The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers: An Unconventional Memoir (34 page)

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Authors: Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Tags: #Biography & Autobiography, #Personal Memoirs, #General, #Technology & Engineering, #Social Science, #Biography, #Goat Farmers - New York (State), #State & Local, #Josh, #Female Impersonators, #United States, #Gender Studies, #Middle Atlantic, #Female Impersonators - New York (State), #Goat Farmers, #Kilmer-Purcell, #New York (State), #Agriculture, #History

BOOK: The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers: An Unconventional Memoir

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1
CUP CHOPPED WALNUTS

2
BANANAS
,
SLICED

1
CUP RED GLOBE GRAPES
,
HALVED

2
CUPS MINIATURE MARSHMALLOWS

Dissolve Jell-O in boiling water. Add ice cream and stir until melted. Place in refrigerator for
¹/2 hour. Stir in nuts, bananas, grapes, and marshmallows. Return to refrigerator. Stir every 15 minutes for about 2 hours to keep marshmallows from floating to top and everything else from sinking as it sets. Once firm-ish, refrigerate 24 hours.

SERVES INNUMERABLE “HORRIFIED” GUESTS

GARTH’S MOM’S CHRISTMAS EVE MARGARITAS

1
PT
G
RAND
M
ARNIER

1
PT LIME JUICE

1
PT CRANBERRY JUICE

2
¹/2 PTS SOUR MIX

1
¹/2 PTS
J
OSE
C
UERVO
(
INCREASE ACCORDINGLY AS
C
HRISTMAS MORNING APPROACHES
)

WILLIAM BEEKMAN’S SYLLABUB

From
American Cookery
by Amelia Simmons, 1796

TO MAKE A FINE SYLLABUB FROM THE COW [OR GOAT]

Sweeten a quart of hard cyder with double refined sugar, grate nutmeg into it, then milk your cow [or goat] into your liquor. When you have thus added what quantity of milk you think proper, pour half a pint or more, in proportion to the quantity of syllabub you make, of the sweetest cream you can get all over it.

Acknowledgments

Brent is a private person. If you are a private person, imagine having me as your boyfriend. Now you’ll know how grateful I am that he’s stuck around.

Farmer John is perhaps the most patient man on earth. His goats saved the Beekman far more than the Beekman saved them. I won’t say much more because it’ll embarrass him.

I’m also grateful that my parents made me pull weeds from our garden for hours on end in the hot summer sun. They were right. I was wrong. It did build character.

Martha Stewart probably won’t read this far. She’s a busy woman doing important things—which is why I’ve always admired, envied, poked fun at, and worshipped her. Thank you, Martha.

I’m surely going to forget to include at least one of my Sharon Springs neighbors in the following list. Please don’t shun me at the Agway: Garth Roberts, Doug Plummer, Heidi Meika, Lee Woolver, Michelle Curran, Debbie McGillycuddy, Dan Fiske, Jason Paden, Tony and Vanessa, Ross Wasserman, Bob Sutherland, Suzann Kipp, Barbara and Peter Melara, Michael Whaling, Maureen Lodes, Megan Holken, George VanGarderen, Karen and Michael, Keith Bavolar, Karen and Peter Cookson, Harold and Barbara Hall, Rabbit Goody, Jim Feldman, Sharon and Bob, Jim and Norm, Dan and Dave, Rose, John and Steve, Mitch and Matthew, Pat and Eric Selch.

I consider these people my friends, family, and future fodder (lucky them): Papa and Pam, Jeannie O’Toole, James and Maya, Sally Kim, Carrie Kania, Andy McNicol, Anna DeRoy, Lauren Heller Whitney, Matthew Horowitz, Cecil, Max, Sophie, Linda, Angela Rae Berg, Laura Michalchyshyn, Lynn Sadofsky and the Planet Green team, Pyongson Yim, Fenton and Randy, the WOW peeps, Marty, Rob, Lenny, Mark, Lori Lum, Kenn and David, Andrew, and all our Beekman 1802 Internet pals.

About the Author

JOSH KILMER-PURCELL
is the bestselling author of the memoir
I Am Not Myself These Days
and the novel
Candy Everybody Wants
, and the star of the television docu-series
The Fabulous Beekman Boys
. He and his partner, Brent Ridge, divide their time between Manhattan and the Beekman Farm.

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

ALSO BY JOSH KILMER-PURCELL

FICTION

Candy Everybody Wants

NONFICTION

I Am Not Myself These Days

Credits

Jacket photography © Ben Hoffmann

Jacket design by theBookDesigners

THE BUCOLIC PLAGUE
. Copyright © 2010 by Josh Kilmer-Purcell. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

FIRST EDITION

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for.

EPub Edition © April 2010 ISBN: 978-0-06-199699-3

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