Authors: Alex Coleman
“Will I give you a call after the show?” I asked just as we were parting
.
“Sure,” he said
.
I smiled and turned away, feeling a little light-headed
.
Will
I
give
you
a
call
after
the
show? Sure.
It was like old times, only just the opposite
.
* * *
I
got
back
to
Melissa’s
to
find
her
putting
the
finishing
touches
to
dinner.
We
ate
and
cleaned
up
and
got
comfortably
installed
in
the
living
room
just
in
time
for
the seven-thirty
deadline.
Niall
had
been
roused
from
his
nap
to have
a
bite,
but
he
was
clearly
still
exhausted
and
had
to
be tucked
up
again
within
half
an
hour.
(There
was
an
awkward moment
when
he
announced
that
his
mother’s
chicken
curry smelled
“funny”
and
wondered
if
I
would
be
cooking
again any
time
soon.
I
quickly
changed
the
subject
to
tigers.)
“We’ll
be
seeing
him
again,”
Colm
said,
as
the
opening credits
rolled.
“There’s
no
way
he’s
going
to
sleep
all
night.” “Shhh,”
said
Melissa,
as
if
she
was
missing
something
already
.
The show’s first couple of minutes were embarrassingly dull. I let them slide by without much interruption; there didn’t seem to be any point in getting into detail about every last storyline and character. Then the scene changed to a small office. Henry O’Mahony was sitting behind his desk, making dinner arrangements with his mistress.
The
O’Mahonys
, I had always thought, was a County Wicklow version of
Dallas
. But while the Ewings had made a huge fortune from oil, the O’Mahonys had made a small one from construction. Like Jock and Miss Ellie, the senior members of the family were honest, hard-working types. Francis was an old-school gent and his wife, Theresa, was quietly devoted to her man and her two boys. They had a Bobby-like son in James, who worshipped his father and worked every hour God sent. Henry, on the other hand, was J.R. He was mean and cunning and ruthless and got all the best lines; they might as well have given him cowboy boots and a Stetson
.
“Robert owes this guy money,” I explained quickly. “I mean, Valentine owes him money. He got into a poker game he shouldn’t have gone near and ended up writing an IOU for five grand. Henry here bailed him out, but he hasn’t seen a penny of it since.
”
Sure enough, Henry’s phone call was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Valentine, looking very sheepish
.
“Oh,
he
looks
so
well!”
Melissa
said.
“So
handsome!” The
scene
was
no
more
than
a
minute
long
and,
frankly,
was
one
that
we’d
all
come
across
before.
Henry
pointed
to the
calendar
on
the
wall
behind
him
and
asked
Valentine
if he’d
mind
reading
out
the
date.
Nervously,
Valentine
did
so
.
Henry played dumb, saying he was sure he remembered something about a payment of some kind that was supposed to have been made by this date. Was he dreaming or had the money failed to materialise? Valentine ran through the usual assurances; there had been unexpected complications, but things were getting back on track. He’d have the cash in a matter of days. Henry said he sincerely hoped so. He hated having to hire muscle. It went wrong so often. These guys were animals, had no sense of restraint. You asked them to rough someone up and next thing you knew, the someone was in a box. No need for muscle, Valentine whimpered, the debt was as good as paid
.
“Very good!” Colm said when it was over. “He does the accent very well.
”
“Th
e
othe
r
gu
y
wa
s
goo
d
too,
”
Meliss
a
added. “Menacing. But Robert was better.
”
This
was
pure
flattery,
of
course.
Still,
I
was
happy
to
hear
it
.
“Your man who plays Henry is a really nice guy,” I said
.
“He was on
The
Late,
Late
Show
a couple of months ago. Couldn’t be any more different from his character. He gets letters from old ladies giving out about all the terrible things Henry does and telling him he should be ashamed of himself.
”
“What about Robert?” Colm asked. “Does he get many letters?
”
I had no idea. It wasn’t the sort of information that would have come my way
.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Loads. Mostly from girls, you know …
”
“Good man,” Melissa said. “He’ll be off to Hollywood next. Like Colin Farrell.
