The Book of Daniel (11 page)

That was deliberately vague. If I’d been talking to Bree, I’d have said I needed to go shopping. Shopping was something she never questioned.

He wiped his hands on his napkin. “Okay.”

“I think I need some time.”

Cam nodded. What could he do? He’d demanded honesty, and I’d given it.

After that I stopped wondering whether he was happy and started worrying about why I cared as much as I did.

Cam continued to eat, and I continued to worry, and after we’d paid we walked together to the parking lot.

I turned to him. “I guess I’ll see you next Friday?”

“Sure,” he regarded me thoughtfully.

I opened the door to my car, but Cam closed the distance that separated us, stopping me by grabbing the center of my shirt, buttons and all in his fist, and pulling me back around.

“I think you forgot something.”

I gasped, both surprised and frankly turned on to be manhandled that way. In the darkness he was little more than an immense silhouette, man and muscle, a huge presence. He was capable of astonishing tenderness, but I couldn’t forget he could bench-press my weight and throw me around like a toy. He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine, tentatively at first, and then tilting his head to deepen the kiss, slipping the hands that clutched me around my back to pull me into a tight embrace.

He reeled me in—like St. Nacho’s itself—trying to drag me down with peace and sentiment and pleasurable sensory overload until I stopped struggling.

I broke the kiss and pushed him gently away without—I hoped—sending the message that his kiss wasn’t welcome. I was breathless and my skin tingled everywhere.

Cam’s gaze traveled from my eyes to my dick and back again—like a god, giving his creation the once over
and he saw that it was good.

Cam’s smile lit up the otherwise darkened corner of the lot.

“Fr-Friday.” That came out weaker than I intended. He nodded, and I got into my car and headed home.

Chapter Ten

I made it back in time on Friday the following week to pick up Cam from his apartment just before noon. He answered the door wearing his cat around his neck like a workout towel. The animal hung there motionless except for a loud purr—completely content—while Cam made his last-minute preparations. He gathered his keys and wallet, lifted his duffel, and said, “Okay”. Spot came to life and leaped down off his shoulders to rub up against his legs.

“Back soon,” Cam told her. I watched him reach down and scratch one last time under her chin. “Jennifer will stop by while I’m gone to check on you.”

When he was done reassuring his cat, Cam turned a happy face to me and took my breath away. He looked damp and freshly scrubbed, but utterly casual. He hadn’t shaved, so his cheeks were covered with a golden stubble that winked in the sunlight when we exited his apartment and walked to my car.

“Mind driving? I just drove in from Santa Cruz, and I could use a break.”

“Sure.”

I gave him my keys, and he took the wheel after throwing his bag in the trunk.

He wore a subdued Hawaiian shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. I’d gone with lightweight denim jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt, and I’d thrown a sweatshirt in the back of the car.

“Are you sure you’ll be warm enough?”

“I’m sure.” He grinned at me as he edged the car out onto the street. “I don’t get cold.”

“Never?”

“Not that I can remember. It doesn’t get cold enough on the coast here. I guess in the winter I might put on a jacket, or if it snowed or something…”

I watched the way he gripped the steering wheel with one hand while he let the other rest on the door. His forearms made my stomach do a funny flip. “You have all those muscles to generate heat.”

He grinned, then flexed them. “Maybe.”

“So where do you want to go?” I asked. I’d done some checking on the web, and made reservations in a nice Pismo Beach hotel, but other than that, I was completely open to suggestions.

“There are some tidal pools about an hour south, and we could stop for lunch near there.”

“Sure.” The car had hardly started, and I was already feeling the pull of a nice nap. I’m afraid I yawned.

He glanced at me and grinned. “Don’t let me keep you awake.”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” I grabbed my sweatshirt from the backseat and bunched it up. “I’ll be ready to go as soon as the car stops rolling. The combination of being tired and the motion of the car knocks me out.”

“All right.” He turned on the radio and fished around for a clubby hip-hop station. He was going to hate my presets. “You rest. I hear old guys need that, and I’ll wake you when we get there.”

