The Boyfriend Sessions (9 page)

While they toasted to that, I shakily took a sip from my fresh glass of wine. The rich Shiraz flavors burned slightly at my throat and distracted me from the mix of thoughts swirling in my mind. Memories of Troy, fun, bittersweet, sexy, and downright painful vied for my attention. I struggled to swallow.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand why women continue to go out with losers,” Max commented casually. He set his drink on the coffee table. “That’s two you’ve gone out with so far, Christa. The only reason guys like that can get away with so much is because women keep encouraging them.”

The room went silent. Although I stared intently at my lap, I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

Wordlessly, I placed my wine glass on the table with a clink, got up, and stiffly walked toward the balcony. Outside I gripped the railing tightly, forcing my shaking arms to gradually steady, my knuckles white with the effort.

I closed my eyes and let the cool evening breeze caress my face. Grateful for the distraction, I inhaled the mixture of jasmine and ocean scents.

I knew what Max had said was true to some extent, but was hurt he thought I’d perpetuated it. It was a long time since I’d thought about that night, but the painful sting of Troy’s backhand to my face, his venomous expression, and the cold, hard surface of the kitchen floor as it met my forehead was something I’d never forget. Ever.

If I’d thought cheating was inexcusable, Troy’s violence was the ultimate betrayal.

In one moment he’d destroyed all the trust in our relationship. Perhaps that sounded dramatic, but it was true. He’d been angry and frustrated, but it wasn’t the sort of lashing out from someone who was at a loss to convey their feelings. When I’d told him I was staying in Sydney, he’d stepped toward me and in a low, barely audible voice, had said one word.

Bitch.

He’d chosen to hit me. It was a cold, calculated decision. It was punishment. So I’d walked. Despite being shaken to the core, I’d refused all contact from that point on and moved on with my life because I knew that sort of violence wouldn’t be a one off. It would be the start.

It helped that he was already in Melbourne and I was in Sydney. Even if he wasn’t, there were other things going on in my life at that point that acted as a painful reminder for me to look out for myself.

My dad had retreated into deep depression after the divorce, drinking heavily, and was unable to hold onto his job as a pilot. I’d be damned before I’d allow myself to be destroyed by a relationship or by the actions of someone I loved, like Dad had. So I’d cut Troy from my life.

How dare Max suggest I was responsible for that bastard’s actions?

I opened my eyes and swung around from balcony’s edge, ready to storm back into the lounge room to tell him as much, and almost collided with Maddy.

“Hey.” She caught me by my arms and held me in a tight grip, her brown eyes liquid with concern. “He’s gone. I asked him to go home.”

“Oh.” Deflated, I let her pull me into a hug.

“You should know he wanted to apologize, practically fought me on it, but I wouldn’t let him.”

I grinned into her shoulder as I imagined Maddy standing up to her big brother. “Thanks. He did have a point I guess.”

Maddy stepped back and observed me. “Yes, he did. But there’s also such a thing as tact.”

I giggled at the irony and wondered if I’d had too much to drink on an empty stomach. “Because I’m especially tactful myself?”

Maddy smiled at me gently and shook her head. “He’s always been too honest for his own good. Plus he’s looking at things with an awful lot of baggage of his own right now. Let’s forget about all this and order some dinner, alright?”

The unspoken baggage Maddy and Max seemed reluctant to bring up piqued my interest, but her words made me breathe a sigh of relief. “Does that mean we can leave Handy Hamish and Jumpy Justin for another time?”

Maddy studied me for a long moment. Satisfied I appeared to have recovered from my altercation with Max, she gave me a quick nod. “You’re off the hook until next week.”

I used all my willpower to stop from fist pumping the air and quietly followed her inside to re-join the girls.

I arrived at the Grounded Marketing offices just before nine on Monday morning feeling energized, my footsteps light. I genuinely enjoyed working for Maddy. Unlike my employers, Maddy and her team gave me the level of respect and autonomy Shout management were reluctant to.

The refreshing change had me toying seriously with the idea of giving up my position at Shout. Not that I was going to breathe a word of that to my best friend until I was ready.

Before I could reach my workstation Julia waved me over to her desk. I greeted her with a warm smile.

“You still haven’t shown me your holiday photos,” she scolded, before I could say anything.

“Maddy’s got me working too hard.”

“Hey, I heard that!” a familiar voice accused. I noticed Maddy’s office door was slightly ajar.

