The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life (6 page)

D
IAGNOSTIC
P
ROBLEMS
A
SSOCIATED WITH
E
XCESSIVE
ACG A
CTIVITY

D
IAGNOSTIC
P
ROBLEMS
A
SSOCIATED WITH
L
OW
ACG A
CTIVITY

Lowered motivation, little spontaneous movement or speech See problems of low PFC activity (see page 29–30)

W
AYS TO
C
ALM
E
XCESSIVE
ACG A
CTIVITY

Neurofeedback to calm ACG activity (uses measuring instruments to give people information or feedback on the activity in this part of the brain so they can learn to calm it down)

Intense aerobic exercise

Relationship counseling, anger management

Lower protein/complex carbohydrate diet

ACG supplements
, to boost serotonin to the brain, such 5-HTP, St. John’s wort, or Inositol

ACG medications
(if appropriate), SSRIs (Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Prozac, Luvox, Lexapro), Effexor, atypical antipsychotics in refractory cases, such as Risperdal, Zyprexa, or Geodon

W
AYS TO
B
OOST
L
OW
ACG A
CTIVITY

S
EE PRESCRIPTIONS OF THE
PFC (page 30)

Use Practical Neuroscience to Enhance Love

A friend of mine recently approached me at a seminar and told me this story. “Daniel, I am so grateful for everything you have taught me, especially about the anterior cingulate gyrus. I am married to a woman who has the anterior cingulate from hell. No matter what I say, she says the opposite. It has been so frustrating. For years I just
thought that she didn’t love me. Now I know it has to do with how her brain works. If I asked her to go to the store with me, she would always say, ‘I am too busy to go. It is so insensitive of you to ask me; don’t you see everything I am doing.’ Rebuffed, I stopped asking her to do things. Since I have listened to you talk about the anterior cingulate gyrus, I realize that her brain gets stuck and I need to ask the opposite of what I want. For example, if I want her to go to the store with me, I’ll say, ‘I am going to the store. You probably do not want to go with me.’ Incensed, she says, ‘Of course I want to go with you. What would ever give you that idea?’ We are doing much better now. But I still have one problem. It’s the sex thing. It doesn’t sound right to say, ‘I am going to have sex. You probably do not want to come with me?’ Do you have any ideas on how to solve that problem?”

In response to my friend, I smiled and said, “I am very pleased you have learned practical neuroscience to improve your relationship with you wife. I have several ideas on how to get more sex with people like your wife who have anterior cingulate gyrus problems. First, take her out for a pasta dinner. Simple carbohydrates boost serotonin levels in the brain and help people feel more relaxed and more flexible. Next, take her for a long walk. Exercise boosts blood flow to the brain and also increases serotonin levels as well. Next, when you get home, give her a small piece of Godiva chocolate, which increases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA), which boosts the brain’s alerting system. Then rub her shoulders and never ask for anything directly. Odds are from day four to day twenty of her menstrual cycle you are likely to get lucky.” Several weeks later I opened my e-mail and found a note from my friend with a string of hundreds of “thank you” phrases.

Understanding the different brain systems, such as the anterior cingulate gyrus, allows you to develop specific strategies to enhance your sex life. When someone has low PFC activity, for example, they will need to be excited or turned on in order to be more interested in sex. Taking them to a meditation session or a professional lecture is not likely to turn them on. They are more
likely to need a scary movie or a ride on a motorcycle in order to get excited.

Deep Limbic System (DLS)—Passion Fires Burning

The DLS lies near the center of the brain. About the size of a walnut, this part of the brain is involved in setting a person’s emotional tone. When the DLS is less active, there is generally a positive, more hopeful state of mind. When it is heated up, or overactive, negativity can take over. Due to this emotional shading, the DLS provides the filter through which you interpret the events of the day; it tags or colors events, depending on the emotional state of mind. The DLS, including structures called the hippocampus and amygdala, have also been reported to store highly charged emotional memories, both positive and negative. The total experience of our emotional memories is responsible, in part, for our emotional tone. Stable, positive experiences enhance how we feel. Trauma and negative experiences set our brain in a negative way.

The DLS controls the sleep and appetite cycles of the body and is intimately involved with bonding and social connectedness. This capacity to bond plays a significant role in the tone and quality of our moods. The DLS also directly processes the sense of smell. Because your sense of smell goes directly to the deep limbic system, it is easy to see why smells can have such a powerful impact on our feeling states.

Too much activity in the DLS is associated with depression; negativity; and low motivation, libido, and energy. Because sufferers feel hopeless about the outcome, they have little willpower to follow through with tasks. Since the sleep and appetite centers are in the DLS, disruption can lead to changes in habits, which may mean an inclination to too much or too little of either. For example, in typical depressive episodes, people have been known to lose their appetites and to have trouble sleeping despite being chronically tired. High activity in the DLS may be due to deficiencies in the neurotransmitters norepinephrine, dopamine, or serotonin;
increasing these chemicals through supplements or medications may be helpful. Low activity in the DLS has been associated with lowered motivation, decreased reactiveness, and misreading incoming information.

