The Bottom Line (14 page)

“Roger. Larry. One of the big bosses is coming to talk to us about private Internet usage.”

“Aw, crap,” Larry said. “That takes all the fun out of work.”

“What time is the meeting?” Roger asked.

“In half an hour.” This should be interesting. He knew for a fact a lot of the staff used the Internet for private purposes while at work. Even he’d jumped online a couple of times to check email and Maggie’s blog. Cursing softly, he returned to his desk.

A plan to catch Maggie. For a moment he wished he could talk to Julia, but that was impossible. This one he’d have to handle on his own.

“Man, you have to see this blog,” Larry said.

The excited light in Larry’s eyes made Connor’s stomach twist into a knot.
Please, not Maggie’s blog
. “You’re not meant to check all the links,” he reminded his workmate. “You’re meant to try to link employees to private Internet use.”

“But the blog is called Big Bad Ass. I
had
to check it out.”

It was Maggie’s blog. Damn, they’d been careless reading her blog at work. He couldn’t exactly tell the girls off when he was guilty of the same crime. Surely Maggie wouldn’t be silly enough to do a post at work?

“Which computers have accessed this blog?” He held his breath while he waited for Larry to consult his printouts.

“At least four different computers. No, wait. It’s more than that.” He glanced at Connor. “This blog has been accessed from all over the place. You’d think that if it was that popular, we would have heard gossip.”

Belatedly Connor remembered Julia worked all over the place, depending where her secretarial services were required. “What sort of blog is it?” He asked the question knowing Larry expected curiosity.

Larry smirked. “It’s all about spanking. Bring up the URL and take a look.”

Connor typed in the URL and hoped Larry didn’t notice it came up automatically after he’d typed the first few letters. Maggie had posted a new entry since he’d last checked.

I’ve been thinking about the physical act of spanking recently. Yes, it’s true. I’m driven to discover more in my thirst for knowledge. To date I hadn’t considered spanking positions. I’d merely thought about the act itself and the sounds. Thunk. Crack. Thinking about the sounds gets me hot. Isn’t that strange?

A shudder went through Connor. Hell, the sounds haunted him and wouldn’t let go. Every time he read Maggie’s blog and thought about actually spanking her, the sounds came back.
The memories
. The sharp cry from his mother when his father’s fist hit her face. The crunch of a bone breaking. The grunt his father made when he struck out with his hands. And the crying. The crying haunted him most of all. His own muffled sobs as he squeezed into a corner, trying to remain out of sight. His mother’s soft tears, restrained despite her pain. And his father’s loud sobs that he was sorry and it would never happen again. A promise he broke again and again.

Connor concentrated on the computer screen forcing the painful memories away, the sense of helplessness and feeling that he should have done something to help. Of course, his mother and Frank had told him repeatedly it wouldn’t have made a difference. As an adult he knew he hadn’t had many choices. Intellectually, he knew there was nothing he could have done to change the course of events, but try telling that to his heart.

I came across a post in a forum I enjoy visiting. It contained a list of spanking positions. Twenty in all. Who knew? Reading through them was an eye-opener.

All I can think of now is trying out the positions until I come back to my main problem. No man to spank me.

Maybe I need to cast my net further afield and try dating some new guys. I’m not stupid enough to mention spanking on the first date but if we clicked and decided to take our relationship into the physical, I’d mention spanking then. No matter how embarrassed I felt. I think that’s where I went wrong last time. I hesitated and second-guessed myself instead of stating my needs upfront. By the time I gathered courage I’d learned things about my lover’s background that made me worry about his reaction to my request for a good spanking.

Yeah, as much as I like this guy I’m going to pursue other men. And before you think I’m two-timing or being unfaithful, let me assure you I’m not. We have a casual agreement and have promised each other if someone else comes along, we’ll let the other know. We’re both adults. We knew the score before we started sleeping with each other.

Hell, wasn’t that a kick in the head. Maggie had accepted a date with this other man, and if things worked out, he was down the track. Their
friends with benefits
deal would end and he’d lose the one woman he could actually love— Nah, he needed honesty here. He loved Maggie, and that was the problem. Too many secrets and holding back on telling her how it really was with him. Damn, why was it so bloody hard?