Julia nodded in her daughter’s direction. “Go on in, she wanted to talk to you first thing.”

I gave Julia a worried look and her smile turned into a light laugh. “I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

I pushed open Maddy’s door and was forced to squint as my eyes adjusted to the early morning glare coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows. I bit my tongue to stop from laughing when I saw Maddy wearing sunglasses.

“Heavy night?”

She pushed the sunglasses onto her head momentarily before the glare forced her to drop them again. “I wish. I’ve had the blinds ordered for months and I’m about to take legal action if they don’t deliver soon. At least in another hour it will be bearable and I can stop setting a bad example to my employees.”

“You wanted to see me?”

She nodded and, even though her glasses covered her eyes, I could tell by the energy coming off her that it was important.

“We got it.” Her face broke into a wide, show-stopping grin.

“It?” I forced myself to focus. I was feeling good for a Monday morning, but that didn’t mean I was capable of lucid thought until I’d had a generous serving of caffeine. Which I hadn’t.

“Yes.” She still grinned at me broadly.

“Oh!” I blinked. “
It
! As in Oz Guardians?”

She nodded, jumped up and came around to the front of her desk to take both my hands in hers. She pushed her glasses onto her head and braved the glare for me. “Mum’s finalizing the contract with them today.”

I squeezed her hands. “That’s awesome news. I thought we weren’t going to hear from them for at least a week or more.”

“I know, but apparently they loved us so much they wanted to get things started right away.”

I pulled her in for a tight hug. “Well done, Maddy. You deserve this.”

She pushed me back a little so she could look at me. “It was your designs that nailed it, you know.”

“It was a team effort,” I protested. For some reason, compliments always made me awkward, even when they came from my oldest friend.

She rolled her eyes at me. “They said we captured in images what they were trying to communicate, so you can’t get much better than that.”

“Oh.” I felt a blush color my cheeks. “Well, I’m glad they liked them.”

Maddy shook her head at me and walked around behind her desk. “Max is right. You’re more creative than we give you credit for.”

“What?” At the mention of his name, I found myself coloring further and was thankful my cheeks were already red. “As in precious creative type, huh?”

“For God’s sake, Christa! Can’t you take a compliment? You’re good at what you do, really good. That’s why I couldn’t wait to have you work for me. Shout have no idea how talented you are.”

I sat down opposite her and smiled, still embarrassed. “Thanks. It’s nice to be appreciated.”

“Have you given some thought to what Max suggested?”

I stared at her blankly. “About not going out with losers?”

Maddy’s laughter echoed around the office. Recognizing my problem, she called out to Julia. “Mum? Can you ask Anna to bring Christa a latte? Double shot?”

We heard Julia reply in the affirmative and Maddy turned her attention back to me. “You’ll feel better when you get some caffeine into you. I meant about your sketches, stupid.”

“Right.” After a moment, my conversation with Max at boot camp the other morning came slowly into focus in my foggy Monday morning brain. “You think I should sell them as well?”

“Only if you want to. But he’s right, they’re amazing.”

Amazing. Why did that word have me shifting uncomfortably in my seat? If it was because it came from Max, I didn’t allow myself to dwell on it. “But who would I sell them to?”

“Publishers. Or you could try computer gaming developers as Max suggested. Start with Max, he’ll open some doors for you.”

“I’ll think about it,” I replied, still not entirely convinced. Maddy knew me well enough not to push, so I changed the subject. “What does Max actually do anyway?”

“He’s a partner in a managed services firm.” She shook her head at my blank stare. “In IT.” Then sighed. “They make sure computers and websites run properly and don’t go down for big companies.”

“Right.” God, that sounded dull. “So what has that got to do with computer games?”

“It’s one of Max’s entrepreneurial ventures.” She grinned at me. “I call it his nerd project. He knows lots of developers and people in the industry to help him get it off the ground.”

My lips twitched at her description. “Do you think he can do it?”

Her eyes turned serious. “I know he can. I have a feeling he’s going to be a better businessman than Dad.”

I raised my eyebrows at that. Her dad was exceptionally successful. “Why do you say that?”

“He has more creative vision than Dad ever had and business experience behind him now. Not to mention he’s tougher than I thought.”

“Really?” I tried to reconcile the idea of Max being tough, but my memory refused to let go of those stupid t-shirts with Star Trek or The X-Files on them.