DLS in Relationships

When the limbic system functions properly, people tend to be more positive and more able to connec t with other people. They tend to filter information in an accurate light and they are more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt. They are able to be playful, sexy, and sexual, and they tend to maintain and have easy access to positive emotional memories. They tend to draw people toward them with their positive attitude. When the limbic system is overactive, there is a tendency toward depression, negativity, and distance from others. They tend to focus on the most negative aspects of others, filter information through dark glasses, and see the glass as half empty. They tend not to be playful. They do not feel sexy and they tend to shy away from sexual activity due to a lack of interest. Most of their memories are negative and it is hard to access positive emotional memories or feelings. They tend to push people away with their negativity.

P
OSITIVE
DLS R
ELATIONAL
S
TATEMENTS

We have great memories.

Let’s have friends over.

I accept your apology. I know you were just having a bad day.

Let’s have fun.

I feel sexy. Let’s make love.

N
EGATIVE
DLS R
ELATIONAL
S
TATEMENTS

Don’t look at me in a negative way. All I can remember is the bad times. I’m too tired.

Leave me alone. I’m not interested in sex.

You go to bed. I can’t sleep.

I don’t feel like being around other people.

I don’t want to hear you’re sorry. You meant to hurt me.

I’m not interested in doing anything.

STATEMENTS FROM PARTNERS OF PEOPLE WITH DLS PROBLEMS

She’s negative.

He’s often depressed.

She looks on the negative side of things.

He doesn’t want to be around other people.

She tends to take things the wrong way.

He’s not interested in sex.

She can’t sleep.

There’s little playfulness in our relationship.

D
EEP
L
IMBIC
S
YSTEM
(DLS) S
UMMARY
(the mood and bonding center)

D
IAGNOSTIC
P
ROBLEMS
A
SSOCIATED WITH
H
IGH
DLS A
CTIVITY

D
IAGNOSTIC
P
ROBLEMS
A
SSOCIATED WITH
L
OW
DLS A
CTIVITY
N
ONE

W
AYS TO
C
ALM
H
IGH
DLS

ACTIVITY

Biofeedback, increase left PFC activity (helps calm the DLS through its connections)

Intense aerobic exercise

Relationship counseling

Therapy to correct and eliminate ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)

Balanced diet, such as described by Barry Sears in
The Zone Diet

DLS supplements, such as DL phenylalanine, SAMe, L-tyrosine

DLS medications (if appropriate), antidepressants such as Wellbutrin (bupropion), Effexor (venlafaxine), Norpramin (desipramine), Tofranil (imipramine), SSRIs (if ACG also present), anticonvulsants/Lithium to help with cyclic mood changes

Basal Ganglia (BG)—You Make Me Nervous

The basal ganglia are a set of large structures toward the center of the brain that surround the deep limbic system. The BG are involved with integrating feelings, thoughts, and movement, which is why you jump when you get excited or freeze when you are scared. In our clinic we have noticed that the basal ganglia are
involved with setting the body’s idle or anxiety level. When the BG work too hard, people tend to struggle with anxiety and physical stress symptoms, such as headaches, intestinal problems, and muscle tension. High BG activity is also associated with conflict-avoidant behavior. Anything that reminds them of a worry (such as confronting an employee who is not doing a good job) produces anxiety; high BG people tend to avoid conflict, because it makes them feel uncomfortable. People with high BG activity also have trouble relaxing and tend to overwork. When the BG are low in activity, people tend to have problems with motivation and attention.

In addition, the BG are involved with feelings of pleasure and ecstasy. Cocaine works in this part of the brain. High activity in this part of the brain is often due to a deficiency in the neurotransmitter GABA; increasing it through supplements or medications is often helpful.

BG in Relationships

When the basal ganglia system functions properly, people tend to be calm and relaxed. They tend to predict the best and, in general, see a positive future. Their bodies tend to feel good, and they are physically free to express their sexuality. They are not plagued by multiple physical complaints. They tend to be relaxed enough to be playful, sexy, and sexual. They are able to deal with conflict in an effective way. When the basal ganglia is overactive, there is a tendency toward anxiety, panic, fear, and tension. They tend to focus on negative future events and what can go wrong in a situation. They filter information through fear and they are less likely to give others the benefit of the doubt. They tend to have headaches, backaches, and a variety of physical complaints. They have lowered sexual interest because their physical bodies tend to be wrapped in tension. They often do not have the physical or emotional energy to feel sexy or sexual and they tend to shy away from sexual activity. Most of their memories are filled with anxiety or fear. They tend to wear out people by the constant fear they project.