The Boyfriend Experience (10 page)

“I won’t. Don’t worry.” Nate gave John a half smile. “But you’ve got to wonder: how heart broken does one have to be to take his own life? I know that he loves me, but I don’t want a perpetual shadow hanging over our heads; that is no way to live. I can’t possibly know that this wouldn’t get used in the future as ammunition against me or Darren. And what would his family think when they find out the truth about my past?”

“You’re afraid that people—or even this ‘Darren’ of yours—will think, somewhere down the line, that you’re with him for the money, like all of his past lovers.” John said. “So you’re taking the easy way out, by leaving him first?”

Nate nodded. “Yeah, something like that.”

“I’m going to say that you’re a fool and you should’ve stayed with him, but then I know you won’t listen.” John glared at him disapprovingly. “But why did you quit your job then? I thought you needed the money.”

“It was time.” Nate said. “I’ve been considering quitting for a while now. This simply gave me the push I needed to get out while I still can.”

“So what will you do now?” John asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve got enough money set aside for my Aunt Rosie’s hospice bills, but I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do yet,” Nate said, staring out the river. “Think I might go back to school.”

“You know, if you need money just say so.” John chuckled, ruffling Nate’s long hair. “I don’t mind helping”

“I didn’t—” Nate tried to explain. He didn’t look John up to borrow money. He could make do, working other jobs. More than anything, he needed someone to talk to.

“Kiddo, you know I’ve always liked you,” John told him. “It wasn’t just our business arrangement either. I liked you because of your attitude.” John smiled at him. “Think of it as a friend helping out.”

“But—”

“No buts, kiddo. At least you’ll be paying me back, unlike either of my boys.” John laughed. “Who should I make the check out to?”

Nate smiled, shaking his head. “Nathaniel. Nathaniel de Luca. But Nate’s fine.”

John had helped him a lot over the years. After he’d finally graduated, it was John that had introduced him to a few people, which in turn landed him the job he had right now.

For that, Nate was forever grateful.

“Hey kiddo! How’ve you been?” John greeted as he sat down in his usual spot at the bar.

“Same old. You know how it is.” Nate grinned. “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

“Truer words.” John smirked then frowned as he studied Nate’s face. “You look… different. You feeling okay?”

“Of course! I’m great!” Nate snorted softly at the notion of him being
unwell
. “Your usual?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“And how about you? How does it feel to be back in the city full time?” Nate asked. John had divorced his wife of twenty-five years just last year after finally deciding that they weren’t working at all. Both their kids were grown and had lives of their own, so there really wasn’t a point in staying married just so they could be unhappy together. The last he heard, John was seeing someone. A male someone.

“It’s fabulous. Caroline and I, well, we should’ve realized our problems a long time ago. We were just both too stubborn, you know? Now that I’m back, I feel like a new man.” John laughed.

“I seem to remember somebody mention that they're seeing someone new?” Nate teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Well…” John blushed, making Nate laugh. “Yes, but that somebody doesn’t have the permission to reveal the identity of said someone yet.”

“Not even to an old friend?”

“We’ll see. I’m trying to convince him to let me take him to dinner.”

“Oh, so it was a
he
?”

“See, my mouth gets me into trouble. I’ve already said too much.” John did a zipper motion on his lips. “No more getting me into trouble, kiddo.”

Nate laughed as he made his way to the other end of the bar to help other patrons.

That was when he saw Darren sitting in the corner, drink in hand, gazing at him.

Nate’s heartbeat sped up.

Ever since Darren found out about his job at the Greenroom, the man had been coming in every night he worked, just sitting there, sipping his drinks. He’d sit for a few hours, looking towards Nate with longing in his eyes before leaving.

He’d wanted to go back to Darren, but what would he say? “Sorry, I hurt you. I still love you, so let’s get back together?” Hell no.

The truth was that Nate would give anything to spend another night in that man’s arms.

But none of that mattered now. Life would go on, as it always did.

By the end of his shift, Darren was already gone. John wanted to have coffee and catch up, so Nate suggested a cafe just down the street and told John to meet him out front when he got off shift.

“John!”

“You all done?” John gave him a warm smile as Nate approached him.