“I suppose we have Sarah to thank. At least something good came out of that relationship.”

At her comment, my ears pricked up. I gave her a quizzical look to suggest more information was required.

Maddy looked away, shuffling some papers on her desk. “Think about his suggestion, will you? I just wanted you to know that I agree with him.”

I nodded. Well, that was interesting. Once again, when the subject of Max’s ex-fiancée came up, she’d shut the conversation down. I didn’t have the strength without my Monday morning coffee to challenge her. “Yes, ma’am. I’d better get to work then.”

“Absolutely. Are you right for a trip to Victoria next week? Monday morning through to Wednesday evening?”

“Sure. Why?”

“You, Anna, and I get to be zoo tourists. Oz Guardians want us there for a planning session and requested you in particular, so you can immerse yourself in the place, to help with the creative aspects.”

I smiled, surprised and delighted by the concept. “We’re going to the zoo?”

Maddy nodded at my childlike enthusiasm and gave me a pointed look. “That’s right. You can even go to the crocodile show if you like, dear.”

It was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit down before I said anything.

Awesome.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the zoo. The idea of being out in the fresh air and allowed to be a kid for a few days sounded like immense fun. Especially after all the serious getting-over-Ben fallout and being forced by my friends to dig up the details of my dramatic—or was that tragic?—love life.

I stood and said, “Sounds good. I’ll have to miss boot camp though.” I didn’t do a very good job of sounding upset.

“I’ll tell Max to make sure they’re extra tough on you next time then,” Maddy promised.

I gave her one of my best fake smiles. “Thanks.”

When I arrived at my desk there was a steaming cup of latte waiting and I sank into my seat, taking a long, reverent sip. I was certain I could feel the caffeine kick-starting my synapses.

I tried to remember when anybody, other than Scarlett, had shown me a simple kindness like this when working at Shout. I couldn’t.

Perhaps my single status was getting to me, but it was nice to be loved and appreciated.

Strangely, I was at boot camp early again. I was aware this was out of character for me, but I wasn’t letting myself dwell on the fact too deeply. After all, it was another beautiful spring morning, and it was hard not to get out of bed, surely? Except … on all the other glorious spring mornings, I’d managed to sleep until eight o’clock quite happily.

I had a burning desire to spend some time on my latest series of sketches. I even had my sketch book tucked securely in my backpack. Although when I’d arrived at the meeting spot half an hour early, I’d not felt the least bit compelled to get it out.

Instead I’d walked to the tip of the headland and climbed the steps to Blues Point Reserve lookout overlooking the Harbour Bridge and city. I never got tired of the sight. This morning the bridge sat majestically arching over the glittering water as if it too luxuriated in the mild spring weather.

To the right, the city appeared happy for the bridge to take all the attention—but only just. The morning sun reflected off the glass patchwork of skyscraper windows creating a dazzling effect. I wondered if there were workers all over Sydney, just like Maddy, sitting at their desks with their sunglasses on to protect themselves from the early morning glare.

The thought had me smiling to myself as I stepped down the old stone steps built into the headland. If it was an occupational hazard of working in the Sydney CBD, then it was one I could live with. I enjoyed the gentle early morning breeze on my cheeks as I headed back to our boot camp meeting point, my thoughts blissfully clear thanks to the fresh air and sunshine.

My feet faltered slightly when I saw an unmistakable silhouette walking down the hill in the opposite direction.

Max.

I hadn’t seen him since last Thursday night, when Maddy had asked him to leave. Suddenly my clear head was full of thoughts clamoring for attention and I did my best to push them away. It made no difference because my gut knew the truth. I couldn’t sleep in this morning because I was nervous about seeing Max again.

Not nervous as in school girl has a crush nervous, I told myself. I was nervous because of the way things had ended last Thursday. Squaring my shoulders, I walked briskly to the meeting spot. I was determined to get the awkwardness over with, because I wasn’t the sort of person who could live with tension under the surface.

We arrived at about the same time and stood observing each other. I was unable see his eyes as he was wearing his Ray Bans again and his expression was unreadable. His olive skin looked like he’d spent even more time in the sun and I wondered vaguely how this was possible when he appeared to work such long hours.

His car. Of course, I realized. He’d been driving around in that gorgeous sports car of his, soaking up all the lovely spring sunshine.

“Hey,” he said.

It took me a second to shake the image of him driving around in his Porsche cabriolet, all strong forearms and dark hair blowing in the breeze.

