The Breakup Mix (6 page)

I slammed my fists on the counter and screamed, “Enough!”

Martin came into the kitchen with his chin quivering and yelled, “Will you two just stop? Just get a divorce already and stop screaming at each other all the time!” He ran through the kitchen and out the back door slamming the door after him.

I stared blankly at Brandon whose slumped shoulders and face registered how I was feeling. My throat tightened as tears stung my eyes. I whispered, “Is that what you want?”

Brandon rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at me. “Do you?”

I shook my head and whispered, “No.”

He shook his head and mumbled, “Me neither.”

I leaned over the sink and washed my hands as the tears dripped from my face into the suds on my hands. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Brandon walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder then kissed my cheek. “I’m still mad at you.”

I nodded my head and whispered, “I’m still mad at you, too. I’ll tell her I can’t accept the membership.”

“No, don’t. What’s done is done. Maybe you need some time away from all this. But I would appreciate it if you don’t point knives at me anymore when you’re pissed.”

I chuckled. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Still. My balls are still in my rib cage at the moment. One good sneeze and I’ll be good as new.”

I laughed, dried my hands, and turned to face him. “I really need to do something by myself so I don’t get like this. It’s not personal to you, honey. But there’s only so much I can take and I think the workouts will help me decompress.”

“We’ll give it a shot and see how it goes.”

I felt myself bristle but decided we’d had enough arguing today, so I let it go. “I’m going to go find Martin. Check on Gibson, will ya? Make sure he’s not freaked out too. I doubt Del Ray had her earbuds out long enough to hear us.”

He pulled away and walked into the living room. I heard him say, “You okay, buddy?” I heard Gibson mumble but couldn’t make out what he said. I dried my hands on my pants and wiped my face on my shirt. I sighed and looked out the kitchen window for Martin. He was such a predictable child; he was sitting in the same tree he’s gone to every time he’s been upset since he was five.

I made sure Brandon had engaged Gibson then slipped out the back door. The boards on the porch sagged under my weight, which reminded me we still needed to get an estimate to have it replaced. After Brandon’s tantrum, I figured now wasn’t the time to address it. I was sure Martin couldn’t take another argument any more than I could. I looked over the backyard and was overwhelmed with how ratty it looked. Faded and long-abandoned toys littered the sand box that hadn’t had a refill in two years——a result of another Michelle tantrum after the repeated dumping shoes full of sand onto my freshly mopped floor.

I don’t know how someone like me was ever allowed to take children home from the hospital.

The half-built clubhouse leaned under the tree Martin had climbed. We were counting on Brandon’s bonus last year to finish it, but the company had a rough year and didn’t hand out bonuses. We got a good start on the floor and posts, but the lumber for the roof and walls is still at the store. I told Brandon we should wait and buy it all at once, but he was certain the bonus was coming.

I swatted at a mosquito on my leg and walked to the tree. I grabbed a branch over my head and leaned forward until I could look up and see his face. He used his shoulder to wipe a tear as he gazed toward the neighbor’s yard.

“Are you going to talk to me, Martin?”

“I hate it when you fight.”

“I know. It’s a small house, so you can hear way more than we think. But we aren’t getting a divorce, Martin, and I don’t want to hear you say that again, got it?”

He sniffled and nodded. “What’s up with the gym thing?”

I sighed. “Alissa bought me a gym membership today, and—”

His head snapped up. “Really? Can I go, too? I wanna go with you.”

“Well, I’m not sure
I’m
going to get to go, now,” I chuckled. “Your dad has a good point; I don’t know when I’ll get to go, and I think the pass is just for me.” I looked away and tried not to choke on the guilt that clawed at my throat. This must have been on Brandon’s mind when he got so pissed——no one in my family would benefit from this gift but me. I remembered a conversation we had at tax time a few years ago. We discussed getting a family pass to a recreation center near our house that had something for the whole family, but we decided to pay off a bill instead. Unfortunately, we’d already talked to the kids about it, so they were extremely disappointed when we had to tell them “maybe next year” yet again.

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip. I looked at Martin who was back to staring at the neighbor’s yard. “What do you see over there, kiddo?”

“A trampoline. They’ve had it all summer but I’ve never seen anyone on it. Jackson has one and it’s so fun to jump on, but I never see anyone in that yard playing on it.”