“I’d love to meet her,” Larry said. “I’ve read lots of the blog posts. Hell, I’d spank her if she asked me. I wonder what she looks like. Probably a dog.”

“You should get back to work. The partners are expecting results on this and a report on how to stop the problem.”

“Sure, Connor.” Larry strode back to his desk and soon appeared immersed in his work.

The hours passed, and Connor left work. He met Christina and Susan on the way out, but turned down their offer of drinks. He didn’t feel in the mood and knew it showed. The last thing he wanted was a series of nosy questions.

He spent an hour prowling his apartment, thankful his two flatmates weren’t present to witness his fall. They’d joked about him getting caught one day. It seemed they were right. Finally, unable to stand his own company for a moment longer, he grabbed his wallet and left his apartment. There was a pub down the road. He’d order a whiskey or two and try and come up with a half-decent plan to win Maggie over. And he needed to get past his aversion to spanking her. She wasn’t going to change her mind, at least until she received her spanking. If he was a lucky man, she’d hate spanking and would never speak of it again. And if she enjoyed the experience, he’d face that later. Come up with a new plan.

“Connor! How are you? I haven’t seen you for ages.”

Connor found himself with an armful of blonde. Automatically, he wrapped his arms around her slim body and gave her a hug before stepping back. “Jenny.”

He glanced up and met Maggie’s enigmatic gaze.
Crap
. Did he have a sign on his back that said,
kick me
? He smiled, but she didn’t return his welcome, turning her attention back to her date.

Double crap
.

Ever polite, he turned his attention back to Jenny. They’d dated for about three weeks before they’d moved on with no hard feelings. “I’m good,” he said. “I haven’t seen you for a while. How have you been?”

“I’m engaged,” Jenny said, wiggling her left fingers at him. “We’re getting married next weekend.”

“Congratulations. Anyone I know?”

Jenny shook her head, settling her blonde curls in motion. “I don’t think so. I went home for the holiday weekend and met him again. We went to school together and hadn’t seen each other for years. This time we clicked.” Jenny grinned and kissed him soundly on the lips. “I’m so happy I could burst. Are you here with anyone? No? Come and meet my friends.”

Jenny dragged him over to a large table at the far end of the pub and ordered two of her friends to squeeze up so they could fit in Connor. He laughed and joked with the girls, but couldn’t have repeated a word they said. All he could think about was Maggie and the man she sat with on the other side of the pub.

Twenty minutes later, he watched them leave. The guy was probably close to his own height—over six feet tall. He had blond hair and looked fit. Connor wanted to jump to his feet and knock the arm the man had slung around Maggie’s shoulders away. He flirted with the idea of smacking him before he shook himself. That wouldn’t happen. Not unless the other man hit him first. He gazed after them scowling. Nah, that wasn’t gonna happen either. No baiting. Maggie would never forgive him. He needed to fight for her fair and square.

“Do you know her?” Jenny asked. “You’ve been watching her ever since you arrived.”

“Yeah.” Connor let out a heavy sigh. “I know her.”

Jenny’s green eyes widened a fraction. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you feel something for her.”

Connor couldn’t force a word past the lump in his throat, and his silence said it all.

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Jenny said. “Connor Grey has fallen for a woman.”

“She doesn’t think the same way about me,” he said, a ball of misery curling through his gut. Damn, he needed to get out of here.

“Fight for her,” one of Jenny’s friends said. Connor couldn’t remember her name but she was a pretty blue-eyed blonde. “A woman likes to know a man wants her.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Connor said, taking a slug of beer from his bottle.

“Pooh,” another of Jenny’s friends said. “Don’t run away. We’re trying to help.”

“Yeah,” Jenny said. “What you need to do is give her a night she’ll never forget. Plan something special. Something private that says you’re thinking about her special needs.”

“Oh, yes,” the blue-eyed blonde said. “And make it a night you can repeat in the future on special occasions. That’s after you’re married. Make it really memorable.”

