The Bruise_Black Sky (32 page)

Something ugly and toxic slew from Ben on these words with their familiar, distorting accent, and he rolled them both so they were in a fresh part of the bed away from its poisonous influence.

Nikolas laughed delightedly, clearly reading Ben better than zombies, and he held his face close into his neck and added very slowly and distinctly so the twisted vowels were clear for once, “It
never
will be.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Three days later, when they had recovered, slept, ate, and not left one another’s side for that whole time, Nikolas told Ben there was one last thing to tell him—but that he needed to see this in person.

Ben only wanted to go home, to Devon, but he would do anything Nikolas wanted. Nikolas wasn’t even exploiting this capitulation. He was calmer and less defensive than Ben had ever seen him. He appeared to be coasting on the fact that someone loved him enough to break him, to beat him into submission. No one had ever bothered to do that for him before, always bowing down to his arrogance and self-belief and utter refusal to change to suit anyone else’s convenience.

Not Ben. Ben was in it for the long haul.

Nikolas drove to St Albans. Kate’s parents were expecting them because he’d called ahead.

They’d known Ben briefly nine years previous and then met him once again in Denmark, when he’d been gaunt with unhappiness, starved and shaven haired. They had not made the connection until he walked up the driveway with Nikolas. Then they clearly saw it.

Jennifer Armstrong was holding the baby, so Ben got it pretty much the same time they did. He jerked his gaze to Nikolas, but Nikolas’s expression was guarded, the first time in some days. Ben allowed him his privacy, and accepted the invitation to enter the house and take a seat in the sitting room.

Nikolas sat in another armchair, just slightly out of the main ring of chairs.

Ben told them he hadn’t known.

They asked him about his relationship with Kate—they hadn’t realised it had started up again. She’d not told them.

He was non-committal, because he wasn’t very good at lying.

Finally, Jennifer Armstrong put the baby down on a blanket on the carpet. “What’s to be done, Ben? Are you really in a position to look after her?”

Her husband frowned at her and put a hand on her knee, but she sat straighter and added, “It has to be addressed. Do you really have any notion—?”

“I don’t want to take her! Did you think I’d come here to do that?” Ben turned instinctively to Nikolas and realised that not only did Jennifer Armstrong think he was here to claim his daughter, Nikolas had assumed he would want this, too. He rose swiftly. “Do you mind if we…? Nik?”

Summoned thus, Nikolas could hardly refuse to accompany Ben into the garden. Ben rounded on him. “This is the root of it at last! You thought I’d somehow—change? Not love you, because I’d want her? And you were doing your usual flit before you got rejected! Bloody hell, Nikolas!”

Nikolas toed the ground, not catching his eye. “It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that. That’s utterly un—”

“How would you put it?”

“Well, that you’d be…” He thrust his hands into the pockets of his overcoat and concluded lamely, “That you’d want a wife—a mother for her. A normal life. That now you could—have a normal family. What you’ve always wanted.”

“A normal family?” Ben began to laugh. Nikolas looked extremely annoyed. He hated being made fun of. Ben stopped with difficulty and gestured for him to walk down the long garden path. “You’re the one who likes children—”

“That is completely un—”

“You spend your whole time gathering people around you to make a family. You even said it yourself that we can make our own families. I’ve never wanted anyone else but
you
. If anyone will want to take her it’s—what’s she called by the way?”

“Molly Rose.”

“Really? Huh. Molly Rose.” They stood together, heads bowed, foreheads almost touching. “You have taken your fucked-up life and made something good of it, Nikolas. Emilia, Babushka, me…and now maybe Molly Rose.
Your
family.”

§§§

It was a huge decision.

But it gave Nikolas something to ponder, something to plan. He wondered what one of those little seats on wheels would be like in an open plan house with smooth tile floors which you could in theory dash across at high speed for over a hundred feet without coming to a door or wall. Or roller-skates, come to that. A bike?

There was no hurry to decide one way or the other, for Molly Rose was clearly very happy where she was.

Emilia arrived for Christmas, and one day they all went up to London to see a show, do some Christmas shopping—and introduce Molly Rose.

Emilia seemed at as much of a loss what to do with her as Ben. The baby was…okay…but they’d promised her they could go to the London Dungeon that afternoon…

The baby stayed with her grandparents throughout the Christmas festivities, because in January, Nikolas, Ben, Emilia and her grandmother flew to the States. The first of the Amazing Grace shelters had been completed.

