The Boy Who Came in From the Cold (28 page)

Todd felt his cock stir.
My God. And all I’m doing is touching his hand
.

 

(
“You a faggot or something?”
)

What an ugly word. Faggot. He looked at Gabe. The last thing in the world Gabe could possibly be was ugly. Outside or in.
(
Maybe you’re bi?
)

Bisexual? Am I?
But the more he looked at the man across the table, his face, his eyes, even the hand beneath his own, the more he had to reject the idea. For one brief moment, the word had seemed like a life raft. Less huge than the alternative. But….

But…. God… I don’t think I’m bisexual.
He squeezed Gabe’s hand, felt his cock shifting, lengthening in his pants.

 

A fag then? His stepdad had been right all along?

No. Not a faggot. “Faggot” is a word for that myth my stepdad believes in. The boogeyman. Someone who drives around looking for littleboys to rape and who cuts them up. Something that doesn’t exist.

Jeez. If I am anything…
… I’m gay.
Todd gasped.
God. I said it. I said the g-word. Gay. I said I’m gay.

He looked up and saw the alarm written on Gabe’s face. “Todd! What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Todd said. But not quite brave enough to say the words yet, he said instead: “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s just fine.”
T
HE dinner was amazing.

The waiter, making an assumption when he brought the wine—a riesling—poured a small amount first in Gabe’s glass. Gabe took his time, the waiter standing like a British guard, and slowly tasted it. When he nodded his approval, the waiter filled Todd’s next and watched for Todd to taste his own.

He thinks we’re on a date!
Todd glanced at him and just like that realized the bearded young man, probably not more than a year his senior, was gay. Gay. No horns. No glitter. No blood. Just a regular guy. For some reason Todd felt suddenly… included. Warm. And very
not
alone. Todd smiled. It was a wonderful feeling.

Todd tasted his wine, rolling the liquid over his tongue as Peter and Gabe had taught him over the last few days. It was a joy, sparkling across the surface of his tongue. He sighed in delight, and then the waiter filled Gabe’s glass.

“To transformation,” Gabe said, holding out his wineglass. “Transformation?” Todd asked.

Then, pulling a Peter, he quoted, “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.”
Wow
, thought Todd. “That sounds like something Peter would say.”

Gabe chuckled. “It’s one of his favorite quotes. Helen Keller actually.”
Helen Keller said that? A blind and deaf woman? It was hard to believe. Had she found a way in a world without sight or sound to make life an adventure?

Then what fucking excuse do I have?
he wondered.

They had fresh oysters on the half shell for an appetizer—which Todd had eyed suspiciously when they arrived at the table. Raw, weren’t they? He had hungered for adventure when it came to food. But

raw? Then he tried one; Gabe had lifted a shell as if making a toast, so what choice did he have?

To his shock, they were amazing. They slid out of the shell, landed on his tongue, and seemed to melt, almost sizzle away. Todd’s eyes rolled up in their sockets at the experience. The only time he’d ever tried them was when Austin had snuck a can from his grandparents’ pantry. They’d been chewy and nasty and rubbery and tasted like fish gone bad. But these?

Heaven. Truly. They were heaven.
“You like?” Gabe asked, eyes as bright as a child’s.
“Heaven,” Todd said, voicing his thoughts, and Gabe’s smile

broadened to a Cheshire Cat grin’s width.

The soup was next, a tomato-basil bisque that Todd thought might send him to Olympus. He laughed.
“What?” Gabe asked.

“Olympus,” Todd said. “First heaven and now Olympus.” Once again a childlike grin spread across Gabe’s face.

Gabe insisted they get the prime porterhouse steak and ordered lyonnaise potatoes—thinly sliced and pan fried along with onions, and sautéed in butter with parsley and mushrooms. The meat was so tender, Todd realized he could have cut it with the dull side of a butter knife. It had been cooked medium rare and hardly needed to be chewed. Todd had never experienced food like it. Like any of it.

Meanwhile, the waiter was wonderful. At times Todd wondered if the young man had any other tables. A cloth napkin dropped on the floor was replaced instantly. They had only to let a water glass become slightly empty and it was filled, as well as the wine. With only a nod from Gabe, a second bottle arrived.

“I’m getting tipsy,” Todd said, trying to stifle a giggle. “Good,” Gabe responded and their eyes locked briefly. Todd felt like he was lifting up into them, into a lovely country sky. His heart fluttered.

God. Is this what it feels like? Love? Is this what I’ve been missing?

“You going to take advantage of me?” he said, letting the wine give him words.
For an instant Gabe’s smile wavered. “You don’t think I would, do you?”

Todd’s eyes widened.
Shit!
Maybe he better stop drinking. “No,” he said.

Gabe’s smile returned full force.
But what if I wanted you to?
Todd wondered. Then knew he did want Gabe to do just that. Not take advantage really. But to take things in hand.
If he does, I’ll do whatever he wants
.
Wow. Two days ago I’m thinking of him as “queer,” and here I am wanting him. How does this happen?
He didn’t say any of that, but he found he really wanted to say something, didn’t know what to say. He knew so little about this man. Only that he’d had a hard beginning, that he made a lot of money, that his first boyfriend had cheated on him and….
Cheating
.
Do I tell him about that? Do I tell him about…? No. Maybe later. It would certainly ruin the mood.
So instead….

Chapter 15