The Boo (11 page)

1. The report is correct, I think.

2. Hardly does a parade pass each week that I don’t have something to say at one time or another. However, I’m sure that the date of the infraction in question is the parade which was held on March 13th which was the first day of Corps Day Weekend. I will not attempt to deny that I sinned, however, I’m sure that my comment was only said at a whisper and it could not have been heard by all the parents and guests who were attending this function. It is hard to refrain from saying something at a parade at which many of our beloved ones are watching. Nevertheless, since this parade was in celebration of our 121st birthday and since this was the parade at which I sinned, I please ask for a birthday present in this case, i.e., no demerits.

3. The offense was unintentional but the talking was intentional.

27 November 1963

1. The report is correct.

2. On the weekend of the offense I was amazed to receive a surprise visit from two friends which I had made at summer camp. They had driven to The Citadel all the way from Connecticut in order to witness with their own eyes the wonder of The Citadel. Being tired, confused, and innocent of the ways of the big city of Charleston, I could not turn them loose into the claws of Charleston. Furthermore, being young Second Lieutenants on their way to branch school, they had no money to spare. Thus it was in the finest tradition of The Citadel that I exhibited The Citadel Code (page 78, 1963 Guidon).

“… to exhibit good manners on all occasions,” and

“… to be generous and helpful to others and to endeavor to refrain them from wrong doing.”

If I had turned them out into the cold, cruel, bitter night of Charleston, who knows what “wrong-doings” and vices their pure hearts would have been subjected to.

3. Thus it was purely an unselfish act which I committed, upheld in the finest tradition of The Citadel, for their safety, and for the good name of this school.

4. The offense was intentional.

18 May 1966

1.    The report is correct.

2.    I dare to say on 13 May,

I was in my room there to stay.

But, “Von Ryan’s Express” was on at the flic,

So, in that room I could not stick.

The temptation was such an affliction,

And lo, I forgot my restriction.

The show was what one could expect,

And was over at 9:30 as I reflect.

On my way back to the barracks dim,

Some varmint stopped me before I went in.

And in her car we frolicked till midnight,

So this explains my present plight.

3.    The offense was unintentional.

1.    The report is believed to be in extreme doubt.

2.    The question posed is now about (

Oh that one could ever doubt)

The sex of one so young and strong

A lad who stays away from wrong.

Twas on a morning bleak and cold

I started for classes with heart so bold

I fought the urge to head back to bed

By pulling my scarf over my head.

“Hey, Old Lady,” came the cry

And to one as virile as I

The verdict could only one way go

A strong, emphatic, definite No!

28 April 1965

1. The report is believed to be incorrect.

2. The trousers in question were turned into the tailor shop with name tags sewn in their proper place. These name tags have been in the trousers since they were issued to me in my freshman and sophomore years. However, during the current school year my name has been legally changed; and when compared to the vast amounts of proverbial red tape which had to be processed in order that this fine institution be cognizant of the fact that I have remained one in the same person, the changing of the name on the name tags on the inside of the fly of my dress and full dress trousers seemed quite insignificant. When these trousers were placed in the custody of the tailor shop for summer storage and repair, it was brought to my attention that great difficulty would be encountered by the tailor shop staff and that the system used to process all the many thousands of garments would be reduced to utter chaos. Upon talking this problem over with the individuals immediately concerned, it was agreed that a simple and effortless solution was at hand. All that was necessary was for me to order at the cadet store a quantity of cloth name tags which when arrived would be brought to the tailor shop and the new name tags would replace the old. The name tags have been ordered and no more complications to this minor problem have occurred. At the present time there is a feeling of complete understanding and cooperation between the staff at the tailor shop and myself. I fully understand that in the military way of life there exists a system of rewards and punishments. I also understand that punishments are awarded to reprimand sub-standard performance and offenses against established rules and regulations. In this particular incident I fail to see any offense or performance which might be rated as being below par.

3. There is believed to be no offense.

22 April 1965

1. The report is correct.

2. Alas, General Patton had his troubles, and so do I,

But when I discovered my mistake, I was so embarrassed I could die.

A small military blunder for Patton is for me a colossal mistake.

Patton would simply dismiss it, but I have to shake and wait.

Out of the drudgery of everyday routine, I had my days mixed up and thought it was one day when indeed it was another.

I have sinned through thoughtless memory and I am now to be judged, so, I can only beg for mercy and ask you that in my situation,

“What would Patton have done?”

3. The offense was unintentional.

May 15, 1965

1. The reports are correct.

2. For about three days previous to this, I had been having nightmares and was unable to sleep. On the morning of the offense I started having hallucinations while I was awake. Whenever I would sit down or lay down, I would start seeing things which I knew weren’t there. I went to class and while waiting for it to start, I kept having the same trouble. I had the feeling that I was going to start screaming and had a hard time controlling my temper with anyone who came near me. I left LeTellier Hall and walk around in the rain for several hours trying not to think about anything although I was fully conscious of the fact that I should have been in class and was going to be reported for not going.

3. The offenses were intentional.

1. The report is correct.

2. As I was having a nicotine fit at the time, I did not wish to leave my cigarette behind in the messhall only half-finished, but at the same time my presence was required in a class which I had. Since my route back to barracks was an inconspicuous one, no outsider saw me smoking, which was in accordance with the reason the no-smoking rule was made. Incidentally, I field-stripped the cigarette and retained the paper so that it would not mar the truly striking beauty of our campus, which was in accordance with another reason for the no-smoking rule.

3. The offense was intentional.

19 October 1964

1. The report is correct.

2. In the interest of and for the promotion of science,

a member of the;

 Kingdom Animal

    Phylum Chordata

      Group Vertebrata

        Subphulum Gnathostomata

           Super Class Tetrapoda

              Infraclass Eutheria

                 Order Carnivora

                    Suborder Fissipedia

                        Family Felidae

                            Genus Felis

                             Species domestica

commonly known as the domestic cat was invited to make her humble abode in room 2202 where she was discovered and “deported” immediately with the immediate consequence being an “H” on the D/L for the industrious, well-meaning scientist. The main purpose for the invitation was to make an intensive study of her external features with special emphasis centered upon the depression and contraction of her muscles. It was hoped by the scientist that this work would stand him in good stead when the external features of the cat were studied by him next semester in comparative anatomy.

3.     The offense was intentional.

(handwritten by
The Boo
) Sad Too Bad Not The Fad 3/5

1.    The report is correct.

2.    Sir, it is with much respect and humble gratitude that I appear before you in this manner tonight. My story is a sad one, and it is written with tears in my eyes. The truth is, Sir, I am a poor, ugly orphan child with feet that resemble a chicken’s. For four long years I have lived here at The Citadel in shame and utter humiliation. For you see, Sir, I am what you might call an “ugly duckling” or a “gross slob.” The few dear friends that I once had, have all turned their backs on me. My parents disowned me when I was old enough to eat porridge with my fingers. With my personal appearance, ghoulish as it is, to go along with my equally warped mind you can easily see that my chances in life are very, very slim indeed. So you see, Sir, I need someone to turn to. Since I needed someone to turn to but could not perceive of any one who could be so kind, my friends graciously decided to solve my grave problem. It is at this point that I will stop and offer thanks to you and your family for taking me into your humble dwelling. If I should cry in the middle of the night, don’t worry, don’t panic, just wash my skoady feet and feed me some warm milk and cookies. I don’t need to be burped.