I flipped him off, but my heart wasn’t in it; he was right. I pushed my sweatshirt up against the window and fell asleep.

I dreamed what seemed like a dozen different dreams: of New York, of Bree, of getting another—this time unwanted—tattoo. When at last I woke fully it was because the realization came to me that the car was no longer moving and hadn’t been for some time.

I opened my eyes to discover Cam had parked in a lot at the top of a cliff with a startling view of the vast foamy gray-green sea. I could see him walking all by himself a hundred feet below, balanced on the rocky shore, bent over to peer at something in the tidal pools.

Cam’s short hair, usually stiff with whatever styling product he used to make it stand up, was overpowered by the wind and ruffled gently across his forehead. Muscles bunched under his light clothing as he squatted farther down and leaned over. That youthful, boyish face of his was a study in earnest concentration on whatever he was watching as he put a gentle finger out to poke at it.

I’d seen some amazing things in my life because I was blessed: palaces, museums, great art, theater, dance, pricey cars, expensive men and women, but the sight of Cam carefully lifting up a rock to study what he found underneath was by far the most beautiful. My heart clenched around the knowledge that he was
wholesome
. He was honest and capable of kindness and a depth of compassion I would never have expected from someone as huge and pretty. He was simply good in all the ways that things can be good—good to look at, good to touch and taste and smell. And he was arguably good for others like me, who maybe had a little problem sorting out the whole good/bad thing at times.

I admired his beauty, I loved his heart, and I knew I would have to live up to his expectations. Which made the walk down a hundred feet of rickety wooden stairs to join him on the shore seem like the green mile—a treacherous path into the unknown without even a handhold for comfort.

When he saw me coming, his face lit with a happy smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I couldn’t help smiling back. “Whatcha looking at?”

“Anemone.” He pointed to a spiny creature in the shallow pools created by low tide. “They have little cells like spear guns that anesthetize their prey. You never touch them though, because they’re holding their breath, and touching them would be like punching them in the stomach.”

“I guess it’s not a good idea then, huh?”

“You’re not supposed to touch anything around here, really. It’s okay to feel a starfish with a damp finger or something, but it’s better to observe without handling the wildlife.”

“I see.”

He put his hands behind his back. “You can cut the ends off a coffee can and wrap one side with heavy duty plastic wrap—you know. You can secure it with rubber bands. Then you submerge the can and look through the plastic to see what’s under the water. It’s worth looking at; there’s some pretty cool stuff down there. It’s hard to get the wrap as tight as you’d like though.”

“Is that something you learned when you were a kid?”

“Nah, I grew up in Northern New Mexico. I went to the Monterrey Aquarium when I first got here, and they talked about tide pool etiquette. California is amazing. I’ve been whale watching and hiked in the Channel Islands. We’re damned lucky to have all this here, and it’s essential to figure out the best way to take care of it.”

I glanced around. Gulls wheeled overhead, and there were other seabirds. I might have recognized a cormorant or a sandpiper, but there were also species I’d never seen before. Glancing down at Cam, my inattention to details like that seemed to me—for the first time—like a senseless waste. As if I’d spent my time in idleness or on frivolous pursuits when I could have been observing everything he was effortlessly sharing with me.

“We are lucky.” My voice seemed hoarse to my ears.

He turned to look at me and frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“No. I just don’t think I’ve ever looked that closely at all this.”

“Why not? It’s amazing.” He hopped happily onto another rock, and I stepped after him. “When I was a kid, I found a shell fossil on my dad’s land. It made me wonder what it must be like to be able to explore the ocean. It’s so much more than I imagined it would be.”

“Didn’t you ever go to the beach when you were a kid? The Gulf Coast?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I grew up on a working ranch, and there was way too much to do.”

“You what? A working ranch? Like…a cowboy?”

Cam rolled his eyes. “I guess.”

“You’re a cowboy
and
a fireman?”

“Yes, Daniel,” Cam said drily. “It’s almost as if I am half of the Village People, all rolled into one.”