“Married?” Connor damn near stuttered in his shock. He didn’t want to marry Maggie.

The girls glanced at one another and started laughing.

“Connor, you’re toast,” Jenny said. “You’re a fallen man. You love that girl. Now all you have to do is tell her.”

Connor fired up his laptop when he arrived back at his apartment after midnight. A memorable idea. Marriage.
Right
.

Jenny and her friends’ ideas flitted through his mind but none of them fit into a scenario that would work for him. He kept coming back to the memorable night and knew they were right.

He went straight to Maggie’s blog, and to his surprise he found a new blog entry. That meant she’d gone home instead of indulging in hot sex with her date. He didn’t think she would have posted a blog if they’d gone back to her place, either. Unless, she’d pre-scheduled the post.

Connor cursed and read the post instead of thinking about Maggie in bed with the blond man.

There’s lots to think about when it comes to spanking. Positions, as I’ve mentioned. Spanking implements. I’ve also started thinking about lingerie.

As someone mentioned on my favorite forum, lingerie plays an important part in a spanking. There’re all the different styles to consider. Do I want my butt cheeks on display or totally covered with material? Should it be cotton or something silky? Different lingerie. Different sensations.

One woman mentioned G-strings. She liked wearing them for a spanking because her ass cheeks were fully on display. Another woman liked plain cotton panties—the sort of panties a grandmother might wear. A third woman liked silky briefs while another preferred the square-leg boy pants. She said nothing turned her on more than when her husband put her over his knee and flipped up her skirt, spanking her a couple of times through the plain cotton boy-leg panties before dragging them down and spanking her properly.

“Jesus,” Connor muttered. “Where does she get this stuff?” He couldn’t get past the actual act of spanking. Maggie had thought about positions, implements and now lingerie. She’d posted about communication. Part of him was curious as to what she’d write about next.

I feel a yearning for some lingerie shopping. Maybe I’ll see if my girlfriends are up for a spot of retail therapy. My current lingerie is fairly plain, and I’m due for a spending spree. I like the idea of wearing sexy lingerie while at work. Dress for work is always so conservative because management doesn’t want us to frighten off the customers. At least I can express my individuality with lingerie.

I’ve always liked the idea of a corset. Some of them are so beautiful these days they can be worn as outerwear with a pair of trousers or a skirt or as lingerie.

What sort of lingerie do you think would work best with a spanking? I look forward to your comments.

Connor reread the end of her post about the corset, and an idea came to him.
The
idea. It was perfect and would feed into her spanking fantasy. This time he wouldn’t dodge the issue because he realized if he tried that avenue again he’d lose Maggie to another man.

He felt so good about his idea he decided to email her.

Dear Bad Ass,

Why don’t you ask your lover what sort of panties he’d prefer you to wear? Or better yet, why don’t you tell your lover exactly what you want from him? Give him the option of saying no instead of taking the decision away without giving him a chance. Your lover might surprise you.

The worst that could happen is that he’ll say no.

The truth is you’ll probably surprise him. You’ve had more time to think about spanking than him. He might not understand why you want him to spank you. He might not like the idea because his parents raised him to admire and protect women. You might want to tell him what you think spanking will bring to your relationship, explain to him why you think spanking will improve things between you. Give him reasons. Men are used to taking the facts and acting. When you spring this on him, your man will likely feel a little confused and want answers. He might wonder how a negative activity like spanking could improve a relationship. Have those answers ready for him.

Tell your man how you feel about him, and most of all exercise patience.

Best,

Kinky Lover

Connor checked through his note and decided it said everything he wanted to know. Hit the high points. If Maggie could think about those things and have answers ready, it might help him get past the worry about hurting her.

His thoughts drifted to his father. He hadn’t seen him for years and then only during supervised visits. The last time had been when he was thirteen. A typical teenager, he’d gone sullen when his father had started ordering him around. The visit hadn’t gone well, and they’d fought. The fight had escalated from verbal to physical pretty quickly. He’d managed to land a few punches and had broken his father’s arm before his father had overpowered him.