“Maybe you could ask if you could jump on it for a while.”

He shook his head. “I did already but they said no. It’s for family only.”

I stared at the tennis shoes on his feet and wondered how long his little toe had been sticking out of the hole in the side. “Looks like we need to get you some new shoes, huh?”

He looked down and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Suddenly I felt like the most selfish person on the face of the earth. How could I justify spending more time away from my family when I’ve been too busy to notice my own son’s torn-up shoes——the same shoes I’ve picked up and chucked into his room day after day. How did I not know Martin wanted a trampoline? How did I not know Del Ray was going through sex-ed in school? Where had my mind been?

I blinked back tears. “Do you want to help me cook dinner?”

His eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Sure! You can’t cook the chicken, but I’ll show you how to make everything else. Want to?”

He turned, grabbed a branch, and jumped out of the tree, landing a few feet in front of me. He jumped and clapped his hands. “What all are we going to have?”

I threw my arm around him and herded him toward the house. “Well, mashed potatoes are mandatory; you always have mashed potatoes with fried chicken. It’s in the bible.”

Martin giggled. “It is not.”

“Okay, maybe not, but it’s a must in this house. I’ll let you pick the vegetable and bread. Deal?”

“Deal.”

I stopped and turned to face him. “Martin, I’ll try to do better, okay? I’ll talk to your dad, and we’ll both try to do better. I promise.”

He grinned. “Okay, Mom.”

“I love you very much. We both do. We don’t want you to be unhappy.”

His tiny arms came around my waist. “I love you too.”

Chapter Seven

Chasing Pavements

Chance

Dani and I didn’t stick around the bar much longer after the others left. She got a call from Barry saying he needed to speak with her at the house, so she took her food to-go, and I headed home.

Chubs, my sweet little pug, greeted me at the door. “There’s my boy!” I dropped to my knees and gathered him in my arms. “Oh he’s so cute. Oh, he’s
so cute
! Do you need to go potty?” He wiggled in my arms and licked my face. “Not on the face, dude.” I stood up and grabbed his leash.

One thing about living on the third floor of an apartment building, Chubs and I get a workout just walking up and down the stairs to go for a walk. I hadn’t caught my breath from coming up by the time we were heading back down. But it was a gorgeous late afternoon, so I didn’t mind the walk as much as I do when it’s raining or sub-zero temperatures. Chubs gets snobbish about pottying outside anyway. That’s miserable for both of us.

I love where I live. It’s such a peaceful apartment complex with the personal touch——not like so many of the complexes in town that have that stale, gated look to them. Every building had similar floor plans but the outside of the buildings were different colors and shaped like houses. Then the landscape designers were meticulous in their designs to give each building its own identity. Very clever.

Perhaps my favorite part of the complex was the common area courtyard. The designers wanted to give this area an Italian feel and they nailed it. Every time I step out the back door, I’m transported to an Italian villa filled with climbing vines, manicured trees, stone paths, and strategically-placed black iron tables and chairs. A few wooden benches line the paths and provide a perfect area for marriage proposals if you catch the moment. I’ve seen three so far this year; one poor bastard’s answer was laughter. That was uncomfortable even for me standing three floors up on my balcony. I can’t imagine how humiliated
he
was, not to mention heartbroken. Judging by her reaction, I’m not even convinced they’d been dating at all.

Chubs and I walked to the doggie playground (I told you——this complex has everything.) and waited for two Labs to be leashed up before I opened the gate to the fenced-in area. Once they were out and the small talk was completed, I secured the gate behind me and let Chubs off the leash. Watching him scamper around and put on a show always made me grin no matter how many times I’d seen him do it before.

My eyes wandered to the beautiful square pavilion in the middle of the courtyard where Tony and I decided to part ways a little over a year ago. We were on two different paths, and neither one of us were willing to let go of our lives already in progress to pursue what we hoped would be a magical life filled with nothing normal and everything exhilarating.

Tony came to me that day with an offer he said I couldn’t refuse. He wanted me to relocate to St. Louis where he lived and get a slot on the six o’clock news. Rumor had it the current co-anchor was planning to make his golf game his full-time job after thirty-nine years on the air, and the station wanted a sassy co-anchor to liven up the news. As the executive producer, Tony was sure I would land the job with the first interview.

