The Boyfriend List (18 page)

Her sisters were amazing. Sure Tina could be bossy, but when she needed support, family came first.

“So they had a big fight, huh?”

“Yeah. I think Nate hit Owen. There was a lot of yelling. Nate told them he wanted out of the business.”

“Oh, man. That’s serious. That business is their baby, isn’t it? I can’t think Captain Asshole would take too kindly to that.” Tina had never warmed to Owen, even though he’d been nothing but honorable to their family. Still. Jenna knew the truth now. He thought the Albaneses weren’t so great. In fact, Captain Asshole was probably too good for him. “He didn’t like it one bit.”

Staring at her engagement ring and her wedding band, she thought about Italy and how her wonderful husband made her feel like the most important person in the world. She definitely felt like the most loved.

“Do you think I’m crazy?” Jenna asked. “Should I go back?”

They were pulling into North Sea and traveling down the local road to the ferry dock. It wouldn’t be a long wait, the ferries ran regularly—all day every day, except in the very worst weather. “I can turn around,” Tina said. “Just let me know now.”

Jenna thought about it and was convinced there wasn’t a right answer. Nate loved her. She did believe that, but she didn’t know if he was in the kind of love that would stick. He’d never leave her. He’d be good to her, and she’d adore him the rest of her days, but she never wanted him to resent her. She never wanted him to feel he had no choice.

There were so many big things happening. The baby, the wedding, their families freaking out, and then calming down, and now the turmoil with his business, she felt like the cause of all his problems. Every last one.

“No, let’s go. I need a little time.”

“You’ll eat well, relax on the beach, Aunt Marlena will pamper you. It’s all good.”

Aunt Marlena had married a wonderful man. A lawyer who had a practice near the county seat in Riverhead, he and her aunt lived in a waterfront home in the village of Southold on the North Fork of Long Island. The two had met in their mid-thirties and even though they had tried, there were no children. Aunt Marlena was the youngest of her mother’s siblings, a teacher, and only ten years older than Jenna. She’d just turned forty and wouldn’t have any problem letting her niece hide out for a couple of days.

The rest of the drive was quiet. The ferries made smooth crossings on this beautiful day, and even though there was a little traffic on Main Road as they made their way from Greenport to Southold, Tina made good time. The first thing they saw when they pulled in the tree-lined driveway was Aunt Marlena standing on the front porch of her cedar-shingled home with her arms open and her smile wide. Jenna flew out of the car and into her aunt’s waiting arms.

That was when Jenna lost it.

“Oh, God, Auntie. What am I going to do?”

“Oh, baby.” Aunt Marlena led her into the house, holding on and stroking her hair. Her aunt was tall and willowy with dark brown hair and big brown eyes. She and Jenna could have been sisters, and in some ways it was like they were. Aunt Marlena understood Jenna, encouraged her art, and was the first person on a plane to California when Royce left. “Did something happen? I heard about the baby and that you were married in Italy. So romantic.”

“I’ve turned his life upside down. He’s having a bad time with everyone—his family, his business partners—all because of me.”

“Whose life? Your new husband?”

Jenna nodded and wiped her eyes. God, she was a hot mess.

Her uncle was home, and they was celebrating the 4th on the beach with a few neighbors. It was quiet and low-key, nothing like the party she’d just left.

“Come on down to the beach, get a little sun. You girls can eat and stay a few days. It’s going to be okay.”

“How can it be okay?” Jenna blurted out. “I ran away. Part of me thinks it was the right thing to do and the other part of me is terrified I’ll lose him for good.”

That was the big question. How could everything work out when, once again, Jenna had screwed up?

“Sweetie, look at me.” With a big wad of tissues in her hand, Marlena mopped her eyes. “It will be okay because love conquers all, and nothing can stop a man when he’s in love. Nothing. Hang out here. Let him find you.”

Jenna shook her head. “Unless someone tells him where I am, he won’t find me.”

“My lips are sealed, but trust me on this, the man is going to find you. I have no doubt about that.”

He should love me.

