The Bronze Horseman (67 page)

He got up on the hearth, hopped up onto the bed on top of the warm stove, and was asleep in his uniform. Through semiconsciousness he felt her taking off his socks, unbuttoning his tunic, unbuckling his belt and pulling it out from the loops. He felt her soft lips on his eyes, on his cheek, on his forehead. He felt fine feathers on his face. It must have been her hair. He wanted to wake up, but it was impossible.

The next morning Alexander opened his eyes and looked at his watch. It was late—eight in the morning. He looked around for Tatiana. She was nowhere, but he was covered by her quilt and he was lying on her pillow. Smiling, he turned on his stomach and pressed his face into the pillow. It smelled of soap and fresh air and her.

He went outside. It was a chirping and sunny rural morning; the air was as still as peacetime; the cherry tree blossoms and the lilacs filled the yard with their overripe scent. The lilacs made Alexander especially cheerful—the Field of Mars was full of lilacs in late spring. He could smell them all the way from the barracks. It was one of his favorite smells, lilacs in the Field of Mars. Not his favorite smell: of an alive Tatiana’s breath as she kissed his unconscious face last night. Lilacs could not compete with that smell.

The house was quiet. After quickly washing, Alexander went to look for her, finding her on the road, returning home carrying two pails full of warm cow’s milk. Alexander knew it was warm because he stuck his fingers in the pail. Tatiana’s shiny white-blonde hair was left down, and she was wearing a blue wraparound skirt and a small white shirt that came up above her navel, exposing her stomach. The round outlines of her high breasts were clearly visible. Her face was a lovely flushed pink color. Alexander’s heart stopped in his chest when he saw her. He took the milk pails from her. They walked for a minute in silence. He felt himself getting short of breath.

“I suppose after this you’re going to go and fetch water from the well,” he said.

“
Going
to?” Tatiana said. “And what did you shave with this morning?”

“Who shaved?”

“Did you brush your teeth?” She smiled lightly.

He laughed. “Yes, with your water from the well. Tania, after breakfast,” he said, lowering his already husky voice, “I want you to show me your grandparents’ house. Is it far?”

“It’s not too far,” she said and her face was inscrutable.

Alexander was not used to Tatiana being inscrutable. His job was to make her
scrutable.
He smiled. “Hmm.”

“What do you want to see it for? It’s all padlocked shut.”

“Bring the key. Where did you sleep?”

“On the couch in the porch,” she replied. “Were you comfortable? I didn’t think so. You were in all your clothes. But I couldn’t wake you up for anything—”

“Did you
try
?” asked Alexander in a measured tone.

“I had to practically shoot your pistol in the air to get you to climb up onto the stove.”

“Tania, don’t shoot it up in the air,” Alexander said. “The bullet has to come down.” Remembering her lips on his face, he added, “You removed my socks and my belt.” He grinned. “You should have gone the extra step.”

“Couldn’t lift you,” Tatiana said, blushing. “How are you feeling this morning? After all that vodka?”

“Great. How about you?”

“Hmm,” she said, surreptitiously looking him over. “Do you have any clothes to wear besides your uniforms?”

“No.”

“I’ll wash your Class-As for you today,” she said. “But if you’re planning to stay for a little while, I have some regular clothes for you.”

“Do you
want
me to stay for a little while?”

“Of course,” Tatiana replied, her voice measured. “You came all this way. No point in going back so soon.”

“Tania,” Alexander said, walking close to her, knocking into her gently, “now that I’m lucid again, tell me about Dimitri.”

“No,” she said. “I can’t. I will, but—”

“Tania, do you know that I saw him two weeks ago, and he didn’t tell me he saw you in Kobona.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. I asked him if he saw you or Dasha, and he said, no, he had not.”

Shaking her head, Tatiana gazed straight ahead and faintly said, “Oh, he saw me and Dasha, all right.”

Some of the milk spilled to the ground.

As they walked, Alexander told her about Leningrad, about Hitler and his losses. He told her about the vegetables growing all over the city. “Tania,” he said, “they’ve planted cabbage and potatoes right in front of
St. Isaac’s.
” He smiled. “And yellow tulips. What do you think of that?”

“I think that’s great,” she said in a tone that conveyed no connection to St. Isaac’s whatsoever. Inscrutable.

