The Book of Dave (11 page)

– W-wotcher meen? Gari spluttered.

– Lyke Eye say, Eye bin in ve Zön, Eye bin 2 ve playce vair ee berried ve Búk, an ee cum 2 me, an ee giv me anuwah Búk – yeah,
a nú 1 – an we cauled í ovah togevvah, yeah, an ee toll me 2 cum an tell U Ió abaht i, ri.

– Bluddyel.

– Bluddyel iz abaht ve syze uv í, mayt, coz iss awl chaynj fer nah. Dave sez weev gó ve rong end uv ve stikk – ee doan wannus
livin lyke vis, nó torkin wiv ar mummies, treetin em lyke shit an vat. Iss ve saym wiv ve Nú Lundun stuff, ee sez iss awl
bollox, ee doan give a toss abaht bildin Nú Lundun, aw ve Pee-See-bleedin-Oh. Ee sez we shood liv az bess we can an nó wurri,
if we wanner do fings diffrent iss fyn bì im …

There was much more of this, all spoken in a rush by Symun, his voice strangely breathy and high-pitched. If this was blasphemous
to Gari, it was also beguiling. All his life Dave had been present to him yet invisible, untouchable and unreachable; now
here was Sy – who Gari knew as well as he knew himself – claiming to have spoken with Dave and saying that he'd received a
second Book, which did away with all of the tiresome strictures inhibiting the Hamsters' natural inclinations. Gari wasn't
the most credulous of the Hamsters, but, even if he'd been disposed to challenge Symun, he was forestalled by the Geezer,
who began to spout whole chunks of the new Book. They were beautiful to Gari's ears: sonorous, ringing – incontrovertibly
the words of Dave. Gari felt his bowlegs buckling beneath him, and he collapsed to the ground. Worming forwards in the muddy
lane, he reached out and touched Symun's foot – now reassuringly earthbound – with a trembling hand. Orlrì, ven, Geezer, he
said faintly.

Geezers had been a part of the religious life of Ham for as far back as the chain of linked individual memories reached. These
were charismatic dads – and occasionally mums – touched by the Word of Dave, who sprang on to the stage afforded by the island
and strutted there for a few months or even years. Certain brick-built hovels on the margins of the Gayt were known as the
'Geezers' gaffs', and among the Hamsters the feeling was that the Geezers had been present in the time of the giants – or
even before. Naturally, whenever a Driver had been among them, all talk of the Geezers was suppressed, yet the receptivity
of the Hamsters to such things remained high, so that when Symun came down through the home field spouting revelation the
daddies and mummies cast away their tools and followed him to the Shelter. The screen itself responded to Symun's new calling;
Dave's demister powered up and swept the clouds up into higher and higher masses, which teetered, then dispersed with supernatural
rapidity, leaving the foglamp blazing down on the green isle.

– So caul í ovah, ven, clevah clogs! shouted out Symun's uncle, Fil Edduns, from the back of the little throng. His sister,
Effi, may have been the repository of the old folkways, but Fil was the most rigidly dävist of the daddies. Despite the long
years that Ham had been beyond the PCO's writ, he still looked to London in all things spiritual.

If Fil had been hoping to expose Symun and to put paid to this new Geezer, he was utterly vanquished. The granddad stood,
kneading the mulberry birthmark that stained the left side of his face, while the Knowledge flowed out of his nephew: a flood
of eloquence that slaked his audience's thirst for poetry. While Symun spoke, skipping from verse to verse of the new book
– so az Eye can stikk í strayt 2 yer – a remarkable thing happened.

The older lads who'd been away on the other side of the island tending the motos came fanning down from the woodland, their
charges plodding at their heels, and joined the congregation. It was said years later, when the boilers met together in secret,
away from the ears of the new Driver, and recalled this time of delirious heterodoxy, that even the birds fluttered from the
trees to hear Sy Dévúsh preach. Perching here and there on the shoulders of the Hamsters, or the broad backs of the recumbent
motos, they twittered their assent to his words. The only Hamsters who were absent were the infants, still propped in their
furrows at the top of the home field; their reedy cries could be heard piercing Symun's calling over with their own message
of eternal need.

There was no mystery as to why the Hamsters heeded the Geezer: the message he brought them from Dave was highly congenial.
Henceforth they should regard Ham and all its fruits as theirs and theirs alone.