“Hey,” I replied more stiffly than intended.

“I heard you got the Oz Guardians account.”

He was trying to be friendly and normal, but I opened my big mouth anyway. “I’m sorry about last Thursday night. It was a long time ago, but talking about that particular relationship is still hard for me.”

He shrugged off his backpack, dropping it at his feet. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“I didn’t cause it.”
Way to smooth things over, Christa.

He straightened slowly, his mouth in a long, thin line. “I never should have implied you had. I’m sorry. My words were poorly chosen.”

All of a sudden I had the odd urge to laugh. Everything about our interaction was so formal and so unlike our usual conversations. I couldn’t help it—I broke into a wide grin. “It’s alright Max, you’re forgiven. I don’t do grudges very well and you of all people should know I understand what it’s like to say something you regret.”

He was quiet as I bent down to grab my bottle of water and towel out of my bag. He was still looking at me when I met his eyes again. “Max, I’m serious. It’s totally fine. I’m over it and we can move on, alright?”

Before I could register what he was doing he stepped in close, too close, and reached over to gently lift my sunglasses onto my head. I was fairly sure my eyes were rounded in surprise and I forced my breathing to remain steady.

“Just tell me one thing before we move on. Was it only ever the once?” His deep voice was almost a whisper and it unnerved me.

I blinked, confused by his question, his proximity—all of it.

He pushed his sunglasses onto his head roughly and I felt my eyes widen further at the intensity of his dark gaze. “Did Troy only ever hit you the once?” he repeated.

Finally the situation came into focus and I half-laughed at the absurdity. “Yes. Just that one time. And I walked. Never saw him again.” I stepped back, eager to break the odd spell cast over us. “Your concern is really touching, Max, but like I said, it’s over and done with. Ancient history.”

“Didn’t seem like it on Thursday night.”

“Well, it’s the only time I’ve ever been backhanded by a fully grown male and ended up nearly concussed on the kitchen floor, so you’ll have to forgive me if the memory stays with me.”

I fought the urge to clamp a hand over my mouth and I heard him swear softly under his breath. I reached over quickly and squeezed his hand, the contact jolting his head back up.

“Max, I’m here, I’m alive and unscathed and doing pretty well I think. And I really appreciate your concern.”

“Good. Guys like that don’t change, that’s all.”

His stubbornness was getting to me. “Some do, some don’t. We’re a product of our experiences. How we choose to deal with them defines us.” I realized I wasn’t just talking about myself or Troy, I was also thinking about my dad.

“So what experiences exactly do you think Troy had that would make him hit his girlfriend?” He didn’t try to hide the cynicism in his voice.

“I’m not going to defend him, Max. I don’t know. Maybe I was too young, too inexperienced, or just too in love to see that he had that sort of violence in him. But that night, we were fighting, and he knew I was slipping away from him. He couldn’t handle it. In the heat of the moment, he made a choice and it was the wrong one. I hope it’s something he remembers for the rest of his life. I truly do.”

“So we’re all just one angry outburst from hitting the people we love? Come on, Christa, you’re being too easy on the guy.”

I watched as he reached into his backpack roughly, grabbed his water bottle, and took a long sip.

“This really bothers you, doesn’t it?” I asked quietly.

“Any guy using any sort of violence on a woman bothers me.”

I was really touched by his protectiveness. “Maddy and Louise are lucky to have you as a big brother.”

“Is that what you call this?”

“You going all big brotherly on me? I guess. What else would you call it?”

He looked away and shrugged. “I’m just a regular guy, Christa. Been out with any of those lately?”

My heart skipped a beat momentarily and I fought to keep the mood casual. “Regular guys? Nah, as you can see, I’m drama junkie. And we haven’t even gotten to Handy Hamish yet.”

A small grin played on his lips and I couldn’t help myself. “And then there’s Jumpy Justin and Giggly Grant … ”

“Giggly Grant?” His look of disbelief was priceless. “Do all your exes have nicknames?”

“Apparently so, now that it’s all coming out in the counseling sessions.”

Our instructor Brett had arrived and was greeting everyone, so we moved closer to the rest of the group. At which point Max leaned down and whispered, “No women on the list that I should be aware of?”

“
No
!” Most of the group turned to look at me and I sent Max a withering death stare.

“Chatting up the women again hey, Max?” Brett called out, giving me a wink.

I grinned wickedly in return and said loudly, “He just won’t give up.”

