The Boy I Loved Before (18 page)

Authors: Jenny Colgan

BOOK: The Boy I Loved Before

13.76Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

I looked up, and there, behind her, his hair messy and his shirt crumpled, looking tired, was Olly.

âThat man,' I said, still a bit exhilarated from screeching my head off, âhas an amazing habit of creeping up silently almost anywhere.'

âDon't let her in, would you, Tash?' said Olly unhappily.

âNo. I'm sorry,' I said, and, instantly, I was. âPlease, let me in. Please, Tashy. I have nowhere else to go. My parents are fighting, and all I've done all day is drive everyone nuts. And I haven't had the chance to apologise properly, to you, Olly. I'm so sorry. Please let me stay. Please.'

Tashy looked at me. âYou know, it's not fair to make very small girl's puppy eyes.'

âIt really fucking isn't,' came Olly's voice behind her.

âIt's either this or buying some chips and hanging around the bus stop,' I said. âI might get carried away by all that
White Lightning cider, and who knows what might happen?'

âYou come in, sit down, shut up and behave,' said Tashy, standing aside. âWe're not happy with you.'

âYes, Brown Owl,' I said meekly, and slipped inside.

Olly and Tash hovered in the sitting room.

âCan I have a beer?' I said.

âNo!' they said.

âI think if you're discussing me behind my back the Geneva Convention says I'm allowed a beer.'

âHas she always been such a spoiled brat?' asked Tashy to Ol.

âYes, I think so,' said Oliver. âI just didn't notice with all the wrinkles.'

I let out a great big teenager's sigh.

Max came in to the room and stared at me.

âWho are you?'

He was looking tired and grumpy, and he thought his IT reputation meant he didn't have to polish his social skills.

âHi, Max!' I said cheerily.

He turned on Tash. âWhat is this? Who is this? I can't believe you're still trying toâ'

âMax, it's me. Flora. Don't you remember? That time I lost your car keys, and the time I broke the glass and you stood in it, and â¦'

He shook his head. âTash, this is a crappy bloody joke.'

âIt's not a joke,' said Tash.

âIt's not,' said Olly, going to stand beside her.

Max looked at us. âI don't know what the hell you're up
to,' he said, âbut it's really fucking unamusing.' He stormed out.

âWell, what should I tell him?' said Tash.

Olly patted her on the shoulder. âI don't know. I'm sorry.'

âWhat are we going to do with you?' said Tashy to me.

âI'm not a child!'

âNo, we know that. Technically. But there are lots of childish prohibitions on what you can and can't do.'

âI'm running away to New York and/or Paris,' I said. To myself.

âDon't be sullen,' said Tashy.

âWhy are you telling off that child?' said Max. He'd paused at the door and was leaning on the radiator.

âI'm not fucking telling her off, and if you'd listen to me for five seconds, you'd realise that.'

âDo you have to swear quite so much when we have people in the house?'

âWhy not? It doesn't seem to bother you when you're shouting at Cherie Blair on the television.'

âI believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Cherie Blair.'

âDo you hate all working women, Max, or just successful ones?'

I looked at Olly. Christ, we were never this bad. He could clearly read what I was thinking, because he put his arms apart in an âI know!' gesture.

âErm, there's only three beers, Tashy â¦ and â¦ sorry, I've forgotten your name.'

The black curly-haired head peering round the door was talking to Olly.

âOliver.'

âOf course. Sorry,' said Clelland. Then he caught sight of me and gasped.

âOh Christ.' He took a step back. âIt's the wolverine.

âWolverine!' I said. âApart from the other day, I haven't seen you in sixteen years and one reverse month, and you call me a wolverine!'

Clelland moved cautiously into the room. Oliver was watching him closely. Clell moved over to me.

âOliver told me you were a wolverine. Also, I thought that by ridiculing you, you'd go back into the fiery pits of hell from whence you came,' he said, trying to shoot me an apologetic grin and only succeeding in looking nervous. âI mean, what the fuâ'

âDoes Clelland understand I didn't die?' I asked Tashy, who was still glowering at Max.

âI can't convince him,' she said. âI can't convince anyone of anything.'

Max let out a long low sigh and disappeared.

âTell Clelland I'm not a wolverine,' I ordered Olly.

âGrrr,' said Olly.

Well, if Clelland was allowed to stare at me, I could stare back at him. His dark eyes were still as hooded and interesting as ever, even as obviously confused as he was now.

âHow's Madeleine?' I asked.

He jumped backwards. âSo you are a ghost,' he said.

Nobody said anything for a minute.

âErm, she's fine, he said then. âWants us to move to Africa permanently. Kind of missionary thing.'

âPosition?'

âJob.'

âOK,' said Tashy. âShall we sit down?'

Everyone sat down carefully, except for me. I sat down cross-legged on the floor. Then I jumped up again, angry with myself.

âOK,' said Tashy. âWe were just going to meet to discuss what's happening in our â ahem â friend's life. And also, in ours because of it.'

âWithout me here?'

Olly looked at me. âYes. You know, amazingly, we thought you might interrupt and be very intrusive.'