—#15, Jenna’s Boyfriend List

Nate sat in his office at Reliance and stared out at the harbor. It was raining, gray, and a little bit cold. Pretty much exactly like his mood. It had been three days since Jenna took off from his parents’ house and the only thing he’d gotten from her was a text once a day telling him she was fine.

At this point, he didn’t know what to do. He was on the verge of calling the private investigator the company sometimes used, but he didn’t know if he should. She hadn’t cut him off completely. She did stay in touch. But not knowing where she was, not being able to see her and hold her, was breaking him slowly.

He wanted to kill Owen and his sister. Their big mouths and judgments had scared Jenna to death. If only she’d talked to him. He could have reassured her, but she just left.

Royce, her ex, was under review by his company, and Nate had hired a forensic accountant to examine every bad deal the man had ever made. With luck, they’d find the money trail and lay the question of the failed investments to rest once and for all. At the very least, the prick knew to stay away from Jenna and keep his mouth shut about her.

There was a tapping on his door and Nate groaned at the thought of having to talk to anyone. He wasn’t the kind who hid in his office, he always kept his door open, but the last two days he hadn’t wanted to talk to a soul.

The door opened a crack and one of the secretaries poked her head in. “Nate, your sister is here.”

“Amy?”

“No, it’s Leah.”

“Tell her I’m busy.”

“I’m right here, Nate,” she called from the other side of the door. “Da told me you’re sulking in your office during the day and sulking in the barn at night. I have a date tonight, so here I am.”

Not knowing how to keep her out, he indicated to his secretary his sister could come in. He didn’t want to see her, when he blamed her for being the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Hi,” he heard from behind him. “Are you still not talking to me?”

“You’re here, aren’t you? What do you want, Leah?”

He heard her draw a deep breath. “To apologize. I did a terrible thing, Nate. I got so wrapped up in my indignation that I forgot the most important thing.”

“What’s that?” He turned his head, and his fiery red-headed sister was looking pretty sheepish.

“I should have thought about you and Jenna. I thought about myself. I was wrong and I hope you can find a way to forgive me, and eventually Jenna can too.”

Spinning in his chair, he considered the woman standing near the door, looking like she was ready to run. Wearing a simple blue dress with a yellow sweater thrown over her shoulders, she looked every bit the cool professional. It was a good thing most people didn’t know she was a maniac.

“I don’t know what to say. I feel like I failed her. But you were cruel, Leah.”

“You didn’t fail, Nate.” She approached, carefully. “Some of this has to be on Jenna. I mean, she did just take off.”

“She was hurting. I should have done more.” Nate was wracking his brain, trying to figure out what if anything could have been done differently.

“You’re beating yourself up.” Leah crouched before him. “This is your deal, big brother. You know what to do.”

“I don’t.”

“Go to her.”

“I don’t know where she is.”

“As Da would say, ‘You’re a smart lad, Nathaniel. Go find out.’”

He had to chuckle at his sister trying to imitate his father and his classic burr.

“I have to think about it.”

Just then, Owen walked in the office and handed Nate a sheet of lined paper. On it was an address. “That’s where she is,” Owen said. “It took Kim three hours to get it out of Chessie, but she finally caved.”

“Did you two plan this?”

Both Leah and Owen looked at each other.

Owen shrugged. “No, but we have been talking. It just kind of worked out this way. I’m sorry, buddy. I am.”

“Now you don’t have an excuse,” Leah told him. “Go.”

Owen left and Leah stayed, hovering, like he’d need a reason to find Jenna. Nate had every intention of heading out, but in the meantime, he needed a plan. He picked up a piece of paper on his desk and examined it. It was a silly thing, the wishful thinking of a young teenager, but it was personal. Something of Jenna’s. Nate had taken it from her nightstand that morning, because it was hers, and it made him feel closer to the woman he missed so much it hurt.

Looking at the list again obviously had his sister curious, and she grabbed it from his hands. With each passing second, his sister’s smile bloomed. “Wow, I love this. How old was Jenna?”

