The Blue Falcon (23 page)

She would not beg pardon for her bad behavior, but she was silent for many moments. It was not until conversation had resumed in a light manner that Udele spoke again, careful that her voice was pleasant.

“
Word came from Medwin late yesterday and I only just remembered the news.” Many faces turned her way.
“
Follow
ing the coronation there will be a wedding. Chandra will marry Tedric and we are all invited to attend.”

Edwina smiled, but the other faces that were turned toward Udele were stunned and expressionless. Udele laughed as if in confused embarrassment.
“
Does the thought of a wedding distress you all?” she asked, looking mostly between her husband and son.

“
Chandra deserves a richer man than Tedric,” Alaric finally said, signaling a page with his empty mug.
“
I have long loved Theodoric and his sons, but that that one is a disap
pointment even his father cannot deny.”

“
But Tedric has done well for himself in spite of his lack of inheritance, and he stayed by King Henry’s side through his death and served him well. I am to understand that he has accumulated considerable wealth,” Udele argued.
“
Chan
dra’s estate is not worth much and she should be grateful.”

“
Tedric stayed by Henry as a friend to that fiend, Count John,” Conan said testily.
“
He hoped John would inherit the crown he did not deserve, and in the end he was not by Henry at all, but fleeing to Philip’s side with that worthless whelp, John. Though the king unwisely would have risked all to save the crown for his youngest, that ungrateful wretch abandoned him. Tedric was no loyal knight, madam, but the same undeserving leech he has always been. You can be sure this is not a marriage born of love and tenderness.”

Udele’s jaw had a firm set.
“
I knew there was no great love in your heart for Tedric, but I had not thought you hated him so.”

“
Hate him?” Conan asked.
“
It is more that I can only abide him when I can see him. When he is out of my sight I keep an eye turned to my back. He cannot be trusted, and the oath he took to protect the code of chivalry is a sham. I would have hoped for better for Chandra.”

“
Will you celebrate his wedding?” Udele asked.

Conan looked at his wife, whose eyes were now downcast. In his blatant defamation of Tedric’s character, he had forgotten that Edwina once considered marriage with him and did not think him such a terrible wretch. Perhaps she had even felt some happiness for Chandra, not thinking that perhaps Chandra was being taken advantage of by a knave.
“
Edwina will want to be with her family
--
with her sister
--
on that occasion. I will not shame my family with improper behavior, but I think I shall find little joy in it.”

His hunger seeming to have vanished, he took a last drink
o
f his milk and rose from the table, leaving the hall to seek out a quiet place to try to regain his good spirits.

***

Medwin did not feel that he was selling Chandra into some torturous bondage. He saw Tedric as a decent choice and a heaven-sent redeemer in this time of need. The tithe he had to pay to finance the crusade against Saladin had bled the wealth from Phalen, and Medwin was hard pressed to meet his obligations. And now that Richard would be king and leaving soon for the Crusade to the Holy Land, Medwin would either pay his scutage for the privilege of staying behind, or he would have to yield men for war. The men could not be spared, for they were already few, and the scutage was hard to meet. Tedric, though he would not confide his means, backed his marriage proposal with much money.

Chandra looked about her chamber. It was adequate, to be sure, but there were no new fixings or furniture. She pos
sessed the same oaken coffer that had been her mother’s. It functioned as a chair, space for clothing and linen, and a table to write at when a stool was set before it. There had been no new gowns and certainly there was no money for jewelry. Two tapestry wall hangings kept her chamber from being starkly naked.

Chandra did not long for riches, but she had wants. A chair with arms carved from oak for her sleeping chamber would be a luxury item, or a bed that was raised from the floor, like the one in her mother’s chamber at Cordell. And the few clothes that were being hurriedly made for her to take to her marriage brought her little pleasure.

She remembered the conversation she had had with her father, though it had taken place months before.

“
But I do not love him,” Chandra told Medwin.

“
That is the least of your problems,” he had replied.
“
Many a maid marries a stranger. If you will allow, you could learn to love him. He loves you.”

“
He does not love me,” she spat hatefully.
“
He loves the land I hold and I do not need a man to manage
--
”

“
Were it a man you loved, even if he be of lesser wealth than Tedric, I would yield to you. But this notion of living alone, putting yourself above other women whose needs require that they marry, I will not condone. I am an old man
a
nd have not much time. I will not leave you without proper protection.”

“
But Conan has given his word that he would act as warden to my lands and I would gladly see his heirs inherit
--
”

Medwin’s face had reddened considerably as she said this and she could see that he was angrier than ever.
“
Have you no shame?” he stormed.
“
Your sister’s husband! When will you abandon your designs on that man?”

“
Nay, Father. Nay! ‘Tis not bent of desire, I swear on my mother’s grave! Only that I would rather live alone than as Tedric’s wife. I loathe him!”

“
Loathe him? And why? He has been nothing but generous with you and courts you as if you were a queen, when in truth you are the daughter of a poor knight! An aging lord with little to give! What he has lent me amounts to more than your precious Cordell is worth. Would you have me sell that parcel and leave you as a ward to the sisters, penniless and without even a title?”

Weeping, she could only hang her head, for she knew how it hurt him to speak that way to her.

