The Book of Matt (39 page)

Comments like the latter — along with his use of the epithets
fag
and
queer
in his statement to police — only served to reinforce Aaron’s image as an unqualified homophobe. But these were also calculated attempts on his part to deflect attention from a side of himself that he was determined to keep hidden. In reality, Aaron had long been enamored of the bad-boy attitudes celebrated in “gangsta” rap and had
used similar epithets with his friends. Sporting a bandanna, oversized cargo pants, and a thick chain around his check with the nickname
DOPEY
engraved in solid gold, he’d call them
bitch, nigga, ho
, et cetera.

The nickname Dopey was a handle Aaron had been proud of and had advertised everywhere, including his vanity license plate. He also had the Disney character tattooed on his shoulder, with another custom touch: Dopey is pouring a giant can of beer on his mother’s grave — an unambiguous reference to the sudden death of his mother when he was sixteen, and to lyrics sung by the murdered rapper 2Pac and other “niggaz” who vowed to
pour a forty ounce on my homie’s grave
. 2Pac, who was shot in 1996 when Aaron was nineteen, gave voice to the gangsta alienation that Aaron and many of his peers identified as their own.

(Kristen never had a second baby by Aaron. Presumably, she aborted the pregnancy or had a miscarriage after her release from jail. But within weeks of declaring her love to Aaron, she got pregnant by someone else and eventually gave birth to a second son.)

Russell and Chasity also exchanged love letters while they were incarcerated at ACDC, using a jailhouse system of “kites” to smuggle their correspondence. Mixed with occasional angry comments about Kristen, whom he blamed for their current predicament, Russell repeatedly swore his love to Chasity. She, in turn, addressed him as “Green Eyes.”

Russell’s collection of letters — which became part of the permanent case record — displayed a youthful sentimentality; he always began with “Hey Baby” and signed them “Yours Always”:

I wish I could see you more than once a week. I miss you so much. I miss everything about you. I wish more than anything that everything could go back to normal. I’m hoping and praying that we will be together soon …

I wish I had a time machine so I could make everything right … Remember that I love you more than anything in this world. You will always have my heart. Also remember
that you will always be my baby. There is no one else that can fill that spot. I Love You.

My last letter to you didn’t make it. It got in the wrong hands. It basically said how much I missed you …

I saw you when you came downstairs … thru a little window on a door, reflecting off the glass …

I found out the last time I cheated [that] you were the only girl for me. When you did it, it broke my heart and I learned how much I wanted you …

It would be nice to hear from you to know if you still care or [you’re] already looking for a new life … I will always care for you no matter what happens.

I know that whore friend of yours snitched everyone out in the beginning w/out any hesitation. I am the only one that stayed strong and didn’t talk … The way it looks to me is your [sic] planning your life so when you get out everything will be set. Set for me not to be in it.

I don’t know what to do or think anymore. The only thing I do know is I can trust no one. Not even the most important person in the world to me. It’s just me against the world …

I know in 5 years you won’t be there for me … I don’t think my grandma will be alive in five years. That leaves no one …

The whole world is against me and I need all the friends I can get …

… Please ask your mom to send at least one picture of you so I can at least have something to always remember my girl by.
I LOVE YOU
.

Chasity tried in several letters to allay his fears of abandonment and betrayal:

I am
not
trying to send you to prison, I am tying to get you out. I am trying to make it so you are an accessory [sic] just
like me cuz [sic] I know that you didn’t touch [Matthew] — at least I think that. Why would I be trying to get you out of my life, I love you so much.

… I was threatened by the police. I told them what I knew which was all heresay [sic] anyway …

Kristen is so lucky that Aaron loves her so much. He thinks we don’t deserve to be here and he is so sorry for what we are going through.

If you want me to tell my lawyer fuck off and tell everyone I committed murder
I will
, at least then you will quit blaming me …

I will always be here for you and support you but I’m beginning to think that you don’t need me anymore … If you want me to say murder, just say so. I love you.

For his part Russell continued to pour out his feelings, though he seemed only dimly aware — or was in denial — about what kind of sentence he could expect to receive:

… I was so glad to go up there and be able to see you. I wish I could come and hold you even if it were just for a minute. That would at least ease some of the pain of seperation [sic] …

I look forward to sleep so I can dream about being with you, even though it is hard to sleep without you by my side …

Your Sensless [sic] CD is in Doc’s limo. [Aaron] took it one time he went in there, the time he cheated. Don’t worry I didn’t go in the limo …

My heart just grows a greater love for you every day I’m seperated [sic]. It lusts for you. It needs you …

I have not got [sic] any visits from anybody except my grandma and my 2 aunts … I’m even getting a lot of letters from people at my grandma’s church …

My old boss was going to sell my picture to the newspaper
but Taco Bell said they would sue because of my uniform … This is all over the world Chasity. I need all the support … especially from you …

I don’t expect you to wait for me. [But] I do expect you to remember what me and you [sic] had … That love will
never
leave my heart …

I still remember the last night we were together. That night was and will be the
greatest
night of my life even though we didn’t make love.

Whatever you do and whatever you decide please don’t forget me.

You shouldn’t believe everything you hear cause I’m not getting death. They might try but I’ve been told I won’t get it. I will probably get a little time. I still have a chance to beat it …

Like Russell, Chasity was struggling to be realistic about their future; at the same time she tried to convince him that there were reasons to remain hopeful:

From what I have heard you are going to get life in prison. If that is the case I don’t know how we can keep our relationship going. If you don’t get life then everything will be allright [sic]. If you do get life I will be here for you and support you the whole way through. I will keep in touch with you and try to see you …

If you guys go to trial Aaron is saying that you didn’t touch[Matthew], just watched. Kristen is saying the same and I’m telling them what you told me, that you didn’t touch him. I pray that you and I will be together someday and that you will get a lesser charge.

