The Brothers Boswell (2 page)

What can all the rest of us do, then, but point them out on the street and laugh?

J
AMES
’
S DELIGHT AT
walking down Fleet Street with his hero lends him an almost visible shimmer. Just as evident, though, is his anxiety that some small thing may unexpectedly cloud the skies of Johnson’s amiability. Even in his joy he is continually scanning the older man’s face for weather signs.

Oh, this James is solicitous, and for this too you could murder him.

But after all, currying favor is James’s explicit purpose for coming up to London in the first place. Somehow he has secured permission to spend the bulk of this year begging a commission in the King’s Guard from those who would vastly prefer not to give it him. And to that official errand James has added another entirely his own: to worm his way into the hearts and affections and appointment books of as many full-scale London authors and notables as he can manage in the space of nine months.

It took six of those months merely to make the acquaintance of Johnson, author of the
Dictionary
itself, England’s undisputed and ill-tempered literary lion. But having done so, James has wasted no time parlaying the acquaintance into a friendship, and that friendship into something now just shy of actual foster-fatherhood.

This morning, he showed up on Johnson’s Inner Temple doorstep at just a touch past nine-thirty for their ten o’clock meeting, so
afraid was he of being thought less than punctual. He stood for a moment, pondering. Lifted his fist to knock, dropped it without knocking. Then, lest he seem overeager and boyish, James strolled around the corner, looking to kill time, looking for amusement.

I stood and watched him all the while he stood and watched Fleet Street.

He settled his attention on the Temple Bar, as well he might: set into cornices of the stone arch are statues of Charles I, the Stuart martyr, and Charles II, whose itch for actresses brought women to the English stage. And something else: on iron pikes atop the stone pediment sit two now-desiccated heads. For reasons that no one including James knows, James is all but addicted to the terrifying jolt of a good hanging or dismemberment; these two skulls, circled by flies and touched with the gore of history, seize and hold his attention.

He is predictable, is James.

A sharp little shopkeeper hard by the Bar sized up the situation and trotted out with a cheap pair of spyglasses, half-penny the look, and James delightedly fished in his pocket for change. Then, after having his sleeve pulled twice, and paying cheerfully for two more long looks, James simply struck a bargain to buy the glasses outright.

After another ten minutes, when he had finished searching the desiccated heads for meaning, for sensations, he dropped the glasses into his deep coat pocket and retraced his steps to #1 Inner Temple Lane.

I followed after a moment, marveling at the endless seepage of unforeseeable detail into even the tightest plans, the capillary action of disaster. Who but the Lord Himself could have foreseen that James would suddenly acquire the ability to see great distances? The ability to search the boats before and behind him on the river every bit as casually as he might search his own waistcoat pockets?

Not for the first time, I wondered if the Lord might be plotting
against me, somehow, and I added the spyglasses to Johnson’s stick and James’s sword, the small running mental list of objects to which I must pay particularly close attention this day.

S
O HERE IT
is now, just before noon, and they have had their late-late-morning coffee at Child’s, and a separate dish of chocolate for James. They have sauntered for a good twenty minutes under the leafy trees of Hare Court, tuning up their voices and their respective pomposities. And now they’re off for their true lark of the day—a float down the eastern stretch of the Thames.

But of course this is Dictionary Johnson, who birthed the entire sanctioned English lexicon from his own singularly overstuffed vocabulary, and so a float down the river cannot remain merely a float. God forbid.

A
riverine excursion
, they’re calling it. And it sounds so altogether grand that I have decided to take a riverine excursion of my own.

They come down Middle-Temple Lane, a moist wind filling their noses, and there, in the dark frame created by the Harcourt Buildings, lies the silver water of the Thames. They lift their well-fed faces at the pleasant shock of the river: the glittering length of it just behind a line of unremarkable city roofs, coiling through the city with all the drowsy power of a boa constrictor. And on it, every device for flotation known to mankind, moving everywhere and at every speed at once: wherries and barges, sloops and fish-smacks, skiffs and cheap wooden bottoms and the occasional grand racing yacht, twelve oarsmen pulling all at once. Gulls crash and tilt and screech overhead, and the stink of fish and water rot comes up sharp with the wind.