“Yeah.” Nate pulled on his scarf. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Just as they were about to leave, Nate heard a familiar voice calling his name. “Nate.”

He turned to find Darren standing behind them.

“Darren—”

“Who is he? Hmm?” Darren pointed at John. “What is he, your new
‘
boyfriend’?”

“He is just an old friend.” Nate sighed. “Darren—”

“You stay away from him,” Darren warned as he glared at John. “You hear me?”

“What is your problem, man?” John frowned, but before he could say more, Darren had sent him flying with a right hook. “Ow! The hell?”

“I told you to—”

“Darren!” Nate yelled, rushing to help John up. “Stop it!”

“Nate—”

“I said, stop it!” Nate made sure John was okay before he apologized. “I’m sorry, John. I’ve… I gotta take care of this. I’ll make it up to you later.”

“It’s okay, kiddo. Plenty more time for coffee later.” John waved it off. “But you need to stop being so stubborn and talk to him. You can’t keep running away.”

“I’m not—”

“Yes, you are.” John ruffled his hair before pushing him in Darren’s direction. “Go.”

“Thanks, John.” Nate watched John leave before turning towards Darren. “There, you happy? Can you please leave me alone now?”

“Nate, I’m sorry—”

“And you can be sorry somewhere else.”

“No.” Darren refused to budge. “Nate, we need to talk.”

“Fine.” Nate sighed. He never could say “no” to Darren. “Come on. My place is just a few blocks over.”

* * *

Darren looked on with curiosity as Nate led him up the stairs into a small apartment on the third floor. He’d never been to Nate’s old place, but he imagined that it probably wasn’t too different.

Nate’s place felt… homey. It was clean and tidy, but he could tell that Nate spent a lot of time there. There were bits and pieces of things that reminded him of the time Nate was at his place, practically living with him.

He shrugged of his coat and laid it over the back of the couch.

“You want anything? All I’ve got is beer and coke.”

Darren stood and watched Nate go through his fridge. The image overlaid with the memories of Nate in his kitchen, and it was almost too much.

He rushed over and pulled Nate into his arms. Nate stiffened briefly before he relaxed, leaning his weight into Darren.

“God, I missed you,” Darren muttered against the crook of Nate’s neck as he buried his face into the space, breathing in the intoxicating scent he’d been missing. “I missed you so much.”

He felt the moisture collect in his eyes but he didn’t care. He had the one person he needed in his arms.

“You have no idea what it was like, without you there,” Darren continued. “Everything feels so empty. Pointless.”

He tightened his arms when he felt Nate move. “Please… Just… come back to me.”

Nate moved again, this time turning in his arms. When Nate looked up at him, there were tears streaking down his face. “I missed you too. So much.”

Darren brought his hands up to wipe away the tears from Nate’s face with his thumb. “You know, I never stopped loving you.”

“I know. Me too,” Nate said before reaching up to give Darren a soft kiss. “I love you.”

The kiss just wasn’t enough. Darren wanted more. His craving for Nate was like the raging water behind a broken dam that came pouring out. He deepened the kiss, licking into the warm cavern of Nate’s sweet mouth. Their tongues danced, caressing each other, desperate for more.

Nate pushed him backwards into the living room, then into the bedroom. They fell into bed tearing at each other’s clothes. Nate straddled him, licking and lapping at his skin as he rocked against him. Darren rolled them over, gazing into Nate’s beautiful blue eyes before taking his mouth again, kissing his way down Nate’s body in worship.

He almost cried when he finally entered Nate’s tight, hot channel, sliding home in one stroke. It was like water to a thirsty man, or rain over the desert. He could feel his heart come alive again as he plunged deeply into his lover.

Nate moved with him, writhing on the bed beneath him and calling out his name.

“I’m here, love. I’m here,” Darren whispered into his ear as he grunted.

He came with a choked cry, emptying his load deep into Nate as his body froze above his lover. He could feel Nate tightening around his shaft as Nate’s own orgasm over took him.

He held Nate tightly in his arms like he was never letting go as they basked in their afterglow.

“I love you,” Darren whispered as he pressed butterfly kisses onto Nate’s bare shoulders. “Don’t ever leave me again. Please.”