I met Tony three years ago at a fundraising ball in St. Louis. He was breathtakingly handsome in his tuxedo, but honestly, what guy isn’t? I was leaning against the bar sipping on my third amaretto sour and watching local television’s finest make fools of themselves during the dance competition portion of the gala. Each station had a representative on the floor. Thank God Jack Woodrow took one for the team and represented KJAT.

Tony walked to the bar and ordered a Crown and Coke. He leaned over to read my nametag. “Chance? That’s an unusual name.”

“It’s a long story.” I chuckled.

He grabbed his drink and turned to face the dance-off. I laughed as Jack took his turn in the circle during “Wipeout”. Tony asked, “You know that guy?”

“Unfortunately. He’s my co-anchor.”

Tony’s eyes lit up. “Well, that explains it.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

He looked at me. “A face that beautiful has to be on television or in magazines. I was wondering which was which.”

I smirked. “Do you guys get pulled into class during high school and coached on the worst pick-up lines to use at bars?”

Tony tossed his head back and laughed. “I’d love to say that was a pick-up line, but I’m here with someone. I merely spoke the truth, Miss Chance.”

My smile and ego deflated, but I recovered quickly. “Okay, as long as you’re being truthful, I’ll thank you for the compliment.”

Tony tilted his head again and looked at me longer than my comfort level could tolerate. I glanced at the dance floor then looked back at him.

“Let’s play a game,” he said. “You try to figure out who I’m here with and if you’re right, I’ll leave you alone. But if you’re wrong, you have to tell me the story behind your name.”

“Oh come on! There are hundreds of people here tonight.”

“Fine, I’ll give you three chances.”

I winked at him. “You only need one Chance.”

“I can absolutely believe that. Three guesses——go.”

I scanned the crowd looking for a woman that would be worthy of such a handsome escort. “Do I have a time limit?”

Tony looked at his watch. “Yep, forty-five seconds left.”

“What? You didn’t tell me that part.”

“You’re losing seconds arguing, Miss Chance. Thirty-eight seconds left.”

I sighed and saw a thin woman sitting at a table wearing a silver dress. She looked bored and eager to leave the event. “Her,” I said as I tried not to be obvious with my gesture.

Tony followed my gaze. “Nope, but I like your taste. Go again. Twenty-two seconds.”

“What about the tall brunette on the floor in the red dress?”

“No, but I’ve dated her before. She’s a nut case. That’s two, my lady. You’re going to lose.”

“I don’t lose, Tony,” I said as I looked at his nametag.

His eyes raised to mine at the mention of his name. Then he grinned. “You’re about to. Ten seconds.”

I pointed to an older woman sitting at the table closest to us on the outskirts of the dance floor. “That’s your date.”

His jaw dropped open. “Are you kidding me?”

I grinned. “I’m a reporter. I have taken mental inventory of all guests and their dates already. But thank you for playing, Mr. Tony.”

He dropped his hand to his side and took a drink. “Unbelievable.”

I shrugged. “You can’t win them all.”

He leaned toward my ear and whispered, “The game is just beginning, Chance.” He pulled away and smiled before he walked toward the woman at the table.

“Holy shit,” I mumbled to myself as I took a deep breath to calm the electricity racing through my body. I finished my drink and ordered another one. My hotel room was upstairs and my three-inch heels were built for drunk stumbling, so I was solid.

Later in the evening, the emcee for the event announced a special dance in honor of the late Chester Agustin who was a prominent presence in the media field and large supporter of the fundraiser. “Please welcome Mrs. Chester Agustin, also known as Lydia, and her son, Tony, to the floor, please.”

I shook my head and smiled in spite of myself as I put down my drink and clapped. Tony gathered his mother in his arms, looked through the crowd until he found me and grinned——quite satisfied with himself. I smiled and nodded my head in capitulation. I watched them dance for a moment then excused myself to the ladies’ room. Jack barely acknowledged me, as he was deep in conversation with another anchor.

I stopped by the bar on my way back through and there was Tony. “Are you here to gloat?”

He just grinned. “Maybe just a little. I wish I could have seen your face when they announced her name.”

“Well played, Sir Tony.” I laughed.