“Why’d you leave?”

“Because my father told me to.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You can’t be serious.”

“When they found out I was gay, my parents thought it would be best for the family if I left home. They believed I would be a bad influence or a danger to my brothers, so they asked me to leave.”

Cam stepped away from me to explore a different little dimple in the rocks. “Wait, did they catch you in flagrante or something?”

Cam looked oddly embarrassed. “No. Of course they didn’t.”

I didn’t think my question was absurd or anything. After all, I’d been sitting in a tree, perfectly innocently, and Cam had come along to get a blowjob underneath it. “So what happened?”

“I came out to them, and they asked me to leave.”

I still believed there was more to it than that. “Really. They just said leave.”

“That’s about it.”

“Without any kind of discussion?”

“Yes.”

“Without asking you to change or take it back or…anything?”

“That’s right.”

“Oh, hell no. That is
not
right.”

“You have to understand my situation. There were six kids in our family, and we lived in a kind of…Christian-family bubble. We were homeschooled but active in church. We went to Bible camp every summer. We rode buses down to Mexico to do mission work there twice a year. My dad enjoyed being righteous, but being right didn’t worry him too much.”

“That’s awful.”

Cam shrugged. “I miss my family sometimes.”

“What about your brothers and sisters?”

“They have families of their own now.” Cam refused to look at me.

“But surely—”

“They’re not interested. I don’t exist for them anymore. Leave it alone, okay?” He put his hands in the foamy water and swished them to rinse off sand. “I’m finished here if you want to move on. I just like to stop by every now and again and take a look.”

When I glanced around, trying to think of something to say, two things occurred to me. “Their loss is St. Nacho’s—and most especially,
my
—gain. And you need to show me around before we go.”

Cam’s smile was absolutely radiant. “Yeah? Okay.” He took my hand in his and led me to a small natural shallow depression in the rocks. “First thing, it’s best not to move anything. Most of the creatures you find here shouldn’t be touched, but there are some you can feel if you’re gentle. If you do, make sure you wet your fingers first, because these organisms can be hurt by dry hands and killed outright by carelessness.”

“I’ll just look.”

“This is an echinoderm, mostly called starfish or sea stars. There’s a lot of different types. Some have long arms, like these, and some are like little pincushions.”

Cam glanced up to make sure I was following and took off again. “There’s a ton of interesting things about these guys. They have a hydraulic vascular system that helps them move around in the water, and they…” he kept on talking and I just followed along, happy to be there.

I let him tell me all about the sea stars, and eventually he widened his lecture to encompass the entire tide pool. I followed him from rock to rock, watching as his strong bare feet found purchase while mine, still firmly in my athletic shoes, slipped a little so I had to windmill my arms for balance. No way were my feet made for hopping around on…whatever the surface was, lava rock or coral, or even the pebbly sand we encountered after he’d shown me all the things he’d come to see. He taught me to look beneath the surface of the water at things I’d never given any thought to, and he told me why they were important to the environment I took for granted.

At one point he climbed up onto a boulder and stood above me, looking down—a smiling Titan—blond and healthy, his hands shoved in his pockets. I watched him a long time before I realized he was watching me too.

He said, “You look at me differently from the way everyone else does. I like to think you see things no one else can. I hope that anyway.”

Gazing up at him, I felt my skin flush with arousal. He was so…perfect. “You’re kind of larger than life, Cam.” He had to know that.
Didn’t he know that
? “You take my breath away.”

“But why?” He crouched down and leaned over, peering at me, and I felt exactly like one of his damned sea cucumbers or starfish, as if he was going to put out a tentative finger and give the side of my face a stroke to see how I’d react.

I could hardly find my voice. “Because just being around you makes me so fucking happy, you airhead. I like you. I want you. I see my unborn children in your eyes—okay scratch that one. I swear to fuck I’m not being flip here.” I sighed. “What my heart does whenever you’re near isn’t just about chemistry Cam. It’s like…stargazing. I feel insignificant and dazzled. Hopeful yet completely unprepared.”