The Bunk Up (The Village People Book 1) (23 page)

“I want a wedding cake made entirely from Twixes.”

“Consider it done.”

“On the stag night I’m going to pay someone to get him hammered and make sure he’s tied to a pole naked.”

“Okay.”

“I want photos of him boning the stripper. If he can get it up after all the alcohol
,
that is.”

“Are you going to let me see your wedding dress then?” Kathy asks.

“Only because you are my bestest friend ever. But you can’t tell a soul, not even Rex, because he might let it slip after a pint at the stag do.” Rex was known for being a lightweight, while his wife could drink the local rugby team under the table
,
and had done
,
pre-married life. That wasn’t the only thing she’d done under the table, but I digress.

I put the photo up on my phone.

There’s an almighty screech. “Oh my God. You can’t wear that. Hahahahahaha. Fucking hell. He’s going to go mental when he sees you. Hahahahahahaha. Oh my God, I’m so fucking recording all this.”

“Right, what’s next on my list then?” I’m interrupted by my mobile ringing. Miranda runs round the corner.

“Me get it, Daise?”

“No, darling. It’s Auntie Daisy’s phone
,
not a toy, sweetheart. Why don’t you go and get a biscuit?”

Miranda runs off
,
smiling.

Kathy turns back to me
,
making
who is it
faces while I try and concentrate on what the hell the person on the phone is saying to me.

I shake my hand at her, indicating that she needs to leave me a moment.

“I’m sorry, who is this again?”

“It’s Bartholomew, Tilly’s assistant. We had to recast the role of Oliver/Olivia and it’s all hands on deck to re
-
film. We need you on set tomorrow morning to re-do the bar scene.”

“I’m not sure I can-”

“There’s a bed for you here at the pub. Film the scene and then you can go. We’ll arrange transport there and back and we’ll pay you for your time, double the usual rate because of the short notice. Tilly insists that you come. She said your acting was impeccable and she didn’t wish to upset Mr Spielberg.”

I sigh. I don’t want to bump into Frazer but at the same time my one acting scene is about to end up on the cutting room floor unless I re-film it. Plus, a night at the pub and a day away is less time I have to endure with Marcus.

“Okay, I’ll do it
,
” I tell Bartholomew
,
who sounds like he’s going to weep. I bet Tilly threatened to kneecap him if my answer was no. She can’t be upsetting Mr Spielberg
,
after all.

“I’m going back to Beydon
,
” I inform Kathy.

“Yes. Go and get your man!” she shouts. “Marry Frazer
,
not Marcus!”

“Have you been on the wine?”

Kathy looks at me slyly. “I may have. It is four o’ clock in the afternoon. I have three evil pixies in the house. Wine is always the answer.”

“Well
,
I need to get back and packed. I have a taxi picking me up in an hour. They’ve replaced the lead role in the film
,
apparently. Not sure what’s happened there, but it’s being re-filmed urgently and so I’m needed to re-perform my very short part.”

“We’ll be filming another short part soon.” Kathy laughs while indicating a penis with her little finger.

***

I arrive at the pub at eleven pm. I sneak up to my room, asking Trevor not to tell anyone I’m here. He very kindly brings me some crisps and a beer, telling me I’ll need the alcohol because the place is more of a madhouse than ever. It’s nice to have a room to myself so I make the most of it, lying around and watching the television.

The next morning, I shower and change and come down into the main part of the pub. The first sight I’m greeted with is Tilly arguing with Frazer.

What the fuck is he doing here?

I listen to the argument. He’s no doubt demanding another part in the film.

“You said you could act. Where’s your fire? Olivia’s being targeted for her lifestyle choices. She still has testosterone. She’s angry.”

Frazer storms off
,
saying he’ll sort it.

Tilly notices me in the background.

“Daisy! Thank you so much for coming. I know it’s a small scene but it’s so intrinsic to the part. Can you remember your lines?”

“Yes
.
I’ve spent the night practicing.”

“Thank goodness. Well
,
if you can give our new lead some pointers
,
because he’s not managing to encapsulate the character at all yet.”

“Who’s the new lead? Anyone I’ve heard of?” But she doesn’t hear me. She’s off organising the next scene to be shot.

Make-up done
,
I’m put behind the bar and then Frazer walks out. I’m so put off I don’t realise they’ve said ‘action’
.
He’s wearing the wig for Olivia. I know he’s pissed at Tilly for not casting him in the film but I think he’s actually gone too far now. Tilly doesn’t have time for this.

“What are you doing here and what the fuck do you look like?” I ask him.

He recoils. “Oh
,
that’s all I need. Here I am in this horrendous wig
,
I don’t need you telling me how awful it is; I can see that.”

“So why are you wearing it? It makes you look like a drag queen.”

“Cut!” yells Tilly.

Oh dear, I’m going to get sacked now from my five-minute-long role.

“That, Frazer,
that
,
is EXACTLY what I’ve been seeking from you all day. Marvellous work.”

“Eh?” I respond.

Frazer stands with his shoulders back. “Yes, well I thought about your advice and
,
well
,
Daisy and I had a little chat before we
filmed our scene
.” He talks slowly, like I’m stupid. “We felt it best if the barmaid was really angry towards him. That it would make Oliver determined to seek help to look the part of a transgender female. It’s the catalyst for the rest of the film. Isn’t that right, Daisy?”