I received a gentle shove for that and was pleased, even if it was immensely immature of me to enjoy seeing how Max’s face had colored despite his olive skin.

I shook my head. “You started it.”

“I’ll make you pay for that,” he whispered. It was hardly threatening.

“Looking forward to it.”

I was rewarded with his soft laughter and we turned our attention to Brett. We spoke very little during our exercises. I found myself wondering about our conversation. One moment it was intense and serious, the next light-hearted with just a hint of teasing. I felt a little breathless and it wasn’t just because of the rapid series of punches I threw into Max’s cushioned hands.

It must be because of all the history we shared, I reasoned. He’d known me too many years to count and I guess that meant there wasn’t a lot to hide. Well, actually, there was still plenty to hide when it came to my apparently numerous trail of exes, but now I was in the process of divulging that to him too.

As we swapped gloves, Max attempted to make eye contact. “You still here?”

“What? Oh, yeah, sorry.”

He waited until I had the pads on my hands to protect me from his blows, before speaking. “Hey, if you’d prefer I didn’t turn up to your next counseling session, I understand.”

I lowered my fists. We seemed to be having this conversation every week. “It’s fine, I’m happy for you to be there. If I wasn’t, I’d say so.”

“You sure?”

“I’m actually beginning to think you don’t want to be there, Max.”

“What? No! That’s not it. I’m just worried I keep saying things to upset you.”

He looked so alarmed it reminded me of our conversation the previous week about him not wanting to say the wrong thing to me when I was a teenager. “You have my permission to upset me, alright? It’s for the purpose of my greater good, just think of it that way.”

He returned my grin, but it was somewhat sinister. “Did you really just give me permission to say whatever I want about your ex-boyfriends, even if it means upsetting you?”

“Why? Does the concept appeal to you?”

“Well, no, actually. You already know I don’t like emotional women.”

“Is that why you decided not to get married?” The second I’d said it, I felt sick. I’d meant it as a joke, but it didn’t sound quite so funny out loud.

I watched as he stiffened. “It was a bit more complicated than that.”

“I’m so sorry. That came out all wrong. I have such a big mouth, you know that.” It was no excuse and we both knew it.

I was relieved to see he could manage a smile. “I know, Bubbles, don’t worry about it.”

Despite the use of my nickname, I
was
worried. “I’m really, really sorry, Max, I shouldn’t have even brought it up, let alone joked about it.”

“It’s alright.” His words were reassuring, but I still felt like a complete idiot. I watched as he indicated I should raise my hands, and I did so without question, then braced myself for his series of reps.

To my relief, his punches weren’t any harder than normal. Satisfied after a couple of minutes, he dropped the gloves to the ground and looked at me. His voice was quiet. “I’m not angry, Christa, but can I ask why you would think to joke about something like that?”

I was mortified. He was right of course. “I didn’t think. Period. And I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He sighed and I could just catch the hint of something else, frustration perhaps.

“I guess it’s just been on my mind, that’s all.” Oh God. Why couldn’t I stop saying these things out loud?

Max looked at me sharply. “What? My marriage?”

“Yes.” It sounded ridiculous, even to my own ears.

“Why on earth …?”

“It’s not like I’m losing sleep over it, but whenever the topic comes up in conversation with Maddy, she just shuts it down. It’s very unlike her.”

“And so what?”

“It just makes me wonder, that’s all,” I said, but quickly added, “but it’s none of my business, Max. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t.”

I blinked in shock. He’d shut the conversation down without question.

A perverse part of me wanted to bring up that I was revealing the most intimate aspects of my love life to him every week, but I didn’t. That was my choice and I’d invited him along willingly. He’d never agreed to share anything about himself.

It annoyed me, but I shook it off and we continued the last ten minutes of our session in silence. It wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable silence, but we’d definitely lost the easy-going banter we’d enjoyed earlier.

Once Brett dismissed us we returned to our bags to towel off and hydrate. Before I could get my things sorted and back in my bag, Max cleared his throat quietly.

“I’ve got to run. Teleconference in half an hour. I’ll catch you on Thursday.”

I stood and watched him jog up the hill into the distance, dumbfounded.

I completely understood that I’d put my foot in my mouth. Nothing new there. But if he’d hoped to shut any further conversation down about his ex-fiancée, he’d failed dismally. Now I burned with curiosity. What had happened between them? And had it really been that awful?