“
One daughter lives with her husband’s mother and might never give me a grandchild. Another daughter took her dowry to the convent and is useless to me as she serves the Lord, but this I accept without complaint for I have done little enough for the church in my life. And you, my last hope, would have me sell my home to the crown that you might have your Cordell and live without marriage. And for what? To save you from a man who treats you better than you deserve!”

“
But, Father, I fear Tedric uses you dishonestly. He has acted the part of a love-smitten swain, but that is not how I have seen him in years past. He is not known as a good knight among his peers and
--
”

“
And because of past deeds must ever bear the curse of wagging tongues? I say to you that he is older now and has learned more honorable ways. I could not expect more from the youngest of Theodoric’s brood and I dismiss his youthful pranks in lieu of the more honorable man he has become.”

“
Pranks? Father
--
”

“
Chandra! I am out of patience with your many com
plaints! You will wed the man as well you should, and you will act the lady or feel the weight of my own hand. I leave you the
r
ight in your betrothal contract to manage your own lands, but if you resist me again I shall give that right to your husband.”

“
Nay, Father, you must not!”

“
Do not tempt me further. And for every insult you lay to Tedric, that generous knight, you push me closer to that end. He promises to give you his heart and his strong arm for a lifetime!”

Such a threat had stilled her tongue and forced her into proper acquiescence. The wedding would be in London following the coronation of Richard when so many friends and acquaintances would be gathered there. She felt a slight jump in her stomach because she knew she would see Conan. Just the thought brought the color to her cheeks and she felt herself burn with shame, for little had changed in her heart. She was able to contain her misery and did not appear to be a brokenhearted maid, but she longed for him still. She prayed every night that morning would bring her at least a feeling of indifference. But it was not to be. He invaded her thoughts and she was often caught daydreaming. He conquered her dreams, and many times she would awake so certain that he was there beside her that she would reach for him. She did more penance for her thoughts than she had ever done for sinful deeds, and the village priest had grown frustrated with her fixation, though she would not confess the identity of this man whose image was inescapable, even in sleep.

Just as something deep within her would not allow her to feel the slightest affection for Tedric, there was something unearthly about the way Conan had taken complete posses
sion of her heart. She knew that it was not a simple infatuation that besets many a young maid. Even the total impossibility of their circumstances, even the shame that she felt at the thought of Edwina being his wife, did not lessen the strong love she felt for him. She longed to abandon the feeling. She tried everything from prayer to hard work to developing fondness for any other man. But it was futile. She came to think of it as a curse.

About a year had passed since she had seen Conan last. He had journeyed to Phalen to see what service he could do for Medwin. Though he stayed only a few days, and they had had little time alone together, she had been left suspecting that he suffered as she did.

Medwin had spoken fondly of Tedric to Conan, but Conan was direct and honest, saying he thought Tedric an unsuitable choice for marriage because of his lack of inheritance. While his family might well back his defense of any keep, Tedric’s protection alone would be weaker than that of many other knights. And where would Tedric’s family be when an attack came? Waiting behind Tedric to lend aid? Nay, they would be scattered throughout England and France on their own estates. The power of Theodoric and his seven sons might indeed cause some invader to think twice about waging war on Tedric, knowing that that great family would certainly take its revenge, but that alone was little reason for alliance. There were other knights and lords that could serve Medwin’s family better.

But Conan had no way of knowing that Tedric would bring so much wealth to the proposal. He left convinced that he had swayed Medwin away from his choice.

One morning Chandra had found Conan in the Phalen gardens, and, while she had avoided his close company earlier, she rushed to him then.

“
You came to my colors and stood up to my father for my sake, Conan. Thank you.”

Because no other could look so deeply into his eyes, she saw the sadness there. In the presence of her father he seemed distant and uninterested.
“
I spoke only the truth, Chandra. I have no love for Tedric and would not support his wish to marry into this family. Medwin is my father now. I could never call Tedric brother.”

“
And if another knight were courting me through my father, what would your advice be?” she asked.

“
If he were worthy of you I would urge Medwin to accept.” She looked down, not watching him as he spoke.
“
It would not change the way I feel.”

Her words were almost angry then.
“
If that is so, how could you help any man into marriage with me?”

But he did not react to her anger. His voice was strained and hoarse.
“
How valiant would I be to choose for you a life alone rather than hope someday you could learn to love the man who takes your hand in marriage? Ah, Chandra, I have regretted so much and I am a young man. If there is a chance that you might yet find love, I wish it for you. But I am
w
icked, for I would rather have you spend a lifetime in lonely solitude than to have to think of you sharing a bed with Tedric.”

“
I am sorry, Conan. It was cruel of me not to think of you. Of course I do not suffer alone.”

He turned from her then and stared out into the roses and trees.
“
I do not think Medwin will allow you to remain unwed, however little you need a husband. Edwina is not likely to bear a child, and this he knows from her letters. You are his last hope that he will live on. If you would avoid marriage to Tedric, you must find another man worthy and profess your strong love. Scream it to the heavens and think naught of me, for you must convince your father of a better choice.”

“
But Conan, there is no one,” she murmured.

He turned back to her and she saw the forlorn look in his eyes.
“
Lady, you are of beauty rare, and Cordell is worth much. There are other late-born sons with little inheritance, but of honor and strength. I cannot have you and I cannot help you.”