“I won’t.” Nate sniffed as he held onto Darren as tightly as he could. “Not leaving again. I love you.”

* * *

Darren left at dawn. Nate lay in bed watching his lover get dressed.

“God, I don’t want to go,” Darren complained as he sat at the edge of the bed, looking at Nate.

“I wish you don’t have to go either,” Nate echoed. He smiled when Darren reached over to touch the side of his face before pressing kisses to his temple then lips.

“Hmm…” Darren growled. “You’ve gotta stop kissing me or I’ll be late for work.”

“You’re the one that’s kissing me,” Nate pointed out with a grin.

“Sure, blame the one who’s going to be late. Stop getting me into trouble, you!” Darren grinned back. “I’ll see you later?”

Nate said softly, still smiling, “See you later. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Darren smiled brightly as he left, his eyes happy and content.

Nate watched Darren pad out of the bedroom before slumping back onto the bed.

Could he? Would he really be able to build a future with this man?

Nate buried his head into the pillows and breathed in deep. The soft sheets had taken on Darren’s spicy natural scent. The man had been gone for less than five minutes and he was already missing him.

You’re hopeless
, Nate told himself.

He rolled out of bed, and took a hot shower before going into the kitchen to make coffee. His fingers kept wandering back to the spot on his neck where Darren had marked him last night. It felt tender and it tingled with the touch of his fingers—a stark reminder of their explosive reunion the previous night.

He didn’t have to go to work until after lunch, so he ended up lounging at his place. He was reading the latest James Rollins when he heard someone knocking on his door.

He looked at the door, paused for a bit before getting up to answer. He wasn’t expecting anyone.

“Kate?” Nate felt his jaw drop when he saw the eight months pregnant woman standing at his door. “What are you doing here? How did you know where I lived?”

Nate felt the slap in his face before Kate said anything at all.

“That, was for leaving,” Kate said harshly before wrapping Nate into a tight hug. “And this is for coming back.”

“Ow,” Nate muttered as he rubbed at his cheek. “That hurt.”

“Not as much as it did when you left, Nate.” Kate walked past Nate into his apartment.

“I’m sorry,” Nate said quietly. “I… I had to. I couldn’t stay. It wouldn’t have worked.”

“I know,” Kate said, keeping her back to him. “Darren told me everything.”

“Oh.” Nate blinked, not entirely sure how to process the information. “How did you know where I lived?”

“I… uh… I hired someone to compile a file on you after you left.” Kate looked down at her hands. “I’ve known for quite some time. I just wasn’t sure what to do with the information.”

“You have a file on me?” Nate frowned.

“Like I said, I didn’t know what to do with it. I know you didn’t want to be found. I saw the note you wrote to Darren.” Kate sighed. “But I couldn’t bear to see Darren in pain like that.”

“And you knew…” Nate hesitated over the words, “that I was an… escort?”

“I was a little shocked at first, when Darren told me.” Kate shrugged. “But I can tell that you aren’t like the lovers Darren has had in the past. You love
him
.”

Kate stroked her swollen belly gently. “I never blamed you, Nate. I couldn’t possibly imagine what you must’ve felt then, but I could guess. I liked you the first time I met you. Remember what I told you? I’d never seen Darren so happy before with anyone. You are special to him, which makes you special to me.”

“Kate…”

“This morning was the first time I saw him smile like he meant it in almost three years, Nate.” Kate turned around and there were tears in her eyes. “You know what he said to me? He said, ‘He’s back, Kate. He’s back! I found him.’ like some miracle had happened.”

Nate could barely breathe as his chest tightened. He'd never meant to hurt Darren. “I never wanted to hurt him. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I know.” Kate paused, taking a deep breath to calm herself. “I would’ve done the same thing in your shoes. Which is why I’m still here talking to you.”

She reached out to take Nate’s hands into hers. “Don’t ever scare us like that again. Promise me that.”

Nate nodded. “I won’t.”

“I… uh… God damn hormones.” Kate chuckled, wiping the moisture from her eyes. “Listen, I gotta go, but you two are coming for Sunday dinner next week.” And before Nate could say anything, “Nah-uh. You don’t get to say
no
to the pregnant lady. Don’t make me snap my fingers.”