. But the supply drop hangs in the
air like a thunderhead ready to burst.