“So, I lost the game, but I won with the surprise. That makes us even right now. Shall we go for three?”

“What do you have in mind?” My words sounded thick in my head, so I’m sure they were slurred when they came out.

“Dance with me.”

I nearly choked on my drink. “Come again? You want me to dance with you?”

“Yes, that will give me an opportunity to think about what our next challenge will be while killing the incredible desire I have to hold you in my arms.”

I blinked hard and cleared my throat. “Wow, Sir Tony, you have quite the game.”

“The only game I’m playing is the one to win the secret of your name, Miss Chance. I’m dead serious about the rest.”

“I think you’ve had one too many and should switch to water.” My heart’s pounding was certainly visible in my low-cut black dress. I put my hand on my necklace to make sure it wasn’t bouncing up and down with each beat.

He followed my hand to my necklace. “That’s very pretty.” Then his eyes met mine. “Shall we dance?”

I stood up taller and put my drink on the bar. “Yes, let’s dance.”

Tony placed his drink next to mine and put his hand in the small of my back. God, I love it when men do that.

We walked to the dance floor when Tony said, “I’ll be right back.”

I waited at the edge of the dance floor for the song to end and watched as Tony went to the deejay and whispered in his ear. The fast music faded, and the deejay said, “We’re going to slow it down, folks. Grab a partner and enjoy this beautiful song by request from Tony Agustin dedicated to the lovely Chance Bradley.”

I shook my head and Tony’s outstretched hand invited me to the dance floor. “May I have this dance?”

I slipped my hand into his and followed him to the center of the room. Elton John’s song, “Something about the Way You Look Tonight,” flooded the room and my heart did a double take as it swooned with the dedication from Tony.

“I love this song.”

“It’s pretty perfect.” He pulled me to him and wrapped his arm around my back. “Ah, that’s better.”

I smiled. “I’m glad I’m wearing heels.” My chin touched his shoulder, the perfect height to talk to him without killing my neck.

We danced in silence through the first chorus, and then Tony found his voice. “There’s something magnetic about you, Chance.”

“And you’re extremely charming when you’re trying to woo, but what do you do for fun?”

“I stalk women I find fascinating. I’ll need your address before you leave tonight.”

I laughed. “You would have quite the commute to make that happen, Sir Tony. I live in Columbia.”

“See? You just told me where you live. I’ll probably be back at your house before you are tomorrow.”

I laughed again. “Just don’t boil my dog on the stove, okay? I love that little guy.”

He pulled away to look at me. My heart stopped beating, and I held my breath. “I want to see you again, Chance.”

“I’m sure we can make that happen.” I took my place against his body. He smelled so good and I heard the earth sigh with me. I was a goner.

As I stood in the doggie playground looking at the pavilion, I felt the weight of regret drape over me. We’d been perfect together in every way, and I blew it. I blew it.

Chubs pranced over to me and announced he was ready for his treat. I gathered up his offering in a plastic bag, tossed it into the trashcan and attached the leash to his collar. “Come on, baby, let’s go in and see what Mommy has for dinner.”

I walked past the pavilion and could see Tony and me sitting at the table discussing our future. I saw the pleading in his eyes as he begged me to reconsider his offer. He wanted me to move in with him, but after my three previous dry runs, I knew that was not something that was in the cards for me.

His was an all-or-nothing offer, though. No matter how much I loved him, I couldn’t take the risk that it would end up like all the other failed relationships had with me finding another place to live, dividing our belongings and discovering that all we had worked for was dissolving like fog in sunlight.

They say you never really know someone until you live with them; truer words were never spoken. Unfortunately, these are undiscovered realizations until you actually bite the bullet and try. Things with Tony were so perfect, and I never wanted to lose it, but in the end I lost him anyway.

I don’t talk to my friends about this because I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to see Katie’s hope-filled eyes encouraging me to man-up and go find him. I don’t want to see Michelle’s told-ya-so head swivel or hear Alissa’s battle cry for action. I could talk to Dani about it, but she would be too logical and would probably support my decision to stay in Columbia. It’s easier for everyone if I let them think I’m over him and too annoyed with relationships to take another chance.

In truth, I don’t want another man. I want Tony. I don’t want another man’s hands on my body, another man’s attention, another man’s devotion. I just want Tony. That’s what I have to live with.