As the two men approach the Temple Stairs, and the loafing watermen sense the approach of custom, a predictable form of hell breaks loose. Everyone shouts at once, addressing their shouts to Johnson alone because they all have the menial’s highly developed nose for power.

Westward or Eastward, Sir! Row you straight, row you quiet!

Sculler! Sculler, maybe, gents? Sculler!

He’ll drown you, that one! Don’t be daft, Sir. Oars here now!

For all their crowding and jostling, the watermen observe a thin protective bubble around their marks, pawing the air but never once putting a hand to Johnson’s coat. And he points without hesitation to a young man about fifteen years old, standing off to one side, and barks, “Take us out then, boy,” and the crowd of rivermen explodes in curses and righteous indignation.

The boy leads them quickly down the center stair to the river. He is wearing the arms of the King on his uniform, and no doubt this is part of the reason Johnson chose him. Johnson has a pension of 300£ a year from the King, and I imagine that in some secret way the King’s arms signify to Johnson not only the great and benevolent power of the Crown, but the great and benevolent power of Sam Johnson. And, too, the King’s men are watched more carefully by the Crown, and so they are less likely to cheat you, more likely to get you there clean and dry. Not much less, and not much more, but a bit.

After some fiddling, the boy draws his narrow red sculler up flush to the step, and Johnson climbs ponderously aboard. The long craft bobbles and then steadies. When Johnson is seated in the center, James steps relatively lightly into the rear, checks his seat for water, finds none, and sits.

And as they draw away, holding their hats—James’s violet suit shrinking slowly to the size of an orchid—one of the bigger watermen on the stair breaks off shouting curses at the boy piloting the sculler, turns abruptly toward the spot where I’m standing, and crooks his finger at me.

T
HE BIG WATERMAN
has his head shorn down to the scalp. Sweat stands from the tough brown skin as he hauls his oars. He is forty-five maybe, or fifty. He wears the arms of the Lord Mayor, a
looser and less appetizing outfit than the King’s. A pile of smooth river rocks stands in the bilge wash beside his own seat, just to one side of his boot, within easy reach. He is a very strong man, outfitted with the several weapons natural to his trade, and he pulls the oars with just this awareness in his air.

It’s the Lord Mayor’s men that dominate the movement of stolen merchandise on the river, and in the back of the sculler, behind my seat, I can see a nasty set of long gaffs and hooks, these for retrieving goods thrown from ships, these for cadging fish from passing smacks when traffic is tight. And, no doubt, for the occasional pitched battle between boats, battles for which guns are too loud and knives too short. Lord Mayor’s men view the river as the sea, and the sea as a sovereign entity unto itself.

Johnson and James are a short ways ahead of us, gliding along near the center of the river. Traffic moves quicker there, and the view is more pleasant. The wind is a caress, not the cuff you get peering south from the Temple. The ride is smoother as well; no need to row around wharves and stagnant debris and docks and moored vessels, as you do continually nearer the banks. As my sculler is doing at the moment.

“What do you want with ’em?” the waterman says suddenly.

“I beg your pardon?”

“What d’you want with the folk we’re pacin’ is what I mean, sir.”

I say nothing.

He keeps his head down, eyes on the mucky bit of bilge rolling back and forth across the little hull. He could look back into the shade under the thin green woolen canopy, but he does not. He does not want to push too hard, does not want to risk the shilling I have promised him. When I offered him three times the standard fare, as long as he would shadow another boat, keep mum, and take my lead on the water, the waterman didn’t bat an eye. “Glad to be of service, sir,” he had said, pumped full of sudden courtesy.

But now he cannot leave it alone.