“Thirteen? Kim found it a couple of months ago when she was packing things up before the wedding. Jenna kept in on her night table in this little journal she has. I love looking at it, I’m not sure why. I feel like she’s trying to tell me something.”

“Maybe she is. It’s really adorable. You have all the qualifications, big brother, maybe you should apply for the job.”

He wanted that job for the rest of his life. He’d do anything just to get her to listen to him.

“I have to talk to her, Leah. Get her to understand how much I love her. That nothing in her past matters to me.”

His sister hugged him, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his shoulder.

“I know she means everything to you, and I know I haven’t been supportive. I just want you happy, Nate. That’s all.”

He appreciated her words, he did, but Nate knew it would take him a while to fully accept Leah’s apology. Her intentions were always to protect him, as were Owen’s, but once again, he had a problem with the fact that his closest friends and family didn’t trust him to know his own mind.

Thoughts of Jenna filled him. What was she feeling? How was she feeling? Had she made her appointment with the doctor yet? Did she regret ever knowing him?

His world had turned upside down since he met her just a little shy of a year ago. There was that light he saw inside her that was tempered by caution and maybe a little bit of sadness, but every time she walked in a room, Nate felt his heart fill up just from her presence. She was kind, sweet, considerate, and smart. He knew she was beautiful, with her long, dark hair and soulful brown eyes, but it was the inside, not the outside, that most affected him.

And he’d never get over it. Life would go on. He knew she’d never keep him from their child, but not sharing his life with Jenna was unacceptable. Leah had wandered to the other side of his office. Nate wished he knew what was eating at his sister. She was sharp and beautiful. Brilliant beyond words, but she was so angry and he wished he could make it better.

Walking to the door, he called one of his assistants, Michelle, into the office. “I’m leaving the office. I might be gone for a couple of days. Get Tris to cover my appointments if he can, otherwise cancel them.”

Nate jotted down a few things on a slip of paper and handed it off. “I need appointments with my financial advisers next week. Let them know I have to talk about some changes to my investments.”

Nodding, Michelle took the paper and left the office.

“Pulling out all the stops?”

“I can’t lose her, Leah.”

“I know. You won’t.”

“Are you sure about that?” he asked.

“Positive,” Leah responded with a smile. “And I’m never wrong.”

***

Jenna sat curled in an oversized chair in the sunroom of her aunt’s home, staring at the rain beating down on the deck. She loved the view from this room, looking out over the Peconic River, but today, everything was shrouded in mist. It was very much like her mood, which hadn’t improved since she arrived. Since she was slammed with the reality that she would be a drag on Nate’s life.

Aunt Marlena had been a gift from heaven. When her sisters left two days ago, the two of them had a chance to talk and catch up in a way they hadn’t since Jenna arrived home from California. She’d missed her aunt, who was very much like an older sister, or even a friend.

The time at her house, with little to do but read or draw, was exactly what she needed. There were a number of things that had become clear, the biggest of which was that she didn’t want to live without Nate, but she didn’t know how they were going to make things work. Their families and friendships were important to them both, and Jenna refused to be the cause of so much discord in Nate’s life if those closest to Nate couldn’t accept her. Jenna so wished she was braver, but in truth she wasn’t. She was scared, she was unsure, she was so in love with him it hurt.

Coming into the room with two steaming mugs of tea, her aunt looked like a movie star. Her nearly black hair hit just above her waist, and her eyes, which were also wickedly dark, seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages. “You look like you could use this. Lemon tea. Very soothing.”

“Thank you.”

“So, I’ve been pretty quiet about Nate. I’d like to know what’s going on since you’ve been hiding out here for quite a while now. I don’t know that you should keep avoiding your marriage like this.”

“I don’t know how much of a marriage I actually have, or how much of it is about obligation. He’s such a good man, he’d never leave me alone with a child, but the general feeling among his friends and family is I trapped him.”

Taking a lingering sip from her tea, her aunt curled her long legs under her. “Hmm, what does he think?”

What did he think? She wasn’t sure. “He said what everyone else says doesn’t matter. He believes in me and that the marriage is between us.”