It sucks cuz [sic] I’m going to miss Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’m dying in here, it’s going to make me crazy. But I take it day by day. I lost everything, you, my education, my job, and my home …

I wish it would all go away but thats [sic] just wishful thinking …

I hope that you and I get to have that baby we planned, someday. Just keep your head up and if you get down think of me. I think of you all the time and it helps me get through my day … I love you with all my heart.

With the passage of time Russell seemed more resigned to the likelihood that their relationship wouldn’t survive his imprisonment, yet he continued to voice his love for her — even as he isolated himself more:

I love you more than the world itself. Nothing can or will ever change that. Not even if you stop caring …

I will survive. I’m not getting life. I might do a
little
time. I know you will want to move on and I will deal with that when the time comes. I try not to think about that … I will love you forever no matter what happens or where you go …

I’ve pretty much blocked everyone out of my life. There is no one I can trust anymore except for myself …

I want you to do anything to get out. I’m sorry for everything …

When I told you I loved you they locked me down but it was more than worth it … They could lock me down for the rest of my time here if they would give me 15 min [sic] alone w/you.

In a letter to Chasity’s brother, Russell repeated something that he’d written to her several times, though his tone was very different.

“If there is one thing I learned from this is [sic] I can trust no one …” he said. “As your older brother I’m going to tell you to keep your ass out of trouble cause if you don’t you might end up in my shoes.”

Beyond the drug underpinnings of Matthew’s murder, perhaps the most paradoxical discovery I made during my investigation was
coming to realize that Russell, whom I’ve now known for nearly a dozen years, shows no signs whatsoever of being homophobic or hating gay people. Nor do I believe this is a convenient case of “convict’s remorse.”

Russell was a participant in a robbery that turned abhorrently violent and that led to Matthew’s death, for which he has accepted responsibility. But all of the alleged anti-gay sentiments attributed to him came from the hearsay statements of second and third parties with a strong personal interest in the outcome of the case — notably Aaron’s girlfriend, Kristen. The media then reported those statements endlessly until they were accepted as fact.

In my early conversations with Russell, beginning in 2002, I was extremely skeptical of everything he told me, including on the subject of sexuality. But as I became better acquainted with him and gradually conducted interviews with many who knew him, including prison personnel, it became apparent that he’d been telling me the truth right along.

When I first sent Russell a copy of the anonymous letter I’d found at the courthouse in the fall of 2000, which claimed that he and Aaron “were quite familiar with gay guys,” he flatly denied the letter’s allegations concerning himself. He also said he’d never seen Aaron involved in homosexual activities but “I can’t speak for him.” Yet it was the rest of Russell’s letter that gave me pause and made me feel compelled to investigate further:

I have never had intimate relations with another man in any way, shape, or form. This in no way makes me homophobic. I am far from this. I have no hatred towards anyone.

… I don’t know why so many people would say things about me that aren’t true … It makes it hard because now when the truth is told, some people don’t want to believe it.

… It took a lot of consideration for me to talk to you. I do not have much trust in the media and I know they have a way of twisting words for their own purpose … I do trust you, which is not easily earned considering everything else that has happened to me …

I have never engaged in sexual activities with men. If I did, this is something I would not be ashamed of. This isn’t the [19]50s. You don’t have to hide from it. I am not hiding and I am being 100% truthful with you.

— PART THREE —

Rogers Canyon

THIRTY-ONE

The Little Bastard

In the summer of 1977 Russell Arthur Thompson was not born yet. He was still being jostled around in the womb of his nineteen-year-old mother, Cindy, when she griped wishfully to her girlfriend Michelle, “Let’s flush the little bastard.”

Michelle knew her friend’s remark did not spring from momentary panic or one of the fleeting mood swings that typically accompany pregnancy. Cindy’s desperate yearning to purge her baby was a refrain Michelle and others would hear often in the aftermath of Russell’s premature birth on September 24.

Extracted from Cindy’s uterus with stainless-steel forceps and weighing just an ounce over four pounds — his blood tainted by fetal alcohol poisoning and other drugs his mother had ingested — the boy was kept alive on a hospital incubator for two weeks. When his weight slipped to three pounds, the still-hopeful obstetrician who delivered Russell spoke of transporting him from Laramie to a Texas hospital with more advanced post-natal equipment. But there was good reason to fear that the tiny infant, with his jaundiced skin and lustrous green eyes, would not survive the trip.

According to town gossip, Cindy drank profusely in her hospital bed before being wheeled to the delivery room. For days after giving birth she refused to see the baby, and she neglected to visit his crib in intensive care before checking out of the hospital.

Cindy’s temperamental, equally hard-drinking spouse, Gerry Farris, who couldn’t give a damn about having a newborn son — or worse, becoming a parent — shared her indifference.

Exactly one year later to the day, another son fathered by Gerry — David Farris — was born to a different woman named Melinda. David Farris would later become inseparable friends with Aaron McKinney. A brawny, tough-talking amateur boxer and a hard drinker who has
been in and out of jail in recent years, David, now thirty-four, prides himself on having been part of Aaron’s tight inner circle and takes credit for introducing Aaron to his half brother, Russell.