– Dave sez stikk í 2 ve Ack, stikk í 2 ve Loyah uv Chil inall – loyahs, vare awl skum. Vay swyp arf uv awl we mayk, an weave
nuffing 2 shew 4 í. Stikk í 2 Nú Lundun ëvun. Iss nó abaht bildin nuffing but Am – Am iz 4 U an U iz 4 Am. An ee sez ve mummies
can dú wottevah vay lyke. If Ewe wanna B wiv a dad, fayre Enuff, iss no bovvah, juss dú í. Ee tayks bakk all vat guff abaht
mummitym an dadditym, ve Braykup an ve Chaynjova. Ve kids shúd B wiv vair mums an vair dads awluv ve tym. Í aint dahn 2 ve
granddads 2 decyd awl vat stuff, iss dahn 2 awluv uz in R arts.

Many of the Hamstermen spoke with Dave on the intercom – such was the effect of their calling over. It was an angry voice, a
harsh voice – a voice that drowned out their memories of the mummytime. Now, in turn, Symun's words shouted that voice down.
Furthermore, if the granddads were inclined to dispute with the Geezer, they were silenced by their own uneasy acknowledgement
that he was only restating the true status quo of the community, long disrupted by Dävinity and now triumphantly reasserted.

The original Book was spurned by the Geezer in its entirety:

–
Dave sed ee roat í wen ee woz off iz rokkah, vass wy iss fulluv awl vat mad shit – runs an poynts an stuff. U doan aff 2 dú
awl vat 2 luv Dave – awl we gotta dú iz luv eech uvvah. Ee sez weer awl Carl – weer awl iz lads, an if we luv eech uwah iss
lyke luwin im.

Concerning the whereabouts of the miraculous, second Book, the Geezer was equally emphatic:

– Dave tuk í bakk, he told those who asked. Ee borrered me í, an ven ee túk í bakkoffuv me. Iss nó 4 uz 1ó 2 reed, we shúd be reedin uvvah stuff, maykin R oan búks ëvun.

Those Hamsters disposed to follow the new teaching took this to heart and began, under Symun's tutelage, to learn their phonics.
However, they didn't believe what he said about the second Book, for the Geezer never went anywhere without his changingbag.

The legends spoke of giants in former times, yet each generation of these isolates were giant to one another, looming large
and pale against the island's arboreal backdrop. When carnal love struck a Hamster, he or she tossed in its fiery embrace.
So Symun groaned in his motorage, Eye wan yaw sex, and reached towards Caff again and again, while she slapped him away again
and again. Giwi a ress, willya! she cried, Freds yer best bluddë mayt. Symun had already made his seductive speeches and spoken
of how, under the new dispensation, all were free to do as they wished: ĺ doan má-er vat ewe an Fred woz wed coz í wurnt 4
reel. He'd even insinuated that if it had been his and her baby who'd been anointed by Effi, the child would have lived.

Caff was in turmoil. It was true, she had no great feeling for Fred – she barely even knew him, and, while some of the daddies
had got to know their wives since the Geezer came among them, Fred was not one of their number. Caff couldn't deny that she
found Symun attractive, and the older mummies and boilers told her there would be great honour in lying with the Geezer, yet
still she slapped him away. He wouldn't give up – he pursued her, over the fields, through the underbrush, along the foreshore
guarded by its umbelliferous sentinels, until at last, here, in the blue of noon, he reached for her and she didn't slap him
away. His hand pulled up the hem of her cloakyfing, then lay brown on her white thigh; it lingered, then advanced, his fingers
gliding over pinky-brown moles, their tips caressing the golden down. Soon they were married – Caff leaned back against the
shingle bank, her thighs imprisoned in his.

One morning, before the foglamp was on, Effi managed to catch her son as he returned from performing his necessary offices
in the Shelter. Effi grabbed his arm in a nasty grip.

– Givovah, Mum! He shrugged her off, saying, Wass yaw problum?

– U bluddë R! She was breathing heavily, the taut tendons in her neck exposed by a flap of her cloakyfing. U fink Eye dunno
wot vis iz awl abaht?

– Wotcher meen? The Geezer was highly aggrieved. Eye onlë dun wotchew toll me 2.

– Eye toll U! Eye toll U! Eye aint eevun spoakin 2 U 4 bluddë yeers! Nah Uve adda crakkat Caff Ridmun U gonna avta tayk ve
consikwencis. U fink yul gé away wiv í coz yaw so fukkin smart, but U wont, ve Acks gonna B ear juss lyke ee iz evri summer,
an awl vem uz kepp shtum R gonna fukk U ovah.

Rather than remonstrate with him further – because she knew he desired even this commerce with her – Effi flapped away to
the mummies' gaffs. Symun took himself off to the Ferbiddun Zön to brood. This wild, overgrown place held no terror for him
now that his revelation was complete. Symun could read the Book, so he could read the zone; all the island of Ham was legible
to him. He understood its origin – and he felt certain he knew its future as well.