“Very true. You shouldn’t allow a lot of extra people into a marriage. It gets too crowded.” Her aunt smiled and raised an expressive eyebrow. “So why don’t you believe him? Has he said something or done something, to make you think otherwise?”

“Well, no, but . . .”

“But nothing. This is so difficult, Jenna. Giving yourself to someone is hard. You open yourself up to all kinds of risks, physical and emotional. Why do you think I didn’t get married until I was thirty-eight? But if you love him, if the love is deep and burning in your heart, you have to trust him.”

Trust him. God, she wanted to. More than anything.

“But more than that, you have to trust yourself.”

“Trust myself? I know how I feel. I love him so much, Auntie. I don’t know how I’m going to cope if he doesn’t want me.”

“Oh, honey. There’s your problem. You’re trying to protect yourself, but there’s no way to do it and be in love with someone. You have to take a leap of faith. Otherwise there’s nothing.”

“A leap of faith? I have a lousy track record. I don’t know if I . . .”

Oh. Damn.

“Ah-ha! See what I mean. This isn’t about Nate. This, my darling, is about you. You love him, but your heart is scarred and fragile, and you’re afraid to take a chance.”

And there it was. How awful was this? In protecting her own heart, she’d hurt Nate’s. In her quest to find a relationship without risk, Jenna finally understood that there was no such thing. There would be risk each and every time. And that’s the way it was supposed to be—because without risk, there could be no reward.

The doorbell chimed and echoed through the open space of the house. “Yeesh,” her aunt said. “Who’s out in this weather?”

When she left the room, Jenna thought that it was about time
she
was out in the weather. It was time to be ready for whatever life threw at her.

It was time to go home.

If she still had a home with Nate. It was very possible she’d messed up the best thing in her life because she was too afraid to believe that love like this could be real.

“Excuse me.”

Jenna froze, unable to move, but her heart picked up a steady beat for the first time in days.
Nate.
Turning, Jenna saw the man of her dreams. Tall and handsome, his hair was ruffled from the wind and rain, but never had anyone been such a welcome sight.

Planting her feet on the floor, Jenna gripped the chair cushion on each side of her, waiting to see what he might say. Nate approached, cautiously. “I understand,” he said quietly, “that you have a position you’d like to fill.” He held up a piece of paper. “I think I qualify for the job.”

He was holding her Boyfriend List.

God, she loved him so. And she was absolutely going to let this play out.

“Please, have a seat,” she said, motioning to the ottoman right in front of her chair. He moved toward her like he was going to kiss her, but stopped just short of making contact. His scent, his heat, filled the air around her.

Nate opened the list, and cleared his throat. “Now this says it’s a
Boyfriend List
, but I think I’d rather apply for the higher-level position of ‘husband.’”

“Skipping right over fiancé?” she asked.

“I think engagements are fine, but I don’t think being a fiancé is a prerequisite for the husband position.”

“Fair enough,” she choked out as she contemplated how lucky she was. “Please continue.”

He cleared his throat and straightened up, playing the part. She loved him so much. Jenna knew she should be begging him to take her back, and here he was, giving her all the control. Trying to make all her dreams come true.

“The first item is that I must be good-looking. I can tell you my mother is willing to vouch for me. She says I’m adorable.”

Jenna giggled, but the tears were already running down her face. He was amazing, and he
was
adorable. No doubt. How did she ever leave him?

“Number two is that I shouldn’t be a quitter. I don’t believe in giving up. It’s not in my nature. I will fight for what I want and for the people I love.”

Just like he was fighting for her at that very moment.

“That’s admirable,” she nodded. “Go on, please.”

“I should be protective . . . I will be. Until my last breath.” He paused, getting a little choked up himself. He’d put a lot on the line for her, including relationships that meant the world to him. That’s something that had to be fixed, but right now, Jenna was too in awe of the man she married.

“Sweet. Hmm.” He seemed to be pondering whether he qualified as sweet. “Do you prefer flowers or candy?”