Ben proposed an idea to them on the plane. The over-arching brand of the charity should stay Amazing Grace, but each individual station should have its own name. He suggested Kate for the first one. Emilia then suggested Nina for another. Nikolas shrugged and added Elizabeth.

Ulyana Ivanovna said she would like one dedicated to her when her time came, an assertion that made Emilia cry.

They cheered her up later by going to see a film.

It was called
Finding Peace
.

Peter Cameron had expanded his screenplay to include all the
Wars’
losses, and thus Oliver’s story was now only a small segment of the overall production. Ben’s contribution had been enough to tell that part. The movie had been completed for a Christmas release.

As Nikolas sat in the darkened cinema with Ben at his side, he saw for the first time how wrong he’d been about pretty much everything. He’d witnessed this film being made. He’d stood to the side of that actual scene, watching it. That raw material had been transformed into this perfect whole. He hadn’t swum his whole existence in shit only to have one transformational moment upon finding Ben. On the contrary, everything he had now was due to that early history. His time as Aleksey had been the rushes that had enabled him to create this life. He couldn’t run from it. It couldn’t catch up to him. It gave meaning to this.

He felt Ben take his hand, down between the seats, where the hold would be private.

He pulled Ben’s hand up onto the armrest and held it openly.

He had made this life, and he would live it the way he wanted.

To Be Continued in Death’s Ink-Black Shadow

About the Author

John Wiltshire currently resides in New Zealand while he attempts to raise enough money to return to England and buy a house on Dartmoor. This endeavour is taking longer than he’d planned.

Trademarks Acknowledgment

The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

Cadillac Escalade: General Motors Company

Precor: Precor Inc., Amer Sports Corporation

Mercedes Benz: Daimler AG

Google: Google, Inc.

Forbes: Forbes, Inc.

Tesco: Tesco, PLC

Fortnum & Mason: Wittington Investments, Ltd.

Time: Time, Inc.

Rolling Stone: Wenner Media, LLC.

Men’s Fitness: American Media, Inc.

Lycra: Invista S.à r.l.

BBC: British Broadcasting Corporation

Photoshop: Adobe Systems, Inc.

The Exorcist: Warner Bros. Entertainment, Inc.

Daimler: Daimler AG

Bogner: Bogner, Inc.

H3 Alpha Hummer: General Motors Company

Firefly: Twentieth Television, Inc.

Skype: Skype Technologies S.A.

Glock: Glock Ges.m.b.H.

Coke: The Coca-Cola Company

Porsche Cayenne: Porsche AG

Dr. Phil: CBS Television Distribution

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GLBT RESOURCES

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The Trevor Helpline: 866-488-7386

On the Web: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

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GMDVP Helpline: 800.832.1901

On the Web: http://gmdvp.org/

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Servicemembers Legal Defense Network is a nonpartisan, nonprofit, legal services, watchdog and policy organization dedicated to ending discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).The SLDN provides free, confidential legal services to all those impacted by DADT and related discrimination. Since 1993, its inhouse legal team has responded to more than 9,000 requests for assistance. In Congress, it leads the fight to repeal DADT and replace it with a law that ensures equal treatment for every servicemember, regardless of sexual orientation. In the courts, it works to challenge the constitutionality of DADT.

SLDN Call: 800-538-7418

PO Box 65301 or (202) 328-FAIR

Washington DC 20035-5301 e-mail: [email protected]

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The GLBT National Help Center is a nonprofit, tax-exempt organization that is dedicated to meeting the needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and those questioning their sexual orientation and gender identity. It is an outgrowth of the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, which began in 1996 and now is a primary program of The GLBT National Help Center. It offers several different programs including two national hotlines that help members of the GLBT community talk about the important issues that they are facing in their lives. It helps end the isolation that many people feel, by providing a safe environment on the phone or via the internet to discuss issues that people can’t talk about anywhere else. The GLBT National Help Center also helps other organizations build the infrastructure they need to provide strong support to our community at the local level.

National Hotline: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

National Youth Talkline 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743)

On the Web: http://www.glnh.org/

e-mail: [email protected]

If you’re a GLBT and questioning student heading off to university, you should know that there are resources on campus for you. Here’s just a sample: