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Authors: Naomi Mitchison

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‘Is there anything more I can do to be sure—and to make you sure of me?'

‘I don't think so, son,' Manasses said, and Beric felt how extraordinarily kind he was, trying to face a new difficulty, not by rules, but according to what it really was, allowing them all to be individuals—different and separate and yet all to be gathered into the same association.

Lalage said, ‘But perhaps you'll find something. Usually things turn up, if one's looking for them.' Then, speaking across him, she asked Manasses, ‘Shall we have the wine now?'

‘Yes,' said Manasses, and took up the full wine-cup. ‘In Jesus' Name,' he said, and drank, then gave it to old Sophrosyne, next to him on the bench. ‘You have it last,' he said to Beric.

They passed it round, all drinking and saying the name of the One they followed. Beric watched, with the same kind of excitement he had got out of the feet washing. All these
mouths were coming to his mouth. He had never thought deeply before about eating and drinking, about the mouth taking food and giving love and wisdom, the gate in the face opening and shutting, the lips that no animal has but only humans, the smilers, that show the blood through. All those lips on the cup and at last his own. He took it with hands that shook a little, and himself said the Name and set his mouth where the others had been and finished the wine which Argas had said was rather bad wine. What had it tasted like? He didn't know. Only he was suddenly surprised at this eating and drinking which had been going on with nobody standing behind to wait on him. ‘This is a party,' he said, ‘that's a party for everybody at last!'

Manasses and Argas both laughed. ‘Nothing but joy!' said Lalage sighingly. She sat very close to him, looking into the flames of the lamps, her face stretched and intent. It seemed as though she were becoming an instrument for some unknown and unmeasured power. Manasses knew that look on her and thought that soon the Spirit might come to her and she would speak and tell them something which would stay in their minds for all the coming week.

Niger said happily, ‘And I'm at this party too!'

Euphemia said, ‘Not like
their
parties. Nothing but good for everyone.'

And Josias said, ‘Why do they want to hurt us Christians? We do no one any harm.'

But Argas said, ‘Our being able to be happy is harming them. Or will harm them some day.'

‘Happy,' said Phaon, ‘happy. Oh, I do love you all!'

And then suddenly Lalage spoke. ‘I think there is something wrong.' Her whole body was trembling; the others stayed very still, startled and listening, but hearing nothing. She said, ‘Beric, you are with us but not of us. Go up quick and see!'

‘What is it?' asked Beric, staring at her.

‘Quick,' she said, ‘quick—go!'

‘Go!' cried Manasses.

So Beric ran across the room and up the twisting stairs and through the kitchen and along the passage into the front court and the flare of torches and suddenly the thing which
Lalage had got the sense of down below. ‘What the hell are you doing here, Aelius Candidus?' he shouted.

‘Hold that man, corporal!' said Aelius Candidus.

But Lalage had risen to her feet. ‘Let us pray,' she said, ‘brothers and sisters, let us pray.' ‘What for sister?' asked Manasses. And Lalage answered, ‘For the strength Paul warned us we should need. Father, Thy Will be done on us!' So all were on their feet, close together, praying aloud, led by Manasses and Lalage, and that was how they still were when the Praetorians came down the stairs into the boiler-room with Sotion pointing the way. And they prayed still as the chains were locked on, coupling them, except when one of the soldiers slapped a face or shoved an elbow into someone's mouth to stop it. But none of them did that to Lalage, mostly to Josias and Niger and Dapyx. Behind them Sotion was pointing out the drawing of the fish on the wall. I ought to have seen what he was, Manasses thought, oh my little Church! What have I done wrong that this should have happened? And the misery of this began to stop his praying, and he knew he was being no use that way, so he tried to do something else. He said to Sotion, ‘I forgive you. You can't have known what you were doing.' Sotion ran at him and hit him furiously. Manasses didn't even lift his chained hands. ‘Go on, hit him again, knock his teeth out!' the soldier said. And Sotion hit once more, but after that he couldn't.

In the meantime Beric was doing some hard thinking and acting. He said to the two Praetorians who were holding him that Crispus would be extremely displeased, and that he, Beric, was the young master in this house! The soldiers said, rather apologetically, that they had their orders, but they wouldn't keep hold so hard if he wouldn't do anything stupid, but after all, they were only doing their duty and routing out a nest of Christians! Beric answered that he was interested in this too, as he had reason to suppose that dancing girl he was after was mixed up in all this, and when they smiled fairly respectfully and eased their grip on his arms, he got at his belt; at his right was a sharp, rather fancy knife that he often wore—a present from Crispus—and a purse at the left. Luckily he had a couple of pieces of silver, enough
to be worthwhile for a Praetorian to accept. He slipped them over, adding that he thought it was all nonsense and they weren't Christians, but only playing at it, and any how what was the point of arresting these miserable Christians? ‘But it was them set fire to the Circus Maximus!' said one of his guards.

‘You don't believe that story, do you?' said Beric contemptuously.

‘Well,' said the man, ‘that's the charge they're being arrested on.'

The prisoners were brought through. ‘Remember,' said Beric, ‘I've got to have a word with my little bit of skirt.'

‘That's all right, sir,' said the guard.

He banked, and rightly, on their not knowing Greek. ‘What can I do, Lalage?' he whispered.

‘Tell Crispus,' she whispered back. ‘If he goes to Tigellinus and only claims his own slaves, that's six of us. Tell Sapphira and Eunice.'

‘What's going to happen?'

‘What we want is a public trial,' she said, ‘not just to die in prison.'

‘Oh, Lalage, it can't be that!'

‘We'll see. I told you something would turn up to test you, Beric! It's the power of the Will over us all, working out on our bodies.'

‘Hurry up, sir!' said the guard.

‘I told them you were my mistress,' Beric said, ‘say goodbye!' He found it very peculiar kissing a woman in chains, difficult to press her convincingly against himself. He couldn't think of anything but the chains, nor, for the moment, could she. The others who were chained too, having overheard, looked on and said nothing. All was in God's hands now.

The prisoners were marched out of the house, Manasses and Argas especially taking care not to look directly at Beric in case anything showed. Aelius Candidus said to Beric, ‘You may think yourself lucky not to be under arrest too!' ‘It's all a complete misunderstanding!' Beric said. ‘But you may join them yet, Mr Briton!' Aelius Candidus added. Then he beckoned Sotion, who was hanging about, and paid him. Sotion followed the Praetorians and the prisoners out into the dark street. Beric followed him. Sotion tried to stick close to the soldiers, but the corporal growled at him and finally kicked him off. He slipped into a side alley. But when he peered round, saw it was no use. He began to run, which was hopeless, because Beric caught him in two street lengths; he had hardly breath to whimper. ‘How much did you get?' Beric asked in a horribly calm voice. Sotion held out his shaking hand with the silver in it. Beric wrenched it round and the silver tinkled away into the gutter. Sotion went down on his knees in utter dribbling terror. ‘Did you give the other names?' Beric asked. ‘Oh no, sir, not yours, sir, oh I swear it, don't kill me, in Jesus' Name don't kill me—' But Beric had drawn the little knife, and while Sotion clung to him, stabbed him behind the collarbone, saw that he'd got the artery, and kicked the dying creature away before the blood got all over him. He was back at the house by the time the porter and a couple of other slaves, all of whom had been held by the guard during the arrest, had picked themselves up and tried to decide what to do or say. He walked past them and straight to Flavius Crispus's room.

Flavius Crispus was most upset. Why had he not been told at once? Because everyone had been held under temporary arrest. But that was a most extraordinary procedure!
However, he quite understood that there might be a case for arresting all Christians. In his own house, though! ‘You ought to have been more careful, Beric!' he said, very reprovingly, ‘We might all have been murdered in our beds! I ought to have got rid of my Jewish slaves. Always giving trouble. That fellow Manasses had entire charge of the wine cellar and I've no idea where my Falernian is! Really, the thing's a menace.'

‘It wasn't only the Jews. Argas and Phaon are Greeks. And—'

‘You know, Beric, those dancing boys were treated like—like my own grandchildren! And this is all the gratitude one gets for pampering them. If you ever have slaves of your own, my boy, don't make the mistake of treating them like human beings. They don't deserve it.'

Beric was thinking quicker than he'd ever done in his life. ‘About those dancing boys,' he said, ‘if they're put to the question, the usual way, they'll be spoilt for life. It seems a pity.'

‘Of course it's a pity. But if the little brutes go off with the Christians behind my back, that's what they've got to expect!'

That made it very difficult to know what to say next. Beric wasn't used to this kind of lying. He began to feel a most uncomfortable and urgent need to tell Crispus the truth, to be sent to prison himself, to possible death and torture—only to be under God's Will with the others! Crispus sat up in bed, frowning, drumming with his fingers on the sheet. And Beric was already in imagination on his knees beside him, saying that he was a Christian too, explaining everything, making Crispus
see
. But if Crispus didn't? Well, it had got to be tried! But then Flavia came storming in, a cloak caught up over her nightgown, a lamp in her hand. ‘Father!' she cried. ‘What's happened? I want my maid and she's not there! What's all this nonsense about Candidus arresting our slaves?'

Beric just couldn't help saying, ‘Candidus has simply been doing the dirty work that is expected of Praetorian officers.'

But Flavia snapped his head off, and Crispus answered
her very solemnly, ‘What seems to have been going on in our house, my child, was a Christian meeting. We may think ourselves lucky not to have had our throats cut.'

‘It's Tigellinus we have to thank for that!' Flavia said. It was all being as exciting as the Arena: throats cut! ‘He must have had them arrested just in the nick of time. He's so splendidly efficient!'

Beric cut her short. ‘But there's no suggestion that they were planning anything against you or any of us. What they were supposed to have done is to have gone along with candles and oil and set fire to the Circus Maximus!'

That seemed to have some effect; Crispus said, ‘But that's preposterous! My slaves accused of that! I shall have to find out exactly where they all were that night.'

Beric remembered the night very well—and remembered that the Christians were all out of the house except Persis. ‘I happen to know,' he said, ‘the boys were all over at Eunice's. They often go. She's a nice old thing.'

‘But it's her son who is accused of being a Christian! They may have gone there to practise their filthy rites!'

‘Well,' said Beric, ‘I was in there myself part of the time.' He had a new idea—and the household would no doubt confirm it to Crispus! ‘As a matter of fact, I was there with Argas. Actually I and he—' He coughed and looked in an embarrassed way at Flavia.

Crispus quite understood. ‘Dear me. Well, that makes it tolerably certain. Where was your maid, Flavia?'

‘How should I know? Anyhow she's too much of a little fool to do a thing like that. I've never seen a girl who squealed so easily at the least thing! But she'll have something to squeal for tomorrow. I've got her trained to do my hair decently and I must have her back at once. I can't imagine what Candidus was thinking about, arresting my maid two days before the wedding! I shall go to Tigellinus myself and insist on her release!'

‘Flavia!' said Crispus, ‘I absolutely and categorically forbid you to ask Tigellinus any favours. Do you hear? I shall go to him personally—and stand on my rights. If Candidus had more experience he would have known he could not possibly arrest anybody in my house without
referring to me first. I shall point that out to Tigellinus myself!'

‘But won't that be dangerous—'

‘Dangerous, Beric? Frightened? I see you're a barbarian still! Danger, indeed! The man simply comes and takes my property without with your leave or by your leave! There are certain decencies that must be observed: even by Nero's friends. I shall go the first thing tomorrow morning. You and Hermeias are to come with me. I shall want a small chop for breakfast. Early breakfast. Now take the lamp and show Flavia to her room. Christians indeed! You certainly ought to have known there was something going on.'

Beric dutifully took the lamp and lighted Flavia to her room, past the empty mattress which was Persis's home. He said nothing. Nor did she till she was at the door; then she turned and looked him up and down. ‘So it's little Argas! Not very interesting, I should have thought But everyone has their own tastes. Which of you is which?'

‘Shut up!' said Beric.

‘How dare you speak to me like that!' Flavia said. ‘Trotting round with the slave boy—'

But Beric had caught hold of her arm. ‘I've got something pretty to show you, Flavia. Look!' He pulled out the knife.

‘Blood!' she said, and pulled him quickly into her room. ‘What have you been doing? Who is it?'

‘You want to know, do you?' said Beric. ‘Makes a man of me, doesn't it! Well, I'll tell you, Flavia. After the prisoners had been marched off, there was a little cowering money-grubber left, counting the silver pieces that handsome young officer of yours had thrown him. You see, he was the informer—the man who was paid by Tigellinus and his friends to get friendly with the Christians and then betray them. I don't like that sort of person. So I killed him. It was very easy. I can't make out why some people say it is difficult to kill a man.'

Flavia gave a little gasp of pleasure and excitement, then suddenly caught his wrist. ‘You've got blood on your hand too! And on your tunic! And there at your knee!' She pressed her face quickly against the hand. ‘Yes, you are a
man! You know, Beric, you look different. Come and talk to me. We shan't be able to talk when I'm married.' It was the first time Beric had been in her room since the afternoon of the party. Deep in his mind was all that had happened since. But here were the familiar things, the couch, the silk hangings, the little tables, the silver mirror, the carved chests and cushions, the smell in his nostrils. Flavia's hand after all in his. He was still holding the sticky knife; she pointed to it. ‘Did you do it in one stroke?'

‘Yes,' he said.

‘Kiss me, Beric!' she said. He turned on her and kissed her as she'd never been kissed yet; he didn't care whether she liked it or not—but she did. She gasped and gave a few little cries—she didn't know what he mightn't do next, but she half hoped he'd do it all the same! She was beginning to go soft in his arms, and then he suddenly stopped. ‘Oh,' she said, ‘it's lucky my maid isn't here after all!'

He moved slightly away from her and said, ‘Yes. It was your maid I began thinking about just now. No, not what
you
mean, Flavia! I was only thinking that you'd seen blood on steel quite often already.'

‘What
do
you mean?'

‘Those pins. Persis.'

‘Why shouldn't I! She's mine.'

‘She can feel things, though.'

‘I should hope so! You can't train slaves without making them feel. Anyhow, it's no business of yours. How did you know—has the little rat come squealing to you?'

He made a great effort and spoke very gently. ‘Do you really think of her like that, Flavia? Not as another girl—someone who'd like to be fond of you—if you gave her a chance?'

‘What on earth's come over you? Talking in the same breath about me and my slaves! Fond of me indeed!'

‘Wouldn't you like her to be fond of you?'

‘No, it would be disgusting—all my slaves have got to be afraid of me! Of course, it's different with you and little Argas!'

‘That's nothing to do with it!'

‘Well, where else did you get your ideas from? Beric
… why are you so interested in what happens to these Christians? Why did you want to kill the informer? He was probably a valuable police agent! I believe—oh, I believe you're mixed up with it yourself!'

‘Believe what you like!' said Beric roughly. ‘I'll tell you one thing, Christians don't murder. And that's what I've done.' He went out of the room very quickly, leaving her all excited and wondering.
Could
he be one of these Christians? Weren't they all murderers? Oh, he'd never kissed her like that in the old days!

But he was on his way to the bakery to find Eunice. It was the opposite way from the street where no doubt the blood was still not dry on the stones. No one had heard. Perhaps it hadn't happened. If he forgot about it, it wouldn't have happened.

He told Eunice about the arrest. She took it very well. ‘Most likely Crispus will get our people back,' she said, bringing him into the bakery and shutting the door, ‘and I'll tell Claudia Acté.'

‘Will she be able to get Lalage out?'

‘If anyone can she will. But this looks like the beginning of what we've been afraid of.'

‘They don't really believe any of us started the fire, do they?'

‘Oh no. But they'll try and make everyone else think so. It's like this, Beric. The way things have been till now, we haven't been hated: not by ordinary people—you know, little shopkeepers and householders, folks in a small way, the ones that make up most of any city. They've
said
things about us, but if a good neighbour happened to be a Christian, well, they just looked the other way, or else, sooner or later, they've come in. There's Churches in Rome that have grown up that way, slow and steady. But that didn't suit those on top. They want to get rid of us and they'll only be able to if they can get up a good hate among these ordinary folk, so that my neighbour, say, will want to see me burnt alive. And
like
seeing it. No, Beric, don't look like that. It's all in the game. I've known a long time now what we might be in for. I only keep on hoping my boy—well, I just can't help it, me being his mother. But they think they'll be able to finish
us that way. Stop the Kingdom from coming. If they can get ordinary people against us, too.'

‘Eunice, who exactly do you mean by “they”?'

‘The Emperor and Tigellinus. And all that lot. The ones who want everything on earth, yes, and want to be God, though they know in their hearts they can't be—but they'll try and make us all say they are, so they can begin believing it themselves!'

‘And you're going to fight them?'

‘Yes, and win. Through God's help and will in us. Now Beric, go over and tell Sapphira, and I'll find Claudia Acté.' She gave him directions for getting to Phineas's house, woke one of her orphans and told him to see to the ovens, picked up her veil, and went to the door. Looking out into the dark, she signed herself with the cross. She went one way, he another.

It was half an hour's walk, plenty of time to think. He supposed it was true, what Eunice had said. Yes, it was what they'd all been saying really. Only nobody believes a thing till it happens. He hadn't. Well, he wasn't a coward! And suddenly, in the middle of the bridge across the Tiber, he thought: it is terrible for a man to have nothing he can die for. I have been taken away from Britain, my fatherland, which my own people died for, my uncle, my cousins—no, they didn't die for Britain, who wants to die for a lot of trees and mud, they didn't die for the people in Britain, they only died for their own power and rule over those people. And I don't want to die for that and I don't want to die for the rule of Rome. I haven't had anything to die for till now. But now I have got something and I'm glad. And the slaves have got something. Even Niger and Dapyx. They've got something the masters can't take away from them. So they're one up on their masters. God, no wonder the masters hate it!

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