“Nothing but curious, sir,” he drawls. “A man likes to know why he goes where, don’t he?” He scratches at his leg, then the slick crown of his scalp. A pair of rowers passing the other way yell a sudden, friendly volley of obscenities at him, but he shows no sign of hearing or recognition. He continues to pull the oars and to watch the roll of bilge water. “For a jest or to come at a shilling, is why people usually follow people,” he continues. “Or to catch a girl’s sneakin’ about. Always struck me there’s the couple ways of it.”

I have my eyes on the river.

The waterman is jovial now, enjoying the sound of his own voice in the open air, and the anger gathers slowly in my chest, not for the first time this morning. I can feel it stirring abruptly inside me, the anger, a large dog awakened by a small noise.

He clucks his tongue. “Your clothes are too swell for a footpad, my fine friend. There ain’t no lady in the sculler there to follow. And you don’t strike me as bein’ in a joking mood, you don’t mind me saying.” He spits over the gunwale. “And so I’m curious, now, nothing but that. A hint of why we’re running behind these two? I’ll be close as the grave, trust me, sir.”

Again, I say nothing for a moment, and then reach into my pocket and bring up a pair of coppers, holding them out on my palm for an instant. And then I pitch them over the side and into the water. Almost immediately, a young mudlark near the boat dives to catch the coins before they can touch silt. “Your fare is tuppence lighter, man,” I say. “The full shilling was for quiet, and following my instructions.”

He holds up a hand to signal enough, attends to his oars, swinging his head up and about to avoid other boats, and to keep James and Johnson’s red sculler in sight. Although the woolen canopy keeps off the sun, it blocks the wind, and without that breath of air the day is hottish, a creeping late July heat. And the wool traps the light stench of the waterman’s little boat itself, fish and sweat and damp wood and river slime. But it is the sight of the two of them on their
excursion, the bigger and the slightly less big, sitting in their merry little boat out there in the very center of the Thames, never quiet but always talking, talking, talking that saps the pleasure from the ride.

After only five minutes or so on the river, I see their red skiff abruptly angle through the cluttered forest of masts toward the Old Swan Stairs. I have already told the waterman to expect as much, and he draws quickly across the flow of traffic to allow me to watch them come in for their landing. Predictable, to a fault. Greenwich is another long pull down the river, so why are they rowing in at the Swan, disembarking, walking the seven crowded blocks around London Bridge to the rank fish-market at Billingsgate and then re-embarking for Greenwich?

Because, my friends, James is nobody’s hero: he has not got the heart for the bit of white water under the spans, or the way the boat drops away from you suddenly when you shoot the bridge. And why else? Because they are both of them cheap. They’ll both squeeze a crown until King George weeps, and the fare doubles at the bridge.

But as I watch them re-bobble their way heavily back out of the sculler, I have a thought. A mudlark is treading water not so far from us, and I wave him over.

“Hey there you, lark,” I call, as softly as one can.

He swims to me at a leisurely pace, his strong arms dipping and flashing in the water. Once beside the boat, he keeps himself suspended in the water with slow, easy movements of his thick legs and cupped hands. Mudlarks spend hours a day in the current, carrying and finding and ferreting out things that are awkward for men on a boat or on shore to come at. No doubt this waterman and this mudlark have worked together at some point in the past, to move some package of something off the river before it could be stamped and taxed, but they ignore one another now.

“See that red sculler there,” I say, “putting off passengers at the Stair now?”

The mudlark looks, turns back. He has sharp features, good teeth, and the articulate shoulders of a man who swims for his living. A penny pouch hangs dripping from his neck, a rusted knife from his belt. He narrows an eye at me, trying to figure out what my game might be. “Aye. I see ’em right enough.”

“There’s a half-penny for you if you pull the coat of that boy rowing them, and ask him what the two gentlemen talked about. There’s a penny, though, if you remember it when you get back here to me, remember it all exactly.”