Alexander didn’t want her to feel sad this morning. Were there just too many things for them to get past before he could get a morning smile out of her?

“What’s the ration up to now?” Tatiana asked, her eyes to the ground.

“Three hundred grams for dependents. Six hundred for workers. But soon there might be white bread. The council promised white bread this summer.”

“Well, it’s certainly easier to feed one million people than it is to feed three.”

“Fewer than a million now. They’re being evacuated by barges across the lake.” He changed the subject. “I see you have plenty of bread here in Lazarevo.” Alexander eyed her. “Plenty of everything here in—”

“Everybody been buried?”

He sighed imperceptibly. “I supervised the excavation of graves at Piskarev Cemetery myself.”

“Excavation?”

She didn’t miss a thing. “We used military mines to dynamite—”

“Mass graves?” she finished.

“Tania… come on.”

“You’re right, let’s not talk about it. Oh, look, we’re home.” She rushed ahead.

Disappointed they were already home, Alexander caught up with her. “Can you show me those clothes? I’d like to put something else on.”

Inside the house she pulled out her trunk from near the stove and was about to open it when Dusia’s voice sounded from one of the bedrooms. “Tanechka? Is that you?”

Naira came out and said, “Good morning, dear. I didn’t smell the coffee this morning. I woke up, sweetheart, because I
didn’t
smell the coffee.”

“I’ll make it now, Naira Mikhailovna.”

Raisa came out of her bedroom and said, “When you have a minute, dear, could you help me to the outhouse?”

“Of course.” Tatiana started to close the trunk. “I’ll show you later,” she whispered to Alexander.

“No, Tatiana,” Alexander said impatiently. “You will show me
now.
”

“Alexander, I can’t
now,
” she said, pushing the trunk back against the wall. “Raisa has a hard time going to the bathroom by herself. You see how she shakes. But you can sit for five minutes, can’t you?”

What, he hadn’t been patient enough? “I can sit for longer than that,” he said. “I sat all night yesterday with you and your new friends.”

She chewed her lip.

He sighed. “All right, all right. Do you have a mortar and pestle?” Alexander couldn’t help himself; his spirits were too high, and he was too crazed by her to remain exasperated for long. Trying to keep the double meaning out of his voice, he asked, “Would you like me to grind your coffee beans for you?”

“Yes, thank you,” Tatiana replied. She was not playing. “That will be a big help. I’ll get you the cheesecloth, too.” She paused. “Could you fire up the stove, please? So I can make breakfast?”

“Of course, Tania.”

Tatiana took Raisa to the outhouse and then gave her her medicine.

She dressed Dusia.

She made all the beds, and then she fried some eggs with potatoes. Alexander watched it all. As he was sitting on the bench outside and smoking, Tatiana came up to him with a cup of coffee in her hands, and asked, “How do you like it?”

His eyes twinkling, Alexander looked up at her standing in front of him, so lavender fresh and young and alive. “How do I like
what
?”

“Your coffee.”

“I like my coffee,” said Alexander, “with thick, warm cream and lots of sugar.” He paused. “Get the cream right from the pail, Tatiasha, right off the top. But warm. And lots of it.”

The cup in her hands started to shake.

Scrutable.

It was all Alexander could do not to laugh out loud, not to grab her, not to pull her to him.

After breakfast he helped her clear the table and wash the dishes. Her hands were immersed in a pan of sudsy water when Alexander, having watched her for a while, put his own hands in and felt for hers.

“What are you doing?” she said in a hoarse voice.

“What?” he said innocently. “I’m helping you with the dishes.”

“You are not a very good helper, I’m afraid,” Tatiana said, but she did not take her hands away, and as Alexander watched her face, he finally saw something dissolving against her wall of pain. He rubbed intently between her fingers, getting fixated and inflamed by the fine blonde down on her forearms and by her blonde eyebrows. “I think the dishes are going to be very clean,” he said, glancing at the four women, who were sitting in the morning sunshine and chatting within a few meters of them. In the warm, soapy water, Alexander stroked Tatiana’s fingers one by one, from the first knuckle down to the fingertip, and with his thumbs circled the palms of her slippery hands, while Tatiana stood, barely breathing through her parted lips, her eyes glazed over.