I stand stock still, not sure what’s happening.

“With Daisy being related to Spielberg, I, of course, sought her advice in relation to my being the
new lead in the movie
.”

New lead in the movie?
New lead in the movie?
NEW LEAD IN THE MOVIE?

Oh my fucking God. I snap to it quickly.

“That’s right
,
” I tell Tilly. “So it worked then. You’re pleased?”

“I’m fucking ecstatic. Can you carry on and finish the scene? The scriptwriters wrote you both a couple more lines.”

Filming the non-shouty scenes that follow is a lot more difficult as I have to look Frazer in the eyes and be compassionate.

“I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this alone.”

“Oh, I’m not alone. I have my mother.” His face reflects the reality of having a mother he doesn’t speak with. I can see him channel his real experiences. “It’s tough
,
though. I can’t tell her everything I feel.”

“I’m sure your mum would want to be there for you. Why don’t you try?”

“I’ve fallen in love. With someone I can’t have. They belong to someone else.”

This is too close to home for me. I look at my feet and speak indirectly to him. “Is there nothing you can do?”

His answer is terse. “It’s too late for that now. I showed them a side of me they didn’t like and they’re marrying another.”

“Things aren’t always how they seem. Take some time to work out what you really want.”

“I know what I want.”

“You do?” I hold onto his gaze a second too long.

“I want the surgery. I want to be Olivia.”

Reality bites quickly as we hear
,
“Cut!”

“Fantastic, you two. Frazer, if you carry on like that, we’ll have a fabulous film on our hands.”

“Thank you.”

“Right
,
am I done?” I ask, because I need to get home.

“Daisy, wait.”

“Frazer
,
can you get back in make-up quickly? We’re going straight onto the surgery scene,” Tilly snaps.

“Daisy. Please, wait for me. I need to speak to you.”

Sighing, I know I’ll always wonder what he wanted to say if I walk away, so I nod, hoping I don’t regret my decision.

I sit in that room for six hours. Frazer doesn’t show. I walk downstairs. The pub is empty. “Where is everyone?” I ask Trevor.

“They had to go up to the main house to film. His Lordship demanded they film right now. Says he has a guest coming tomorrow. Tilly said we won’t see ‘em again until the early hours now.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll go order my taxi
,
then. Nothing to hang around for here.”

“We miss you around here you know, Daisy.” Trevor coughs and goes a bit pink in the face. “You’ve been good for the place. Been a breath of fresh air
,
like.”

“Thank you.” I give him a genuine smile. “Maybe one day I’ll return. Who knows?”

“I know one person who’d like that, even if they won’t say so.” He nods.

“That’s it though
,
isn’t it? I’ve already been messed around by one bloke for years. I’m not giving another one the chance to give me the run-around. I need a plain speaking bloke next time.”

“Show us ya’ tits!” yells Frank.

“Frank, mate. What have I told you about coming in the pub? You’re barred. Off you go.”

“At least I know where I stand with Frank.” I laugh. Then I return to my room, pack my things and wait for the taxi to take me back home.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Frazer

As soon as filming is finished
,
I hurtle around to the pub where Trevor is about to lock up for the night.

“Has she gone to bed?” I ask him.

“She’s gone home, son
,
” he replies, looking at me tenderly.

“Oh, I…”

“Come on in. Let’s get you a scotch,” he says and, the fight gone out of me, I follow him in.

This village has made me go weird. This pub landlord has become a familiar figure
,
and as he sits listening to me whine on about missing Daisy, I can see he’s almost become a friend.

The shock is so acute that I sit for a moment
,
nursing my scotch and thinking. Beydon has become my home. It’s the place I always run to.

Fucking hell.

If Beydon is my home, then is the cottage my home? I’m kind of settled there, except for one thing. It doesn’t have Daisy in it.

I need Daisy.

I… shit. I LOVE Daisy.

“I LOVE DAISY!” I shout out by accident, lost in my thoughts.

“Yes
,
we all know that, Frazer. All except for you
,
” answers Trevor. “Now what are you going to do about it?”

***

I take myself back to Haversham House the next morning before filming to pop in to see my mother. What the hell is happening to me? I’ve caught some kind of disease. I love Daisy and I’m seeing my mother without feeling a great big wall of hate. In fact, there’s a lump in my throat as I see her face light up when she opens the door. Someone send for
Embarrassing Bodies
; I’ve got one.

“Morning, Frazer. Everything alright?”

“I love Daisy.”

“You do?” Her face beams with joy.

“I do. But she went back home so I can’t tell her.”

Mother’s forehead creases
.
“What do you mean, she went back home?”

“She came to re-film a scene. I’m telling you there was, still is, something between us. Why has she chosen that idiot?”

“Perhaps she felt she had no other option
.
I did tell the girl she should look out for herself, but it would appear she’s not learned yet. I do hope she doesn’t marry that knobhead.”

“Mother!”

A jaw-dropped, wide-eyed face greets me in return.

I just called her mother.

“Calling you Hazel is weird,” I say
,
and shrug it off.

She nods and we both pretend we don’t see her wiping at her eyes.