âI thought you never wanted to speak to me again,' I said.

âLuckily that lasted almost nine hours.'

âSo,' Tashy addressed me, âyour mum and dad are younger than they were.'

âYes.'

âBut they're the only people who went back with you?'

âYes.'

âAnd they don't recognise you as ever having been any older?'

âNope.'

âAnd neither do the teachers at school?'

âNope.'

âBut we do.'

âYup.'

âBut nobody else?'

âYup.'

âI asked my mum about her,' said Olly. âShe'd never heard of her.'

âShe never liked me,' I said.

âNo, I mean â well, that's true, she never liked you, but she really had no knowledge of your existence. Apparently I've never had a girlfriend called Flora.'

âWhy didn't she like me?'

âShe thought you took me for granted. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I think we're the only people who know about you.'

âThat's stupid,' said Clelland. âI haven't even seen her in â¦ well, a long time.'

âThat's because you've been off being a goody-goody in Africa,' I said.

âGhost! Psychic ghost!'

âI have a theory,' said Tash. She took a deep breath and looked around sincerely. âOK. We've all known Flora for years, right?'

There was a mutter of assent from Clelland and a deep groan from Olly. I remembered, again, meeting him that night in that noisy bar next to the law courts, when he was the only man gentlemanly enough to help me with my coat and buy me drinks. I'd thought he was so charming. He was. I looked at him, and he caught my eye, and I could tell he knew what I was thinking. He looked away. Pity was futile. Tash was still talking.

âWell. OK, I'm not looking forward to saying this out loud. But it seems to me that the only people who can “see” Flora are the ones who've known her the best. For the longest. The people who love her. Her true friends, if you like.' She gave a little laugh, embarrassed at having to use the expression âtrue friends'.

I, though, was looking at Olly and Clelland, the two dearest men to me in the whole world, and Tash, my best friend.

âWhat the hell am I doing in this picture?' said Olly bitterly.

Tash shrugged.

âHang on â is it right that I only have three true friends in the entire world, one of whom I've just dumâbroken up with, and one I haven't seen for a decade and a half because he's been trying to find water for starving nations?'

âSurely it's much more sensible if we just assume she's a ghost,' said Clelland.

âI meanâ'

âOK, OK, I'm sure that's not it,' said Tashy, looking at my downcast face. âIt can't be.'

âThree!'

âI'm sure that's not it at all,' said Tash. âIf anything, maybe we're the people you like the least.'

âYeah, I'll go for that,' said Ol.

âNo! That's worse!'

Everyone was looking at me.

âHave you tried anyone else in your address book?' said Tash.

âNo,' I said. âIt doesn't exist and never has.'

âOK, we'll have to assume it's just us then.'

There was a pause while we all struggled to take this in.

âIgnoring the pointlessness of that just for a moment,' said Olly, âwhat are we going to do? I mean, there's no point in taking you to a research base â nobody's going to believe us.'

âSo, no living autopsy for me,' I said. âDisappointed?'

âYes.'

âUnless you could prove something that would happen in the future,' said Tash.

âAs a lucky guess for two and a half weeks, mostly centring around highly predictable Big Brother evictions,' I said.

Clelland snapped his fingers. âOK,' he said. âI'm going to take some photos.'

âThat's right,' Tashy said. âBecause in the history of magazines, nobody's ever done anything to a photograph to make anyone in it look younger.'

âAnd I won't be in it,' said Olly. âOr if I have to be, I'm not smiling.'

âYou're right â stupid idea. Hmm.' He shrugged. â
Okele Manoto
,' he said suddenly.

âWhat?' said Tashy.

He looked embarrassed. âSorry,' he said. âThat came out prickish. It's an African expression you hear a lot where I've been working. It means “take it as a gift”.'

âIt means what?' said Olly.

âTake it as a gift. Just let it happen and try and get the best from it. Well, I think that's what it means. It might just mean: “crap, we've been shafted by international colluding governments again”.'

âWhat do you think I should do?' I asked Clelland, looking into his dark face. His features, now I could examine them again, were a lot more pronounced. He looked great as a man, much better than he had as a skinny boy.

âTake it as a gift,' he said. âI just said. Weren't you listening?'

âOh,' I said.

âI'm teasing,' he said. âDoesn't anyone take the piss out of teenagers any more?'

âEveryone does,' I said. âWe're the scorned element of society.'

âPoor little you,' said Olly.

âOK,' said Clelland. âHere's what I mean. You have the chance to do some things again, right?'

I nodded.

âAnd we think â well, this is what we were discussing before you came in â¦'

âUh-huh.'

â â¦ that you might be caught in some sort of a loop. Because you've gone back in time. That when we get back to Tashy and Max's wedding, something is going to have to happen there.'

âI might meet myself,' I said.

âThere's that.'

âThere might be a collision of matter and anti-matter and you might die,' said Olly.

Tashy went over and put a hand on his shoulder. âSsh,' she said.

âI'm just saying,' he complained. âIt's a possibility.'

âDon't frighten her.'