The fire raged in Alexander’s stomach.

“Tatia,” he said quietly, “your freckles are
so
pronounced.
And,
” he added, “very enti—”

Axinya came up to Tania, pinching her bottom. “Our Tanechka is freckled as if she’s been kissed by the sun.” Damn it. Alexander couldn’t even
whisper
to her without them overhearing. But when Axinya turned her back, Alexander leaned forward and softly kissed Tatiana’s freckles. He let her pull her fingers away from him and walk off, wet hands and all. Without drying his own hands, he followed her. “Is
now
a good time for you to show me those clothes?”

Going inside and opening her trunk, Tatiana pulled out a large white cotton button-down shirt with short sleeves, a knitted cotton shirt, a cream linen shirt, and three pairs of drawstring trousers made out of bleached linen. She also had a couple of sleeveless tops for him, and some drawstring cotton shorts. “To go swimming in,” she said. “What do you think?”

“These are great.” He smiled. “Where did you get them?”

“I made them.”

“You made them?”

She shrugged. “Mama taught me how to sew. It wasn’t hard. What was hard was trying to remember how big you were.”

“I think you remembered quite well,” Alexander said slowly. “Tania, you…
made
clothes for me?”

“I didn’t know for sure you were coming, but if you were, I wanted you to have something comfortable to wear.”

“Linen is expensive,” he said, very pleased.

“There was a lot of money in your Pushkin book.” She paused. “I bought a few things for everybody.”

Ah.
Less
pleased. “Including Vova?”

Tatiana guiltily glanced away.

“I see,” Alexander said, dropping the clothes into the trunk. “You bought Vova things with my money?”

“Just some vodka, and cig—”

“Tatiana!” Alexander took a deep breath. “Not here. Let me change,” he said, turning away from her. “I’ll be right out.”

She went outside while he changed into the trousers and the white cotton shirt that was slightly tight around his chest but otherwise fit fine.

When Alexander stepped down from the house, the old women clucked at how nice he looked. Tatiana was gathering clothes into a basket. “I should have made it a little bigger. You do look nice.” She swallowed and lowered her eyes. “I haven’t seen you often in civilian clothes.”

Alexander looked around. Here it was, his second day with her, and they were still clucking around four old women, and he was still unable to get to whatever was bothering her, to all the things that were bothering him, much less to her ample blondeness. That was it. “You’ve seen me in civilian clothes once,” he said. “In Peterhof. Perhaps you’ve forgotten Peterhof.” He extended his hand. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

Tatiana stepped up to him but did not take his hand. He had to reach down and take hold of her hand himself. Being so close to her made him a little light-headed. “I want you to show me where the river is.”

“You know where the river is,” she replied. “You went there yesterday.” She took her hand out from his. “Shura, I really can’t. I’ve got to hang yesterday’s laundry and then wash today’s.”

He pulled her with him. “No. Let’s go.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Shura, no, please!”

Alexander stopped. What the hell
was
that in her voice? What did that sound like? That wasn’t anger. Was that…
fear
? He peered into her face. “What’s wrong with you?” he said. She was flustered, and her hands were shaky. She couldn’t look at him. Letting go of her hand, he took hold of her face, lifting it to him. “What—”

“Shura, please,” Tatiana whispered, trying to look away from his eyes, and then Alexander saw, and he knew.

Letting go of her, he backed away and smiled. “Tania,” he said, in a soothing voice, “I want you to show me your grandparents’ house. I want you to show me the river. A field, a fucking rock, I don’t give a shit. I want you to take me to two square meters of space where there is no one around us, so we can talk. Do you understand? That’s all. We need to talk, and I’m not talking—I’m not doing anything—in front of your new friends.” He paused, keeping the smile away. “All right?”

Deeply flushed, she did not raise her eyes.

“Good.” He pulled her by the hand.

Naira said, “Tanechka, where are you going?”

“We’re going to pick some blueberries for tonight’s pie,” Tatiana yelled back.

“But, Tanechka, what about the clothes?”

Raisa yelled, “Will you be back at noon to give me my medicine?”

“When will we be back, Alexander?”

“When you’re fixed, Tatiana,” he said. “Tell her that. When Alexander fixes me, then I’ll be back.”