”
“I don’t know about that,” I said, unable to keep the smile off my face
.
Robert didn’t make another appearance until after the commercial break. This time he was in the pub, talking in a low and serious voice with his best friend, Dodger. I felt the need to do a little more explaining
.
“This guy’s a bit like Valentine, only without the charm. He’s not that bright either. And he has no morals whatsoever.
”
Right on cue, Dodger said he might have a solution to Valentine’s money worries. His plan wasn’t exactly legal – in fact, it was highly illegal – but the risk was small. Was Valentine interested? He was
.
“This isn’t going to end well,” Melissa said when the scene was over
.
“No,” Colm agreed. “Definitely not.
”
“God, I hope they aren’t writing him out,” I said. “He can’t go on forever, I know, but I’d hate to see him going too soon. Off to jail or worse …
”
“Nah,” Melissa said. “He’ll be grand.
”
We watched until the end, but Valentine didn’t appear again
.
Niall did though, shortly after eight
.
He still looked and sounded wrecked, but he said he couldn’t sleep. Melissa and Colm made a big fuss and reached for one of their zoo purchases, the jigsaw puzzle. I said I’d go and put the kettle on
.
Out in the kitchen, I took a few deep breaths and dialled Robert. It rang and rang and rang. But he didn’t answer. I hung up when his voicemail came on.
Too
good
to
be
true
, I thought as I busied myself with mugs and spoon.
I
knew
it
. And then my mobile chimed. I dropped the packet of chocolate digestives I’d been failing to rip open and pounced on it. My skin tingled when I saw who was calling
.
“Hello, Robert,” I said
.
“Mum. Sorry, I was on the land line there, couldn’t answer.
”
“Don’t worry about it. So! You were just great, son. And you
looked
great. Melissa said so too. Very handsome.
”
“Cheers. I thought I fluffed a line in Henry’s office, the one about his suit.
”
“No, no, you were perfect.
”
“I don’t know. It was supposed to sound all agitated and nervous, but I think it came out cocky, like I was taking the piss.
”
“Well, I didn’t think so.
”
This was already just about the most in-depth conversation we’d ever had about
The
O’Mahonys
. And it quickly got even better
.
“Maybe you’re right. Karen didn’t say anything and she’s usually not shy about setting us right. That’s the new director. Mick walked out, did I tell you?
”
“Oh. No, I didn’t know that.” I didn’t know because he never told me
anything
about work. I’d never even heard of Mick
.
“Yeah.
A
row
about
money,
everyone
says.
Good
riddance,
if
you
ask
me.
He
was
a
miserable
bastard.
Karen’s
much nicer.
Bit
of
a
perfectionist,
but
I
suppose
she’s
only
being professional.
”
“Oh, yeah. You have to be professional.” “Yeah.
”
“I don’t suppose you want to tell me what happens next?” “Nope. You’ll just have to watch.
”
I heard a smile in his voice and hoped he’d heard the smile in mine
.
“But you’ve seen the scripts and everything, haven’t you? I mean, nothing bad …
”
“Sorry?
”
“This isn’t the beginning of the end of Valentine, is it? Because –
”
“God, no. Onwards and upwards. The stuff we’re shooting now, all this debt business is over and done with.
”
“Good, good. I was worried.” There was a pause. “Were you?
”
“Yeah. I was. Characters get written out, even I know that.” I caught my breath. If I’d said that a week previously, Robert would have said something like “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Typical.
”
“Not this one,” he said. “If anything, I’m getting more to do. It’s going pretty well, if I say so myself.
”
Relief went through me like a shot of adrenaline. “That’s great. Well, keep up the good work.
”
“I will. Uh … have you spoken to himself yet?” “No. Tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow.
”
“All right. Listen, I’m away. Big night out tonight. Again
.
We had a big night out last night too.
Very
big. Actually, now that I think about it, I might stay in. No – to hell with it, I’ll go.
”